Ivory Guard (20 page)

Yeah, his teeth were dust.
Raz’s eyes darkened even more, making granite look soft. He took a step towards her, closing in like a predator after his prey. “Just like the others. You think I’m a coward. You really think I went away to save myself? Well, think again, stargazer, I did it to save
you
!”

“W
hat are you talking about?”

They wer
e nose to nose now. “You’re an Ivory. Destined to fight for the greater good before claiming your place in heaven and to finally know some peace. But for that to happen the same hands-off rules that apply to me apply to you.” He tsked, “Seducing an angel, making him fall? That’s asking for a one way ticket straight to hell.”

Lillian didn’t back down
as he had imagined she would. “In all that bullshit you’ve got one thing right. Yeah, I’m an Ivory, Raz. With a damn short life span, remember? I don’t give a fuck about heaven and hell. What I give a fuck about is the here and now, about my life. I care about every minute I’m living.” Her voice gained a dangerous edge as she stepped even closer. “You didn’t just take away a decision that wasn’t yours to make, but over a million minutes of my life! A million minutes we could have spent giving it a try. A million minutes we could have been together. A million minutes we could have gone at it like bunnies for God’s sake.”

Her
words tore through him, through his heart. Whereas his mind only latched onto one single word. Bunnies. The word painting the image so easily and smoothly. And calling up a storm of heat inside of him that was anything but easy and smooth.

Lillian was a hurting, aching mess as she threw her heart at him,
cut open so he could look inside and understand. Now he looked at her with an intensity that made her body burst in flames. And then he was on her, his body pressing into her, surrounding her, as his mouth came crashing down on hers. With a groan he dove deep.

She had tried hooking up with others, twice. The first time a month after he had gone, anger driving her, and the second and last time about seven months ago when loneliness and alcohol had hit full force. Both times her heart and her body hadn’t been on board and even the slightest lick of arousal had been nothing
more than a dream, a distant memory. One would think that after all this time, with all the shit that was going on, with all the shit he was throwing her way that things would have changed, but her body clearly had a mind of its own.

The moment they touched, lightning struck and shot right to her heart. Her
blood sang and she almost whimpered, from the aching and longing inside of her, from the heat, but most of all from the relief. Rousing her from deep sleep. Breaking her out of the numb prison she hadn’t even realized she had been stuck in.

She hadn’t
noticed their little dance of wills had brought them closer to the shed until her back hit its wooden wall.

No fumbling, no hesitation, but sheer determination and mindless desire.
Raz’s body pressed against hers, scorching her; his scent so familiar and so missed, teasing her. Need and hope burst like a sunrise, awakening her body and heart.

One hand fisted in her hair, cradling her close and changing the angle of t
heir kiss so they could explore more deeply, more fully, using their tongues and teeth and everything they hadn’t allowed themselves to feel. His other hand roamed her body, cupping her breast before trailing down her waist, leaving a trail of burning ecstasy dancing along her skin.

Not only her heart but also her senses were overloaded and yet everything was crystal clear. Every taste, every touch, every moan magnified.
His mouth kissed a path along her jaw, aiming for that spot right below her ear. A lick of his tongue and her whole body trembled.

Lillian had been dreaming of this for two years, had been hungering for it, and now…
Now was not the time, something inside her screamed. When reality flickered at the sides of her mind, she grabbed it like a lifeline. She knew she had to push away. There were so many things wrong about this. Her being drunk and hurt wasn’t even the worst of it all. Raz suspected her of killing an angel. Her blood cooled down immediately at the harsh reminder.

She broke away at the same time as Raz stepped
back. For a moment she wondered about his move, already missing his touch, but then she inwardly shook herself. It was better this way.

Both panting, their gasps for breath loud in the calm of the night, Lillian couldn’t look at him. What would she see in his eyes? Regret or hunger? The first would cut her more than anything else,
while the other would be impossible to resist. Without another glance or word she stepped around him and headed back inside, hoping like hell it didn’t look like the desperate escape it was. They were both good at that, weren’t they?

TWENTY-ONE

Lillian could feel Abby’s eyes on her the moment she woke up. Her eyes still closed, she smiled. She knew Abby was on her stomach, braced on her elbows, curiosity pouring out of her and stirring Lillian as effectively as if she had reached out with her hands to shake Lillian out of sleep.

“I’m awake. Go ahead.”

“So…Raz is back?”

“Apparently.”

“How do you feel about that?”

Lillian opened her eyes, rolling her head to the side to look at her friend. “You do realize you sound like a therapist
, don’t you?”

Abby
simply stared back at her, one sharp eyebrow lifting, and that was all it took. “And do you realize what a bad attempt at distracting from the juicy stuff that was?”

Lillian
sat up slightly, bracing herself on one elbow and then sighed. “I have no idea how I feel, okay. I’m angry, I’m thrilled, I’m hurt. I’m torn up.”

“H
e looks good.”

Groaning, Lillian fell back onto her back.
“So not helping, Abby.”

“S
orry. Just saying.”

“
He tastes even better.”

Abby’s eyes went wide.
“Whoa…what did I miss?”

Lillian’s mind replayed the scene over and over again in her head. She had even dreamt about
it – albeit with a different ending. Dammit. “Raz and I almost dry humping it against the wall of the shed last night.”

“
Wow…I’m amazed the thing still stands.”

Lillian couldn’t help it. The bubble of laughter burst out, immediately taking some of the weight o
ff her chest. That’s why she loved this girl. Her ability to take people’s mind off things, to make them relax when they think it impossible, was an amazing gift. “Thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome.
” Her smile dimmed. “Seriously now, what the hell’s up with that angel you supposedly killed?”

“
No clue. But apparently a lot of the evidence points to me.” Lillian didn’t speak for a while and then shrugged before looking at Abby, not even trying to hide the helplessness probably showing in her eyes. “I don’t know what to do. He believes I did it, Abby. He’s here to save his ass, to make sure…I don’t know, that me killing the angel wasn’t his mistake or something.”

Her face fell. “You’re kidding me.”

“I wish I were.”

Abby shook her head like a willful child, “No. I don’t believe it. That’s not like him.
And especially if it concerns you. No way. There must be something else going on here and we will find out what it is. You can count on us, Lil.”

“Thanks,
Abbs.”

Tryin
g to lighten the mood again, Abby added with a wink, “In the meantime we can teach him that running away doesn’t change a thing.”

“
About that. Last night, he said…he said he didn’t run away but that he left to save me. Or our souls to be exact. That not only his but also my soul would go straight to hell if we…you know.”

“
Wait a sec. Are you saying…that your soul will burn in hell just because you want to be with the love of your life who happens to be an angel?” Abby looked taken aback. “Something’s seriously wrong with our world if that’s true.”

Amen to that.

Raz wasn’t certain who of the two of them tried harder to forget what had happened
the night before, but he was pretty sure that neither of them succeeded. To be honest, he wasn’t able to think of anything else.

The whole evening ran in an endless loop in his mind, from the drinking to seeing her dance with Joshua and the mindless possessiveness and jealousy controlling him.

To that kiss.

Yeah, jealousy was quite an interesting feeling. It could make the greatest fool out of the brightest man.
She was right of course. He had left and she had a right to do whatever the hell she wanted with other guys. However, the thought of another man’s hands on her…and all he had been able to think about was making her forget them.

And still h
e had pulled away. One moment he wanted to punch himself for doing it, but the next he knew it had been the right thing to do.  He had pulled away, not because he didn’t want to be with Lillian – nothing could be further from the truth – or because of his wings. No, he had pulled away because the reason why he had left was still valid.

He wouldn’t be responsible for damning her soul to hell. Lillian might want to live in the here and now and say she didn’t care about the
consequences, but Raz wasn’t so certain she fully grasped them. He would have to make her understand. Seeing her again had made him realize at least that much, whatever that was between them wouldn’t be ignored any longer and one way or another they would have to deal with – and he really preferred it to be his way. But for that to happen he had to make sure Lillian survived the next week. Raz had to find out whether she was the Ivory he thought her to be and what exactly happened with the angel in that parking lot.

The house was empty for now since everyone, including Sam’s guard, had taken off on what could be considered was a
morning-off to explore New Orleans from a tourist’s point of view.

Except for Lillian.

He knew she was inside.
Of course, when he went through the house looking for her it didn’t take him long to find her since he had only to follow his nose. The kitchen, apparently it was still one of her favorite places to hole up.

He paused in the doorway and simply watched her as time fell away and
mingled with flashes of the past. Inhaling deep he nearly closed his eyes. Sweetness filled the air, honey, lemon, something fruity, and yet all he smelled was her warm vanilla scent. He had missed it like a lost limb. The thought suddenly sparked a wave of anger inside him, although he had no idea as to why or how. Sudden changes of mood still caught him off guard most of the time, and once again he had trouble figuring out the reason for it. He just knew that Lillian always screwed things up for him. His life, his once blessed lack of emotions and his wings. His decision to leave. And now the system he had been working for and living by as long as he could remember.

Cupcakes.
  Lillian knew she was flooding the kitchen with them but couldn’t stop herself. Baking and cooking were her comfort. Others had comfort food, she had comfort cooking. When others went for ice cream she went for recipes.

The small cakes were bright, simple and never disappointed, which was exactly what
Lillian needed right now as the world around her refused to be just that. For a little while she didn’t need to think about Raz. About him coming back – as if that wasn’t enough of a shock – to accuse her of murder. About their kiss, his touch, both of which she craved despite it all. About the fact that she could fly. About how her life always seemed to change in just a blink of an eye. While she got lost in the scents and tastes, her mind was on the next icing and nothing else, and her body relaxed with the familiar movements. Lavender, one of Abby’s favorites, lemon and raspberry and poppyseed. So many possibilities.

Lillian pulled tray number three out of the oven, moved to put it on the table and nearly jumped out of her skin when she noticed Raz leaning against the
wide doorjamb, looking as good as ever.

Fuck, he’d scared the he
ll out of her. Fortunately she didn’t make a complete fool out of herself, for instance by letting go of the tray, and managed to put it down safely.

Damn it.
Okay so hearing him approach was almost impossible, but usually she could at least sense him. Now not even that? As if the sea of cupcakes around her wasn’t enough of a sign of how much she was out of it.

Stealing a glance at him
to gauge his mood, she took in the strong arms crossed over his chest and then the familiar scowl. He radiated confidence and power, looking at her in accusing silence, and made her heart pick up its pace as he pushed away from the jamb and walked into the kitchen, stopping at the other side of the table. The familiar heat and tension between them bloomed, whether they wanted it or not, and sowed a lot more trouble than she had the energy to deal with right now.

“I need you to tell me everything that happened that night with the angel.
And I need it to be the truth.”

As if she hadn’t
been honest so far? Oh, that bastard. He couldn’t stop from pushing that dagger deeper and deeper, could he?

She didn’t look up, so as not to betray herself with her eyes, when she replied casually,
“Why bother? You think I killed him anyway.”

“
Damn it, Lillian. What do you expect? They found one of your feathers at the scene. You’ve got a flaming sword which consists with the wounds. I come here, find bone dust that keeps me out of the safe house.” He sighed and then added, “And I know you’ve been playing around with witchcraft. Maion told me what you did for him. Which means you getting hold of a shade really isn’t such an impossible leap.”

Feathers on the scene?
Lillian shook her head and bit her lip trying to get a hold of the anger threatening to consume her. Throwing away the mittens she’d been holding in her hands she looked him directly in the eyes as she leaned forward, bracing her hands on the table between them. “You know, this is really starting to piss me off. Not only because you think I’m capable of doing it, but also because you’d think I’d do such a botched job of it. My feathers on the scene? Really? Jesus Christ, Raz, why can’t you stop seeing what’s so freaking evident and close your eyes for a second and just listen? Listen to your heart, for once. For me. And then tell me you ...”

That was as far as she got
before she heard her guard stepping through the hallway and flooding into the kitchen with Becca in all her witchy and polka-dotted glory in tow. “Hey, look, who we…” Abby’s gaze ping-ponged between the two of them, probably picking up the angry, sizzling tension that had heated the room a couple degrees, before she ended with a lot less enthusiasm, “found outside.”

“
What the…” Raz had his sword out and its tip to the witch’s throat so fast the movement was nothing but a blur.

Joshua
took a step forward, ready to protect Becca, but even with his full height and grim expression he wasn’t a match for the furious angel about to blow inside their kitchen.

“Oh, so you welcome a witch amongst your midst but not an angel?”

Joshua shrugged. “Depends on the angel.”

For one moment Lillian didn’t know whether to laugh or throttle him but then
Raz’s gaze went hard and dark, and the only thing she cared about was Joshua’s survival.

Raz’s
eyes flicked to Lillian, his voice not much more than a growl when he calmly let her know, “You’ve got exactly three seconds to explain.”

“
Becca is our friend.”

Raz cocked his head, watching her closely, to see whether she was actually serious.
To his utter shock she obviously was. What the hell had happened in the two years he had been gone? Was it possible for someone to change so drastically? If so, was it his fault?

Shaking his head, rather to make himself concentrate on the present problem again
and not in disappointment like Lillian might think, he asked dryly, “A demon, your friend? And you’re seriously wondering why I might consider the possibility of you murdering an angel?”

“Yes, a friend. You
know, someone who helps you when you need them the most, instead of tucking tail and running away.”

“If you think a demon
helps
you, we might need to revisit your definition of it. Tell me, how exactly did she fool you?”

“You two done?”
The witch cut in. Her big eyes held a touch of amusement but it was mostly hidden behind determination. “She is standing right here and there’s a reason for it. Two actually. So how about we postpone the trip down memory lane, since I’m pretty sure you want to hear them.” Her gaze flicked to Raz, without a hint of fear, locking on him until he saw the hint of smile curving her lips. “Both of you.”

He scowled.
“Why should I listen to you?”

“Because
what I have to say concerns her.” She inclined her head towards Lillian.

Raz felt the muscle in his jaw tick. Those damn demons.
Always going for the weak spot. Though this time it was his own damn fault for making his so freaking obvious in front of the enemy.

Well, he cou
ld always kill her afterwards. He lowered his sword, but kept it ready in his hands.

At least the demon didn’t waste any time in getting to the point
as she returned her attention towards Lillian. “Your sigil isn’t working.”

What? “What?”

It was as if he wasn’t even there.

The fact that Lillian wasn’t that surprised by it, made him realize that this wasn’t exactly news to her. Lillian frowned. “Which sigil? The one on the house? Or…”

“No, the one on your wrist.
Like we suspected. I managed to track down an old friend who knows more about that sort of stuff and he confirmed it.”