Jealousy (28 page)

Of course she felt it too, but she was stuck in limbo, powerless to open her heart to him. 
“Please don’t rush this, Nick, or pressure me.  I need more time.”  She wished she could let herself fall in love with Nick.  He was probably the one man she could envision a future with, but she couldn’t fall in love again.  Love didn’t work, at least not for her, anyway.

She needed to do something to remind herself to remain somewhat detached and keep her emotions in check.  She needed – a distraction.

C
hapter Sixty:

Heather hated the mundane first date conversation.  It was the usual,
‘where are you from?’, ‘what do you do for a living?’ crap.  She wasn’t very interested in the man she was having dinner with, but she needed a diversion from Nick.  She needed to pull back her emotions before she got hurt.  She was falling too fast and too hard.  She was bored already with the man sitting across from her, and barely listened to him as he droned on about something or other.  She suppressed a yawn and scanned the other patrons sitting nearby.  At least they seemed like they enjoyed one another’s company.  She didn’t want to seem rude, so she turned back to her date.

Wait.  Did she just see Nick?  No.
It couldn’t have been him.  She looked back into the crowd, but didn’t see him.  Her guilty conscious must have imagined it.  Two waiters taking orders, side by side, parted and went their separate ways.  They opened a clear path to the front of the restaurant and Heather looked up.  Nick was walking toward her.  He had no idea she was on a date.  The high back of the booth shielded her dinner companion from his view.  Nick looked totally unsuspecting as he smiled his bright smile and carried his little plastic take-out bag.

The smile melted from his face, and the light in his eyes turned dark, as soon as he was close enough to see the man sitting across from Heather.  Her stomach flip-flopped, and then went nauseous.  She thought she might throw up.
  Nick stopped abruptly and just stared at her.  She jumped from the table and ran to him, but he turned and walked briskly in the opposite direction.

“
Nick, wait, please!  We’re just having dinner.  It’s just a date.”

Every pair of eyes in the small restaurant stopped and gawked at her.

She jumped in front of Nick and braced her hands against his chest, just as he reached the door. “I’m so sorry,” she said.  “Please let me explain.”

He didn
’t want to hear what she had to say.  He just wanted to leave, but she wouldn’t let him.  Every time he tried to step around her, she blocked his path.

“
I just met him.  This is the first time we’ve been out.  He doesn’t mean anything to me.”

Nick finally stopped trying to leave and looked into her eyes.  He wrinkled his brow and the corners of his mouth turned downward.
“Don’t you care about me at all?”

“
I’m crazy about you, Nick!  How could you think I don’t care about you?”

“
Are you sleeping with that guy?”

“
Of course not.  I told you, this is our first date.”

“
Like our first date?”

She was embarrassed that he brought up
their romp on the kitchen floor only minutes after they first met.  “I told you I never do that.  You were different.  You’re very special to me.”  She leaned closer to him and placed her hands around the back of his neck.  “How could you think that I would do the things we do in bed with someone else?”

He pulled away and shook his head violently. 
“I can’t think about that.”

“
I’m not sleeping with anyone else.  I haven’t slept with anyone else since I met you.  I went on two dates, one about a week after we met, and this one.  That’s it.  Neither one meant anything to me.”  She lowered her eyes.  “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

“
Do you mean it?  You’re not sleeping with anyone else?  Don’t lie to me, Heather.  Tell me the truth.  I can handle it.”

“
I’m not lying.  I’m not sleeping with anyone else.  I swear.”

“
Seeing you with that guy just now,” Nick’s voice cracked a little, “it fucking killed me.  I can’t deal with it if you’re sleeping with someone else.”

She looked him dead in the eye.
“I’m telling you the truth.  I’m not sleeping with anyone else.  I don’t want to screw this up.  I care about you, Nick.  A lot.”

He exhaled a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered in his ear, as she hugged him.  “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Sixty-One:

The awkward silence in the car was only surpassed by the humiliation Heather felt.  She wished the bottom of the seat
would open up so she could sink inside it and hide.  Nick wouldn’t look at her.  He stared straight ahead at the road.  She took his hand and held it, but he still didn’t react.  Tears welled up in her eyes, and she turned away as they streamed down her cheeks.  She sniffled and wiped them away.

“
Are you crying?” Nick asked, with concern.

“
I feel awful.  I’m so sorry.  I don’t ever want to see that look in your eyes again.”  It was at that precise moment that Heather let her guard down and admitted to herself that she was in love with Nick.  She tried to resist and fight it, but her feelings were too strong.  They wouldn’t be denied any longer.

Neither one of them said anything else for the rest of the way
to her apartment, but as soon they got inside, Nick spun around and confronted her.  “What are we doing here, Heather? Because I can’t go on like this.  I tried not to think about whether or not you were dating other guys, but after tonight . . .”

“
I don’t want to go on like this anymore either.  I want it to be just us.  Just you and me.”

“
Are you saying you want to make a commitment?”

She nodded. 
“Yes.  I do.”

Nick paused. 
“Are you only saying that because I said I didn’t want to do this anymore?”

“
No, I want to be with you, Nick.  Just you.”  She took a moment to look deep into his clear blue eyes.  She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, but she wouldn’t let herself.  Her repressed feelings made her eyes well up with giant tears.  “I’m not gonna say it,” she said in a soft, breathy whisper.

“
Say what?”

“
You know what I’m talking about . . . but I do . . . I really do.”

Nick put his hand on her cheek. 
“If you’re not going to say it, I am.”

“
Please don’t.”

“
I love you, beautiful.”

His words overwhelmed her.  She wanted this relationship more than anything in the world, but she swore she would never fall in love again.  She was so tired of getting her heart broken.  She tried to swallow the words, but she couldn
’t.  “I love you, too.”

Chapter Sixty-Two:

Heather jumped in
to the recliner with Justin and snuggled up next to him.

“
I miss this,” he said, giving her a small squeeze.  “We never cuddle anymore.”

“
I know.”  She smiled at him before she closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest.  “Boyfriends get in the way.”

Nick and Kenny returned from their trip to the beer distribut
or sooner than she expected.  She wanted to jump out of the chair, but she froze.  She didn’t know how Nick would react. It was perfectly innocent, but she was practically lying down with Justin in the recliner and their arms and legs were entwined together.  She stiffened and waited for Nick’s reaction.

Nick stared at them for a moment.
Then he smiled.  “Aww.  You two look so cute.”

Kenny pouted. 
“Cuddle with me, Nick.”  He tried to put his arms around Nick’s waist, but Nick pushed him away and laughed.

Heather relaxed with a smile.  She should
’ve known Nick would never be jealous of Justin, and she loved the way Nick and Kenny got along together.  Her warm thoughts were harshly interrupted by an unpleasant memory of Peter.  She hadn’t thought about Peter in a long time.  When she did, it was never a happy occasion that popped into her head.  It was always a confrontation or an argument, like the one in the forefront of her head right now.  It was when they were first married and Peter came home and found her cuddling on the couch with Justin . . .

“
What the hell is going on here?” Peter slammed the door behind him and it made Heather jump.

“
We’re watching TV,” she casually answered.

“
Sitting in his fucking lap?”

“
I’m not sitting in his lap, Peter.  We’re cuddling.”

Peter glared sharply at her and Justin, shook his head and left the room without saying anything further.

Justin patted her on the leg.  “Get up, sweetie.”

“
No.  We’re not doing anything wrong.  We always cuddle.”

“
I know, but he’s upset.  Go talk to him.”

Reluctantly
she chased after Peter.  “Why should you be mad?”

“
I don’t appreciate walking into my home and finding my wife in the arms of another man.”

“
Another man?  It’s Justin!  You make it sound like I’m cheating on you.”

“
I don’t care who the fuck it is.  I don’t like it.”

“
You know how close me and Justin are.  We’re affectionate.  We hug and we cuddle.  That’s never gonna change.”  She hated that she needed to explain, and she got defensive.  “If you had a problem with the relationship me and Justin have, then you never should’ve married me.”

“
I’m only going to tell you this once,” Peter said.  “When I’m here, you cuddle with me.  I’m not taking a back seat to anyone.  When I’m not here, you can do whatever the hell you want, but I don’t want to come home and find the two of you lying in each other’s arms.”

“
I’m not gonna walk on eggshells and jump across the couch as soon as I hear your key in the door.  I’m not gonna live my life like that.”

“
I don’t want you to jump across the room.  I just want you to knock it off once I’m here.  Is that so much to ask?”

She folded her arms across her chest and stared at him.  She hated that he was jealous of Justin.  She wanted to be stubborn.  She didn
’t want to give in, but she did anyway.

Heather hated thinking about Peter and comparing him to Nick, but the differences in the two were always staring her in the face.  They were such polar opposites.  It made her wonder why she married Peter in the first place.  But she was done with him.  She vowed never to think about Peter again.
She was closing that chapter of her life.  It was the last and final chapter in her book of bad memories.  From now on, her life was going to be filled with happy, pleasant memories.

She realized
that Nick had disappeared into the kitchen with Kenny and left her alone in the living room, still cuddling with Justin, without a second thought.  She found Nick handing Kenny beer bottles, who was neatly stacking them on the shelf while simultaneously rearranging her fridge.  She took the bottles out of Nick’s hands and hugged him.  “I love you, Nick.”

“
I love you, too, beautiful.  What’s going on?”

The lump in her throat prevented her from answering his question.  She never thought she would find someone who was genuinely comfortable with her relationship with Justin.  Not only was Nick obviously comfortable with their relationship, he actually seem to understand it, and it made her want to cry.

C
hapter Sixty-Three:

Justin was surprised when Nick showed up without Heather, and the first thing that popped into Justin
’s head was that something was wrong.  Nick didn’t look him directly in the eye at first.  He looked up into the sky for a few seconds, rubbed his hand across his chin and gently scratched at his short blond beard.

“
Where’s Heather?” Justin asked.

“
Home.”

“
What’s wrong?”

“
Nothing.”

“
Is Heather OK?”

“
Yeah.”

Justin didn
’t know what to make of Nick’s one word answers, and he looked at him with a puzzled expression.  “Come in,” he said, and stepped aside to allow Nick to enter his apartment.

“
Let’s sit down,” Nick said.  “I need to talk to you about something.”

Nick wiped the palms of his hands on the legs of his jeans.  His whole demeanor made Justin very uneasy.

“You know how much I love Heather, right?”

“
Yeah,” Justin slowly answered.

Nick took a long pause. 
“She’s the love of my life and I want to marry her, but before I ask her, I want to know how you feel about it.  I need to know that you approve.”