JR (97 page)

contracts you know what a stickler the Boss is for the letter of the law Beamish, wants to be sure there's none of your legal doubletalk these writers can horn in on the advertising end…

—I doubt there's any reason for concern there Mister Davidoff, I believe these matters are left in the publisher's hands and so long as a book is advertised in good taste and…

—Not of the books in the books Skinner get out one of those layouts for …

—I beg your pardon you don't mean actually carrying advertising matter inserted in the text of the book itself? There may be no contractual objection however in terms of …

—Whose ads don't worry about it, end papers and centerfold go to the J R Family of Companies coming up with the rest from the agency's accounts preference anywhere they tie in with our products and services take Ray-X subcontracting on this line of prosthesises where's Skinner, just told him to get that Health Package layout see how they tie in with this nursing home funeral service cemetery deal…

—No no Mister Davidoff excuse me I believe you mistake my point.

Contractual obligations aside sir, surely the arbitrary insertion of pages of advertising bearing no relation to the creative work of an author who…

—One step ahead of you there too Beamish already set up a page for Wonder Beer in The Onion Crest GI next printing may even work it

right into the…

—But the authors Mister Davidoff, the writers…

—Best thing ever happened to them ask Duncan here, come in spouting art and literature what they really mean's a big advance on royalties, book finally comes out at fifteen dollars sells two thousand copies they blame him blame the reviewers blame tv blame everything but production costs and your little old lady at the Shady Nook book store spouting art and literature rakes off half wet her pants when the paperbacks came out spread culture grabbed the mass market now you pay hardcover prices for paperbacks, what pays production costs for your tv spectaculars what keeps the Times on the street what keeps Virginia where's that old New Yorker magazine lying around here…

—That soldier borrowed it Mister Davidoff he needed some pictures to trace for the General to …

—Ran through it yesterday Beamish counted five hundred forty columns two hundred was text the rest of it ads, turns into a catalog and they'd lose their mailing privilege so what you read's as long and lively as the phone book suffocate you if there wasn't a picture of a Cadillac or a bottle of whisky every time you turn a page…

—You make your point Mister Davidoff I see it regularly, though I do believe I recall a cartoon some two years ago I found quite amusing, now if we may return to the plight of Mister Duncan…

—Don't worry about it, still afraid he won't see his full purchase price out of future earnings why he wants a look at what Skinner's got laid

out this way Mister Duncan, gal I brought along from Diamond topflight track record in curriculum management in here spreading out this whole textbook line to take on these ad revenues boys down at the agency bringing them in faster than…

—Mister Davidoff you're not suggesting, excuse me for interrupting but you're not also suggesting carrying advertising matter in school textbooks… ?

—Not my suggestion Beamish straight from the Boss we just carried it over to the trade list here, whole inspiration came from these match- books he picked up Mooneyham's company there for in the first place

got the names of every company product plan and service from hearing aids to funerals into the hands of every camper smoker and hophead in the country, need proof just look at the way this new aspirin took off cornered the market overnight with that straight-from-the-shoulder punch line it's green! Whole case of them in there put a few in your pocket when you leave watch your jacket there Mister Duncan, buttered roll on the bed better move that coffee Miss somebody on the phone Virginia?

—It's that Mister Hyde Mister Davidoff he …

—Just tell him to hold on got our gal here giving Mister Duncan the fifty cent tour wants a look at her…

—Mister Davidoff excuse me but before this whole project proceeds further I believe certain important legal questions may…

—Don't worry about it Beamish just got Piscator back from California on it, get across to these state systems where they buy all their textbooks in a lump grab a cost conscious ear in the legislature and we're off and running see these local boards of ed lining up like dominoes when the word gets out to the taxpayers school taxes up to their wait Virginia where's that schoolbooks backgrounder you were sending out, have to call it back I just saw the title you typed scared for sacred want to see it picked up by the Reader's Digest our gal here trying to reach these bleeding hearts…

—The fear psychology aptitudes reading levels all that stuff and junk, she came on through bread, the gone bite in the buttered roll smeared with lipstick like the coffee cup at her knee on the bed and the cigarette raised quivering now her contact lenses were out she looked at Mister Duncan with no interest at all, —it's not the kids, if they find a Cheerios or Reese Peanutbutter Cups spread in the middle of their math lesson they'll think it's a ball it's not the kids, it's the parents that make the trouble brought up with tv they ought to be used to love stories documentaries mysteries all that bla bla bla break off for clogged sinks underarms…

—But Miss, Mister Davidoff surely you don't intend to accept advertising for such things as deodor…

—Don't worry about it Beamish see what she's spreading out for Duncan right here all pegged to the grade level…

—Gum cereals candy bars all that stuff and junk is the primary grades

bikes sports equipment records seventh and eighth on up nothing till French Three and advanced algebra on deodorants tampons all that bla bla bla…

—Here's a cute one they just came up with for ninth grade algebra once the USDA opens up and the trademark's registered, smoky letters rising out of the grass here see them? I'm Mary Jane, fly me. Gets the idea right across Skinner got that title page? Motto running right along here under your Duncan and Skinner colophon bringing the world into the classroom and the classroom into the world gimmick Skinner here came up with, dug out this name educator Thomas Dewey for the PW announcement of this children's encyclopedia turned it into a crash project, team of salesmen out blanketing the city with samples of volume four pull in enough orders for the set we can go through with the other nine paying half cent a word all that ad space bypass your little old lady at Shady Nook hit your educable public right in the supermarket where they live ought to retail at the price of a package

of what's this Virginia…

—This memo I typewrited eight copies of you…

—Got your carbons in backwards again the Boss has a Xerox machine delivered to uptown headquarters place we really need one's right here oh and Virginia this time you run it through I thought I told you to set quarter inch margins, something the Boss saw on tv sends out a company-wide order to set every margin a quarter inch to save paper whole reason this publishing end's got top priority in the first place all this paper the Boss says we might as well print books on it, now he's heard it costs more to keep presses idle than to run them so he wants them rolling day and night's why Skinner's got his gal here doubling in brass on this She dummy give the American gal a whole new image…

—Age spots corns ugly veins unwanted hair flabby waistline drooping bust dry skin hemorrhoids all that stuff and…

—I hardly see how you expect to sell…

—Advertising Beamish sell advertising mail the magazine free to a guaranteed audience, put out a mag like Her play the numbers game with your ad accounts spend five dollars to get subscriptions you sell for four and lose our shirts like the rest of them, She hits the stands and they'll all line up like dominoes target your ads in on your

guaranteed audience you'll see boat magazines free to boat owners sex mags free to kids and singles photo mags free to camera buffs just get the lists knock out this five percent return on direct mail and your ad boys will pay the difference to know who they're reaching…

—Age lines nerves headaches flabby thighs small busts oily skin cracked nails split ends all that bla bla bla…

—Targeting in on every one of them drugstores selling us customer lists through wholesalers handling the Nobili prescription line gets some mileage in this feature she's got spread out there let Duncan here get a look at what Skinner's getting into…

—Yes that's…

—No here Mister Duncan over here, at last… !

—Yes that's…

—At last! A Personalized Plan from Nave to Grave, funeral right through the cemetery with the drug line nursing home tie-in somebody at the door?

—I thought he was fixing me…

—Mister Duncan I quite understand yes, but at this point I believe you might better join the rest of the gentlemen on the sofa and let me call you when I find an opening to approach Mister Davidoff in terms of, of fixing you up as you…

—Thought that was somebody at the door Virginia if it's those Indian boys tell them to sit tight and get that gang over on the sofa off the firewater…

—It wasn't them Mister Davidoff it was just Mister…

—Oh and Virginia that call I'm putting through to what happened to that call to Senator…

—But that Mister Hyde's still waiting on the telephone for…

—Trying to reach me while Hyde holds up the line better close that door behind you Beamish let them get back down to business in there just wanted Duncan here to get an eyeful of what was behind that spread in Monday's where's Duncan…

—I suggested he join the group on the sofa until we are able to concentrate more directly on his…

—Don't worry about it few things I didn't want to get into in front of him, gave him the three dollar tour to hang on till you or Nonny check out Skinner's option the Boss wants to be sure Duncan's really out of the ballgame dirty looking little man wouldn't have picked him as the publisher of TS…

—But Mister Davidoff that is exactly the problem which…

—Don't worry about it the only way Skinner and this gal can hold onto it think they'll come up with the purchase price out of some lawsuit you saw his eye and that smile of hers car wreck asking a million each, by the time that's settled the parent company will have called his loan and picked up the option had to take on his management contract to get it he's about as much use as a spare what's this box here Virginia, be lucky to get out with his hat and…

—That Indian suit they delivered the one you told me to rent for Mister…

—Chief Indian chief, better check it out before he takes it with him can't have him get up there looking like the last of the here just get it off the desk, hello? Hyde? just hold on a minute no sit down Beamish, didn't want to get into this in front of Duncan there the Boss saw that piece in Forbes on this collision course we're running on these mineral interests wants to move fast got this topflight salesman I brought along from Diamond on that Endo divestiture on his way out there with, Hyde… ? Haven't shown up here yet no had them paged down at the bar but… no if you're driving better leave without them we'll get them

loaded on the company plane with Mister… what? Six cents a mile companywide yes straight from the Boss not his fault if you drive a Cadillac he … time to get rid of what smell in your car … Because this whole Endo shipment's on its way out there right now, gets there ahead of you and you'll have them tearing open the crates won't know a toaster from a hair dryer be lifting the tops of the washing machines to climb on them and … To hold it off till the last minute with your PR cameras set up when the presentation's ready to … No before the pageant starts he makes the presentation they follow up with their ceremony make him an honorary … not the Boss no he can't make it been out of the country just called in last night he's… Sending his exec out in his place try to smooth their feathers yes… Bast yes don't think you've met him he's … what? Young yes but it couldn't be the same one this one's been with the Boss since… Don't worry about it I'd handle it myself but the Boss wants me here on deck for brush fires shouldn't be any problems the whole thing's … No worked the whole thing up in our shop historical pageant got in a topflight name scriptwriter to help them work up some pride in their history had to do it all himself asked them and they drew a blank, yakked about the Great Spirit warning them the white man would try to take away their language had to get all his background info from the papers and go from there has them sign a treaty for one reservation they're herded off it middle of winter across country barçfoot and bottled up in the one they're on out there now, brought in a little famine rapes cholera to jazz up the scenario try to get some togetherness going for them, work up some tribal spirit to get them off their butts and defend this happy hunting ground with these gas and mineral leases they're squatting on find the whole thing in these press releases should be waiting for you when you get out there, want to get them right to the press boys the night before so they can… Don't worry about it that's what they're paid for I'd send some of our agency boys out to hold your hand but they're all parceled out on… No waiting for final script delivery now don't worry about it just let this Charley Yellow Brook hand out the parts he's been… afraid of what? What would… no what would they go after you for they … No most of them never seen one had to have Abercrom-bie's send out some top archery types to show them how, even had to throw in some topflight canoeists so they'd know which end of the paddle to put in the … No it's Brook Yellow Brook not stream, Charley Yellow Brook and his … must have seen a first speech draft joke the Boss came up with about a book called The Yellow Stream by I P Daily thought it might break the ice but… get the same feeling myself sometimes I just tie up my… your what? Oh your boy want to take your boy along why not, might see something he … what America's all about? Show him what we have to protect yes

might get him into some pictures want them taken before the action starts hand carried put right on a plane got a couple of photographers from the local papers and a UP stringer doubling as PR for us get them