Jesse's Soul (2) (16 page)

No answer, only a flash of contempt in her green eyes before she pushed up out of her chair, obviously wanting to get away from the group. It hit her again, and Jesse instinctively grabbed her before she could fall. Emery pressed her palm to her forehead from being dizzy again.

“Damn it, Jesse,” she said with her jaw clenched and her eyes closed again, not glossing over the anger and hurt in her voice. She backed up, trying to break the hold he had on her. “You’re going to have to give me a little bit. Please…just…” She looked up at him through squinted eyes. She relented for the first time, but still spoke with a clenched jaw. “Fine. Give me thirty minutes and I’ll meet you at your motorhome.”

The pain in her face stole the air from his lungs. This was new territory for him. Empathy was one thing, but it was as if he could physically feel her pain. A second wave of panic crossed hi
s skin like a thousand tiny pinpricks. Emery had a short fuse and he’d witnessed her temper on more than one occasion.

But never directed at him.

With her head lowered, she turned to walk away without waiting for him to respond. He knew he’d backed her into a corner, and he was prepared for her to come out swinging. That was fine, as long as he could fix whatever else was going on. He took one step to follow her, and Molly jumped up to stop him, her hands against his chest pushing him back.

“She just said give her a minute. Listen. You
have to listen to her, Jesse.” She jabbed his chest with her finger. “I’m trusting you here. Don’t you hurt her or I’ll personally kick your ass.”

Somehow he’d managed to piss off not one, but two women.
Confused, he tore his eyes from watching Emery and focused on the woman standing in front of him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped back.

“Exactly what I said. Don’t. Hurt.
Her.” Molly’s words had both a warning and fire behind them.

Panting, and with his control threatening to snap, he narrowed his gaze. He and Molly had never raised their voices with each other before. He loved her like a sister, but at that moment, she was the one thing standing between him and the woman walking away from him.

Jesse tried to read Molly’s face, looking for answers or at least clues. All he saw was fear. He tilted his head, the realization dawning, “You know what’s going on…don’t you?”

Molly swallowed, the tension draining from her face. “Why do you think she’s giving you a chance?” she asked, her voice soft and sympathetic.

Jesse grabbed Molly to him and hugged her tightly. “D, thank you. I’m sorry I yelled.” He knew Molly and Emery had become as close as sisters in the short time they’d been around each other. He also knew Molly loved him like her own brother. Although Molly would never admit it, Jesse was pretty sure she steered the girls’ conversations his way as much as possible. Something he would gladly promote.

“
It’s all right, I understand. You’ve got thirty minutes. Run down the street to that little grocery store and get her some flowers and something chocolate.”

He let go of her to take off, processing her instructions through the buzzing in his head. He’d been in the tiny store once before, and there wasn’t a whole lot there. A hundred questions whirled in his mind. Molly. Flowers. Emery’s head had to have been killing her. Chocolate. God, he hoped she was okay. The last thought landed his eyes on Reid’s.

“Wait…Jesse, what does your motorhome look like?” Molly asked.

He whipped his head back around to Molly and let out a defeated sigh. “Oh shit…”

She put her palm out. “Let me have your keys.”

Pulling the keys out of his front pocket, he stepped back across the circle, kissed her cheek, and put the keys in her hand. “D, I owe you.”

Shaking her head, she quietly replied, “No, Cowboy. There’s never scorekeeping with family. You better hurry. And Jess?”

Jesse paused long enough the fear had time to tighten its grip. “Yeah?”

“Don’t run.”

He stared at her face, trying to understand. He broke the gaze she had on him and, as he started across the middle of the circle, he paused a second time, his focus on
Emery’s father. Reid was poised to stand up, Jesse assumed so he could go check on his daughter. After a long minute, Reid nodded once and relaxed the white-knuckle grip he had on the arms of the chair.

Everyone around him was silent, their eyes on him. He nodded back in response to Reid’s approval. He’d been given a chance. Somehow, he innately knew he’d only get the one
. It’d be worse than walking across thin ice, but Jesse was bound and determined not to screw it up.

Jesse took off running, the sound of his boots echoing in the deserted stadium.

Don’t run.
Molly’s words were loud in his ears. He heard them repeated with the pounding of every step he took. He was in a hurry, he had to run.

Don’t run.
What did she mean?

~

Jesse had left the door to his motorhome wide open, she assumed for her. Standing a few feet away, she could see he was nervous and aimlessly wandering around inside it as he waited on her, straightening piles that already looked perfectly fine from where she was. He’d walk a couple of feet, then turn back like he’d forgotten something, only to then stand, appearing dazed.

Sitting on his coffee table was an open bottle of wine and what looked like a small chocolate cake. Store bought
, of course, but hell, it was chocolate and she desperately needed a fix at the moment. Pacing around the living room area of the coach, he went back to the table, adjusted the placement of the plates and forks, and proceeded to pace some more.

She shook her head, impressed by his effort, but also growing more anxious by the minute. He had tried so hard to win her over, but she knew she was just going to end up disappointing him. There was no way he was prepared for what she was going to tell him. Jesse had made it clear to the entire free world he wanted her, but what about after she laid it out for him? Emery knew it would be like Collin all over again. Expecting to experience that hurt again made her stomach roll. She steeled herself for the pain she could see coming at her like
a freight train.

Moving out of the safety of the shadows, Emery stood in the doorway, watching him for a couple
of more minutes. Just seeing him move inanimate objects around over and over was driving her crazy, and he looked like he was two shakes past that point. Intent on putting an end to the misery for them both, she gripped the doorframe. Gathering as much courage as she possibly could, she tapped lightly on the open door.

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Clearing her throat she tried again. “Hey.”

Turning, his eyes widened. “Em.” He sounded relieved. “Come on in.”

“Wow. It looks nice,” she said, her voice weak even in her own ears as she stepped into his motorhome.

“Okay, I have really strong morals and I can’t lie. It was all Molly.”

Emery tried to smile, but it was a useless attempt. Her nerves had gotten the better of her. “That’s okay. It still looks nice.”

He picked up the bouquet of flowers and walked closer to her.

“Flowers? For me?” She was shocked.

She’d only gotten flowers from Collin once, after their first fight. The ones Jesse bought were just a small bouquet like could be bought at the supermarket, but they brought tears to her eyes. The bright multi-colored daisies were her favorite. He wouldn’t have known that, but it made everything that was coming hurt that much more.

“They’re beautiful, but why? You didn’t have to do that, Jesse.”

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Molly told me to, but I would have thought of it on my own.”

Despite her fears, Emery found herself standing there with a grin threatening. He reminded her of love-sick high school boy. So unsure of himself, his words were just coming out mindlessly one after the other. “Really strong morals, huh?”

“Yeah.” His shoulder jerked. “The epitome of a small-town country boy.” He pulled the door shut behind her. “My childhood was a simple as they get…well, except for riding and racing. But school, racing, mom and dad, then my sister when she came along, church on Sunday, Sunday dinner at my grandparents, and repeat. The only time it varied was if we were traveling to races. Then Sunday dinner got moved to a weeknight. At least that’s how it was before I went pro.”

Emery listened to him rambling, and Jesse wasn’t the rambling type. He was so freaked out. It sent a pain through her heart, knowing it was all because of her. This was why she kept to herself, to keep people
that she cared about from feeling like he did right now. “Sounds nice,” she replied.

“It is if you like that pace. You want some wine? Molly brought it over, but I’ve got water or pop or—”

“Jesse.”

He stopped midway to the kitchen.

“You don’t have to try so hard. Relax,” she said softly to his back.

She saw his back rise as he took a deep breath, before he turned to come back to her. Without asking, he took her in his arms and held her tight. He tucked his face into her, she could feel his breath on her neck and his whiskers on her skin.

His hold was powerful, but heartbreaking. It wasn’t the popping and crackling energy that they had between them normally. This time, it was as if he was petrified to let go.

It scared the hell out of her that she wanted him to
do just that, to hold her and not let go. Ever. Still clutching the flowers, she tightened her arms, the cellophane wrapper around the bouquet crinkling against his back.

“I’m sorry. You’ve just got me so worried, Em.”

She pulled away and saw the fear in his eyes. It was the same God-awful fear she’d put in her father’s eyes and Riley’s as well. It wasn’t her fault, she knew that, but she’d never be able to forgive herself. The world had shifted underneath them all that day over two years ago. Here she was getting ready to rip the rug out from underneath Jesse. Feeling like she was going to burst into tears or throw up, maybe both, she let out a forced breath.

“Well, let’s get this over with then.”

He took her hand and led her to the couch, but he continued to clutch her hand to comfort her, and probably himself too. Emery didn’t mind. She was just glad to have something to hold on to.

His finger was drawing mindless circles on her
skin. Pulling her gaze away from their joined hands, she looked up, determined to get his word. “You have to promise me something right now, Jesse.”

He studied her.
“I’ll try.”

“No. You have to.” She could read the worry in his face, but she needed a guarantee from him. And it had to be on the front end of the conversation.

He tilted his chin, his face skeptical. “Okay, what?”

“I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. Do you understand?” Her words were a demand
, and she put the force behind them, very much on purpose.

“Maybe?”

“No. Do you promise?”

“I guess?” His eyes were searching hers. “Emery, what is it?”

His eyes had gone from questioning to scared in the time it took to sneeze. Jesse seemed to be apprehensively drawing out each response until it finally fell off the tip of his tongue. Normally, she could look in his golden-brown eyes and find peace, but now they were dark. They weren’t cold, but they definitely weren’t the warm, welcoming eyes she was used to. The eyes that crinkled when he smiled. The eyes that she dreamt of at night. Now they were distant and terrified.

His hand held hers tight, but his arm, back, neck—all of him—was stiff. Jesse had been by her side for weeks, pushing for more, wanting something from her. Now he looked
as if he was afraid of getting what he asked for.

“Please, Jesse, I know you want more, but I can’t do a pity relationship. I just can’t.”

At that sentence, he nodded. “Okay, Em. I promise.”

Looking away from the emotions she saw
brewing in his eyes, she stared at the rainbow of petals on the coffee table. Forcing out a long, slow exhale, she spoke. “Jesse…I am, I was”—she chanced a look at his face—“sick.”

His shoulders and chest released the tension he’d been so stiff with, bu
t he couldn’t hide the recoil. She had seen it. Seen the sickened disbelief as it creased his brow and dropped his jaw. Emery had told herself to expect it, she’d told herself she could handle his gut reaction. It was his end response that she was still waiting for, the one that scared the hell out of her.

“Emery?”

Her name was nothing more than a whispered plea for reassurance. A question left hanging. She stalled, and he tilted his head and swallowed hard. Understanding Jesse’s gentle heart like she did, Emery knew he couldn’t bring himself to ask the words outright. Looking away from the wretched pain marking his face, she curled her shoulders, holding her arm to her stomach and praying to God the waves would stay controlled. After a long minute, she only nodded to answer.

“Oh my God.” He softly said.

Hearing his shock, Emery glanced back up. The man she’d come to know as controlled, competitive and dominant, was staring straight ahead, his face completely blank. A wave of heat dusted her skin as her fears started coming true. Letting out a shaky breath, she contemplated her next move. Start talking—or start moving…without looking back.