Jamaica Dreaming (Caribbean Heat) (21 page)

“Yes, Earle?”

“We need to talk.”

Yes, they did, but did it have to be right that very minute? She paused with her hand on the rail. “Can’t it wait till tomorrow?”

“No. It can’t.”

Julissa sighed and turned toward him.

“Look, I see the way you and that Chung man look at each other. I want to know what’s going on.”

“Nothing, Earle. There’s absolutely nothing going on.”

“You really expect me to believe that? He can’t keep his eyes off of you. Don’t think I didn’t see him mooning at you during the concert. And you’re just as bad.” He swirled the rum in his glass and took a couple swallows, his eyes never leaving her face. “It’s me you’re engaged to, not him. But, you didn’t look at me once while you were singing.”

The injustice of this stung. “You were backstage. How could I have looked at you?”

“I was not backstage. If you could have dragged your eyes away from Chung you’d have seen me, but you didn’t. Not for an instant.”

“Where were you, then?”

“Under the small tent to the side. I’m not surprised you didn’t see me. Like I said, it was like you were singing for Chung alone.”

“That’s not true. I saw that tent. There was a little boy in a bowtie sitting there, next to a woman in a shimmering blue dress who seemed to know all the words to my songs by heart. If you were there too, I never saw you.”

“I was! Are you accusing me of lying?”

“Earle, I’m not accusing you of anything. Look, I just want to get some sleep. Are you done?”

His face twisted into a mask of fury. “No, I’m not done. I want you to come back with me on Sunday. I don’t think you should stay here. These are not your people.”

“What? Not my people? Look, Earle, I have no idea what you mean and, honestly, I don’t even think I wanna know. I’m going to bed.”

She turned to go back up the steps.

“No.” Quick as lightning, he’d run up the steps, grabbed her arm and spun her around. “Julissa, listen to me.” His fingers dug into the soft flesh of her arm.

“You’re hurting me.”

“Listen.” He tightened his grip. “I’ve stuck by you through everything. Some men would have left you right there on that hospital bed in Chicago. I didn’t. I’m the one who’s been there for you, nobody else. Not Chung. Me.” He thrust his face into hers. “Do you hear me? If you toss me aside now, you’ll regret it.”

“What?” She stared at him uncomprehending, the pain in her arm forgotten. What had come over him? He was being irrational.

“I’ll sue you for breach of promise and I’ll strip you naked. Think carefully, Julissa. Think very carefully.”

She stumbled when he let her go. “You’ll sue me? For what, in heaven’s sake? So, what if I looked at Sebastian? So, fucking what? That’s not a crime.”

His hand rose so quickly she didn’t even see it coming. The slap stung her cheek and brought tears to her eyes. “Earle!”

“Don’t push me, Julissa. Don’t. Push. Me.” He stepped away from her. “Remember what I said. If you break it off with me, I’ll make your life hell. I promise you.”

“Earle, you hit me. I can’t believe you hit me.” But now it was his turn to ignore her. He pushed past her up the stairs. Seconds later, she heard the door to his room slam. Julissa remained leaning against the railings for a few minutes, her head reeling. She brought a trembling hand to her cheek. The skin felt raw and tingly. Earle had hit her. She had a hard time wrapping her head around that. In all the time they’d been together, he’d never raised his hand to her. Suddenly, she felt exhausted. She forced herself to climb the stairs and locked her bedroom door behind her.

Earle had hit her. And yet, as she took off her clothes, and stood under the shower, she couldn’t say she was entirely surprised. It wasn’t just here in Jamaica. If she was honest she’d admit things had been tense between them ever since The Event. The Event. Something niggled at the back of her mind as she soaped herself up. There was… Earle… Something. What was it? Wait. She
had
gone to see him that night. She’d wanted to give him his birthday present early. She’d splurged and bought him a fabulous watch.

The bathroom around her disappeared. Julissa saw herself putting her key into the lock of his high–rise apartment building, climbing the carpeted steps to his bedroom, pushing open the door. No! Julissa sagged against the shower wall and slid down to the tiled floor oblivious to the water still pouring over her. Oh, God. No.

She remembered it all now. She’d pushed the door open and there he was, Earle, naked, his ankles resting on the shoulders of the man who was fucking him in the ass. She didn’t know how long she’d stood there. The watch must have dropped from her nerveless fingers. The watch, the same Everose gold Rolex Cosmograph, he’d been wearing since she woke up in the hospital. And she’d thought nothing of it. Hadn’t realized. How could he have worn that watch knowing what he knew?

Julissa saw it all again, saw the two men so into each other they’d never even noticed her standing there until she’d grabbed up a vase from a table beside her and flung it at them. But she’d missed the men altogether and the vase had shattered on the wall above the headboard.
That
got their attention. Two startled faces turned in her direction. How could she have forgotten the look of utter terror or Earle’s face? He’d cried out but she hadn’t waited.

As he pushed the other man away, she’d turned and run back to the bank of elevators. Her legs had felt like jelly and a huge empty hole had opened up where her heart should have been. Her mind was one long scream of denial, anger and betrayal. She didn’t know how, but she’d made it to her car, made it out of the parking garage, tires squealing, the image of her fiancé and his lover stuck on replay in her mind.

She’d been in no condition to drive, she realized that now but, then, ah, then, she’d pressed down on the accelerator desperate to get to Deej’s house. That had been where she was going, not home at all, but to Deej who would have taken her in and looked after her. But she’d strayed into the opposite lane. She saw the lights of an oncoming car bearing down on her and she swerved, jerking the wheel, and then she was spinning, spinning, spinning. Crashing metal folded and thundered around her and darkness devoured her.

Tears ran down Julissa’s face as the jagged edges of the resurfaced memories cut into her. She’d forgotten it all, buried her memories so deep within her, they might never have come to light again but, now they had, and now, she had to act.

In a way, Julissa felt almost a sense of relief because she knew now why things had been so strained between them. And she knew now why Earle had never made her feel truly wanted, truly desired. He must have been as relieved as her when she begged off from sex after The Event. Before her accident, she’d been the one who usually initiated sex and then she’d been puzzled by the way he sometimes couldn’t maintain an erection. She’d put the problem down to stress and the long hours he worked, but she should have known better, should have wondered about the guys–only weekends he insisted on going on every couple months.

Julissa pushed herself to her feet and reached for a towel. Earle. He was the reason behind The Event. He was why she’d been on the Northwest Tollway, driving “like a maniac” as one witness had said. And all this time, he’d known what she’d seen and how it contributed to her accident, but he’d never said anything, just watched her. She’d taken his hovering over her as a sign of his caring, but it was just an expression of his fear that she’d remember what she’d seen and bust his secret life wide open.

He’d been worried her memory might return when she was out of his sight and he wouldn’t be present to… to what, exactly, she wondered? As she shrugged on her robe, Julissa was seized by an ice–cold fury. She didn’t know what angered her more – finding him with a lover or the deception of the past year. At any moment, he could have pulled her aside and confessed what had happened and begged her forgiveness and then they could have parted, with the air clear between them. No more lies and no more regrets. And, if he didn’t have the guts for that, he could simply have broken off the engagement himself, but he’d chosen to carry on with the farce, to continue deceiving her. He’d done wrong and then covered it up with more wrong. He must have been counting on her never remembering.

Julissa went downstairs to look for one of the glossy tourism magazines in the basket beside the couch. After noting down a phone number she picked up the landline, dialed and talked into the phone for a few minutes. When she was finished, she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and went back up the stairs. Earle answered with a truculent “yes” to her knock.

“May I come in?” she asked, keeping her voice carefully neutral.

“I’m surprised you’d want to. You haven’t wanted us to have sex in months.”

“No, I haven’t,” she said evenly, pushing the door open. He was sitting up in bed wearing the dark blue silk pajamas she’d given him that Christmas. His watch, the one she’d brought with her the night of The Event, was on the nightstand.

“You know, you never did tell me where you got that watch.”

Confusion and, yes, fear flashed across his face. “My Rolex? You came in here to ask where I got my watch? Why? Do you want to buy one like it for your Mr. Chung?”

Julissa didn’t answer, just stared at him. What
had
she seen in him, she wondered. What had made her think he was her soul mate? Was it his glib confidence? But that was fake, she realized, just a mask he wore to hide the real Earle Kendall and keep people at an admiring distance.

“I’ve booked you a suite at Sandals Royal Plantation and they’re arranging for a taxi to come pick you up in the next twenty minutes. You need to pack.”

“What? Have you lost your mind? I’m not going anywhere.” The arrogant hectoring tone he often used with her was back in his voice. Had he ever really loved her? Probably not. She was little more than a stage prop to convince the people to whom such things mattered that he was straight.

“Yes. You are.”

“Why?” He pulled the covers aside. “You’re not making sense. Wait.” His expression became disbelieving. “Is this because Mr. Foo Man Chu is in town? That’s it, isn’t it? Chung’s here so you want to push me aside. You’re making a mistake, Julissa. Come on, baby.” He reached out to her. “What’s this about?”

“My memory’s back.”

If she didn’t know him so well, she’d have missed the small recoil. “Your memory? I’m sorry. I don’t get it.”

“You need to pack up and leave, Earle. I remember everything. I remember the sight of your face when I walked in on you and your…your lover. Everything.”

He frowned, gave a little shake of his head. “Sorry? What are you talking about, Julissa? Are you seeing things now, in addition to your panic attacks?”

“Yes, I’m seeing you in bed with Tony, the guy you said was your best bud, but who’s really your man.”

Earle’s Adams apple bobbed.

“What? I don’t understand. What are you saying?” He was doing his best to keep his expression neutral but he couldn’t fool her, she could see the panicked wildness in his eyes.

He started to say something else but she cut him off before he could get it out. “Stop with the lies, Earle. Just…please…stop.”

“I don’t know what you’re saying. Why would you say something like that?”

“Don’t you get it? I saw you that night. I remember, Earle, not everything but enough. I came to give you that same watch. I’d bought it for you on Wabash Avenue and I was so excited I couldn’t wait for your birthday party on the weekend. I drove all the way out to see you.” Julissa gave a strangled laugh. “And, boy, did I see you! You
and
Tony butt naked in bed as he fucked you in the ass.” Her voice caught and she took a deep breath. “You were too busy sucking his tongue to notice me standing there until I threw that vase at you. Remember the vase? I missed y’all and it hit the wall. That’s when you both saw me. Oh, God.” Hot, angry tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Julissa, listen, please.” He tried to take her in his arms, but she spun away from him. “Tony’s not my lover. You’ve got to believe me. It was just that one time. I swear it. We… we went out and got drunk. It didn’t mean anything. I’m not gay.”

Through his windows, she could see the lights of an approaching car.

“Your taxi is here. I don’t want to ever see or speak to you again. If you’re still here tomorrow when I wake up, you’ll regret it. I’ll tell everyone about you. There won’t be a closet big enough to hold you by the time I’m finished.” Even as she said the words, Julissa wasn’t sure she’d ever have the desire to carry out her threats, but she must have sounded convincing because he turned and started running around the room, gathering up his things. He looked so comical she almost laughed, but there was this rushing noise in her ears and she felt too weak to stand up any longer. She left him throwing his things into his suitcase and walked back to her room.

When she heard him going downstairs, she listened for the sound of the front door closing and thought how strange that it should be such an ordinary sound. Given what had just happened, the door should have closed with the sound of cymbals or something. Her cell rang. She picked it up.

“Hello, Julissa.” Sebastian’s smooth voice sounded like it was coming from another planet or, maybe, she was the one feeling like an alien.