Jane's Gift (12 page)

“The tree looks great,” he said, reaching out a hand to ruffle Logan’s head. “You look great,” he said pointedly to Jane.

She looked terrible, but she wasn’t going to argue. She wore an old pair of jeans that were so big they bagged all around her and a faded red holiday-themed T-shirt she’d picked up so long ago, she couldn’t even remember where. She was a mess, dressed for decorating and pulling open boxes and creating handmade decorations with her children. Spending an exciting Friday night in with her three kids and cereal for dinner, all of it making her wonder: exactly why was Chris here anyway?

“I guess you should probably go?” She ignored his compliment. Wanted to get rid of him so she could pretend that night had never happened.

Yeah, right.

“Uh, I was hoping I could talk to you,” he said as if he planned on sticking around for a while. She didn’t know whether to be thrilled or irritated at his assumption. “Do you have a minute?”

“Will you help us finish decorating the tree?” Logan tugged on Chris’s hand, desperate to get his attention.

She didn’t want to talk, not yet. To face real feelings and messy emotions…she wasn’t prepared. But she knew she couldn’t avoid the topic—or him—forever.

“I could help out if your mom doesn’t mind.” Chris studied her, didn’t miss a thing with that intense gaze, and she knew
he
knew he had her squirming.

And he also knew she wouldn’t refuse her children pretty much anything.

“If Captain Nelson wants to help, then I guess we’ll let him.” Nerves made her heart race, her face heat, and she turned away, hunkering down on the floor to go through an old box of ornaments she’d found in her collection.

Handmade ornaments from another time, when Lexi had been so very young and Logan just a baby. Back when Jane had gone through a crafting phase. Hand-painted ceramic ornaments in various Christmas shapes and pinecone owls. Red felt stitched stockings and green felt trees. Stephen hadn’t liked it, said it made the tree look too crass. They’d invited his entire firm to their house for a holiday party and he’d made her take it all down. She’d given Lexi a tree for her room and had used the decorations on it instead.

Well, no more. No more impressing employees or big-deal clients or rich neighbors. Now it was all about a feel good, down home Christmas.

Jane sighed, her fingers clutching so tightly around a pointy pinecone owl it pricked her skin. She sounded so corny in her head, she wondered what was wrong with her.

The big man who’d stopped right next to her was what was wrong. He invaded her space, invaded her thoughts when he had no business to. He’d left her. Left her right after she’d shared with him something she hadn’t shared with anyone else except Stephen. She’d saved herself for her wedding night, much to her husband’s grief and frustration.

Now she’d given it away to the first handsome, sexy man she stumbled upon. Guilt ate her for that still.

Her mama had raised her to be a good girl. Right now, she felt like anything but.

“The cogs are moving.” He knelt down beside her, his face so close she could make out the faint lines that radiated from the corners of his eyes, the pale scar just beneath his chin, the seductive softness of his mouth. “You’re thinking so hard I see smoke.”

He was trying to joke, trying to ease the tension between them, and it helped. Just a little. She dropped the owl back into the box. “It’s your fault.”

“Would another, even more sincere ‘I’m sorry’ help matters?” His expression was so earnest, so hopeful. But she didn’t want to make this easy for him. Wanted him to suffer just a little bit more.

“I’d rather know why you didn’t call.”

He blew out a harsh breath. “I—I freaked out,” he admitted, his voice quiet. “What happened between us meant something to me, Jane. It scared me. And I bailed on you like some sort of chicken shit, too scared to face you.”

“Yeah, you did,” she agreed without hesitation.

Chris rested a hand over his heart, a slight smile kicking up the corners of his mouth. “Ouch. Yeah, I probably deserved that.”

“You did. Trust me.” She turned her attention back to the box and withdrew another ornament—this one she’d painted, one of her favorites. A little black mailbox sitting on a tree branch covered in white, sparkling snow and a bright red cardinal nestled within. It reminded her of her grandparents’ mailbox for some reason, and she shook her head.

Sentimental over a mailbox. Now she was really being corny.

“It’s pretty,” Chris said, nodding toward the ornament.

Jane handed it to him and he admired it. “I painted it when Lexi was a toddler. Went through a crazy crafting stage back then.”

“You like to create with your hands, huh? You do good work.” He turned the ornament this way and that, kept it clutched in his hand. “I’ll hang it up. Did you make anything this year?”

“Not really. I can’t do much crafting with my hand now.” She stared down at her left hand and bent her fingers as much as she could. “I can’t even really make a fist.” She missed working with her hands. Had even optimistically brought her sewing machine with her when they moved, in the hopes of using it again.

“I’m sure practicing will help,” he suggested helpfully.

“The pattern I used for my aprons was pretty easy.” And she’d been asked more than once by her mom’s and sister’s friends, who’d seen the aprons she’d made, if she would sew one for them. The machine was set up in the basement, the box of leftover fabric she’d kept nearby. She’d gone through the box a few nights ago, smiling at all the forgotten bright colors and patterns.

Immediately she’d called her mother, who came over the next morning and helped her cut out fabric. She’d messed around with it a bit, thought about making Christmas presents. But would they turn out good enough?

Chris took her hand in his and stroked his thumb over the top of it. His touch sent waves of heat sizzling up her arm, over her entire body. She held her breath, watched in silence as he brought her hand up to his mouth and brushed the softest, sweetest kiss across her knuckles.

“I’m an idiot. Say you’ll forgive me.” His aching whisper twisted her insides, made her entire body throb. As far as an apology went, it was simple yet incredibly effective. “Please.”

It was the please that did it. Oh, she was too easy. “I forgive you. Sort of.” The words stumbled out of her mouth, needy and wanting, and she cleared her throat, tried to clear her head, too.

He smiled, a low chuckle sounded, and all rational thought fled her. In the background, she heard Lexi scold Logan for moving yet another of the tree’s ornaments, but all she could focus on was the glowing look in Chris’s eyes. And the movement of his lips against her scarred hand.

How her scars didn’t seem to bother him whatsoever.

“I’ll make it up to you.” He kissed her again, and if she’d been standing, she would’ve swooned when she swore she felt the barest swipe of his tongue against her skin. Instead, she leaned heavily against the box, thankful it was there to prop her up.

“Make what up to me?” Yes, definitely all rational thought had left, because she had no clue what he was talking about.

He smiled as if he knew he’d scattered her brain cells to the wind. “The way I acted and left you that morning. I bailed on you and I shouldn’t have. I just…panicked.”

“Why? And you not calling these last few days hurt my feelings more.”

Her honesty was like picking at a wound; she saw it in his eyes.

“I gotta tell you…I don’t usually do commitment,” he said, his voice hoarse. As if the words were hard to get out. “I never have. My parents had a…really bad marriage. I learned from them.”

“Not every relationship is bad,” she said softly.

His gaze met hers. “I’m starting to realize that.”

The silence between them grew charged, heavy. She wanted to grab him. Kiss him and drag him back to her bedroom where they could shut the door and become lost in each other.

But then she remembered the children and the tree and the ornaments. They needed to finish decorating, and then she needed to get the kids to bed.

“I’m sorry. I’m a complete ass,” he said, and he brought her palm to his face. She let go of his hand, cupped his cheek, his skin so smooth beneath her fingers, and she stroked him there. His lips parted, his eyes closed, and when he opened them again, the heat and desire she saw reflected in their depths was breathtaking. “Let me make it up to you.”

“What do you have in mind?” She had many things in mind, most of them too scandalous to even consider, since her children surrounded them. But that problem could be solved in a matter of an hour or so.

“Whatever you want.” The look on his face told her he knew where her thoughts just went. And that he wholeheartedly agreed.

Just like that, she forgot about wanting to be a good girl, about not giving in to this powerful, addicting man. Being close to him set her pulse to racing, her blood pounding in her veins, her entire body throbbing with want. For him and no one else.

It was just that simple. And just that complicated.

Chapter Thirteen

“So come on, Jane, spill. Tell me what’s going on with you and Chris.” Mindy stared her down from across the table, the house blessedly quiet, since all the children were in school and Sophia was taking a nap.

Jane shook her head, a little laugh escaping her at the sound of her sister’s voice. Mindy must be desperate for the details. “I can’t reveal all of my secrets.”

“That means you’re having sex with him.” Mindy sighed, the wistful expression on her face undeniable. “I’m so jealous.”

A warm sensation tugged at Jane’s heart at the thought of making her sister jealous. And her skin flushed hot with thoughts of Chris. Naked. In her bed. He’d been there last night, as a matter of fact, had stayed long after the children were in bed. The past few weeks, they’d actually gotten somewhat used to him being around—even Lexi, though she’d asked in the loudest whisper when
he
was going home.

Jane just smiled through it. It was all she could do.

The second she’d shut the door to Logan’s room after putting him to bed, Chris had pounced, dragged her into her bedroom, and stripped off all of her clothing. Piece by piece, his mouth searching, one bit of flesh at a time.

He’d taken her hard and fast, right there against the wall, and then he’d carried her to the bed. Made love to her so gently, so sweetly, she’d nearly cried.

Okay, she
had
cried. Tears had leaked from the corners of her eyes, but there was no way she could tell him that. He might freak. And what they’d shared the past two weeks, she didn’t want to risk losing.

“He’s very sweet,” Jane finally mustered.

“Uh huh, that’s why you’re blushing. Even the tips of your ears are red! I don’t think it has anything to do with how
sweet
he is.” Mindy sighed again and took a sip from her coffee cup. “I can’t remember what it’s like to feel that way.”

Jane bit her lip. She felt bad for being so happy while her sister suffered. Marty had served her the divorce papers first, had gone against their initial agreement of filing together at the courthouse, and she’d been devastated.

In fact, sitting at Mindy’s kitchen table, Jane could see how badly all of this affected her. Her sister looked as if she hadn’t washed her hair in a few days. It was pulled into a sloppy ponytail, and she wore a baggy sweatshirt and even baggier sweatpants. Her face was pale, her eyes dull.

So far from the Mindy she knew and loved, it was scary.

“Have you finished Christmas shopping?” Jane had—she’d done most of it online so she could avoid the crowds. Now she just needed to wrap. Christmas was less than two weeks away, and it would be upon them too fast, as always.

Mindy snorted. “I haven’t even started.”

“We should go down to Sacramento together and power shop. What do you think? I still need to pick up a few things.” The last bit was a lie, but she didn’t want Mindy to feel bad that she hadn’t started shopping.

Mindy shrugged. “If you want to.”

“Mindy.” Jane reached out, rested her hand on top of her sister’s, startling her. “You’ve got to pick yourself up. For your kids.”

“I’m sure their father will out-gift me, so what does it matter, right?” Mindy drained the last of her coffee, setting the cup onto the table with a loud clatter. “He promised Kyle and Chandler new snowboards. How can I compete with that?”

“It’s not a competition, Mind—” Jane started, but Mindy cut her off with a look.

“It
so
is. You don’t even know. The second Marty moved out and into his little cottage with his new girlfriend, it turned into a total game for him. What can he do to top what I can offer? I feel like I’m on a reality TV show.” Mindy shook her head.

“Wait a minute. He’s living with another woman?” That was news to Jane. She knew Marty had stayed in town, moved into a tiny house very close to the lake, but she had no idea he’d moved someone in with him.

“He is. I’m surprised you didn’t hear, since the word is all over town. His girlfriend’s name is
Bobbi
. With an
i.
The boys told me all about her, how she’s so pretty and fun.” Mindy’s face crumpled. “That’s because she’s twenty-three and ready to show
all
the men in my life a good time.”

Jane sighed and reached out to rub Mindy’s shoulder, silently cursing Marty up and down. “He’s a jerk, Mind. Be glad you’re not together anymore.”

“Trust me, most of the time I am. But it’s hard to watch him pick up the pieces as if nothing ever happened. Already with another woman as if our marriage, our entire relationship never existed.” Mindy sniffed. “But enough about me and all my tragedies. Tell me more about Chris.”

“There’s not much to tell.” Oh, there was, but she didn’t want to rub it in.

“Liar. Mom said she ran into you two with the kids at the grocery store last night. I’m assuming Lexi is feeling a little more accepting about the whole thing?”

“She is. Sort of.” Lexi mostly just treated Chris politely. “What did Mom say?”

“Um, that you seemed happy and Chris had this look on his face like he was dumb in love.”

“She did not.” Oh, goodness. In her mother’s mind, she probably already had them married by now. “He’s not in love with me. We’re taking it slow.”

“Slow as in he’s hanging out with you and your kids night after night and sneaking out of the house at four in the morning?” Mindy arched a brow. “I think it’s sort of hot. How he sneaks out like a thief in the night.”

“I don’t want him there when the kids wake up. It might be a shock to them,” Jane defended. “You act like we’re doing this every night. He only stays over twice a week, tops.”

Okay, she lied. He’d stayed over three nights that last week. The more time he spent at her house, with her children, the more at ease they all seemed with each other. It touched her heart, to see Chris play with Sophia, read a book to Logan, tease Lexi gently until she finally laughed. Slowly earning her children’s trust had earned her trust.

And eased Chris into her heart.

“That’s because he works long shifts. If he didn’t have to stay at the station, I have a feeling you two would be together constantly.” Mindy smiled, the first smile Jane had seen since she arrived. “I think it’s cute.”

“It makes me nervous.”

“What, him sneaking around? Don’t want anyone to catch wind of your relationship? Trust me, they’re already talking.”

Jane knew they were, and that part didn’t bother her. Too much. “No, the so-called relationship between Chris and me. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“What do you mean?”

“I…I don’t know his intentions.” Jane waved a hand as if dismissing her feelings. “It sounds ridiculous, but I don’t know what he wants from me and it’s scary. He acts like this is serious, but what if it’s not? What if he ends up breaking my heart? He doesn’t do relationships. He told me that himself.”

“So you can’t just go along for the ride and have some fun? Personally, that sort of thing sounds wonderful.” Mindy made a face. “Damn his hide, I’m still not over Marty.”

“Of course you’re not. No one expects you to be, either.” Worry filled Jane and she shook her head. “I shouldn’t be over Stephen.”

“What are you talking about? Who says?”

“I say. Don’t you think it’s wrong, how fast I’ve gotten involved with someone else?” This is what ate her up at night, made her worry, made her feel guilty. She’d lived and he’d died. She’d moved on, and if he were still here, they’d be married.

“Stephen’s been gone for two years. No one doubts you loved him, but come on, Jane. Haven’t you suffered enough? Wouldn’t Stephen have wanted you happy? Life goes on. And trust me, Chris is a keeper.”

“You think so?” She didn’t know if he was a keeper. Mac, out of brotherly love and protection, had warned her just last week that Chris was the type who didn’t do commitment. Some sort of lone wolf with a crappy childhood and neglectful parents. Chris had proclaimed more than once to Mac that he didn’t need anybody to make his life complete. She’d known this, picked up on hints and similar stories from Chris, but hearing it from Mac frightened her. Everything did. She was a big scaredy-cat mess.

“Well, I
thought
he was a keeper. You don’t think so?” Mindy looked concerned.

“I don’t know what to think.” If she kept talking like this, she’d confuse Mindy almost as much as she confused herself.

“Aren’t you maybe thinking about this a bit much? You’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks.”

And Jane was already more than halfway in love with him. She’d never been one to linger or worry over her feelings. Once she knew, she knew. And the more time she spent with Christian, the more she fell for him. He was dangerous to her heart and her mind and her well-being. In a good, free-fall sort of way.

“I know how I feel. I wish I knew how he feels,” Jane said firmly.

“Maybe he doesn’t know. Men usually don’t like to be pushed.” Mindy made a little
tsk
ing sound. “I found that out the hard way.”

Jane knew this. Of course she knew it, had lived it with Stephen. She’d pushed him into a corner more than once and he’d pushed back, usually over the stupidest things. “You’re right.” She shook her head. “I’m being ridiculous. Melodramatic. I think it’s the holidays; they bring out the crazy in people.”

“You can say that again. I’m so not looking forward to Christmas. I know Mom is going to make me nuts.”

“You don’t even have a tree,” Jane pointed out.

“I know, I know. Make me feel guilty, why dontcha? The boys have been harassing me daily. Mac is going to help me get one later. Maybe if they’re lucky we’ll decorate it, too. Are you seeing Chris tonight?”

Jane marveled at her sister’s smooth subject changing. “No, he’s working. I think I’m going to stop by the station on my way home, though. Bring him lunch.”

“Aw, you two are cute. Don’t worry about everything so much, Jane. The children will come around, especially when they see how happy Chris makes you.”

Easy for her sister to say. “You want to run down into Sacramento later this week? Maybe in the afternoon so we can have Mom watch the kids? The stores are only getting more and more crowded.”

“Pushy girl.” Mindy shook her head. “Yeah, let’s do it. Throw the kids at Mom and make our escape. You sure I won’t cut into your time with Chris?”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Family comes first, Mind. You know this.”

“Uh huh. And you’re crazy.”

Jane completely agreed.

…

“What are you looking at?”

Chris immediately shut down the jewelry store’s website window he’d been checking out, embarrassment making him move fast. “Nothing. Just doing a little Christmas shopping.”

Eric, Chris’s second in command, had stopped by the station to pick up his paycheck. “Who the hell are you Christmas shopping for? Not like you ever mention any family.”

Chris smarted at that remark, but Eric
was
speaking the truth. “A friend, not like it’s any of your business. I do happen to have friends.”

“Ah, right, I’m an idiot. You looking for something for Jane Clark?” Eric wagged his brows at him.

Chris rolled his eyes, trying to brush this one off. “Yeah, well, maybe. I don’t really know what to get her.” That was the truth. But he knew this much—it was definitely going to be a piece of jewelry. And he wasn’t talking about a cheap pair of earrings, either.

Something special, something significant showing how he felt, since he couldn’t spit out the words and tell her. He was too nervous to admit his feelings, so he kept quiet instead.

It was slowly eating him up inside.

“Chicks dig jewelry.” It was as if Eric could read his mind. “That’s what I’m getting my girlfriend, though I think she wants an engagement ring.”

They both mock shuddered at that statement, but secretly, Chris had contemplated it. Shot his idea right down, too, considering they’d only been seeing each other…what? A month? And he was ready to declare his love and ask her to marry him?

The thought terrified and excited him all at once. He’d never been one to do anything that spontaneous, but his feelings for Jane were so strong, he couldn’t deny them. Spending so much time with her and her family, staying the night…they were turning into a little family unit.

But he was afraid if he moved too fast, she’d run away. She’d only been widowed for two years, and there were so many things for her to consider. Like her children.

“I’m not getting her an engagement ring.” They both shuddered again, Chris putting on a big man show for his friend and coworker. “But I’d like to find her something nice.”

“There’s a jewelry store down in Oakwood that has unique stuff for a decent price. You should check them out,” Eric suggested.

“Thanks. I think I will.” Chris pulled the desk drawer open and plucked the envelope containing Eric’s overtime check from it, handing it to him. “Don’t spend it all in one place.”

Eric opened the envelope and glanced at the total, wincing. “I just might. I gotta impress my girl, since I’m not giving her what she really wants.”

“Will she flip if she doesn’t get the ring?”

“Nah, if I give her an expensive necklace or something, she’ll be cool. But my time is coming, man. I need to figure out what to do.” Eric sounded vaguely freaked out. Chris knew he should feel vaguely freaked out, too, contemplating spending a lifetime with Jane.

But he didn’t. He actually liked the idea of being with her and the kids, spending all of their time together. Coming home to them after being away for three days. Greeted enthusiastically by the kids and beautiful, sweet Jane the moment he walked through the door. Wrapping her in his arms and holding her close, like he never wanted to let her go and planting a sweet, welcoming kiss to her lips.

Yeah, that sounded good. Way too good.

“Are you two getting serious? You and Jane?” Eric asked.

How to answer this without sounding like a complete sap or, worse, completely whipped? “We’re taking it one day at a time.”

“Right on, man. She’s nice. I went to school with her, though she was a year ahead of me. We didn’t really hang in the same social circles if you get what I’m saying.”