Jessica's Breakdown [Journey of a Thousand Miles 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (10 page)

“You’re not a horrible person Jessica. Everyone deserves to be loved and you’re not pathetic. A lot of people need more than just sex to climax. It’s okay. The two men back at home, are you thinking that they might be the ones for you?” he asked and Jessica lowered her head, resting her forehead against his calf.

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve been pushing them away.” Not a question but a statement.

“Yes.”

* * * *

Jessica was crying and Beau wanted to run in the room and pull her away from Mark. He hated that his friend had spanked his woman and was now comforting her. That was his job. It should be him inside that room with her. He didn’t need to have a BDSM relationship to be with Jessica. He just wanted her and he knew that he and Chase were meant to love her.

He stared through the two-way mirror and closed his eyes as he listened to her breakdown. It broke his heart, seeing the tears fall down her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. She wiped her face on Mark’s jeans and Beau placed his hands on the mirror, wishing it was him.

“I’m lonely. I’m jealous of my friends. How horrible is that? I want what they have. I want to be loved. I can’t find release without pain. I fucking have to hurt myself to climax. I’m so freaking pathetic.” She cried and Beau walked to the door, ready to leave the room and go to her. She needed them and he wasn’t going to make her wait another minute. He knew that they could give her what she needed. They would love her. She had no reason to be jealous. She could have both of them.

“You’re not a horrible person, Jessica. Everyone deserves to be loved. The two men back at home, are you thinking that they might be the ones for you?” Mark asked and Beau waited to hear what she would say. He watched as Mark shook his head while staring at the mirror, and he knew what he was trying to tell them.
Don’t come in here.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, but Beau could hear the longing in her voice.

“You’ve been pushing them away,” Mark said, still staring at the mirror, but Beau couldn’t wait in the small room another minute.

“Yes.” As soon as that one word left her lips, he left the small viewing room and went straight to Mark’s playroom. Chase hadn’t tried to stop him, so Beau assumed that he was following. Maybe his brother needed to be inside that room as badly as he did.

* * * *

The door banged open and Jessica screamed, throwing herself off of Mark’s lap. Hitting the floor, she cringed and rubbed her hip. She looked up quickly, wanting to know who had barged into the room. As soon as she saw Chase and Beau, she froze, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

Jessica stared openmouthed at them and wondered what they were both doing standing in the middle of Mark’s playroom. Questions ran through her mind, and she had no idea what to do or say.
How did they get here so fast?
I just talked to Chase on the phone. Who told them I would be at the Iron Gate? Bella!
She gritted her teeth, wishing that she had never told her friends where she would be.
How did they get in?
Guests aren’t allowed, are they?

Chase went to her, kneeling next to her on the floor, and pulled her into his arms. She let him hold her while she figured out what to say. They obviously already knew that she was into BDSM. Had they seen Mark spank her? Did they hear what she said? The more she thought about it, the more embarrassed she became. Pulling back, she stared at him, and Chase used his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

“Wh–what are you doing here? I–I mean, how are you here right now?” she asked, bewildered.

Chase looked over his shoulder, and she followed his line of vision and watched as Beau talked to Mark. They whispered furiously and Jessica stared at them, wondering if they knew each other.

“Damn it, didn’t you see me shaking my head? What the hell is wrong with you, Beau?” Mark gritted through his teeth.

“She was crying. She needed us,” Beau hissed.

Jessica closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. Holy hell, they were watching her. How long had they been watching her? Fuck! Could things get any worse? Opening her eyes, she saw the three men staring at her.

“Oh. My. God. How long have you both been here?” Standing up, Jessica grabbed the chair, needing the support to stand. She looked from Beau to Chase and waited. She dreaded hearing what they would say.

They didn’t say anything and Jessica gritted her teeth, feeling so many different emotions. She wanted to cry, but more than anything she wanted to scream at them.

“How long have you been in Dallas? Did you follow me? Oh God, did you see me on stage earlier?” When they still said nothing, she knew the truth. They had been at the Iron Gate since she arrived.

Jessica walked past them, toward the door. She needed to get the hell out of the room and away from them before she said anything stupid.

“Wait.” Chase stepped in front of her. He tried to touch her, but she moved away from him. “We’ve been here since you arrived. That’s true. And we saw you on stage, but you have to know that we care about you. We want a future and Beau and I feel like you’re that woman,” he confirmed.

“I feel sick.” Her stomach started to churn and she couldn’t get rid of the pain she felt. They had betrayed her.

“I’m sorry, Jess. We didn’t come here to hurt you. It’s just the opposite. We came here to be with you.”

“To be with me? When you called earlier, where were you?” Crossing her arms across her chest, Jessica glared at him. She looked over at Beau and saw the regret in his eyes.

“In Mark’s office,” he said.

“You saw everything didn’t you? You both saw everything,” she whispered.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “It’s not a bad thing, though. Don’t look at me like that, Jess. Come on, we came here to be with you. Don’t you understand that?” he pleaded, but Jessica was stuck in her own head. She couldn’t stop thinking about being on stage with that sub man and not being able to complete the scene. She thought about being over Mark’s lap and crying. Oh shit!
She had admitted to being jealous of her friends, of giving herself pain to climax. All of her weaknesses on display for them to see.

“I want to leave this room,” she said, looking from Chase to Beau. Chase stepped out of the way, but the look on his face said it all. He didn’t want to move. Beau finally stepped forward, but Chase stopped him, standing in his way so that he couldn’t reach her.

Leaving the room, Jessica walked as quickly as she could to distance herself from Mark’s playroom and the men inside.

* * * *

Chase held Beau back, not letting him follow Jessica. They had been wrong. They shouldn’t have followed her to Dallas. At the time, he thought that they were doing the right thing. He had hoped that they would come into the Iron Gate and she would actually be happy to see them. Seeing her cry and now that look of complete disappointment was too much.

“Damn it, Chase! Let go of me.” Beau struggled and Chase used all his strength to hold him inside Mark’s playroom.

“Beau! Stop!” Chase yelled, finally getting Beau’s attention. They stood there, staring at each other and Chase could only shake his head.

“We have to follow her. We have to make her understand. Why didn’t you tell her that we’re in love with her? Why didn’t you tell her that we want to make all of her fantasies a reality? Let go of me Chase, we need to go after her.”

“She needs space.” He shook his head. “She wasn’t ready to hear all that yet.”

“We’ve been waiting for months to tell her how we feel. The kid gloves come off right now. Damn it, Chase, if you don’t let go of me, I’ll make you.”

“We fucked up, Beau. We shouldn’t have followed her or tried to spy on her. After all these months, after being her friend, we ruined everything. Her trust in us is gone.” Shaking his head, Chase couldn’t seem to find all the words for what he was feeling.

Chase pushed him, letting go of his shirt, and Beau started pacing around the room. Taking a few deep breaths, Chase racked his brain, trying to figure out what to do. He knew that they needed to give her some space, but he didn’t want to give her enough time to not want them to be a part of her life anymore. If she only wanted to be friends, he would accept that. The last thing he wanted to do was lose her.

Walking to the bed, Chase sat down. He couldn’t get Jessica’s face out of his mind. How the hell were they going to fix this?

“I don’t want to lose her,” Beau whispered, and Chase nodded, he felt the exact same way, but they had crossed the line and Jessica had every right to kick them to the curb.

A quiet knock on the door got his attention and Chase jerked his head up and saw Jessica standing in the doorway. Her eyes were slightly swollen and there were tear marks on her cheeks. Moving slowly, he stood up and watched her.

Jessica could barely think, her heart was pounding too hard, but she knew that walking away from Beau and Chase would be a mistake. When she had left, she was headed to her hotel room, wanting to lock herself away. Soon after leaving, she knew what she was doing, what she always did, running away. She was always so good at running, leaving people who cared about her. The only people in her life that loved her were her friends. And now, she had a chance with these two men.

Biting her lip, she tried to stop herself from crying again. She looked from Chase to Beau and saw the shock on their faces. They hadn’t expected to see her again and honestly, she was surprised to be standing there in the doorway once more.

“I–we…I mean, both Beau and I…” Raising her hand, Jessica stopped Chase.

“I’m not mad. I’m embarrassed. Ever since I arrived in Coltmann County, I knew there was something special about the two of you. Watching Bella, Hannah, and Alyssa find their happily ever afters made me envious. I honestly didn’t think I would be able to have that. I didn’t”—shaking her head, she tried to find the right words—“and maybe I still don’t think that it will work. I’m so screwed up.”

“If the three of us want this relationship to work, it will. I know that you have some reservations, you already told us months ago. It didn’t stop us from pursuing you.” Shaking his head, Chase smiled. The look of relief on his face made her realize how much he really did care about her.

“You said that it wouldn’t work because you had to be in charge. We aren’t looking to change you, but I think that there are some things that we can explore together,” Beau said, arching his brow as he looked around the room.

Hiding a smile, Jessica knew exactly what he was saying. Leave it to Beau to get right to the point. It was good to hear that they both weren’t going to try to change her, but she really wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore. Maybe they had changed her without even trying to. She wanted them more than she had ever wanted another man in her entire life. She had never wanted to be submissive to any man, but with them something inside her had morphed, and she felt like she was starting over.

She felt a little anxious as she walked further into the room and closed the door. She was sick of wasting time. She wanted them. Staring from one man to the other, Jessica took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, calming her nerves. This was the moment of truth.

“I don’t know what to do.” She shook her head, feeling a little lost.

“It’s simple. If you like what we’re doing, ask for more. If you don’t, tell us to stop. The only thing that we want is to make you happy, Jessica.” Shrugging his massive shoulders, Chase went to her and wrapped her in a tight hug.

Laying her head on his chest, she could hear his heart pounding rapidly. Feeling another set of hands on her, Jessica knew that Beau had moved in behind her. He rubbed her back, small circles that helped her to relax more. She couldn’t remember a time when she had felt so safe. Being with these men, she knew that this was what she wanted. She was willing to be exposed and vulnerable as long as she had them.

“We have this whole room. What do you think we should do, Chase?” Beau whispered. Moving her hair to the side, he kissed her neck.

“I’m thinking lots and lots of pleasure. We need to prove that we can please our woman.” Chase moved, cupping her face in his hands before he leaned down and kissed her.

His lips were gentle and he went slow, kissing and nipping at her lips until she opened her mouth, allowing him access. Swooping in, he pushed his tongue into her mouth, and Jessica grabbed his shirt, holding it tight. She felt dizzy, drunk on his kiss. Wiggling around, she felt his hard cock press against her stomach through the barrier of his jeans. Breaking the kiss, Jessica looked up into Chase’s eyes. He was breathing heavily, and she was so glad that he was affected as well.

“Let’s move this to the bed. You deserve to be comfortable.” Chase took her hand and led her to the huge bed.

Looking over her shoulder, Beau smiled and followed them. Stopping at the edge, Chase helped her up. She sat there, unsure of where to start. She wanted to see them both naked, to feel their skin against hers. It had been way too long and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could wait.

“What do you want?” Chase asked her, and Jessica smiled, licking her lips.