Jessica's Breakdown [Journey of a Thousand Miles 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (9 page)

“What happened?”

Jessica felt surrounded by Mark. Opening her eyes, she watched as he kneeled down in front of her and held her hands.

“When they finally untied me, I felt numb. I wondered if I had just dreamed it, you know?” She nodded and he mirrored her. “He drove me home and said that he was disappointed. He had trained me to be a good girl and it was obvious that I wasn’t. I just…I didn’t feel anything.”

“He betrayed you and took advantage of an innocent girl. He’s the asshole. It was him that had the issues, not you.”

“I know that now and I’m glad that he let me go. Since that moment, I knew that I could never be weak again. I will never let a man own me like I let him. I gave away all my power.”

“I knew you were fighting something. I’m a people watcher, and I could tell that you weren’t really into being dominant. I saw you stare at some of the subs around here with such a yearning that it broke my heart. Trust is earned and you were taken advantage of. You were young and inexperienced. Now, you know all the rules and you’ve proven that you are a very strong, independent woman.” Jessica felt her eyes fill with tears. She really appreciated everything that Mark had to say. He was a good man and she felt a sense of relief that she had finally told someone what had happened.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

“Of course. Why?” She stared at him, hoping that he knew how much his friendship really did mean to her.

“Will you trust me to set up a scene?” He stared at her, never breaking eye contact, and she wondered what he saw.

Shaking her head, Jessica wanted to say no. The word was on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped and thought about Beau and Chase. Being up on that stage again, she had felt like she’d been going through the steps but not really completely invested or excited. Her one night with both of them changed her, and she regretted not having the guts to talk to them afterward. Could she trust Mark? Did she really want to do this?

“I need to think about it.” Standing up, Jessica said good-bye to Mark and he let her go. Heading back to her hotel room, she looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Questions ran through her mind and Jessica walked faster.

When she finally reached the third floor, Jessica went to her room. Opening the door, she kicked off her shoes and started stripping down, needing to be out of her tight dress. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she curled her toes in the carpet and enjoyed the silence.

The sound of her cell phone ringing got her attention, and Jessica went over to the desk and answered the phone. “Hello.”

“Hi. How are you?” a deep voice asked and Jessica felt herself tearing up a bit. How did Chase know she needed a friend?

“I’m okay. How are you?” She sniffled, sitting back down on the bed.

“You don’t sound okay. Are you enjoying your vacation?”

“Maybe I’m a little homesick,” she lied, not wanting to tell him where she was. She didn’t want Beau and Chase to know her secrets.

“I can tell you that Beau and I miss you. What can I do to make you happy?”

“I don’t know. I’m in Dallas and you’re in Coltmann County. It’s good to hear your voice, though. How did you know that I needed a friend?” Lifting up her feet, she moved back and leaned against the headboard.

“We could come to you.” Biting her lip, Jessica leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. That was the million dollar question. Did she want them with her in Dallas? It made her think of Mark and his offer. It was all so confusing. She did care about them, had spent time with them, and she had to be honest, they were growing on her more than she wanted to admit.

“Jessica?” he asked quietly, and she wondered if he knew what she was thinking.

“I-I don’t know.” Shaking her head, she started questioning her life, everything she knew, and everything she had wanted. She really did need some time to think, and being away from her friends was probably the only time she would have.

“No, no, I’m fine. Thank you, though, for offering. I’m going to get some lunch and relax for a bit. Is it okay if I call you later?”

“Yeah, of course. If you need anything at all, just give me a call.”

“Talk soon.” Clicking the
end
button, Jessica stared at her phone. How had he known that she needed someone? They always proved how much they cared about her. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t have a normal relationship?

Reaching over, she picked up the hotel phone. She was planning to order room service, take a hot bath, and maybe even a nap. She needed to think about her next move.

* * * *

Pocketing his phone, Chase sat down on one of the huge overstuffed couches in Mark’s office. He had seen Jessica’s face while she was on stage and knew the moment she had mentally checked out of the scene. She just looked so miserable and lost. It made him want to find her and hold her, but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want to be coddled, and it seemed that she really didn’t like affection. He couldn’t seem to figure the woman out.

“Is she okay?” Beau asked him, and Chase could only nod. He hated being this close to her and not able to do anything.

“What did she say?”

“She was glad to hear from me, but she doesn’t want us coming to Dallas. She doesn’t want us here. I don’t know, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we should just go home?”

“I can’t believe you’re giving up. We came here to win her over, not leave with our tails between our legs.”

“I’m not saying that we give up on her. I want her to be a part of our lives, but if she’s not ready, then we’re wasting our time.”

“Bullshit.” Before Beau could say more, he was cut off by Mark’s telephone ringing.

“This is Mark,” he said. After a minute, his eyes widened and a smile curved his lips. Chase stared at him and Mark finally mouthed one word. “Jessica.”

Chase swallowed hard, wondering what she was saying. The room was silent and he looked over, watching his brother. Beau seemed to be holding his breath. As soon as Mark hung up the phone, Chase stared at him expectantly, his heart hammering faster in his chest.

“She’s agreed to let me set up a scene for her.”

“What? Why would she do that?” Chase asked, completely surprised by Jessica’s request. Why would she want to sub for him? It just didn’t make any sense.

“Because she seems to think that there are two Dom men that want more than she’s comfortable with at this time.”

“No. We’ve never tried to make her our sub,” Beau said, and Chase knew what he was feeling.

It hurt to know that she would be with Mark, even if it was just a scene. He didn’t like the idea of Jessica feeling like she needed to do this for them. They had never tried to convince her to sub, never even thought that would happen. He just wanted her. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated?

“She wants to be with you both. It’s obvious that she feels something more. It’s time for her to branch out and figure out what her role is. She doesn’t feel that being dominant is satisfying any longer. Embrace this change. It could really help you in the future.”

“So what? We’re supposed to watch you with our woman?” Beau gritted out between clenched teeth, and Chase shook his head. Leave it to Beau to think that Mark was trying to steal her away.

“I’m going to slowly ease her into a scene. Nothing sexual is going to happen, she’s a friend. Once she’s comfortable, I was hoping to call you two into the room.” Chase was so glad that Mark was their friend. Maybe this could work after all. Although he wondered how pissed she would be when she realized that they were in Dallas and at Iron Gate.

“I don’t know.” Chase had some serious doubts.

“Lord, save me from crazy people. Why can’t you both just thank me and show up in the room when I call for you?”

“Because she doesn’t know we’re here in Dallas,” Chase reminded him.

“Well, it’s time that everyone starts telling the truth then.” Mark pushed back from his desk and stood up. “She’s meeting me in my private playroom in a couple hours. I expect you both to be in the viewing room.” He left the office and Chase sat there, staring at Beau. They really needed to be on the same page. They both wanted Jessica. That was really the only thing that mattered.

Jessica stood outside Mark’s private playroom. She couldn’t remember ever being so nervous. Grabbing the doorknob, she wanted to turn it and walk in, but she couldn’t seem to get the courage. Pulling her hand back, she wiped the sweat from her palm, took a deep breath and opened the door. Mark was sitting on a chair and he looked up and smiled as she stepped into the large room.

His playroom was full of every piece of erotic furniture she had ever seen, from a spanking bench to a full king-sized bed to a St. Andrew’s Cross against the wall. On the long wall against the back of the room stood a half dozen closets, which she assumed held his toys. Shaking her head, she wondered for the millionth time what she was doing.

“So, what do I do?” she asked him, wrapping her arms around her middle, protecting herself.

Standing up, Mark held out his hand, helping her to sit down in the chair. “I thought we could start off slow.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to strip.”

Shaking his head, Jessica was able to calm down a bit. She didn’t want to be naked with him, and she wasn’t going to have sex either. This whole scene was about her. Could she be with a man that was dominant after all the years of being the one in charge? She hoped so. She really wanted to find out if there could be something more with Beau and Chase. She didn’t want to fight it anymore.

“Tell me your hard limits first.”

“No sex and I want to keep my clothes on.”

“Okay. Is that it?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged.

“What if there were people right now standing on the other side of that mirror? Would that bother you?”

“No.” She really didn’t care if anyone watched. She was used to it since normally she was in charge of the scenes.

“Good, then let’s get started. I know that you don’t want to be restrained. You said that it makes you feel vulnerable, but I think that’s the first place to start.”

Her heart beat faster and Jessica tried to swallow past the thick lump in her throat. Closing her eyes, she nodded once, unable to speak. Mark went to one of the closets and pulled something out. Holding her breath, she wondered if it was a pair of handcuffs, rope, or chains. She could feel herself sweating and shifted uncomfortably. Staring at him, she watched his hands as he revealed what he was holding. It was only ribbon and Jessica sat back, finally able to relax a little bit.

“You have all the power, Jessica.” He smiled, walking toward her, unrolling the ribbon. “You can say
red
to end this at any time, or you can untie the bows.” Kneeling down in front of her, he tied the ribbon loosely around the chair and each wrist.

“How do you feel?” he asked, sitting on the ground in front of her.

“Anxious,” she admitted.

“Why?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

“I can’t move.” She shifted, moving her wrists. She wasn’t stuck to the chair, but it still made her uncomfortable to feel powerless.

“Yes, you can. You have the power to say
red
, or you can untie yourself. You can reach the ribbon and pull it.”

“I know.”

“Then what’s the problem?” he asked, and she felt herself tearing up. She had no idea why she wanted to cry, but for some reason she did. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. She didn’t want to be weak. She didn’t want to be the stupid girl, dependent on a man.

“I don’t know,” she whined.

“You do know. Talk to me.” Mark stared at her.

“I-I feel weak,” she whispered, completely embarrassed.

“Why?” he asked, staring at her.

“Because I need…”

“Need what?” He pushed and Jessica felt herself getting frustrated. She hadn’t been a sub in years, but she knew what she needed. She was desperate for emotional release. It was so hard for her to express herself. She hadn’t been feeling like herself lately, things were missing in her life.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” he said, and Jessica bit her lip and shook her head.

“That’s too bad. I was hoping we wouldn’t get to the punishment phase this quickly.” Pulling the ribbon free, Mark moved her gently out of the chair and immediately sat down pulling her over his lap.

Momentarily shocked, she didn’t move until his hand connected with her ass. She shrieked and moved, kicking out. Mark held her tighter, pulling her into his body and continued to spank her. She fought him, but he didn’t stop. He kept spanking her until tears streamed down her cheeks. Jessica was sobbing, and finally she stopped fighting him, relaxing against his thighs. After a few minutes, Mark rubbed her bottom, helping to remove the sting. Once again, she was glad that she didn’t have her clothes off. Even through her shorts and panties, her ass hurt.

“I’m lonely,” she sniffled. “I’m jealous of my friends. How horrible is that? I want what they have. I want to be loved. I can’t find release without pain. I fucking have to hurt myself to climax. I’m so freaking pathetic.” More tears streamed down her cheeks and Jessica yelled out all her emotions. She cried and screamed until she didn’t have anything left to vent. She hated what she had become.