Joshua's Folly (32 page)

“I had six weeks with Bethany before Elizabeth decided to confess the truth. Six weeks may not seem like a long time in the scheme of things, but when you’re with an infant, it seems like an eternity. I’d already bonded with Bethany. I couldn’t give her up to some man that’d had a one night stand with my wife. I wanted her and Elizabeth willingly gave me full custody. Bethany
is
my child,” he repeated.

“You’re a good man, Joshua. The best,” Marisa whispered.

Abruptly, he began to pace in front of her for a few minutes. The earlier silence fell upon them, till he stood in front of her and interrupted it. “I suppose you’re wonderin’ why I’ve told you all of this. I grew up with my father telling me that women don’t like it at the ranch. I saw it happen over and over. It became a fact of life for me. I’ve let it affect me. I’ve let it affect my future decisions and relationships. I lied to myself and to the woman that I love.” He let out his breath heavily and then added, “I won’t do that anymore.”

Marisa was very quiet as his spontaneous actions suddenly made sense in her overwrought mind.

“I haven’t been thinkin’ about anyone’s feelings but my own. I was protecting myself from the woman that I do have feelings for. I was scared to bring another woman to the ranch, scared of rejection, scared of heartache, scared of watching another woman leave.” He was quiet for several moments. And then he added, casually, “I’m not scared now.”

Marisa stared at him blankly, wondering if he was saying what she thought he was saying.

“I met this beautiful young lady recently. I fell in love with her almost immediately. She was so young and had so much life ahead of her. I knew I couldn’t ask her to live at the ranch. Her life had just barely begun. She had things she wanted to do. I convinced myself she’d leave me, just like every other woman in my life. So I decided to send her away, sayin’ things I didn’t mean, thinking I was doing the right thing, the decent thing. Her response surprised me. I guess I didn’t fully realize what I meant to her.”

“Are…are you talking about me?” Marisa asked, feeling slow. Maybe she’d fallen asleep and this was all a dream.

He smiled, the first real smile she’d seen on his face all day. “Yeah, I’m talking about you.”

Marisa didn’t seem to have the ability to speak anymore as she breathed, “Oh.”

He knelt down in front of her, cradling her face in his hands. “What I want to say, what I’m tryin’ to say—but not very well is—can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?”

Her bottom lip began to quiver of its own accord. She bobbed her head up and down, unable to verbalize a single word.

“I love you…” he whispered as he looked upon her fixedly.

Marisa felt her eyes fill up with tears.

“I love you,” he said again, this time louder and with more conviction. “I’ve loved you since the day I met you at the airport, since the moment you said,
I can put my hair in pigtails if you want.
You were so young, so carefree. I knew in that moment that I loved you. I’ve been a lost cause ever since.” A tear escaped and ran down her cheek. He kissed her softly on the lips and wiped away the tear. “It’s always been you, Marisa.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you, sweetheart. Let me do this right this time around,” he whispered.

“Do what right?”

“Tell you how I feel about you.”

“You’re doing just fine already,” she said, unable to hide her smile.

He smiled too. “Marisa, I find you beautiful, charming, vibrant, full of life. I’m completely captivated by you…” Marisa covered her mouth with her trembling hand as Josh repeated the same words he’d said to her on that fateful day. She recognized the words immediately; they were etched on her suddenly-healing broken heart. Unable to contain herself, she started to cry as Josh continued, “…even intrigued. I love your passion for life. You make me laugh, even when I don’t feel like laughing. I love your quick mind, and I find myself extremely attracted to you…” he paused for only a moment, “…and I am completely, totally, and wildly, in love with you…and I always have been,” he whispered tenderly. Tears poured down her cheeks and he wiped them away with his thumbs. His lips were only an inch from hers as he said, “Marry me, Marisa.”

She gasped in response. He’d taken her by complete surprise. Kneeling should’ve given her a clue, but she simply wasn’t expecting him to pop the question. Just a few minutes ago she’d thought he didn’t even love her and now he was asking her to marry him. How’d that happen? “Now
that’s
a serious question,” Marisa said, her voice breathy and soft.

“Give me another chance. I won’t let you down. I’ll never hurt you again, Marisa, I promise. As long as there is breath left in me, I will love you, cherish you, and adore you, I swear it. You mean everything to me, Marisa, everything. I almost lost you and it made me realize that I don’t want to live without you. Please put me out of my misery. I love you. I know we’ll be happy together. Please say yes.” He let out his breath and swallowed, unable to hide how nervous he was and Marisa found that very endearing.

“Yes,” she said almost inaudibly. Then, just to make sure he’d heard her, she said it again, this time louder, “Yes.” He stilled as she added, “Are you kidding? Absolutely.”

He couldn’t hide his smile as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and kissing her hard on the mouth. She wasn’t sure if it was the emotion of the moment or what, but it seemed like he kissed her in a way that he never had before. He parted her lips, kissing her deeply and aggressively. He pulled her to her feet, supporting her full body weight, their lips never parting.

There were only two words wafting through Marisa’s mind. “Oh my.” Other than that, she couldn’t formulate a single cohesive thought.

He pulled away for a moment. “I’m sorry, I know we have some serious issues to discuss.”

“We do?”
What now?
Fear welled in the pit of her stomach. She’d been inches away from the perfect ‘happily ever after’ ending.

“Look, Marisa, I know there are things you’d like to do with your life. It doesn’t matter. Go and do them. I’ll never stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Just promise you’ll come back and marry me when you’re done.”

Puzzled, she said, “What are you talking about?”

“Earning your masters degree, traveling the world, and writin’ about it. I heard you say that’s what you wanted to do with your life. I don’t want to keep you from your aspirations. I
won’t
do that to you.”

Everything fell into place in that moment, all of his actions suddenly made perfect sense. “You overheard me saying that,” she stated, not questioned.

“Yes. And I want you to realize your dreams.”

“Josh, you don’t understand. You overheard a conversation that wasn’t meant for your ears. That was an idea, not a dream. That was plan B if plan A didn’t work out. You are plan A and you always have been. My dreams all revolve around you.”

“Are you sure?” He seemed surprised at her words. “I want you to live your life. I don’t want you to ever feel trapped here.”

“Thank you for that,” Marisa whispered, touched. He really did love her. Letting her go had been an entirely selfless act. “I’m absolutely positive about what I want in life and I have absolutely no doubts, whatsoever.”

He nodded, his eyebrows deeply furrowed. It took Marisa a minute to realize that he was seriously concerned over this issue. He wasn’t just trying to be polite or let her know that he wouldn’t be a controlling husband. This was
really
bothering him. He wasn’t kidding around when he’d implied that he had abandonment issues. Marisa had to admit, she was slightly floored. Josh was an extremely confident man, owner of a tremendously successful cattle ranch, and one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen. Yet, he was positive there wasn’t a woman alive willing to stay with him at his isolated cattle ranch.
Unbelievable.
Childhood really does affect us in ways we don’t realize. He has no idea that most women would fall at his feet to be with him. He doesn’t see it. Not at all.

Convincing him that she’d never leave him would be nigh unto impossible. There are no guarantees in life and many ways to leave somebody. Her parents had left her alone in the world, not by choice. All she could do was say it—and then she’d show him. Day after day. Year after year.

“I love
you
, Joshua Kensington. I want to spend my life with you by my side. I don’t really care where we are, as long as we’re together. I just want you. And Bethany. I want to have babies with you and spend our life raising our children together. That’s my dream. A houseful of children. With you.”

“That’s what you want?” he asked, slightly incredulous.

“Yes. That’s what I want.”

“A houseful?” he questioned with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Yes. I want to have a houseful of children with you,” she repeated. “Lots of ‘em.” A life didn’t get more commitment-filled than that. Hopefully, he was beginning to comprehend the underlying promise in the fulfillment of such a dream.

“Lots?” he said, his expression beginning to transform.

“That okay with you?”

“Oh, I think I might be able to oblige you,” he said with a huge smile. “Tough work, but someone’s got to do it.” Then, in all seriousness, he added, “I would love that, Marisa. I would absolutely love that.”

Josh retrieved a ring from his pocket. Reverentially, he placed the ring on her finger. “Do you know how long I’ve had this ring?” He didn’t wait for her to ask the begged question. “I’ve had it for two months. I knew I wanted to marry you even then.” His lips brushed hers softly.

“I have only one request,” Marisa added.

“Anything,” he murmured.

“I want to marry you right here in the Folly.”

His smile was tender. “Perfect. There’s not a better place in the world.”

“No, there isn’t,” Marisa agreed and his eyes seemed to glitter with happiness.

“But I have a request too,” he stated.

“What?”

“I don’t want to wait. I want to marry you right away. Next week. Do you mind wearing a cast with your wedding dress?”

“I think it will be the height of fashion.”

Josh laughed aloud, the sound echoing around the Folly as if it were as normal as the sounds of nature.

And it was.

–19–

Marisa sat in a tub full of scented bubbles—her cast propped up and out of the water—feeling a little stunned at the happenings of the last week. It had been a whirlwind of preparations. Mary and Constance had taken over, planning every detail. This left her and Josh with precious moments to be together and quietly contemplate their new life. However, in between wedding dress shopping and a myriad of other elements—colors, flowers, invites, decorations—she’d still felt swamped and a little overwhelmed. It took Mary awhile to realize Marisa could care less about all of the details. All that mattered to her was that she was marrying Josh. In all honesty, she would’ve been perfectly happy with Josh, herself, a preacher, the Folly, and a quick, “I do.” But Mary was thrilled with the event and Marisa appreciated all of her efforts. It was going to be a beautiful wedding.

A knock on the door took her out of her reverie. “Marisa, are you almost done. It’s time to get dressed.” It was Mary, sounding a little flustered. Marisa had just finished shaving her legs—the parts she could reach anyway—in preparation for her wedding night.

Wedding night.

Tonight would be her wedding night—with Josh. Her stomach fluttered. It seemed as though everything had happened so fast. One minute she’d thought everything was over between them and the next, he was declaring his love for her. Not only that, he wanted to marry her. Right away, as if he was scared of losing her.

Not going to happen.

Once he’d explained, his actions made an odd sort of sense, even though the thought of that horrible I’m-not-in-love-with-you moment still made her knees weak. She didn’t agree with his methods, but he’d apologized so many times for his rash measures, Marisa was willing to forgive him. After all, he’d had her best interests at heart. He’d already promised he’d spend the rest of his life making it up to her—and Marisa had every intention of making him live up to that promise.

She also had every intention of healing the gaping hole in his heart his mother had so ungraciously bestowed upon him when she’d left him at the tender age of three.

“I’ll be out in a minute, Mary.”

Mary was anxiously waiting for her. She helped her slip into her dress. It was made from a lined white lace that covered her body like a glove, showing off her slim figure. Mary sat her down and worked magic on her hair, pinning it up into an elegant chignon. Small little curls hung wispily around her face. After a light application of make-up, Marisa hardly recognized herself. Bethany watched, eyes bright, looking adorable in her flower girl dress. Her hair was already done in a perfect little upsweep. “You look so pretty, Marisa.” Then she approached, holding something in her hands. “This is from Dad, but he said I could put it on you since you’ll be my new mother.” She placed a dainty pearl necklace on her neck and clasped it shut. Marisa hugged Bethany tightly as Mary covertly wiped at her eyes.

Mary then placed matching pearl earrings onto her lobes. “You are a stunning bride, Marisa. Josh isn’t going to know what has hit him when he sees you for the first time.” Mary knelt down next to her. “The day you came into my life was the day my life changed forever. You are one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received. I couldn’t be happier for you and for Josh. I know you will be very happy together.”

“Thank you, Mom,” Marisa said purposefully. No more slip-ups. Mary deserved the title of mother. Marisa couldn’t stop her tears, feeling unable to speak and tell Mary just how much she meant to her.

“No crying, you’ll ruin your make-up,” Mary scolded, even as tears still continued to run down her own face.

Marisa wasn’t sure she could comply either as Mary quickly attempted to repair the damage.

It wasn’t until she nervously waited—ready to walk down the sidewalk-aisle, with her arm linked with Jerome’s—that she finally took a deep breath, the first one in a week, or so it felt.