Jamie Brown Is NOT Rich (16 page)

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Authors: Adam Wallace

Tags: #Children's Books, #humor, #Children's eBooks, #Literature & Fiction

BOOK: Jamie Brown Is NOT Rich
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CHAPTER 22

APOLOSIES…
WELL, BEGGING

I saw Dakota and Harmison first thing at school. They saw me too. I think they were pretty happy to see me …

… or maybe not.

They walked off. I ran after them.


STOP!
’ I yelled. ‘You don’t understand. Jefferson tricked me. He said it was World Opposite Day, and that the opposite of what I said would be true.’

‘And you believed him?’ Harmison asked.

I nodded.

‘I know, it was dumb, but for some dumb reason I was dumb and I wanted that dumbhead to know I could fit in and be like all of you.’

I had said dumb a lot. That was dumb.

‘But that’s
why
we liked you,’ Dakota said. ‘Because you’re
not
like all the other people here. Because you weren’t afraid to be different. But now we think maybe you are like them. Mean and nasty.’

They walked off again. She was right. I
had
been mean like the Jeffersons. It was time for
PLAN B
. Just like Mr Kravoski had said. I ran after my friends again, gave each of them a banana, then did my best Mr Kravoski impression … although, being nervous, I may have got the words a bit wrong.

Dakota and Harmison stared at me like I was a nutter.

And maybe I was.

‘You’re saying we have nits?’ Dakota asked, her lower lip trembling again. ‘We thought we knew you, Jamie Brown, but you’re just getting worse all the time.’


NO!
’ I yelled. I was getting frustrated with myself. This was not going well. I seriously did not want to throw any poo. It was time for my last resort big gun
PLAN C
.

I gave it everything.

I finished with my best move of all … Honesty.

‘I am really sorry, you guys. Honestly. You’re my best friends here, and I think you’re awesome, and I was stupid to say what I did. I promise I didn’t mean it.’

They stared at me. For ages. Harmison looked at Dakota. Then he spoke, one eyebrow raised like the old Harmison.

‘If you think some silly tricks and a plain old banana and saying sorry will help us forgive you, you really are a silly old peasant from Peasantville who doesn’t belong and never, ever will.
YOU WILL NEVER FIT IN HERE!

I looked at the ground. Dakota picked up from where Harmison left off.

‘Yeah. You’re worse than any of those Nasty Jeffersons. You are terrible at crowkay, you are terrible at juggling, and you are just plain old mean.’

I nodded, still looking down. They were right. I’d mucked up, big time, and stupid tricks wouldn’t help. I turned to go and felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was Harmison.

‘Brown? Don’t you see? I’m rather sure today is the real World Opposite Day, you dopey piece of horse manure.’

I stared at him. World Opposite Day? Dopey piece of horse manure?
He’d called me a dopey piece of horse manure?

This … was …

Then I realised something.

‘Hang on a minute. If it really
is
World Opposite Day, then you saying it’s World Opposite Day means it isn’t World Opposite Day which means it is World Opposite Day which means it isn’t and you still hate me so you
don’t
hate me and
SO YOU DO!

We all went cross-eyed trying to work that one out.

I walked off, still cross-eyed, and walked straight into a tree. Harmison and Dakota laughed and helped me up.

‘We
DO
forgive you, Jamie Brown,’ Dakota said. ‘You and your family are sort of the coolest people to arrive in Snootyville since forever. You’re all so …
you
. That’s why what you said hurt us so much. Because we know you’re honest, and because we like you. We know now that you only said what you did because you’re kind of silly though, not mean.

‘Besides, you need some friends to cheer you on at Academic Challenge tomorrow.’

I smiled. It was good to be friends again … hang on a minute.

ACADEMIC CHALLENGE TOMORROW???!!!???

I was doomed.

CHAPTER 23

ACADEMIC
CHALLENGE

It arrived. Academic Challenge. I was a teeny bit nervous.

Mr Jefferson was our attending teacher. He looked pretty thrilled about it, too.

The Challenge was being held at our school, in the auditorium. It was
TOTALLY
packed. Our school was there, and the other schools, and all the parents, and TV crews, and even the cleaner, leaning on his mop.

ROUND ONE

We sat across from the other team.

‘What’s wrong, poor kid? Bit warm in here?’

I stared at Nasty Jefferson.

‘I’m fine, Princess and the pea. I’m just a bit …’

‘Nervous?’ he interrupted. ‘Concerned the only word you will say is toilet?’

I was. I totally was. Well, toilet and other random words. Or nothing at all, and I didn’t know what would be worse.

I hung my head.

‘Chin up, Brown,’ Mr Jefferson said. ‘We have a competition to win.

You must lead your team.’

He gave me an encouraging smile.

It made me feel better.

Not for long though.

TOP FIVE REASONS THE
COMPETITION WAS TERRIBLE

1. I
was really nervous and the Quizmaster had the biggest shiniest teeth ever, which were really distracting.

2. I
didn’t answer ONE question in the first five rounds. Even if I knew the answer, which I did to quite a few, I was so scared of what would come out of my mouth I never even buzzed in.

3. The
Jeffersons were really good and smart and kept us in the competition.

4. I
knew if I wasn’t so nervous I would have been gooder … gooder?
AAAAAGGGGGHH!
So dumb today!

5. I
was desperate. In a break between rounds, I tried to set up the Quizmaster by slipping a card into his back pocket, so I could impress him later with my reveal. But …

‘Do
NOT
squeeze my buttocks! Five point penalty to Snootyville Grammar!’

And then I had my lightning round. Everyone had to do one. My topic was geography.

‘Name the capital city of Romania.’

‘Incorrect! Name the world’s tallest mountain.’

‘Incorrect. Name the continents.’

Okay, I totally knew this one. It was time for Jamie Brown to take charge.

I breathed deep and …

DAMMIT!!!

And on it went. It was one minute of pure torture. It was so embarrassing, but I just couldn’t stop it. The Jeffersons’ plan was working. They were smirking away, and Mr Jefferson was not happy.

‘Stop trying to be funny and simply answer the questions, Brown.

Why are you attempting to lose on purpose?’

I tried to explain to him that it was all nerves, but he wouldn’t listen.

‘La la la la laaaaaa, I’m not listening to you!’

Ooooookay then.

Somehow, well, because of the Jeffersons, we reached the final. We were up against Snobtown College.

I stood off to the side in the break. Harmison and Dakota tried to make me feel better, but I was a lost cause.

The cleaner was mopping the stage – and the desk under me – keeping it nice for the cameras. The Quizmaster walked by, about to eat an apple, and they bumped into each other.

After they untangled, the cleaner turned and winked at me.

Weird.

Dakota and Harmison shrugged, said good luck, then went and sat back down.

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