JASON and KEANNE (13 page)

  “That’s not possible,” she told him.

  “It is and you know – you
feel
it is true.” He withdrew and thrust back into her just so she would experience how hard he was again.

  She was dazed. “That’s really not possible.”

  He only grinned and did it again, but this time grinding his cock as deeply as he could into her, enough to elicit a whimper out of her.

  “Jason!” She didn’t know if she was begging him to stop or do it again.

  “We didn’t use protection.”

  The meaning behind his words came to her a second too late, but when she looked at him in horror, he only withdrew and thrust back into her again.

  “J-Jason!”

  “I feel like it’s destined if we make a baby tonight, Keanne.” His voice was hoarse with emotion.

  The way he looked at her made Keanne want to weep, and when he started moving again inside her, she knew she was choosing to think like him and let nature take its course. She wrapped her arms around him and thrust back against him, making him groan and pound into her harder.

  When it was over, she found herself crying in his arms and he let her, rolling them over so she would be on top of him, his semi-erect cock still inside her. He stroked her hair as she sobbed.

  She didn’t tell him why she was crying, but he had a feeling he knew. When her tears subsided, he said softly, “I can’t tell you I love you yet. I don’t know why, but something is holding me back. Something I need to know that I’m not getting…”

  “Lilac?” she whispered, terrified that he would say yes.

  “No.” He kissed her hair. “There’s no Lilac anymore. But even if I can’t say the words yet, I know you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.” He touched her womb, the heat and possessiveness of his touch making her gasp.

  “And I know that it’s in your womb I want to have my son or daughter grow.” His lips twisted. “Even if I know everyone will think I’ve robbed the cradle---”

  “Not the people who know the truth.”

  “What is the truth?”

  She lifted her head up so he could look into her eyes. “That I’ve been waiting for you since I was fourteen to love me back.”

****

When Keanne woke up, it was dark outside the tent, startling her. For a moment, she remained in Jason’s arms as she let the memories wash over her. They had enjoyed an early breakfast, skinny-dipped in the lake, and joined the rest of the first-year students after. Everyone had been staring at them when they walked back into camp, but no one had dared say a word, not with Jason looking so imposing even though he was again dressed only in a shirt and jeans.

  They had gamely joined the activities prepared by the faculty, but by noon she couldn’t stop herself from yawning, making Jason sweep her into his arms over her protests and take her back to her luxurious tent.

 
And then she must have fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow
, she decided.

  She fumbled for her phone in the dark, but when her fingers encountered the familiar shape of an iPhone, it turned out to be Jason’s and not hers. She unlocked it, needing to use its torch light function.

Instead of pulling the screen up to reveal the icon tray hidden at the bottom, Keanne accidentally clicked on the Photos icon---

A soundless cry broke out of her.

Why
did he have a photo of Lilac on his phone?

With trembling fingers, she flicked through the rest of his photos and all of them were…Lilac’s and none of her.

No. Please, no. It didn’t mean anything. This was just a leftover of his past…infatuation with Lilac. She clicked on the call icon, needing to know that he had told her the truth before when she had asked about how frequently he was in contact with Lilac.

The phone fell from her fingers.

He had called her almost every day.

And today, he had probably been late --- today he had probably forgotten about his promise to be with her because he had been busy talking to Lilac for
hours.

  Jason was looking for her.

 
Keanne ended the call and tossed the phone into the backseat of her car before climbing down. Her guards immediately flanked her as she made her way to the front doors of Reid Chalkias’ fortress-like home. Her guards had been reluctant to give up their arms, but in the end they had no choice.

  Reid did not allow visitors with weapons, and they had been strictly instructed by Amie Summers never to allow Keanne out of their presence.

  Jason’s friend personally welcomed her, bowing slightly as he greeted her good evening. “Your visit is unexpected. Does Jason know you’re coming?”

  “No.”

  “Ah. I seem destined to ask this again and again, but I take it there’s trouble in paradise?”

  “Yes.”

 
And there was the difference between this young girl and Lilac York
, Reid considered. Lilac was selfless and proud, just like Jason Christakos. While this girl – this girl was like Nick Christakos. Expressive where it mattered, fighters the both of them, and almost selfish in the way they zealously cherished the people they loved.

  “What is your reason for coming here then? If I can help, I will.”

  “I’m really glad you said that. And I hope you mean it because I’m not leaving until I find answers.” She inhaled sharply. “I…I don’t want you to think I’m being a spoiled bitch or anything, but…I love Jason and it’s because I love him that I need to know those answers.”

  He said slowly, “You know Beatrice Crichton is here.”

  She flinched at the name but she managed a nod. “Yes.”

  “And you want to talk to her? Why?”

  “I have my reasons.”

  “She’s not completely…well,” Reid said carefully. “She’s suffered a breakdown of sorts after she was almost beaten to death by Davos’ men.”

  “I understand. I don’t want to cause her pain---”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about,” Reid said flatly. “I’m worried it’s the other way around and you’ll find out things you’re better off not knowing.”

  She smiled without humor, and at that moment she looked so much older beyond her years. “If I…if I tried to hide away from the truth, then what I feel for Jason wouldn’t be true either.”

****

“Ms. Crichton,” the young woman accompanying her said in a gentle voice. “You have a visitor.”

  Keanne gasped in shock when Beatrice wheeled her chair around to face her. Scars crisscrossed her once beautiful face, and the way she stared at Keanne made her realize that her vision was badly impaired.

  Beatrice squinted. “Who is it?”

  “Jason---”

  The woman howled in rage, the name working like some kind of trigger for a breakdown. Keanne stumbled back as Beatrice hurtled herself towards her, her hands outstretched as she tried to scratch Keanne’s face.

  The burly uniformed attendants standing in the corner immediately moved, one of them pulling Beatrice away while the other helped Keanne up.

  “
You! Did you come here to gloat?”

 
“She thinks you are a woman named Lilac,” the attendant told her quietly. “We apologize for failing to inform you that Mr. Christakos’ name often spurs her into a fit.”

  “
I hope Davos finds you. I hope he doesn’t just scar you for life. I hope he kills you so Jason will suffer forever! It’s not fair that both twins love you when you’re nothing – nothing!”

 
“Ms. Crichton---”

  “
Don’t call me that. You’re part of the family anyway. Call me ‘Mother’. Or if you want, you can call me darling. That’s what I made Jason call me the last time we fucked. I made him call me darling over and over and over as he gave me the best oral sex I’ve had in years.”

Her tone became bitter and vicious. “
You should be proud of yourself. He was almost throwing up at the start, but he got over it when I reminded him he had just that one night to make me happy in exchange for the information he needed.”

Beatrice laughed, a cackling sound that made goosebumps form all over her skin. “
He may say that he was doing it for his brother, but we both know that he was doing it for you. He let himself be raped again just for you. So how does it feel, Lilac York? While you’re fucking another brother, the other brother was being fucked against his will---”

The doors behind her were thrown open, and when Keanne turned around, she was not surprised at all to find an ashen-looking Jason gazing at her.

****

“So now you know,” Jason said hollowly, breaking the painful silence between them after long minutes had passed and they had both been sitting stiffly in their seats.

They were in Reid Chalkias’ library, which was decorated in heavy dark woods and antique furniture. It was the perfect setting for another Godfather movie, and Keanne wondered numbly if it was so because that had been Reid’s idea of a joke.

  At his words, she forced herself to look at him, her heart breaking at the look of shame on his face.

  “I disgust you now, don’t I?”

  She cried out, “No.” She shook her head wildly, tears running down her face. “I’ll never…why would you ever think that? I
love
you.”

  It was as if he didn’t hear her. “I had no choice. It was the only way. She had always wanted me more than she wanted Nick.”

  She couldn’t bear the look on his face and she rushed to him, kneeling in front of Jason as she cupped his face, forcing him to look at her. “I don’t think you’re weak or disgusting. I think you’re the most beautiful man…” She choked. “You’re the
kindest
man to have done that for Nick and Lilac.”

  “They mustn’t know,” Jason said flatly. “Can you promise me that? They will never forgive themselves if they knew.”

  She nodded, tears falling faster at how selfless Jason Christakos was. “Of course,” she whispered.

  He touched her face. “You’re crying.”

  “Because I love you so much,” she told him, crying harder as she said the words.

  There was something in her voice that made Jason turn white. Something was wrong. She said he didn’t disgust her. She said she didn’t see him as weak. He believed her, but even so…something was so fucking wrong he couldn’t breathe.

  “Why are you crying?” he asked hoarsely.

  Slowly, she got to her feet. “Because I realize…you don’t really love me.”

  His face whitened. “Keanne---”

  She couldn’t bear to look at him anymore.

  When she twisted her head away, Jason sucked his breath in, the pain of her rejection taking him by surprise.

  “When I was listening to what Beatrice said…I kept thinking…why?
Why
?” Her throat became clogged with more tears and her fists clenched at her sides. “Why are you so soft – why are you so soft with her when you’re so demanding with me? I thought…I thought…” She stopped, the sobs so heavy now that her entire chest shook. “Oh God, when I called you years ago and asked that you be by my side, to help me face down the people who once hurt and judged me, I thought you refusing me was proof that you loved me. That you wanted me to be strong…”

  Her words slammed into him like poisoned arrows, and slowly the past was remade in his mind, making the present so much clearer – so fucking clear that his actions became unforgivable.

  “When I heard what you did for Lilac, I knew…I just knew you didn’t really love me. You loved
her
enough to be there for her even when she didn’t ask you to be. If you loved me - if you had loved me, then you would have been by my side when I asked you.”

  “No.” His voice grew in strength when all she did was cry, the sound of her tears ravaging him from the inside. He couldn’t let her think like that when it was not true – oh God, it was not true, but he was so fucking afraid he was too late.

  “It wasn’t like that. I swear to God, it wasn’t---” Jason reached out to her but she recoiled, nearly falling to the ground in her haste to escape his touch.

  Her rejection was like a knife wound that started to bleed and showed no signs of stopping. “Listen to me,” he said desperately. “It wasn’t like that. I realize now…” He raked his hand through his hair, feeling restless and so goddamn terrified that he would not find the right words to convince her that she had it all wrong.

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered. “What you told me now…I realize how I’ve been unfair to you. Now, I know…I love you, Keanne.”

  “NO!”

  “Yes,” he said just as fiercely. “I love you – probably as long as you have loved me, but a part of me couldn’t face it. You were too young and I wanted to give you a chance to grow up and know your mind before you became mine. All these years, I was especially hard on you because I wanted – I needed…Keanne, I goddamn needed and need you now to be strong because only a strong woman could love someone like me.”

  She shook her head. “You’re lying!”

  “I love you! I’m not lying when I---”

  “How can you say you love me when I saw that your phone was full of photos of Lilac? And that you were late yesterday – oh God, while I was waiting for you to come, you were on the phone with her for
hours
!” The pain was so great she felt like she was suffocating in it.

Inside Keanne, her heart was breaking and she wondered if the tearing sensation would ever stop. “You told me that you hadn’t talked to her, but you did,” she wept in accusation. “You did! You talked to her almost every day so tell me –
TELL ME,
” she screamed. “Tell me how you can say that you don’t love her when you talked to her more than you talked to me?”

“It’s not like that.” He could no longer bear the separation between them. Jason stalked to her side and pulled her into his arms, ignoring her struggles. She sobbed against his chest even as her fists weakly beat his shoulders.

He stroked her back, every tear that fell from her eyes no less painful than a whip striking his chest. The wounds of betrayal he himself caused were still bleeding and he knew they would continue to bleed until he found a way to make it up to the girl who had loved him selflessly since the very beginning.

“I know you won’t believe me,” he said hoarsely, “but now everything’s much clearer. I saw you in Lilac and because she was available and you were…not…I fell for her. I fell for her because she reminded me of what you could be when you were old enough – someone so strong you were able to overcome your past and
not
be cynical or hard like Nick or me.”

“With Lilac, I’m in control. With you, I’m not, and that was another reason I made myself believe I loved her.”

But she didn’t speak, only crying in his arms, her sobs sounding like they came from the deepest part of her. He had hurt her that much.

“Keanne, please,” he whispered hoarsely. “Please…”

When she struggled to be released, this time he let her go. Her eyes were red and swollen when they met his. “You’re right,” she told him dully. “I don’t believe you.”