JASON and KEANNE (3 page)

  “She will marry him.” The words, once spoken, could never be taken back and a huge wave of pain struck Jason at the realization that Lilac, dear, sweet, beautiful Lilac would
never
be his.

  Keanne wanted to weep once more at the flatness of Jason’s tone, as if he was holding himself back ruthlessly because he believed he did not deserve to be hurt for loving someone who had never been his from the start.

  She wanted to say so many things but none of them were right. Jason had taught her to be strong and she could do no less for him, could never let him be weak.

  And so she whispered, “Yes, she will. You have always known she would marry him.” She paused, hating herself for what she was about to do, but again he had taught her this - had shown her time and time again that wallowing in self-pity did no one any favors.

  “You can cry now, the same way I cried on the phone and you listened. But when we leave this room, you can’t let them see you’re hurt. Nick, Lilac, your mother – if you do not want them to be hurt, then you must suffer for them. You must pretend you’re fine even if you’re not. You must pretend that you’re happy for them even if you…”

  She sucked her breath. “You must wish them well on their marriage even if you want to tear them apart.”

  His hard body jerked at her words.

  And then she felt it, and God, oh God, she felt it, and never had such wetness hurt, like acid on her skin.

  Jason’s tears had started to fall.

  “Will you mind,” he asked roughly, his head falling on her shoulder, his tears absorbed by the silk of her dress, “if I become fucking weak now?”

  She shook her head silently, unable to speak past the tears that fell with his.

  “I loved her, little doe. I
fucking love
her.”

  “I know,
mon bébé,”
she whispered. “I know.”

 
“When they marry – it will be over. I have to accept that it will be over.”

  She withdrew from Jason, cupping his face with her hands, pulling him close so she could press a kiss on his forehead. His kiss had been magical that first day they had met, and right now, Keanne wished with all her might that she could return the gesture.

  “
Keanne.
” His low, hoarse cry was filled with so much sorrow she wanted to carve out her heart and let it beat for him so that his own could rest.

  She pressed her lips harder against his skin. “One day,” she promised him, “one day you will find the right girl that’s meant for you.”

  He laughed bitterly. “You sound so sure.”

  Keanne pulled away again, needing Jason to look into her eyes so he could see she meant her words. “It’s because I am sure.” And she was because she had always known since the day he did not come to rescue her – since that very day he had given her back the courage to look into the mirror and not cry at what she saw, Keanne had known.

  She was in love with Jason, and no other girl could ever love him more than she loved him.

****

Jason was more tipsy than drunk when she helped him back to his room, Keanne waving away the offers of assistance from his guards. She wanted to do this for him because it was but a small thing to do for the man who had saved her in more ways than she could count.

  When she got him to bed, she took off his shirt, his socks, and shoes. Her throat went a little dry at the sight of his naked chest. She had seen it countless times, but of course that did not matter. The sight would always leave her secretly speechless.

When Keanne turned to leave, long fingers wrapped around her wrist from behind, and she saw Jason’s eyes drifting open. “Jason?”

  Alcohol did not make his voice slur. Rather, it only made his voice naked, and her heart hurt as he half-pleaded, “Don’t go.”

  It shattered her to see such a proud man broken once again, and Keanne flew back to his side, falling to her knees next to Jason’s vast bed. She brought his hand to her badly trembling lips, which were preventing her from speaking.

  He repeated more fiercely, “Don’t go.”

  She closed her eyes. “No, I won’t.” Of course she would not. She never would – for as long as Jason wanted her with him.

  “Stay.” This time, he sounded frantic.

  “I will.” But the anxiety darkening Jason’s gaze did not lessen. At a loss as to what to do, Keanne let her instincts guide her. She rose on her knees and leaned close to press a kiss on his forehead. “I won’t ever leave, Jason,” she whispered. “So please rest.”

  Gradually, Jason calmed down. And when she started to stroke his hair, murmuring to him in French, his eyes slowly drooped.

  He slept, and she slept too.

  It was morning when she woke, but it was her aching back that brought Keanne out of her slumber rather than the warm rays of sunlight crawling into the room from the edges of the balcony’s curtain-covered doors.

  Rubbing her eyes, the first thing she saw was Jason’s peacefully sleeping face. Without a frown or even a seductive smile on his lips, he looked much younger and peaceful, a sun god that had yet to rise.

  Shakily, Keanne reached out to stroke one beautifully carved cheek, the skin silky soft over the hard panes of his cheekbones. She expected him to stir at her touch, but he did not and for some reason her heart sped up at that.

  She had the strangest and strongest urge to trace his lips, but she couldn’t draw up enough courage to do it. So instead, Keanne indulged in a sillier urge, one that was as strong as the other but just as dangerous – perhaps even more so.

  She whispered, “I love you.”

  Jason’s eyes shot open.

  Keanne ceased to breathe, unable to fathom how her world had changed in that one second she had succumbed to her weakness.  

  His piercing blue eyes arrested Keanne in place, its vivid shade marred with not a single ounce of inebriation. And his voice, when he spoke, was distinctly clear and terrifyingly expressionless.

  “What did you just say?”

Without thinking, Keanne pressed her hands against Jason’s eyes, willing it to close and
stay
closed. Maybe he was still half-drunk, half-unconscious, and she could pass this off as a dream. “Sleep.”

  He pushed her hand away. “Marie Keanne,” he growled.

 
Merde!

 
She was in for it now. Jason only used her complete name when she was in trouble – big trouble. 

  Keanne did the next best thing. Or at least she tried to, twisting to run away, but Jason being Jason – he had her in his grip in a second and pulled her back. She fell on top of the bed and as Keanne scrambled to a sitting position, so did Jason, pushing himself up without letting her go.

  The sleep-tousled hair, blazing blue eyes, and naked chest were a terrible combination for her lungs, which felt like they were about to explode for some reason.

 
I love you.

  Merde, merde, merde.

 
How could she have let those stupid words slip past her lips?

  “Look at me,
ma petite.
” His voice was gentle.

  Oh no, she would not. Keanne shook her head.

  Jason said again, in a harder voice, “Look at me.”

  It was the sun god talking, and the sun god she couldn’t help but obey because she owed him everything. Reluctantly, Keanne twisted her head to face Jason. His beautiful face was still expressionless, but his gaze was ruthless and it made her wince.

  “What did you say?”

  “Well,” she stalled.

  “Did I hear you say you love me?”

  He spoke it dispassionately, but because she knew Jason inside and out, she knew it meant that he felt strongly – too strongly about the words.

  “Answer me.”

  She jumped at the harshness of his tone. Trying for a breezy tone, she said, “I said I
like
you---”

  “Last time,
ma petite.
Did you say you love me?”

  Again, it was the sun god who spoke, and again she could not lie. One just did not lie to the sun because it would be like inviting a curse of endlessly dark days.

  Swallowing, Keanne whispered, “Yes.”

  A look of shock fell over Jason’s face as he said hoarsely, “You fucking did?”

Merde!
He hadn’t been sure? She should have just lied to the sun, dammit. Clearing her throat, Keanne began, “Actually---”

Jason shook his head, easily seeing right through her. “Enough.”

Keanne, his sweet little doe, thought she was in love with him. It took him completely by surprise, and for once in his life he had no fucking plan to deal with it. He always had a plan, one to back up a plan that had failed in backing up another plan – the cycle went on, the planning did not stop, and that was how Jason liked his life because he never wanted to be trapped by the unseen again.

And yet, somehow, he had failed to have a plan for this.

Why?

How?

Jason’s silence started out as unnerving, but gradually Keanne realized that she was beginning to feel a little bit irritated. He was Jason Christakos. Was it too much of a surprise to find out that she had fallen in love with him? Everyone needed a little sun in their lives. It just so happened she wanted that sun to spend longer hours in her sky.

“Since when,” he asked slowly, “have you loved me?”

Keanne flushed at the question.

Jason whitened. “That long?”

She felt compelled to explain. “It was when…I called, and you didn’t come.” Keanne saw the incredulity in his gaze and she had to smile just a little. “Don’t you see?” she asked helplessly. “That day, you made me realize for myself that I can be strong on my own.”

Jason wanted to look away. Keanne’s gray eyes were too damn bright, like fucking stars that were shining for him. He didn’t want it, didn’t need it – didn’t fucking deserve it. He said roughly, “Keanne---”          

She shook her head. “No.” Her voice was gentle and firm, and Jason couldn’t help but think she had gotten it from him. So many things he had strived to teach her, but apparently he had failed to teach her what was most important.

Even after everything, she was still committing the same mistake he did, falling for someone who wasn’t in love with her.

 
“You cannot love me.”

Jason’s sigh should have made her cry. It sounded so
unhappy.
But instead her irritation grew. She crossed her arms over her chest. “
Why?
Why can’t I love you?”

His answer was to haul her into his arms. She struggled of course, feeling like he was about to tell her something she wouldn’t want to hear.

And he did.

“Because I don’t love you like that.”

Jason didn’t flinch when he felt Keanne go still at his words, her eyes darting to him in hurt accusation.

For a second, it was as if the years melted away and they were back at the beginning. Keanne was fourteen again, and her eyes were asking him
why.
Why had he asked her to live for him if he was just going to kill her himself?

His voice hardened. “I didn’t raise you to be so weak.”

She whitened.

“You are doing the exact same thing I did, Keanne. Deep down inside me, I have always known Lilac could never love me, but I was stubborn. I beat my head against the wall until I started to bleed and yet – it didn’t make a difference. I still lost.”

Keanne could barely speak past the pain, but she did her best, needing to hear the words. “So what does that mean, Jason? Are you saying that you can never like someone like me---” She choked, her head bowing down.

She heard Jason cursing above her in Greek before he was crushing her to him. “
Dio,
Keanne.” She felt his lips brushing against her hair, and she worked harder to keep herself from crying.
She was not weak
, she thought fiercely. Loving Jason did not make her weak, and she had to make him see that.

“Why the hell would you say something like that? I would be the first to say that any man would be damn lucky to have you.” He paused, as if he was having a hard time figuring out how to put the words together, a rare occurrence for someone like Jason Christakos.

When he spoke again, his voice was gentler but no less firm, and Keanne knew with a sinking heart that he had made up his mind.

“I cannot be the man you love, Keanne, because I still love Lilac---” Jason expected her to subside at his words, to understand that her loss of hope of making him love her was no different from his loss of hope of making Lilac love
him.

But instead, she started to struggle, startling him. She was trying to get away from him, and for some reason he didn’t want to let her go. “Keanne, will you stop---”

“It doesn’t matter if you love Lilac,” Keanne cried out.

“Of course it matters---”

“Not if we both know she’ll never be yours!”

The words stung, and he snapped, “That’s not the only problem.”

She let out a scornful laugh. “Now I know you are grasping at straws. Of course Lilac is the only problem---”

“Not if I only see you as a little sister!”

This time, it was her turn to be hurt by his acidic tone, and as always, her temper exploded, and Keanne found herself throwing caution to the wind. In a move that was so unexpected Jason was unable to stop her until it was too late, Keanne took her top off and unclipped her bra, letting it fall down to her waist.

Jason’s jaw slackened.

“Do you still think of me as your little sister
now
?”

Sexual tension thickened the air as Jason’s gaze went to her breasts…and stayed there. For a long time, he didn’t say a word, and the silence made Keanne breathless with a mixture of fear and excitement.

Jason could not stop staring.

Keanne’s breasts were small but perfectly shaped, pert and proud, her rosy nipples begging for a man’s lips. He had never imagined her this way. Keanne had always been his little doe, a treasure to be protected, a protégé to train. But now Jason knew for sure he would never
stop
seeing her this way.

  When Keanne saw Jason’s jaw harden, a look of resolve on his face, she knew it was time to take things to the next level.
Oh Lord, forgive me for doing this, but I’m desperate.

  Taking Jason by surprise once more, she thrust forward in his lap, locking her legs around his waist as her arms encircled his neck. At the brush of her nipples against his chest, the two of them reacted at the same time, Jason inhaling sharply and Keanne letting out a strangled gasp, the zing of pleasure that shot through her body hitting her like a lightning bolt.

  Keanne was half-naked in his arms. The thought repeated itself over and over in his brain, which still hadn’t recovered from the sensual shock of his little spitfire’s actions. She felt so goddamn good in his arms that he wasn’t surprised at how big and hard his cock had gotten.

  Their eyes locked, and he watched with fascination as Keanne blinked at him, her lips parting in a silent moan as a look of dazed pleasure formed on her face. She looked so fucking desirable at that moment that it was all he could do not to give Keanne what her eyes were begging him for.

  With a curse, Jason mentally castigated himself for being so weak. This was
Keanne
, dammit, not some slut he could lose himself in on a rebound.

  “Keanne---”

  Jason’s growl triggered her panic.
This
had been her last card. At the back of her mind, she had always known that the only way to make Jason realize she was a woman – that she was
the
woman for him – was if she seduced him.

  And the time to seduce him had come.

  Not letting him say anything more, not wanting him to think more about what was happening, Keanne thrust herself harder against Jason as she pressed her lips to his. She shuddered as their lips met.

  She was kissing Jason Christakos.

  Jason gasped against her mouth and her tongue slipped in. His cock rose in reaction, but instead of making him drown in his desire for Keanne, it worked like a fucking alarm in his head.

  THIS. WAS. KEANNE.        

  He tore himself away from Keanne with supreme effort.

  Keanne suddenly found herself dumped on the bed with Jason halfway across the room. He stood against the door, breathing hard, a look of pent-up desire blazing in his eyes.

  When she started to speak, he shook his head, a sharp cutting negation that had her swallowing. A second ago, she felt like she had gone to heaven. Now, she was in purgatory, damned by Jason’s rejection.

  She looked
crushed,
and that in return crushed his own heart, too.
Never had he wanted to cause Keanne pain, but all this time he had indeed caused her such pain,
Jason thought savagely.

  All the time he had been in love with Lilac, he had not known he was hurting Keanne because of it, and self-hatred poured into him like acid in his veins. He spun away, unable to bear looking at her.