Journey to the Centre of Myself (22 page)

I notice that Jo has put herself next to Smithy, while myself, Mirelle and Shaun are right on the other side. Karen is on the other side of Smithy’s wife. They must have come across each other while she worked for him. Their conversation seems polite but distant.

‘Well this blows,’ says Mirelle, ‘though the food’s really nice. What time can we leave?’

‘We’re staying til the end,’ I say.

‘We could go to a club.’

‘I’m skint. Here we get free food and free booze.’

‘Cheers,’ Shaun holds up his glass.

Mirelle glares at him. ‘Who asked you?’

‘Did you see that?’ Shaun turns to me and points at Mirelle, ‘that scowl is reserved just for me. Nearly melts my clothes off my body.’

I snigger loudly. A few people at the table, including Jo, turn towards us.

Mirelle gets up. ‘I’m going to the loo. I need a break from the two of you.’

‘Oops, you’ve really offended her now.’

‘She’ll get over it.’

‘It’s all bluff with her you know. She comes across as snobby, but it’s a defence mechanism.’

We’re chatting with people around the table. The plates are cleared and desserts are brought out. It’s then I realise Mirelle hasn’t come back. Then I glance across the table and realise Smithy isn’t there either. Shaun follows my gaze.

‘Oh, no.’

‘Let’s go.’

We get up and head to the toilets where we find a crying Mirelle being cornered by Smithy. All I hear is him saying, ‘God you were just a shag, don’t you get that?’

I storm up but Shaun holds me back. ‘Let me,’ he says.

He puts his arm around Mirelle’s shoulder. She’s so slumped he can manage it, whereas before they looked like Sophie and Jamie Cullum standing together.

‘Is there a problem here?’ he asks her.

‘This has got nothing to do with you,’ says Smithy, adjusting his tie. ‘I’ve been getting a bit of unasked for attention from this woman and I need to get back to my wife.’

‘Mirelle’s eyes widen. He hit on me outside the toilet,’ she says, voice rising.

‘Now who do you believe?’ adds Smithy, winking at Shaun. ‘A professional man like me or this tart? Have you seen that bloody dress for a start? Hardly covers her twat.’

There’s a blur as Smithy jolts back, having been punched in the face by Shaun.

‘Don’t you
ever
speak about my girlfriend like that again,’ he says. ‘She’s a lady and need not be harassed by an oily dickhead like you.’

‘What’s going on?’

Shaun turns to Smithy’s wife, who has now appeared. She stands looking from one to the other of us, eyes narrowed, her arms folded across her chest.

‘I’m sorry love, but I think you need to take your husband home. He’s just got fresh with my girlfriend.’

She turns puce. ‘Oh, not again. I’m sorry. He can’t take his drink. Thinks young women fancy him. As if,’ she laughs. She turns to Shaun. ‘I’m sorry, is your hand all right?’

Shaun looks gobsmacked. ‘Err, yes thanks.’

‘Right, well if it’s okay with you, I’ll just get him out of here.’

‘Yes, fine.’

They leave and we all turn and look at each other. ‘Crikey, Shaun, where’d that come from?’

‘Just because I’m small, don’t think I’m weak.’

‘I won’t.’ I pretend to feel the muscles in his arm. ‘Thank you so much for doing that for my friend.’

My
friend
is still at the side of the toilet, silent. She takes a deep, shaky breath. ‘Thank you, Shaun,’ she says.

Shaun’s eyes are saying ‘bloody hell’, but he actually says ‘No problem. He was a dick.’

‘I wish I could have noticed that a long time ago,’ she says.

‘Shall we go home?’ I ask.

Mirelle straightens herself up. ‘Not without dessert,’ she says. ‘I’ll just freshen up.’

We wait for her and walk back to the table together. Jo comes over. ‘Why has my boss got a developing black eye and an angry wife?’

I fill her in.

‘That’s me losing my job now,’ says Mirelle.

‘I’ll talk to him,’ says Jo. ‘He’s at fault here after all.’

We eat profiteroles and drink more wine. Jo says after she’s cleared the food away, there’ll be dancing. I’m not sure I’m up for that, but I’ll see what the other two want to do.

Karen looks over at me with a quizzical expression on her face and wanders across.

‘I feel I’ve missed something. What just happened?’ she asked.

‘Your ex-boss just got a punch in the face.’

‘And I missed it? Damn.’

We both laugh.

Then the door opens and in walks the man I did not expect to see here tonight.

‘Adrian.’ I exclaim.

‘Steve?’ says Karen.

Chapter 23

Karen

I walk through the entrance of Jo’s house. Wow, what a home. Plush mahogany carpets and dark furniture make it appear stately somehow. I walk towards Jo, who looks hassled.

‘I’ll catch up with you in a minute. Amber, would you mind showing Karen where she can put her coat?’

I smile at the temp I recognise from work. The one who ended up with my job.

‘Hello,’ she says. ‘Well, Jo’s husband took my friend’s coat upstairs somewhere. Let me see if I can find him.’

‘Amber, isn’t it?’ I ask her.

She’s nervous and talks ten to the dozen about how sorry she is she has my job and do I want it back. I have to stop her, tell her that no, I don’t, and that I’ve enjoyed my travelling. Jo’s husband takes my coat and Amber goes to get me a drink, glad I think of the brief chance to escape me.

She’s not what I thought at all. She seems really young in herself. There’s a naivety about her; a lack of confidence.

Jo has seated me next to Smithy’s wife. I may not know heaps of people here but I think putting me next to the wife of my Judas boss was a bit insensitive. We make polite conversation as we eat, but I’m starting to wish I hadn’t come.

As the main course plates are cleared away, I head into the kitchen to see if Jo needs a hand. I try to catch her ear as I’ve now tried and failed twice. She’s propped at the kitchen work-top necking a glass of wine.

‘Hey, you need any help?’

‘No, fine love. I’m having a quickie before we get the desserts out. Charlie’s family has been a big help tonight, so it’s all in order.’

‘Well, while you have a minute. I wanted to ask you something. Only me and Adrian are having a few problems and—’

‘Are you bloody kidding me?’

I take a step backwards. ‘Oh gosh, sorry, yes, you’re really busy. Get your drink. I can catch you some other time.’

‘No. I mean… you’re asking me for marriage advice? We’re hardly friends, even if we have known each other a long while.’

‘I suppose not. Sorry. I didn’t know who to talk to.’

‘Well, I was like that when my first marriage was breaking up. You remember my first marriage—the one where you came on the hen night but prioritised your love life over my celebration.’

‘I-I never—’

‘Saw it like that? No, you never have Karen. But I never said anything because crikey… you’ve had your share of bad luck, but during our working lives together, I have
always
asked how you were. I constantly offered support, but you never reciprocated. I saw it as you being unable to take on anyone else’s problems. Then tonight, you’ve come to seek me out, in the middle of my Christmas dinner celebration, to ask
my
advice? I couldn’t give it to you if I were willing. I don’t know who you or Adrian are as people. We’re not friends.’

‘Again, I’m so sorry, Jo. I never realised.’

‘Please understand I don’t want to come across as an uncaring cow, but I’m not the confidante for you, Karen. I can’t tell you what to do with your marriage. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have desserts to serve.’

‘Yes, okay, once again I-I’m sorry.’

But she doesn’t hear me. She’s already left the room.

I consider leaving right then but I don’t want to make a scene. Instead, I decide I’ll slip out after dessert. I accept another glass of wine and go back to less than scintillating conversation with Mr Smith’s wife, Debbie.

Our dessert finished, Debbie looks to her other side. Smithy has been missing from his seat for a good ten minutes if not longer. ‘Excuse me, Karen. I need to see where my husband’s gone. Hopefully he hasn’t fallen down the toilet or something.’

‘No problem,’ I scrape my chair back to let her out and notice that Mirelle, Amber and her friend are also missing from the table.

I gather my things together and get up to leave. As I walk towards the door, I bump into Amber. She looks flushed and I touch her arm. ‘I fear I’ve missed something. What’s happened?’

‘Your ex-boss just received a punch in the face.’

‘And I missed it? Damn.’

We both laugh.

Then the door opens and in walks a man I did not expect to see here tonight.

‘Steve?’

‘Adrian?’ says Amber.

Amber turns to me, her forehead furrowed. ‘This is my boyfriend, Adrian.’

I stare at Steve, my eyes widening. ‘Erm, no. This is my brother. I should know. I’ve been related to him for forty-two years.’

We stare at each other in what I can only describe as a stunned silence.

‘I don’t understand.’ says Amber. She takes a step away from Steve. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Indeed. What is going on dear brother?’

‘I can explain.’

‘We’re waiting,’ I say as I tap my foot. ‘I’m especially interested in why you’ve adopted my husband’s name as your own.’

Steve rubs his head.

‘Look, I was in the bar, the night of your leaving do. I told you I came to it, but you were gone by then. I met Amber, and she asked me my name. With me still being technically married, I didn’t want any strings, so I said the first name that came into my head.’

‘Are you even a builder?’ Amber asks him.

‘No, but everything else I said is true, and I really did fall for you. I didn’t want to. I’m in the middle of a non-amicable divorce and was just looking for some fun. But then, I found you.’

Amber sighs. Her gaze flicks upward.

He tells her he’s falling in love with her. I feel like I’m in the middle of a trick television show and any minute someone will burst out with a hidden camera and yell ‘fooled you.’

Amber tells him to go to hell and storms off.

He looks at me, face creased in concern. My brother’s eyes always look bluer when he’s sad.

‘Come on.’ I grab his arm. ‘Let’s get out of here and talk.’

We’re sitting in my living room with hot drinks in front of us. This is an unusual scenario for us. He never wanted to discuss his failed marriage and although I don’t want him to be sad, I like being the supporter, instead of the supported.

‘Look, I’m aware you’re not given to big conversations about your private life, but let me in here, Steve. What’s going on with you?’

He curls his feet up on my sofa, turning towards me as he does.

‘Claire had affairs. Numerous affairs. I forgave the first one. I couldn’t forgive the second and I have no doubt there were more that I didn’t find out about. She said I was never at home, with the job. Sure, some nights I had to be away, but it’s not an excuse is it?’

‘No.’

‘But she was right. I wasn’t there. We got married, had all the works, but I was never sure I loved her. Not really. I’d get home, and she just complained all the time. She wasn’t satisfied despite the fact I was bringing great money home, providing everything she needed. I didn’t understand what else she wanted. But I guess she went out and got whatever she was missing.’

I sigh. ‘Oh Steve, what a pair we are.’

‘The only thing we were attached to was the bloody dog. It killed me when she took that dog away. Is that right Karen, to be more bereaved that you’ve lost your pet dog than your wife?’

I shrug.

‘Then the night of your do, I met Amber. We just clicked. She told me she was married, and I thought I couldn’t do it, participate in what my wife had done to me. But I couldn’t help myself. Nothing happened while she was still with her husband though I’m not sure I would have stopped if she had been. But that dickhead left her, all broken like a china doll. That’s what she reminded me of with that auburn hair and porcelain face.’

I note Steve looks wistful and off into the distance when he thinks about her.

‘She tries to make out she’s over it already, that her marriage wouldn’t have worked, but I can tell she’s hurting. I know what it feels like because I’ve been there. Yet, there’s something between us. It makes the pain go away when we’re together.’

‘Does she feel the same way?’

‘I don’t know. I thought so. But then she thought she was in a relationship with a builder called Adrian.’