Jocelyn's Choice (9 page)

I was momentarily shocked by his abruptness, but quickly recovered when he nipped at my neck and slid his hands underneath my dress.

"I love when you touch me," I whispered. "I want to be yours."

"I’ll make you mine." He slipped my panties down my legs and pulled them off my feet, dropping to his knees in the process. "You look too fuckin’ hot to take that dress off."

I whimpered as he worked his way back up my legs with his lips, bunching the hem of the dress under his hands and exposing my now-bare center.

"It’s way too tempting not to taste." He gripped my hips and pulled me to his mouth.

"Ahh," I moaned softly as he slowly licked my slit, swirling his tongue just inside my opening and then flattening it against my clit. I bucked against his face and moved against his tongue.

Fuck, he's gonna make me cum!

My soft pleas caused him to work me faster. He continued to lick and suck on my clit as he grabbed my ass and pulled me into his face.

I ran my fingers through his hair, and then, as my legs gave out, I pulled hard and screamed out my release.
Thank God it's so noisy downstairs!

He stood up and faced me. I tried to catch my breath and compose myself as I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Oh, no." He picked me up and plopped me on the edge of the desk. "I’m not done with you."

He reached into the nightstand and grabbed a condom. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He pushed my legs up on the desk, spreading them apart and resting my heels on the edge. He gradually moved his lips over mine, just barely brushing against them, and then trailed them down my jaw and to the crook of my neck. As he kissed the skin just below my ear, he moved his hands up to my breasts and teased my nipples through the thin material of my dress with his thumbs. I couldn’t help but squirm under his touch.

I unbuckled his belt and quickly pushed his pants down, unable to wait any longer. He made quick work of securing the condom, before stepping out of his pants and kicking them aside.

I looked up at him and smiled. He let his gaze fall over my body before he pulled the material of my dress up over my waist and rubbed his cock against my warm center.

"Maybe I should just rip the dress right off so I could lick, fuck, and suck as much of you as I can get."

"Just hurry up!" I didn't care if the dress stayed or went; I wanted my man inside me.

"I don't want to be slow tonight."

My eyes widened in shock when he took me by surprise and quickly thrust into me, pulling my body close to his. "Alex," I screamed as my hands slipped from his shoulders. I was stunned by his fast approach.

"Can’t," he grunted. "Be. Gentle. Now." He pounded into me, but never stopped looking into my eyes. I watched his expression as he relentlessly fucked me. He was intense and forceful, and I couldn't get enough. I always wanted him to be closer.

He grabbed my thighs hard as he continued moving inside me. There was no doubt his firm grip would leave bruises on my delicate, pale skin later, but it’d be worth it.

"Joce," he managed to breathe out. "I want to be deeper . . . closer . . . ."

"Alex!" I clutched his shoulders for stability. He grabbed my hip with one hand and placed the other on my inner thigh as he pressed his lips to mine. He savagely attacked my lower lip, biting it, then sucking it into his mouth. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of me. I liked this animalistic side of him.

"Jocelyn." He spoke against my mouth. "So good, baby."

"Hmm . . . ." I moaned as I tightened my hold on him.

He continued his swift, hard thrusts, but the position we were in was taking a toll on my body. I grew tired, but I managed to hook my legs around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Alex," I whispered breathlessly as my body shook against his. This climax was much softer than my first, but no less intense. I pressed my mouth to the warm skin of his shoulder and gently kissed him.

"Shit!" he mumbled into my neck as he emptied into the condom. He came so hard and fast I thought the rubber would overflow with his long, hot spurts. After he came, he couldn’t stop moving his hips into me. When he finally pulled out, I flinched.

He quickly threw away the condom in a nearby trashcan, then turned back to me.

I was fragile and sex was still new to me, and my body was still getting used to our times together. Alex’s jaw was tight, and he looked upset. He took my face between his hands and whispered, "Jocelyn." He kissed the tip of my nose. "I’m sorry."

"You should be."

"Fuck!" he mumbled under his breath.

He picked me up off the desk, carried me over to the bed, and tenderly placed me in it, before crawling in next to me.

"I didn’t mean to—"

I cut him off, placing my fingers on his lips. "You’ve been holding out on me."

After a beat of silence, he grinned. "Where have you been all my life?"

"Waiting for you." I giggled.

"I didn’t hurt you?" Worry etched across his beautiful face.

"A little and I’ll probably bruise." I rubbed my hand over my hips and thighs.

"But it’s worth it."

He gently kissed my waiting lips, then pulled me onto my chest. "You make me wild."

"Good!"

Graduation night turned out to be better than prom night, and I wouldn't have thought that was possible.

We sat on the beach, down at the lake, on Alex's last day at home. He had to leave the next morning for Connecticut. The weather was beautiful, so we decided to spend the day together with no interruptions. We went swimming and were having a picnic. I could feel Alex’s eyes on me as I rummaged through the basket that his mom packed for us.

I'd pulled my long, brown hair up in a ponytail, and I wore nothing but a white bikini. To say I was pleased when Alex’s eyes popped out of his head when I slipped off my shorts and shirt was an understatement. I loved getting him all worked up.

"What do you want?" I asked, my head still buried in the basket.

"You." He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. He placed open-mouthed kisses down my neck, stopping just where the bathing suit barely covered my breasts.

He ran his tongue down my cleavage, and I let out a small moan in response.

Now . . . I want him now.

"I meant what did you want to eat?" I giggled.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" He laughed as he pulled me between his legs, resting my back against his chest.

"Alex Jordan, you’re so dirty." I smiled.

"You like my foul mouth," he said. "I know how hot you get when I whisper those dirty words in your ear when we’re fuc—"

"Don’t you say it!" I turned and pressed my fingers to his lips.

"Why?" He laughed.

"Because we’re not doing that right now." I reminded him.

"We could be." He slid his hand down my stomach and tugged at the waistband of my bikini bottom. He placed soft kisses at the nape of my neck, and I tilted my head to the side, giving him access to my lips. He greedily attacked my mouth as he slipped his hand down my bottom and slowly ran his fingers along my moist slit.

"We can’t," I whispered. "Not here."

"No one will come out here." He spoke against my jaw and cupped my breast, his thumb rubbing my nipple.

"Mmm . . . Alex." I moaned.

He smiled, obviously clued in to the fact I was changing my mind. He untied the top straps of my bikini, letting it fall across my stomach.

"That’s better." He reached back up to circle my nipple with his fingertip. "Spread your legs for me, beautiful."

I did as he asked, allowing his fingers to slip deeper inside me. He licked and sucked at my neck while he continued to pleasure me with his hands. He pressed his hips against my back, trying to create some friction for his growing erection. I pushed my backside into him and wiggled my hips.

"See what you’re doing to me?"

I turned around to face him. "I want you inside me, Alex."

"Tell me how you want me." He smiled. I was coming into my own sexuality, but I was still shy and unsure about some things. Alex always pushed me to speak up and tell him what I liked.

I bit my bottom lip.

"That's so fucking sexy," he whispered. "I love when you bite that lip."

"I want whatever you want." I always wanted to please him, and I liked the way he made my body feel, the different ways he pleased me.

"No." He shook his head. "You want this?" He pointed to the bulge in his pants.

I most definitely want that!
I nodded.

"Then you tell me how." He lay back on the blanket with his hands behind his head, daring me to speak.

Fine! I’ll show him what I want!

I climbed on top of him and sat straight up. "I want it like this," I said with more confidence than I’d ever expressed when we were intimate.

"You want to ride me?" He swallowed hard, undoubtedly caught off guard by my aggressiveness.

I ran my hands down his chest and over his stomach, then rubbed my fingers at the skin above his waistband. "Is that okay with you, cowboy?" I bit my lip again, knowing what that did to him.

He remained mute—had I rendered him speechless?—but he managed to pull the strings on either side of my waist, freeing me from my bikini bottom. I lifted up and pulled them out from underneath me, then tugged at his shorts. He raised his hips and helped me get him out of them. I looked down at his full, hard erection and smiled before leaning down to kiss him. I took his shaft in my hand and rubbed it against my eager pussy.

"Oh no, you don’t!" He reached behind us and dug into the bag, searching for the foil packet. "I’ll never be unprepared with you again."

I shook my head when he held out the packet. "I . . . ." I felt the heat creeping up my neck. "I can’t."

"Yes, you can."

I took the packet from him and ripped it open. I looked down at him, and with shaky hands, I managed to get it over the head of his erection.

"Perfect." He smiled as he slipped it on all the way, then gripped my hips and helped guide me onto him.

Once seated, I rocked back and forth, quickly finding my rhythm with Alex’s help. I closed my eyes and continued to move into him, and he met me thrust for thrust.

I loved when he filled me so completely.

"Baby," he moaned, "let your hair down."

I did as he asked, allowing my long, dark hair to fall over my shoulders.

He stopped moving and stared up at me as if he had something to tell me.

Finally, he whispered, "You look like an angel," as he grabbed my hips harder.

I tensed, and then my body shook with my release. "God, Alex!"

"I’m gonna come so fuckin' hard," he yelled. "And it’s all because of you."

He erupted inside the condom, and I collapsed onto his chest, panting and sweating. He kissed the top of my head and said my name over and over again. He pulled my chin up so we were looking at one another. He was still buried inside me, and I could tell he didn’t want to move. I didn’t want him to move. This was our last day together, and I didn’t want it to end.

"Jocelyn, I . . . ." He looked like he wanted to tell me something. In my heart, I wanted to believe I knew what he was feeling, but I couldn’t assume.

"Say it." I smiled, certain he was about to say what I wanted to hear.

"That was amazing."

Those weren't exactly the words I was looking for.

"Yeah." I frowned, trying to hide my disappointment. "It was."

I rolled off him and tied my top back into place. He touched my arm, and I had to take a second to compose myself before I looked over my shoulder and back down at him.

"Smile for me," he said. "I need to see you smile."

I did as he asked, but the expression was forced. He hurt me; whether it was intentional or not, it still hurt.

I handed him his bathing suit and put my bottoms back on.

"Jocelyn."

"Can we eat lunch now?" I asked, unwilling to let him ruin this moment anymore than he already had. "I’m dying to try your mom’s chicken salad."

Chicken salad? Am I serious?

He pulled his shorts over his hips and sat up. He took my hand and gently caressed it. I couldn’t look at him.

"I’m going to miss you," he said. "More than you can imagine."

I guessed he was trying to give me something, but it wasn’t enough, not with him leaving in a little over twelve hours.

"I’ll miss you too." No doubt that's why I felt so emotional. I was sad he was leaving, and I was being way too sensitive.

"This is all really hard for me," he said. "I don’t usually have to relate sex to feelings."

"It’s more than sex though, right?" I asked, revealing my vulnerability.

He nodded.

I gave him a small smile and reached for the picnic basket.

"What do you want to drink?" I asked, wanting to change the subject. I felt the tears stinging my eyes, but I managed to stop them from falling before he saw I was upset. I didn't want our last day together to be ruined.

I continued to stare at that little plastic stick with the two pink lines as the tears streamed down my cheeks.
This can't be happening! How could I have been so stupid?

"Jocey." Max banged on the bathroom door. "Alex is on the phone."

"What?" I jumped up and threw the pregnancy test and the box into the bag from the drug store and shoved it to the bottom of the trashcan. My heart pounded and my hands shook.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" he asked. "You've been in there a long time."

Great, he picks now to notice my bathroom habits?

"No. I'm fine." I washed my hands before opening the door.

Max handed me the phone. "Alex said you didn’t answer your cell." He looked me over, and I nearly panicked, thinking
he knows
.

"Thanks." I took the phone and headed to my bedroom. After closing the door behind me, I dropped down on the bed and took a deep breath.

"Alex."

"Hey, baby." I could almost see the smile forming on his face. "You didn’t answer my text last night or your phone today. Are you okay?"

"I’m fine." I lied. "How are you?"

"Good. Been a little busy today and I have a full day tomorrow, so I wanted to say hello and hear your voice."

I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill.

Apparently, pregnancy made you emotional; all I wanted to do was cry and scream.

"Jocelyn?"

"I’m here. I just miss you."

"Do you wanna Skype?"

"Not tonight, baby. I’m tired, and I’m not feeling that great." I couldn’t risk looking into his eyes. If I did, I would tell him everything, and I couldn’t do that to him.

He had this fantastic opportunity, and a baby would change everything for him. Not to mention what it was going to do to my life.
How can I be a mom? Can I go to school? Can I
do this? Can
we
do this?
He might not want me or the baby. We hadn’t been together that long, and I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. Everything was happening so fast, and I couldn't think about what a baby would mean for both of us.

"What’s wrong?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Just tired," I said. "I’ll be fine."

"Okay. You get some rest, and I’ll call you in a day or so."

"Sounds good, and you have a good night."

"You too . . . . Jocelyn?"

"Yeah?" I closed my eyes in an attempt to make the room stop spinning. If the room stayed still then I wouldn’t throw up.

"I miss you," he whispered.

I had to hold back a sob. "I miss you too. 'Night."

"Good night, beautiful."

I hung up before he could say anything else.

He’d be home from his internship in four months, and I could tell him then. I had only taken a home pregnancy test. I needed to get to a doctor. This could all be a big mistake. Pregnancy tests were wrong sometimes, so there was no need to worry him just yet.

I’d figure it all out, and then I’d tell Alex everything.

* * * * *

Nine and a half weeks pregnant. A February baby, the doctor said. Valentine's Day, to be exact. Last February, I didn't even know Alex, and now I was going to have his baby.

After the shock wore off, I managed to walk out of the doctor's office with my various pamphlets on the different stages of pregnancy and how to stay healthy, my sample of prenatal vitamins, and a brochure about a local adoption agency. I was sure when the nurse saw my age and my marital status, she tossed that brochure in to help me.

I headed to the local park and sat down on the nearest bench. My nausea was in full gear today, and I wasn't sure breakfast would stay put for much longer. I knew I was pregnant before the appointment, but actually having a doctor confirm my condition was exactly what I needed. His diagnosis made it real. I had so much to figure out.

First thing I had to do was tell my father. The doctor said I was going to start showing soon, due to my petite size and weight, so hiding it for a while wasn't an option. Plus, I needed to tell him I'd be working my job at the coffee shop full time instead of attending college. Luckily, I had chosen to go to the local community college instead of one of the other three out-of-state schools that had accepted me. Max was willing to take out a loan for me to attend a university, but since I was undecided, and didn't really want to leave home, I couldn't see spending the money to go away. He said I could change my mind any time, and he would help me go. The decision to stay home may have paid off since I wouldn't be going anyway.

Max and I lived in a small house, and we saw each other every day. I needed to tell him before he put two and two together. I also knew I had to tell Alex, but this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. I placed my head in my hands and tried to figure out the best way for everyone.

Just as I was about to head to work, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out. Evan's name and number flashed on the screen. I had to answer, or he would call Alex, and then they'd both realize something was wrong with me.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm headed to work." I got up from the bench and started for my car.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"Alex wanted me to check on you. You didn't return his call last night, and he was worried."

"I'm fine," I said. "Can you call him and tell him?"

"Why can't you?"

"Because I'm late for work, and I don't want him to worry. Tell him I'll call him tonight."

"Jocelyn, what's up? I haven't seen you in two weeks. I know you're bummed about Alex leaving for Yale, but he'll be back, and you guys will pick up where you left off. He's crazy about you, so don't go worrying that he's not coming back to you."

Tears stung my eyes. Evan was right, but I didn't want Alex to come home and find me six months pregnant. We were just getting to really know one another when he left. He was conflicted about leaving for the internship, but I encouraged him to do it.

He’d be gone four months, and we could explore our new relationship when he got back. I promised him I wasn't going anywhere and really he was all I wanted, but now, it wasn't fair to hold him to promises he made when it was just the two of us. I wasn’t sure what I wanted at this point. There were so many decisions to make and questions that had to be answered. Neither one of us was prepared for this.

"Jocelyn? Are you okay?"

"Yes, but I'm late for work. I'll text you later."

"You better," he said. "I want to get together this week. And Mom's been asking for you."

"Okay," I said. "I'll come over. I promise."

I didn't see the harm in visiting one last time before I started to show. By the time anyone could tell I was pregnant, Evan would be busy getting ready for college, and he wouldn't have time for me. If I stopped by his house, he could report back to Alex I seemed fine, which would ease Alex's mind for a bit. After that, I'd have to figure out how to stay hidden in a town as small as this.