Journey to Wubang 01 - Earth to Hell (10 page)

The dragon had watched me feed the blade with wide eyes. He pulled himself together and turned back to Simone, defiant again. ‘What else, Princess?’

‘Next you must defeat me in battle,’ Simone said, perfectly calm. She raised Seven Stars to the side. ‘Again, not to the death, as I also am not Immortal.’

‘And?’ the dragon said.

‘Then, after defeating Lady Emma, and defeating me,
the suitor must embrace me.’ She summoned yin over her raised arms so that it floated around her pale hands and the blade of the sword. ‘Embrace me, and my nature. Embrace my yin.’

The dragon gasped and took a step back. ‘Touch the yin?’

‘Embrace the yin,’ Simone said, her voice still echoing eerily. ‘Embrace my true nature.’

The hall filled with complete silence as the dragon watched the yin writhe over Simone’s arms and the enormous blade.

He fell to one knee and bowed his head. ‘I withdraw my challenge.’

Phew
, Simone said.
He’s a good fighter too
.

‘Go with honour, Dragon Lord,’ Simone said out loud. ‘I am honoured by your attention.’ She raised her head. ‘Those are the conditions for any who wishes to have my hand. Defeat Lady Emma. Defeat me. And then embrace my yin.’

She dismissed Seven Stars, changed back to human form, and nodded to the Jade Emperor. ‘Celestial Majesty. By your leave, Lady Emma and I must prepare for a journey to Hell.’

‘Dismissed,’ the Jade Emperor said. His eyes were full of amusement.
Excellent job. Well done. Bai Hu is going to shout at you for a long time, Simone, but don’t worry, it will work out.

I held my hand out and the Tiger passed the ruyi back to me. Simone and I fell to one knee and saluted the Jade Emperor as senior Retainers, then turned and walked out of the hall together, with the Tiger and Kwan Yin following.

General Qin appeared in the doorway. ‘Holy Bodhisattva Kwan Yin. Lady Emma Donahoe, Confirmed Regent of the Dark Northern Heavens, First Heavenly General. Lord Bai Hu, Emperor of the
Western Heavens. Princess Simone, only human daughter of the Dark Lord of the Northern Heavens.’
Great job, ladies.

Oh. You didn’t have the precedence until you were off probation
, Simone said.
Way to go, Emma. First Heavenly General! Way cool!

‘You say cool far too much,’ I growled under my breath.

A litany followed me down the stairs back to the preparation room.
Cool cool cool cool cool!

Bai Hu leaned his elbows on the dining table and held his head in his hands. He rubbed his hands over his face and looked at us, despairing. ‘I really don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with you two. That was
beyond
stupid.’

‘I thought we handled it okay, Uncle Bai,’ Simone said. ‘At least we won’t have all these Celestials trying to marry me.’

‘Expect at least two dozen challenges in the next two weeks, Emma,’ Bai Hu said.

‘No way,’ I said. ‘If they win, they have to face Simone. And if they win that, they have to touch the yin. They don’t have the nerve.’

‘Nothing to do with the yin, girls. Simone, you just declared open season on Emma. Anyone who wants to match skills with her can try. Every guy in Heaven who thinks he’s halfway good will be calling her out.’

‘Oh.’ Simone’s face fell. ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’ She turned to me, full of remorse. ‘I’m so sorry, Emma.’

I shrugged. ‘Not an issue. I’ll be able to practise against some good opponents, it’s not to the death, and if they win, they won’t dare to take it further because they’re all scared to death of the yin.’

‘And another thing,’ the Tiger said. ‘You said that
anybody that wants your hand has to do these three things. What, you plan on never having a boyfriend at all? You gonna be a goddamn
nun
? How many guys out there can actually physically touch yin? Guys that aren’t related to you, daughter of yin? You just made yourself pretty much permanently unavailable for marriage for the rest of your life.’

Simone shrugged. ‘So? I’ll just never marry. If I really like a guy we’ll move in together.’

‘It’s your hand in the sense of your hand in the bond of love, Simone,’ the Tiger said grimly. ‘More than just marriage. If you want to have a live-in relationship with
anybody
, Celestial or human, they have to touch the yin.’

Simone opened her mouth and then closed it again.

‘Don’t worry about it, Simone,’ I said. ‘We’ll just cross that bridge when we come to it. It’ll work out. Use the declaration as a shield. When you’re older and ready, you can change it.’

‘You can’t change something like that,’ the Tiger said, still grim.

‘Whatever. Right now it’ll keep all those losers off your back.’

‘Starting with that little blue creep,’ Simone said with relish. ‘God, I loved the look on his face when he thought about touching the yin. He’s been so arrogant, expecting me to just fall at his feet because he’s so
freaking
gorgeous.’

‘He’s Qing Long’s,’ I said. ‘I wonder if any of his children haven’t inherited his attitude?’

‘Nope,’ the Tiger said.

‘So. Hell,’ Simone said. ‘Help us out here, Uncle Bai. What do we need to take with us?’

Bai Hu leaned back and put his hands on the table. ‘Right. Hell. This is what you need to do.’

I came around on the couch at home, with the Tiger’s concerned face above me. I sat up. ‘I’m okay.’

Simone sat on the opposite couch, still in her robes.

‘How long was I out this time?’ I said.

‘Only a couple of minutes. It’s quicker every time. Soon you’ll be able to transport without losing consciousness at all,’ the Tiger said.

Monica heard us and came out of the kitchen. ‘Welcome back, ma’am.’ She saw the armour and the sword. ‘Did everything work out okay?’

‘It’s all fine.’ I rose and headed into the kitchen. ‘Could you make us some tea? We need to talk.’

‘There are a lot of messages for you as well, ma’am,’ Monica said.

I pulled off the sword and the armour and dropped them onto the floor next to the pantry. Simone headed towards her room, probably to change out of the robes. The Tiger and I sat across the kitchen table from each other. Monica put a pot of Chinese tea in front of the Tiger and a mug of Ceylon tea in front of me and we nodded our thanks. Notes and envelopes covered the table, and the Tiger picked a few up to read them. I slapped his hand and he grimaced and dropped them.

‘Dinner at home tonight, ma’am?’ Monica said.

‘Yes, thanks, Monica.’

I flipped through the envelopes. Mostly bills, they could be handled later. I checked the phone messages. Three from staff on the Mountain. Two from Generals. One from the bank. One from Simone’s teacher, asking me to call her back urgently.

Simone returned in a pair of scruffy jeans and a T-shirt. She had let her hair down without brushing it and it formed tangled skeins around her head. I waved the note at her. ‘You been up to anything at school?’

‘Nope.’ She pulled a box of lemon tea out of the fridge and sat with it. ‘As far as I know I’m not in
trouble about anything, but I’ve skipped a few classes lately, and you didn’t ring them this morning to tell them I wasn’t going to be there.’

‘Oh yeah, that’s right,’ I said. ‘You have to remind me, Simone. I have too much going on all at the same time.’

‘I’ve got a bunch of notes for you too.’ She jumped up and went out.

‘Just bring them directly,’ the Tiger said to her back.

‘I’m not lazy like you,’ she retorted without turning around.

I moaned and leaned on the table. ‘This school is solely responsible for the destruction of countless rainforests. She brings home a mountain of notes every week. It’s okay for the mothers at home who have time to attend endless morning teas and tennis socials, but I have better things to do with my time.’

‘You wouldn’t have that problem—’ the Tiger began.

I cut him off. ‘If she went to Celestial High. I know. But she wants to be normal.’

He snorted, and opened his mouth to say something, but Simone came in with a stack of notes and put them in front of me. ‘This is from last week too.’

I quickly flipped through the information and stopped at an envelope with ‘Mr and Mrs Chen’ typewritten on the outside. I glared at Simone, but she just shrugged. ‘No idea.’

‘I ring them every time to tell them to address stuff to me,’ I grumbled as I opened the envelope. I read the note, then threw it on the table. ‘You’ve been missing too many classes lately and they want to talk to me immediately. They want me to contact your teacher right now for an interview.’

‘I don’t want to repeat Year Nine, Emma. Please go and talk to them,’ Simone said.

‘If she went to Celestial High—’ the Tiger began.

Simone cut him off. ‘I’m not going to any Celestial High full of Celestial freaks. I want to stay down here with normal people.’

‘What does that make me?’ the Tiger said gruffly.

‘The biggest freak of all,’ she shot back. She turned to me. ‘Please, Emma, talk to my teacher. Give them some excuse. Tell them I have cancer or something and I need chemo…’ She changed her appearance so that she appeared ten kilos lighter. Her cheeks went hollow and her eyes sunk. ‘Tell them I’m dying and I can’t attend because of that.’

‘I’ll email your teacher and arrange an interview for after we’ve come back from Hell,’ I said. ‘I need to check my email anyway. And don’t let me forget to write you a note to say that you’re sick.’ I sighed with exasperation. ‘And change back, that looks awful.’

Her appearance returned to normal. ‘I can’t hold it for long anyway.’

I rose from the table. ‘I’d better check my email, it’ll be backed up forever.’

‘You two have been gone just a few hours and you still forgot to do a lot of important stuff,’ the Tiger said, waving his teacup at the notes on the table. ‘You should hire a secretary.’

‘Look, the two of us already have two live-in staff,’ I said. ‘If I hire someone else, it’ll just be
more
people for me to manage. And remember, we’re trying to keep as normal a profile as possible. We’re already unusual in that we have a domestic helper whose husband has a job outside. A home secretary would be complete overkill, especially since I’m just supposed to be Simone’s guardian and nothing more.’

I rose, picked up my tea and went to the office. I had nearly two hundred messages. I ran the spam filter then checked the remainder. There were still a hundred and fifty left.

I filed the info memos from the Heavens, the Academy and the Mountain, and flipped through the important stuff. There was a message from Simone’s teacher, three situations requiring my attention in the Northern Heavens, and two more about the Academy.

And nearly seventy-five messages of congratulation on my appointment as First Heavenly General. Some of them were obviously grudging.

Wonderful.

W
hen I got home from the Academy the next day, I could hear the yelling from the lift lobby. I hesitated at the apartment’s front door, then opened it and went in. The yelling was louder: two male voices, probably in the dining room. I kicked my shoes off and hurried in. The Tiger and Michael both stopped shouting and glared at me. Simone was there as well. She shook her head and sighed with exasperation.

The Tiger thrust his hand towards Michael. ‘Stupid bastard wants to go with you.’

I leaned on the back of one of the dining chairs. ‘You can’t, Michael, you’re not Immortal.’

‘Neither are you. And neither is
she
,’ Michael said, gesturing towards Simone. He dropped his arm and spoke with force. ‘I want to help Leo out. Let me come along and talk to him.’ He glared at the Tiger. ‘He was like a father to me. I think he’d listen to me.’

‘Oh, thank you
very much
.’ The Tiger pulled a chair out and flopped to sit. ‘What does that make me?’

‘Irrelevant,’ Michael said.

‘Big words,’ the Tiger shot back. ‘Harvard must agree with you, preppy boy.’ He leaned over the table. ‘Rhonda’s ready to move back into the Palace, boy, you
know that? If she remarries me, then I’ll
really
be your fucking father, not just this “biological” business that you keep carrying on about. You’ll be obeying
me,
not some fucking black
gay-lo
.’

‘Tiger,’ Simone said mildly, ‘I’ve had about enough of this. You’ve been swearing far too much the last few days, and it shows a lack of respect for both me and Emma. And lately you’ve been very insulting to Leo, who isn’t here to defend himself. If you say the f-word one more time, or insult Leo one more time, you will be banned from this household. Is that understood?’

The Tiger’s mouth flopped open and he stared at her.

Her voice became sharp. ‘
Is that understood, Bai Hu
?’

He rose, leaned on the table and glared at her. ‘Until you reach majority, Miss So-Fucking-Clever, I have precedence over you, and don’t you forget it.’

‘Emma?’ Simone said.

‘Bai Hu, take yourself out of this household and don’t come back until called. That’s an order,’ I said.

The Tiger opened and closed his mouth a few times, then slammed his fist into his hand in the salute and disappeared.

At twenty-four, Michael’s muscular frame had filled out and his intelligent face was stunningly good-looking under his short blond hair. He towered over me, as tall as his father, slightly under two metres. He fell to one knee in front of me. ‘Lady Emma, permission to assist you on your sortie to Hell.’

‘We can’t risk it, Michael. You may never be able to come out again.’

He looked up at me, full of hope. ‘You’re not Immortal, you’re an ordinary human. If you can come out, I can come out.’

I sighed. ‘Michael, you know that I’m not an ordinary human, far from it. Only Immortals and demons can
come out again. Simone’s so powerful it doesn’t really apply to her, and you know she’s done it before. I’m a demon. You? I don’t know.’

‘Is there a way of finding out?’ he said, still on one knee.