Just a Fan (30 page)

The seriousness in my tone took some of the fire out of his fury, even though the injured rage still lingered.

'They said some paparazzo took a photo of you with some other man,' he told me, frowning, his grip strong on my arms but the beginnings of self-doubt forming in his eyes.

'I know, and I've seen it,' I replied, much more gently, which made his grip falter. 'It's a very blurry photo, and it's just of me leaning towards George so he could hear me over the noise in the café we were in. It's all a misunderstanding -'

'George?' growled Connor, a fierce look returning to his eyes as he glared into middle-distance.

'It's just a
misunderstanding
, Connor,' I repeated, managing to loosen my arms from his grasp just enough to gently touch the sides of his face. At my soothing touch, he closed his eyes, visibly calming down as he let me go.

'How could you ever think I'd do something like that, Conn?' I asked him quietly, running a thumb gently along the ridge of his cheekbone. A small smile came to my lips. 'Besides, you know how awfully shy I am...'

Connor sighed, shoulders hunched forward towards me, shame now taking over his face.

'So...you didn't...you're not...?' he murmured.

'Of course not,' I told him consolingly. 'Michaela had just dropped me off at a café where George was, so I would have company while she went to work. It was a very noisy café, so...'

Connor looked mortified, and stepped away from me to lean heavily against the wall.

'Oh, God...' he groaned softly, a hand over his mouth. 'I'm such an idiot.' He ran his fingers tensely through his curls, then looked up at me with a very ashamed expression. 'I'm so sorry, Lilly...of course you wouldnae do something like that - let alone with Michaela's
George
...' He tentatively opened his arms, and I willingly walked into them, embracing him firmly.

'It's OK, Conn,' I murmured, reassuring him.

'It's just...I get so
jealous
when I think of you with someone else,' Connor admitted, gently stroking my hair. 'I can't stand the thought of someone taking you away from me...you mean a lot to me, you know that?'

'I know,' I replied softly, keeping my cheek closely pressed against his warm chest.

'I didn't mean to lose my temper like that...' he apologised wretchedly, then gave a small laugh. 'I get it from my mother.'

I laughed too, dispelling the gloominess. 'That's alright,' I told him.

We held each other for a while more, then Connor asked tentatively:

'Kiss?'

I smiled and tilted my chin upwards, letting him physically apologise. After a short, blissful moment, I felt him smile against my mouth.

'What is it?'

He grinned at me. 'You're blushing,' he chuckled teasingly. 'That's all the proof I need that you're really all mine...'

'Without a doubt,' I affirmed, trying to erase the pink from my cheeks.

'Mmm...' replied Connor vaguely, dipping his head back down for another kiss or two. I gladly let myself melt, feeling far more reassured -

'Wait!' I said, abruptly remembering. Connor frowned at me in confusion.

'What is it?'

'There's still everybody else who believes I'm two-timing,' I reminded him, worried.

Connor only scoffed. 'They don't
matter
,' he said offhandedly. 'Besides, my publicist can deal with any so-called "scandals".'

'But that's not the only thing,' I told him. 'Someone's trying to stir up trouble between us - how else did the paparazzo know where to go?'

He frowned. 'Who do you think it is?' he asked me, concerned.

'Well, Jocelyn Tate, of course,' I replied.

Connor stared at me for a second, then shook his head with a laugh. 'I know she's a spoiled little cow, but I don't think she'd have the guts to -'

'Connor, she
hates
me,' I told him frankly. 'Just after she'd finished talking to you at the party, she came up to me. She's enraged that you're taken, and she wants us apart at all costs. She threatened me at that party, and said she'd make my life h-'

'She
threatened
you?' Connor repeated, appalled. 'So
that's
what her game was all about...' His wide eyes then narrowed to slits of anger beneath a stormy brow, and he growled: 'Well, I'm gonnae show her wha' happens when someone geits on the wrong side of a MacGowan! Threatenin' ma puir sweet Lillian like tha'...'

I opened my mouth to attempt to calm him, but he put a large thumb against my lips to silence me.

'I'll be reet back,' he told me, then, before I could stop him, he swept right off through the front door, grumbling curses and some of the more colourful words of the Glaswegian vernacular.

I was left staring after him, blinking blankly at the open door.

'Don't kill anyone, will you?' I called after him anxiously.

* * *

When Connor finally returned, I was very impatient indeed.

'Where did you go? What took you so long?'

He was looking quite proud of himself, and sat down very casually on the sofa. 'She's not going to be bothering you any more,' he told me confidently.

'What happened?' I asked cautiously.

He chuckled. 'I gave her a right talking-to, that's what happened!' he replied. 'Whatever she's been telling you, she still knows I hold more weight in here. If she pisses
me
off again, then she'll be in some very big trouble...'

'I bet she's going to hate me even more now,' I said worriedly. Connor sighed, then got up, coming to me to take my hands in his.

'Well, that doesn't matter, does it? I won't let her get to you ever again,' he promised me.

'But there's still half of your fans out there who're convinced I'm cheating on you, and who
really
hate me,' I reminded him miserably.

'Oh, Lilly...you shouldn't let it bother you -'

'But it
does
!' I sighed in despair. 'I'm scared, Connor - these people are so ready to think badly of me, because to them I'm just some random girl you picked up in England. And even though there are so many nice people here in this city...there are some really terrible people, too, and I don't think I'd like to find out who Jocelyn's "connections" are...'

Connor's brow was furrowed with concern.

'Don't be afraid,' he consoled me, taking me in his arms. 'There's no need...'

'I can't help it...'

'It's alright, lass, it's fine,' Connor reassured me, then tilted my face up. 'Are you crying? Aw, don't, Lilly, please...'

''m sorry.'

'There's nothing to be sorry about...come here...' He led me like a child to the kitchen area, then got a tissue, wiping my tears away for me. I bit my lip, then gave a weak little laugh.

'God, I'm so pathetic,' I said.

'You're nae, pet,' he reassured me in a low voice, then smoothed my hair back, frowning slightly. 'I hate to see you so miserable...I forgot how much you care about whether people think well of you or not. I suppose New York's a big change for you - everything's so much more open. But I don't want you to be scared...'

'I'll be OK,' I replied quietly. However, he didn't seem to hear me - there was a faraway look in his eyes.

'You know what?' he murmured. 'I think I've had enough of the paparazzi, stuck-up parties and jealous little backstabbers here for some time. I'm tired of the gossip and intrigue, myself - what we need is some peace and quiet.'

I frowned at him. 'What do you mean?'

He smiled distantly. 'What I mean is that we don't have to stay in New York for longer than we need to,' he explained. 'We just need to hang on for a month or two until my film's premiere, and then we can leave.'

I blinked. 'Leave? Leave to where?' I could hardly believe that he was prepared to tear himself away from this beautiful penthouse.

'Oh, I don't know...the UK, maybe?' he said with a shrug. 'We'll see. But anyway, we should be fine until then - I've contacted my publicist, and she's doing a good job of keying things down.'

The idea of being released from the stress and fear of being the target of a malicious rival filled me with great hope and relief.

'I like the sound of that,' I replied quietly, then embraced him affectionately, my tears long gone. He stroked my hair fondly, and I splayed my fingers against the firm curve of his spine. Abruptly, I remembered something. 'Oh...yesterday was Valentine's Day, and we completely forgot!'

'Ah, yeah...' Connor said, then sheepishly added: 'Well, I actually remembered this morning, and so I made you a late present...'

'Really?'

'Wait there.'

He returned a few seconds later with something smallish and rectangular in his hand.

'Sorry I didn't wrap it, I had to go off to finish shooting...' he said bashfully, and handed it to me.

I turned it over. It was a pretty wooden frame, and inside it was a cutout of our wonderful photoshoot picture. 'Oh...it's so lovely,' I said, touched. 'Thanks so much, Conn, I love it!' I gave him a big kiss, then looked guilty. 'I only remembered a few hours ago...I didn't manage to get you anything,' I told him apologetically.

'It doesn't matter,' Connor reassured me, hugging me. Then, a cheeky glint appeared in his eye and he gave me a lopsided smile, deepening the expressive lines around the side of his mouth. 'But you could always make it up to me...'

He was about to suggest how, but I stilled his lips with a finger.

'I'm onto it.'

Chapter 21

This Side of the Barrier

I had never been to a movie premiere before. I only vaguely knew what they looked like from pictures and red carpet interviews I had seen...it was a mystery to me what actually went on there...

Luckily, Connor had been to countless premieres, and was able to inform me in detail about what to expect.

'Me and the rest of the cast'll probably be spending a good while answering questions and having photos taken,' he explained as he methodically prepared the salad for our dinner. 'We all get to bring along a friend or two; hopefully you won't get bored there.' There was a vague smile on his face as he busied himself over the salad bowl. 'Then we all go inside, see the movie, and go off to the afterparty.'

'Afterparty?' I asked, laying out the forks.

'Aye. It's usually at someone else's house, but sometimes it can be at a club or a bar,' Connor replied. 'Afterparties are always more chilled out - gives people a chance to relax and socialise.'

'Oh, right,' I said, mentally cringing at the word "socialise", but deciding to let it go. 'How's that salad coming on?'

'Nearly done,' Connor answered, then promptly dropped the cherry tomato he was holding, which rolled away across the tiles. 'Ach, shite.'

'Language!' I chided, giving him a teasing cuff as I passed him to get the glasses. Connor shied away from my gentle blow with mock fear, then went to retrieve the fallen tomato.

'Lucky these tiles are clean, eh?' he chuckled, bending to pick it up.

'Yeah...' I answered vaguely, somewhat distracted by his rather admirable behind. 'You know, those jeans
really
suit you.'

He straightened up, then looked down at himself. 'Ye think so?'

'Mmm. Especially round the back,' I commented innocently.

Connor gave me a wide grin, dark eyebrows raised. 'Were you just eyeing up my ass, there?'

I blushed out of habit, smiling with my back to him as I got out the glasses. 'Guilty.'

He gave an exaggerated gasp. 'You should be ashamed - taking advantage of me like that,' he accused in a tone of mock outrage. I turned around and grinned up at him, having to tilt my chin back as I walked past him because he was so tall.

'I apologise, then,' I said to him, going over to the table and putting the glasses down. 'I just couldn't resist...'

Connor's grin broadened. 'Speaking of which - look at this!' he said proudly, lifting up his t-shirt. I frowned at his exposed stomach, confused, and then my eyes became saucer-like as he tensed it.

'Whoa...' I murmured in sheer awe, goggling at the well-defined slabs of muscle on display. I came forward to touch the steely musculature of his warm belly, hardly able to believe my eyes. 'Where has all this come from?'

Connor beamed proudly. 'I had to go down to the gym quite a lot between takes,' he explained. 'To get myself back into shape...'

I wonderingly ran my fingers over those firm ridges and dips, at the same time very much aware of how many girls would kill to also have a feel of Connor MacGowan's abs. 'God, I could use you as a washboard.'

'They were a bit better in
Heyday
,' Connor admitted, a little bit of modesty shining through the good-natured arrogance. 'That movie needed a
lot
of gym work...'

'I saw it,' I replied with a smile, remembering the distant days when I didn't know him so personally. 'I never thought then that one day I'd be standing in your kitchen with you exposing yourself to me, like you are now.'

Connor laughed. 'I did tell the journalist that you were my number one fan,' he said, with a cheeky wink. I laughed too, still stroking those heavenly abdominal muscles. 'OK, that's really starting to tickle now.'

'How didn't I notice any of this before?' I wondered as he squirmed his stomach away from my fingers, pushing his t-shirt back down. '...Though I do suppose you've been a little harder to squeeze lately. And there's nothing to hang on to anywhere...' I pinched his sides through his clothing to prove my point.

'Ow,
ow
! Point taken!' Connor yelped, shielding himself from me. 'Let's have lunch, already.'

* * *

In the weeks before the premiere, while the film was still in post-production, Connor took me to see many more parts of New York that Michaela hadn't been able to show me. Of course, the pair of us got photographed on just about every street corner of Manhattan, but surprisingly enough, this time it was...fun. There was something very companionable about grabbing each other's hand and running off with a carefree laugh whenever some paparazzi began to tail us. Connor admitted to me that he hadn't enjoyed walking out in the town so much in ages - and I, in turn, confessed that at that very moment I couldn't care less about any photographers. Even though they were still buzzing about the false "scandal", they didn't intimidate me one bit when I had Connor's tall form at my side and his hand in mine. Every paparazzo with a video camera was patiently assured over and over that the whole thing was a misunderstanding, and that we kept nothing from each other. Our long walks were very happy indeed, and better yet, the whole world could see it. I didn't doubt that Miss Tate would be gnashing her teeth when she heard that nobody believed the rumoured scandal any more...

As for Michaela and George, Connor had called them before and they had seemed fine. George had initially been a little bit miffed, but since nobody had really recognised him in the photos, he had largely been unaffected. Once Michaela found out that Jocelyn had started the rumour, she had even laughed and dismissed the entire thing. Connor had told me that she didn't have anything against me, and knew that Jocelyn had made it all up. This was a huge relief; it was now nearly a month and a week after the "scandal" had come out and I was still in full possession of boyfriend
and
both friends.

However, despite our blissful little excursions, long sightseeing walks and general happiness, I couldn't help but worry about how close I had come to losing everything. Jocelyn had done it once - what if she could do it again, and worse? I doubted that Connor's "talking-to" had had any major long-term effects. It would only be a matter of time until she recovered and found a sneakier way of breaking us up, purely out of spite. Or worse still, until some
other
pretentious starlet got jealous and started plotting away...

I knew Connor was aware of my little underlying worry, even though I never voiced it. He could easily tell that I would be the natural target if anyone opposed our relationship, and this was part of what made him so protective of me. I couldn't say how much I appreciated his care and his devotion...I certainly felt very lucky indeed to have him.

One evening, about a week before the premiere night, we were sitting together on his sofa, looking out of the huge window at the city lights outside. I greatly enjoyed these peaceful little moments we shared together, and I knew he did, too.

Connor sat languidly leaning back, lost in thought, and I lay sidelong upon the sofa with my head resting upon his lap. By that time of evening, I was more or less half-asleep, slowly drifting off due to his comforting warmth. My eyes were half-closed, and as I lay there I murmured idly: 'It's certainly taken me ages to get used to all this...'

'Mmm...' replied Connor vaguely. 'But it's brilliant to see how cool and professional you are now. You've been very brave indeed, Lilly, and I can tell you that you've come very far from the blushing girl trying to hide from the cameras.'

I chuckled. 'I suppose I have...'

A faraway tone came into Connor's voice. 'You know...I've always wondered what it would be like for us if we were just an ordinary couple,' he told me. 'I mean, a couple who weren't known everywhere and who weren't interviewed and photographed whenever they stepped out of the house.' I smiled at this. 'If I hadn't taken those first film roles, I'd still be a guy like any other...just known by my friends and family. We'd be able to live together peacefully, without any gossip and scandals, and you would never have had to sacrifice so much to be with me...'

'Connor, don't talk like that,' I said to him, not wanting him to speak so sadly. I raised myself up onto my knees and hugged him comfortingly. 'I'm perfectly happy now, so there's no need to be regretful or guilty about anything...'

Connor sighed. 'Yeah, but I can't help thinking how easy it would be if we didn't have the whole world watching us...' he replied, then lapsed into a long, thoughtful silence. I stroked his hair, lovingly raking my fingers through the silky dark curls. I silently remarked that he was growing his rather lovely sideburns again.

'Wouldn't it be nice if we took some time off to be alone together - just you and me, far away from all of
this
kind of stuff...?' Connor murmured. I could tell he was beginning to daydream now, so I just shrugged and kissed his rough cheek, laying my head down upon his shoulder.

'It would be a change,' I said with a wide yawn.

Connor turned himself and looked at me. 'Wow, you look tired,' he remarked. 'Why don't you go off to bed? I'll come up right after.'

''K,' I replied, unfolding myself and getting up. 'Come up soon, won't you?' I bent down and kissed him properly, which he seemed to appreciate, judging by his smile. I left him sitting on the sofa, and trudged off upstairs, all too eager to go to bed and get some sleep...

When I had finished brushing my teeth and had donned my nightdress, Connor still hadn't come upstairs. I rolled my eyes, deciding that I couldn't keep myself awake long enough to wait for him. Happily, I collapsed onto the bed, which was given a lovely golden glow from the bedside lamps. The covers were cool and crisp and soft, and I knew I would be snoring as soon as I hit the pillow -

Just before I lay down, though, I stopped. I could hear talking downstairs...who could Connor be speaking to at this hour? Frowning, I got out of bed and padded out of the bedroom, going down the corridor and onto the landing where I could eavesdrop.

I could definitely hear
one
voice, and that was Connor's. Who was he talking to? I listened, and the rolling, gruff, undiluted Scottish I could now hear brought a smile to my face.

'- been together for some teime now, and ah can tell ye ah'm sure about everything,' he was saying, on the phone. 'I've even met her mother.
An'
her mother's friends.' I bit my lip in embarrassment at the memory, but Connor didn't sound traumatised at all. 'I know ye might think this a bit rash, but I'm taking her away reet after the premiere. Aye, of course I have - 'cuz ye see, some scunners were givin' us a bit of a hard time a while ago, and we've decided to take a wee holiday...'

There was a short pause. I swooned quietly from the after-effects of that rough, raw accent. Then: 'Aye. I've still got it, so we can easily go there. It's all guid. Maybe we can visit all o' ye sometime...if Gracie's gonnae be there, 'n Malcolm...I know ye'd like to meet her, Mum,
and
Dad would, too...' He gave a light little laugh. 'We'll see. Aye, I suppose I do...that's 'cuz I think I'm very much in love...'

My cheeks flushed, and I couldn't prevent a huge smile from breaking over my face at his lovely words. I still couldn't get over this little piece of knowledge...

'Aw, Mum, stop!' Connor was saying, sounding embarrassed as he laughed. 'Enough o' tha'. Jeez...ah know I am. Right, I'd best be off. It's late here...aye, nice to hear from ye too. Bye!'