Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark Book 4) (19 page)

I reared back. “You expect that, just because you’re pregnant, I’m going to hurt you again? Fuck, I’m never going to touch you again. We’ll be celibate for nine months until you deliver safely, and even then I’ll treat you like the queen you are. Our past is done. We’ve been kidding ourselves by thinking that’s normal. It’s not normal.
I’m
not normal. I can’t keep letting that part of myself free when it’s so fucking wrong.” My voice threatened with a growl as both facets of myself waged war.

Tess bared her teeth. “If you do that. If you stop being the man and monster I married, then we won’t last. Being pregnant won't matter.”

Ice water replaced my blood. “What the fuck are you saying?”

“I’m saying be the man I want. Hurt me. It’s not a request. I need it just like you do. This is
our
normal. The rest isn’t. Don’t ruin us because of some stupid ideal to conform. If you do that, Q, we’ll lose each other and grow apart. Is that what you want? For our marriage to fail?”

Of course, I didn’t want that.

She needed to wash her mouth out with soap for ever suggesting such a thing.

My eyes fell on the hotel property, judging and dispelling each item in terms of punishment capabilities. I wanted a magazine to roll or a lamp cord to tie. Or even a hard covered book to spank my naughty, stubborn wife.

Anything would do.

I squeezed my eyes. But I promised I wouldn’t touch her in such a way.

She’s pregnant.

The knowledge trickled through me, growing in decibel with every heartbeat.

Pregnant.

Nothing was wrong with me. I’d achieved what I needed. And it’d happened the night I thought would be our last free time together.

What did that say about us?

That our bodies had reacted far more potently by giving into our baser desires or that it was merely an accident?

I hadn’t come here looking to talk. I’d come here to drag my
esclave
home where I could keep her safe. But Tess stood proud and defiant, her hands on her flat stomach. “Do you want that, Q?”

Her voice wrenched through my tumbling thoughts. “Do I want what?”

Her eyes glassed with tears. “Our marriage to fail?”

Shit, I hadn’t replied. My chest expanded with anger. “I can’t comprehend how you can ask such a horrid thing.”

“I ask because I honestly don’t know.” Clutching her stomach, she murmured, “Is having a child worth cutting us apart?”

My heart fucking froze. Was that what I’d been doing? Tearing us into pieces while trying to chase the one thing that wouldn’t matter at all if I couldn’t have Tess?

My breathing turned deep and thoughtful for the first time in weeks. I’d been living on adrenaline, forcing myself to touch her with barely any force, struggling to get it up when we slept together, finding more and more salvation in my work even though I couldn’t clear my head from weeks of self-denial.

She’s right.

Capturing her elbow, I whispered, “No. It’s not. I’d rather have you over a thousand children. Over every wealth in the world.”

Her body breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “I’m so happy to hear you say that.” Her eyes turned smoky with intent. “Now that you agree with me. Now that you know you got your way and I’m carrying your child…perhaps you can give in to me again. Come home to me,
maître
.”

My gut twisted with gratefulness. What a lucky bastard I was. My wife wanted me in all my complexities, and she’d given me what I’d dreamed of.

Did I want to hurt her like we did before?

Yes.

Did I want to bruise and mark?

Without a fucking doubt.

Did I want to lock her up for the next nine months away from the world and keep her safe?

More than anything.

I’d done my best at castrating the beast inside me, but I couldn’t do such a thing on my own. And Tess wasn’t willing to permit me. Tess wanted me, darkness and all. I had to stop fighting the inevitable and be myself again.

Tess’s relief trickled into me. The permission to relax and stop fighting what made us
us
siphoned away my guilt and shame.

She sucked in a breath, recognizing my switch. Biting her lip, she moved toward me and rested her palm on my chest. “Welcome back, husband. I’ve missed you.”

I stopped breathing as she linked her fingers with mine, guiding me toward the bed. Her naked body was flushed and scrubbed. Droplets from the shower sparkled in the pristine lights of the Ritz suite.

My eyes dropped to the red outline of my belt on her thigh. She’d done that herself, but I craved to be the one to mark her other leg. To create brilliant symmetry of ownership.

My cock leapt with fucking joy—knowing the self-imprisonment had finished. The rush. The thrill. Every step toward the bed shook me harder.

I struggled to breathe as Tess sank gracefully on the mattress. She never broke eye contact, clasping an emotional collar around my throat and forcing me to heel and obey. Her damp hair coiled around her throat, dancing around her collarbone like an intricate necklace.

She looked so young.

But glowed with something infinite.

She’s pregnant
.

I shuddered with joy.

With a soft sigh, she reclined against the sheets. “What are you going to do to me?”

My hands fisted.

That question was far too dangerous.

My hands shot to my shirt and trousers. Tearing them off, I threw them to the floor. My shoes were kicked off into hotel corners and my boxer-briefs were banished. The second I was naked, I towered over Tess and fisted my hard length.

Tess licked her bottom lip, her face filling with wanton invitation. “I love when you stand over me. Do you want my mouth?” She drew her index along her bottom lip. “Or do you want my pussy?” With all the seduction of a goddess, Tess spread her legs for me, her fingertips gliding down her toned body to play with her clit.

Her stomach showed no hint of pregnancy. No clue to holding my unborn child. But I had to believe that Tess would keep whatever baby she carried safe. She was strong enough to do that for me. For us.

Squeezing my cock, I ordered, “Get up.”

Her gaze drifted down my chest, over sparrows and ink to latch onto my very hungry erection.

It jerked under her inspection, begging for her wet heat.

Her body moved like silk, rising from the starched white bedding to stand in front of me.

Goddammit, she was stunning.

I locked my muscles to stop from reaching for her.

I saw two women: the one I’d promised to fight and hurt. And the other I vowed to love and cherish. And now, she would be a third woman. A mother who I’d protect with every last fucking breath.

The desire started as a fireball in my gut—igniting my blood until my entire body set alight with furious lust.

I needed to take Tess ruthlessly and painfully. I needed to remember who I truly was at heart. My arms banded around her. “I’m going to make you remember who I am,
mon coeur
.” My heart.

My mouth stole hers. Our naked bodies slammed together, our fingers clawing at delicate skin. Her lips opened, submitting to my tongue as I licked inside her. I groaned as she kissed me back. Her hands skated over me, dragging me forward as her nails scratched down my spine.

“Q—please—”

My lips latched harder onto hers, kissing so deep. I wanted to crawl into her soul and capture her forever. The monster inside—the one who I’d forced to lay dormant for weeks—roared back to life.

Control.

The sickly need slithered in my blood, whispering of violence.

I shook my head, dispelling the rapidly building darkness. I would let him play, but I wouldn’t let him rule. Not now. Not ever. My darling
esclave
was pregnant. She could handle our fucked-up love, but she couldn’t handle total annihilation.

My fingers crept up, latching around her throat. Her muscles worked hard as she swallowed.

“Do you like destroying me, Tess? Is that why you called me here to hurt you?” I ran my nose down her cheek, inhaling the scent of expensive hotel soap.

She squeaked as I spun her around, pressing her chest into the bed and keeping her ass locked against my aching cock. “Answer me.”

“Yes…I love watching the battle inside you. Knowing that you’ll give in if I push you hard enough.”

I rocked into her. “And is this giving in?”

She smiled over her shoulder through tangled wet hair. “It’s a start.”

I loved her.

I adored her.

I didn’t want to hurt her.

Lies.

I did want to hurt her.

And she wanted me to.

That was ultimate freedom.

Bending over her, I scattered kisses down her spine. There were no toys in the hotel. We hadn’t come prepared. We weren’t at home where any number of apparatus was available to us.

We would have to compromise and invent, but all I could think about was taking her the way I didn’t often do. A way that would punish her and reward her.

Her eyes locked onto mine.

Tess had such power over me—power I’d never be free of.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

Her thighs clenched. “I’m wondering what you’re about to do and hoping you lose all control.”

I
bared my teeth, heart heating with irritation. “I may be a lot of things, Tess, but if you think I’m going to open my cage fully while you’re pregnant…you don’t know me very well.”

She pouted. “But I thought—”

“You thought wrong.” My lips twitched in a cool grin. “However, it doesn’t mean I won’t punish you in other ways.”

“Face away.” I motioned for her to look at the bed and not me.

Unwillingly, she obeyed.

Not seeing made her oversensitive body hum with uncertainty.

My hand tickled as I indulged in the call inside. I spanked her once, turning her cooling skin pink with punishment.

She groaned, rocking back, sandwiching her ass against my erection. “I need you.”

My hands landed on her hips, grunting as she rocked harder. Dragging my fingers over her bare pussy, I growled. “Fuck. Will I ever get enough of you?”

“God, I hope not.” Tess jerked as I positioned my cock at her entrance. Normally, I’d play with her and tease, but after the incredible news of our future, I just needed to connect. Immediately.

A much-needed release throbbed in my blood.

“Q…yes, Q.” Tess threw back her head as I slipped inside her. The heavenly warmth of my wife sheathing me sent my heartbeat colliding with my ribs. I entered her an inch at a time.

With each inch, I spanked her, slicing my hand right over her ass. Not holding back the force of the sexual punishment. The fact she hadn’t been hit for weeks only made her skin bloom brighter.

Unable to stop myself, I did it again. Strike, thrust. Strike, thrust. Tess moaned beneath me, her legs shivering as I slid fully inside her.

“Q!” she breathed. “I need you so much.”

My fingers dipped between her legs. Her ass hot with my hand prints against my lower belly.  “You need me?”

She cried out as I smeared wetness around her clit. She pushed back, arching into my touch. “More than anything.”

My balls tightened, already extra sensitive and desperate to come. “
Merde, esclave,
you’re ruining me.” Giving in, I grabbed her hips, propping her higher over the edge of the bed.

All thoughts of games flew away as I pulled out and thrust hard into my wife. My voice tangled in the air. “This is going to be fast and hard. Are you ready, Tess?”

She nodded breathlessly. “God, yes.”

My nails imprinted crescent moons on her skin as I jerked her to meet me, deleting all space between us. I didn’t hold back, shuddering with bliss as I broke her flesh, licking my lips at the hint of my
esclave’
s blood.

Fuck.

Rubbing my fingertips in the sticky crimson, I painted her spine with red, before wrapping my hands in her hair to wrench her head back. I didn’t worry about hurting her scalp. I didn’t fear the contorted way her body bowed as I plunged deep inside. All I cared about was being free with this woman who’d insanely married me.

Time lost all meaning as we fucked and reaffirmed how we felt for each other.

My hands never ceased—pinching, spanking, punishing, and petting.

Each strike Tess moaned.

Each sharply delivered pain Tess cried out with joy.

I was addicted to this woman.

My
pregnant
woman.

My orgasm didn’t stay away, and I forced her high and fast so I could chase her into the darkness and come.