Jennifer's Surrender (5 page)

And my pulling
away wasn’t a totally conscious decision. I didn’t set out to end my
friendships. They were just incongruous to what was becoming my new life. It
was harder to be with friends, or anyone really who wasn’t ‘in the lifestyle’.
I couldn’t be myself. I certainly couldn’t be honest. So I became more and more
superficial, dodging questions, not able to reveal anything about what I was
doing, what I was feeling. I had started lying to them. How was I supposed to
answer their simple questions of “What’s going on with you? Why did you and Jim
break up? Why don’t we see you any more?” And after a while, they just stopped
trying. I can’t blame them, really. And it’s funny how little any of their
relationships mean to me now. There’s only one person who means anything to me.
Everything to me.

But I digress.
It takes a while to drown out at sea, especially when your journey starts by
frolicking on the water’s edge.

“Illusion is
the first of all pleasures.”

Voltaire

When I got to
work the next morning, there was a huge bouquet of red roses already on my
desk. If this is what being with him was going to be like, who could say no? My
face was buried in them as I inhaled their fragrance when I heard Bill behind
me, “Looks like someone made a good impression.” He was leaning on the doorway
with his arms crossed over his chest.

I wondered if
Bill knew about Stephen’s lifestyle. I convinced myself that he probably
didn’t. As far as I knew, guys didn’t talk. And, if he did, wouldn’t Bill have
warned me first? He had always been very paternalistic towards me, I can’t
imagine, if he knew, that he wouldn’t say something to stop me. Though, even if
he had, I was so excited about this upcoming weekend, I doubt I would have
listened. If the kiss was any indication about the kind of pleasure this man
was capable of giving, I’m not sure what could have kept me away. And now
roses…

The card read:

Jennifer,

I hope you enjoyed last night as much as I
did. I also hope I answered your questions, though it seems you’ve done quite a
bit of reading already and have a good idea of what you might expect.

If you choose to join me this weekend, my
address is on the back. I look forward to your answer.

-S

I looked up at
Bill and he was eyeing me closely. I couldn’t exactly make out his expression.
It almost looked like sadness or regret, which is not something I had seen in
him before. I didn’t know, at the time, what he might be thinking.

 
“Jen, we’ve got a staff meeting in five
minutes.” He said, breaking me out of my head.

 
“Oh, ok, Bill. I’ll be right there.” I
said distractedly.

 
“Good.” Was all he replied and walked
out.

With the few
minutes I had, I immediately called the number on the back of the card. He
answered on the first ring.

 
“Good morning, Jennifer.”

Even at this
early stage, it didn’t take much for him to make me unsettled. I wasn’t
expecting him to answer on the first ring, or to even know who was calling,
damn caller ID. And, I wasn’t comfortable using his name anymore. So I just
avoided calling him anything.

 
“Good morning. Thank you for the flowers,
they’re beautiful.” My voice sounded smaller than I was used to.

 
“You’re welcome.” He said and then asked,
“Have you made any decisions?” Wow, he really didn’t do small talk.

 
“Um, yeah, I mean, yes, I have.” Where
were my words? I was a copywriter for God’s sake.

 
“And?”

 
“Yes” was all I could manage. But I
didn’t think I needed to say much more.

 
“Good. You have the address on the card.
I’ll see you at 3pm on Saturday.”

 
“Is, is there anything I should do or
bring?” I felt like an idiot asking, but I didn’t know if I needed to somehow
prepare.

He chuckled,
“No, little bird. I’ll take care of everything. See you Saturday.” Was all he
said before he hung up.

I couldn’t
remember ever being so affected by a man before. I’m not sure if it was because
of the anticipation, because of what little I knew of the lifestyle that
heightened my feelings for him, but just that 30 second phone call was all it
took for me to get wet between my legs. I should have known then, I was a
goner.

Saturday
morning was a blur. I tried to keep busy because I had already been obsessing
about the upcoming weekend all week. Now that it was a mere few hours away that
I would be in this man’s house for a weekend of things I had only so far really
read about, I was one huge nerve ending.

I had shaved
everything, which wasn’t anything new, I had started doing this with Jim after
it seemed that all the women characters in the books I was reading had shaved,
either at their Dom’s insistence or just because. At first, I intellectually
bristled. When I asked Jim if he liked the look of it, he shrugged and said,
“um, yeah,” with a foolish grin on his face as I stood naked in front of him.
Simple guy. Simple tastes. I think he just liked looking at a naked woman.

 
“Do you like it?” Jim had asked.

 
“I guess. I look like a prepubescent
girl.” I said, feeling guilty for being turned on by how I looked and felt. But
after that first time, I kept myself bare… it was true what the books had said
about things being more sensitive.

I had no idea
what I should wear or bring. He said I didn’t need to bring anything, but I was
going to be spending the night, so at least a toothbrush and a change of
clothes, though oddly, packing an overnight bag felt somehow presumptuous.

Driving to his
house out in Malibu gave me way too much time inside my head to think of what I
was doing. I was going to a strange man’s house for the weekend, someone I
didn’t know at all. Someone who I knew was planning on dominating me, whatever
that exactly meant. I rationalized that it wasn’t that different than going
home with someone I met at a bar after a night of drinking. Perhaps the
difference was that I was making this decision while completely sober, making
it all that much scarier.

When I got to
the address, it was up a long private road, at the end of which were gates.
Great, a gated property. I started singing “Hotel California” to myself.
Well, if he’s an axe murderer, hopefully
you’ll go out with some great sex first
. I pressed the button, aware of the
camera at the gate. I expected to announce myself, but a buzzer sounded and the
gates opened.
Ok, here goes nothing
.

At the end of
a long driveway lined with olive trees was a huge, two story Italian-villa styled
house. I couldn’t see another house for what looked like acres and acres. I
parked in the circular driveway, hearing the crunch small pebbles beneath my
feet as I got out of my car. As I rounded the hood, Stephen opened the door and
walked out to greet me. He was wearing jeans and a white button down shirt,
untucked, with his shirtsleeves rolled up. He had a casual elegance to him and
looked unassuming enough. Oh, how looks can be deceiving. I was glad though to
see him in jeans, as I had gone back and forth on what I should wear. I had
always been a jeans girl, so in the end, that’s what I decided on. I figured I
should be as comfortable as possible… while I still could.

I left the
overnight bag in the car and just had my purse with me as I walked up to him.
His smile put me at ease, seeming genuinely happy to see me. My nerves were on
overload as I tried to calm myself. I knew exactly what I was coming to this
man’s house for.

 
“I’m glad you came, Jennifer.” He said so
smoothly, I was instantly warmed.

I smiled and
looked up at him, “Me too.” And I was.

 
“Come, let’s have a glass of wine, we can
talk and relax.” He said as he put his hand on the small of my back and led me
inside.

Like Stephen,
everything about his house was impressive and intimidating. The entryway was
grand with a sweeping staircase set off to one side. He led me through what
looked like a large living room out to a side yard where he had wine chilling,
two glasses and some nuts, olives, cheese and crackers. So far, he was at least
a good host. And the view was breathtaking. In front of us was the Pacific
ocean, and behind, and all around us were the hills of Malibu. Between the
setting and the house, I was momentarily distracted, which was a nice change.

 
“It’s beautiful up here.” I said
genuinely. “It’s so quiet and peaceful.”

 
“Thank you, I like it. It’s nice to be
away from the city, to be somewhere where there’s not a constant assault on the
senses. I’ve always appreciated the tranquility and privacy that it offers.”
The way he talked, he was almost like a different man than the one I had met
previously. There was a soft side to him. “And it looks like it agrees with you
too. You seem more relaxed.”

I chuckled, “I
think it may have just temporarily taken my mind off things.”

 
“It’s nice to see you relaxed.” He said
as he gestured towards a chair on the patio.

 
“Isn’t it part of a Dom’s job to keep his
sub off balance, always anticipating, wondering?” I teased.

 
“Well, you’re not my sub. Yet.” His smile
had turned from sweet to sexy. “And it sounds like, for someone who’s not experienced
in the lifestyle, that you have quite a few preconceived notions as to how it
all works.” I blushed, now embarrassed. He continued. “You know, part of the
allure for you is that you don’t have to have all the answers. In fact, you
don’t need to have any.
That’s
my
job.”

 
“Ok” I said meekly and then asked, “Can I
ask you a few questions though?”

 
“You can ask me whatever you like,
Jennifer.” God, the way he said my name made me feel like a little girl.

 
“Um, what should I call you?”

He laughed. “That’s
a fair question. Though, you didn’t seem to have a problem calling me ‘Sir’
when your agency pitched to me.”

 
“I don’t know what came over me. I’ve
never called anyone ‘Sir’ before. It, it just came out.” I paused, “it just
felt right.”

 
“I liked how it sounded on your lips,
little bird. For now, for this weekend, you may call me ‘Sir.’”

 
“Ok.” I replied, but his intense look
made me immediately amend my response, “Ok, Sir.”

His expression
softened once I corrected myself and he said, “That’s better, though I prefer
Yes and No.”

As if
brainwashed, I said, “Yes, Sir.”

 
“That’s lovely, Jennifer.” He said and
smiled as he got up and came over to me, pulled me up into his arms and kissed
me tenderly. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was being rewarded. It
sounds stupid, but this small act of making him happy made me feel good, warm.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” he asked once he released me.

I nodded and
said, “Yes, thank you, Sir.” As he handed me a glass.

 
“Ok, next question.” He seemed to be
enjoying this, and I was surprised how open he was. I figured, this was my
chance to get as much information as possible. Even though I had asked
questions over dinner, at that point it was more about what I had read,
hypothetical situations. Now, here, with him, it was personal.

I took a
healthy sip and then asked “Are you going to punish me?” his eyebrows raised
and I added, “Sir?” he smiled. This would take some getting used to.

 
“I don’t want to scare you off, little
bird. Unless you do something particularly egregious this weekend, I wasn’t
planning on really punishing you. I was going to save that until you were more
comfortable with things.” He took a sip and then chuckled, “You look
disappointed, Jennifer. Do you
want
to be punished?”

 
“I’m going to have to work on my poker
face around you.” I said, which made him laugh again. Then he got serious.

 
“I hope you’re always honest with me.
It’s very important that I know how you’re feeling about whatever we do. I like
that you’re expressions show me what you’re thinking and feeling.” I nodded,
wishing my flushed cheeks would calm down. But then he said, “Answer the
question, Jennifer.
Do
you want to be
punished?”

Well, now the
blush certainly wasn’t going to go anywhere. I swallowed, though my mouth suddenly
felt like it was full of cotton. I took another sip and said softly, “I think I
do, Sir.”

A smile crept
onto his face, “Well then, I just might change our plans for our evening.” He
looked like a mad scientist and I wondered what I had just asked for. “Now, my
turn for a question: have you had any experience with punishment?”

 
“No, not really. My ex boyfriend and I
kind of tried and experimented with things, but…” I felt like I was betraying
Jim, but it wasn’t like the two of them were ever going to meet, and it
probably was important that he know just how little experience I had with this
kind of stuff so that I didn’t end up black and blue, “But he just wasn’t
really that into it, and it didn’t really do much for me.”

 
“I see. Yet you’re still interested in
it?” he asked and I nodded, barely able to make eye contact with him. “Why do
you think it would be different with me then?”

 
“I thought I’m not supposed to think with
you, Sir.” I said cheekily.

And suddenly,
his tone changed, “And
I think
, Jennifer,
that any more smart-ass answers like that one you will have earned you your
punishment.”