Just a Kiss: The Bradfords, Book 5 (29 page)

Of course, she knew that she definitely
should
refuse to be in his bed if he was going to be like that. But definitely refusing Kevin seemed an unlikely undertaking.

Besides, the point was going to be wasted. He wasn’t here tonight and wouldn’t be here until after she’d gone into work in the morning. So he wouldn’t know where she’d slept anyway.

And she really wanted to sleep in his bed.

For years she’d dreamed of it. When she’d first fallen for him in high school, she’d imagined him in that bed and wished she could be there with him, in his arms all night. It had been more than a heated teenage fantasy. It had been a longing to be with him. Then, since their wedding night, it had been an even more painful desire.

Without him there, his bed still tempted her. It smelled like him and it was as close to him as she could get tonight.

Angry or not, she always wanted to be close to him.

So after she was sure Drew was asleep, she showered and crawled between Kevin’s sheets.

Heat and need woke her a few hours later.

“I’m home.”

The thick whisper swept over the skin of her neck and shoulder.

She became conscious of the room slowly, but kept her eyes closed, reveling in the sensation of a heavy hot hand on her stomach, rubbing back and forth over the skin between the top of her cotton drawstring pajama pants and the short T-shirt she wore.

“I know I shouldn’t wake you up,” he said against her shoulder blade.

She lay on her side and when she leaned back the solid form behind her didn’t move.

Kevin’s voice was husky against her ear. “But please let me touch you.”

It wasn’t a dream. He was here. “Work?” she asked, still climbing out of the cobwebs of sleep.

“Got someone to cover. Had to come home.”

“You okay?” she asked.

He pressed closer and she realized he had on only boxers. His chest was bare and heat soaked through the thin cotton of her top and spread down her spine, the backs of her legs and to her feet. He was also hard. His erection pressed against her butt.

“I’m okay,” he said. “And I know we need to talk, but I need you. Seeing you in my bed does something to me.”

“Being in your bed does something to me, so that works out.” She tried to roll back, but he didn’t let her.

“I think this is nice, just like this,” he said, his hand stealing down over the front of her pajama pants. “I’m wide awake. Let me wake you up,” he breathed against her neck as she arched into his hand.

Every nerve in her body seemed be suddenly alive and jumping. “I don’t think that’s going to take long,” she said breathlessly.

“Good. Wouldn’t want you to miss the first orgasm.”

He was only using one hand, but he easily undid the tie below her belly button, loosened the waistband and slipped his big hand into the front of her pants.

She wasn’t wearing underwear—she never did at night—and he groaned as he discovered that fact. “It’s like you were waiting for me,” he said.

“I’ve been waiting for you for years,” she said softly, without thinking.

His hand paused, his palm over her mound. She froze, wondering if she’d said something wrong, to jerk him out of the moment.

But his voice was even thicker as he said, “I need you to know that when I said those marriage vows to you, I meant them, Eve.”

He ran his hand down, over her, the pad of his middle finger skimming over the already moist cleft, but not parting or penetrating anything.

“When I said that I wanted to love, honor and cherish you forever, I meant it.” This time his finger nudged inside slightly, stroking up and down through her wetness.

She pulled in a breath. “I know.”

“Do you?” he asked. “I screwed it up.”

She felt tears prick in her eyes.

At one time, he would have fought any foe for her. But he wouldn’t have—hadn’t—fought
her
.

“I screwed it up too. First,” she said.

She felt him breathe against her shoulder.

“It shouldn’t have mattered,” he said. “I should have been there. I should have fought harder.”

But he wouldn’t have pushed her for something she didn’t want. That morning, standing in her father’s church, she knew that Kevin believed she’d changed her mind, that she didn’t want him. Or at least, that she didn’t want him
enough.

“You walked away because you were hurt, but also because
I
hadn’t honored
you
, Kevin. You didn’t know how much I needed you. You knew that I loved you, but you didn’t know that…” She had to swallow to keep from crying.

His finger pressed in further, rubbing gently over her clit and making fire lick out and down her legs.

She gasped and her fist tightened on the sheet.

“I didn’t know what?”

His touch made her want to do anything, tell him anything he wanted to hear. But it didn’t feel manipulative. It felt intimate. Talking while letting him touch her like that, telling him things that she’d carried with her, in her soul, for so long, felt more intimate than she could ever be with anyone else.

“You didn’t know that getting out of bed every morning after that was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, that the sight or smell of Juicy Fruit gum made me want to cry for almost two years.” That had been his favorite gum and he’d chewed it every time they were together so it reminded her of the taste of his kisses. “That I bought a Nebraska football jersey with your number and slept in it every night, that I drove with two girlfriends to Kansas City thinking I’d camp outside the stadium and somehow find you. Twice.”

His finger, just one, pressed into her. He stroked deep as she gasped. Then he stopped, his finger deep inside her.

“More,” he said roughly. “What else don’t I know?”

“You don’t know that I kept messing up—getting drunk, not eating, flunking classes—because I kept hoping that you would hear about it and come save me. If my dad didn’t give a shit, I kept thinking that you would and it would prove to me that I had been right to marry you, to give you my life instead of him.”

He stroked his finger in and out twice, deep and firm, not rough, but not gentle. Then he added a second finger, curling them both to rub over her g-spot when he stroked. But again he stopped.

“And I fucked up. I didn’t come to you,” he said against her shoulder. “I kept the hurt inside, wallowed, said that you’d rejected me and that was that. I didn’t fight, I didn’t try.”

She felt tears stream over her cheeks. There had been plenty of tears after he’d left, but as far as he’d known she was happy with her decision, that she was relieved that he
hadn’t
fought and made things harder and worse with her father.

“You wouldn’t have fought with me. You would have never pushed or argued with me. You never would have made me cry…not on purpose.”

She felt his forehead rest against her shoulder. He stroked his fingers deep again and she shifted, parting her legs, arching closer.

“I want to tell you about the arrest,” she said quietly, even as she felt her body winding tighter. “I want to tell you everything.”

“No,” he said softly. “I don’t need to know.”

She struggled to concentrate, but his hand was making magic. “But, I—”

“I only wanted to make you happy, Eve. I want you to feel good now, to know how amazing you are, to know that I love you. No matter what’s happened.”

He pressed his fingers deep, then slid them out and over her clit, circling.

“I know,” she told him, then caught her breath as he pressed her clit just right. “I know,” she said again raggedly.

“Well, I’m not quite through showing you,” he said.

He shifted and she rolled to her back, though his fingers slid inside her again. In the light that glowed from the streetlight outside the window, their eyes locked. He looked serious, intent. Not playful. There wasn’t even a hint of a smile. He watched her as he stroked her. She felt the tension, the desire, that incredible coil of need that Kevin inspired, begin deep in her gut. She arched closer, but he pulled his hand away.

“No, I—” she started, but he shifted so he could use both hands to whisk her pants off. He tossed them to the side and then took a knee in each hand and spread her legs.

He knelt between them and she felt exposed, vulnerable and incredibly turned on.

“Kevin,” she breathed.

He met her eyes, that intense, determined look still in place, before he dipped his head and kissed her inner thigh. Then he licked. And moved his way up the curve of her right thigh to her mound then to her clit. His tongue dragged over her clit three times and Eve thought she was going to float off the bed. She was so close to orgasm already but she wanted to drag this out. She wanted his mouth, tongue, hands, body on her and in her for as long as they could both take it.

His tongue slid lower, licking over her, his tongue dipping inside, then sliding up and over her clit again. He sucked softly and she cried out, her hands tangling in his hair. Her legs slid further apart, her heels digging into the mattress as he feasted on her. He’d suck, lick and swirl, then start over.

Eve felt the coil tightening in her belly and hoped she didn’t pass out before she orgasmed.

That was not a problem. Ten seconds later, the coil of desire pulled tight then let go all at once and her release crashed over her. She cried his name as she arched off the bed, pressing closer and closer to his mouth.

He stayed between her legs as her body’s tremors quieted. When she finally sighed and let herself sink into the mattress he moved to lay against her side again.

He stroked his hand up and down her arm.

“Sorry I woke you up,” he said after almost two minutes. “I couldn’t help it.”

She turned toward him. “I’m glad you did.”

“We need to talk but we can do that later. I took the next couple days off.”

He still looked far too serious. She put her hand to his cheek and waited for him to look at her. “Be honest, Kevin. Are you worried about me being with Drew?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so.” Then he sighed. “The time off is about you and me. Not Drew.”

“You and me?” That sounded a little ominous.

“I need you to get to know me. I want to show you my life, show you the ways I’ve changed.”

“And vice versa?” she asked. He had a right to know who she was. But the idea made her feel like she’d swallowed a lump of clay that had lodged in her throat.

“Yes.” He stroked his fingers through her hair. “I want to know about your life too, the changes. But I… You need…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “When we were together before I was focused on being the right guy, the perfect guy, showing you the good things, trying to impress you and your dad. I was pretty careful not to tell or show you anything that would make me look bad.”

Eve felt a flutter in her chest. “What do you mean? There were bad things?”

“A few,” he confessed. “I got a B in science because my football coach asked the teacher to throw out the two tests I’d flunked. I failed one because he had me reviewing game films the night before and I didn’t study. I failed the other because I was hanging out and had too much to drink the night before, and fell asleep halfway through the test.”

She looked up. “I didn’t know that.”

“Exactly.”

She smiled. “Okay, what else?”

“I wanted Mike Carsen to go out with me one night but he had to babysit his two younger brothers. So we ended up taking them to a party with us and the twelve-year-old drank beer when we weren’t looking and the fourteen-year-old made out with a seventeen-year-old girl.”

Eve was sure her eyes were comically round, but…wow. “Made out?”

“Felt naked boobs for the first time and learned to French kiss.”

“But—no one got hurt?”

“Not until the younger one started puking,” Kevin said with a sigh. “He confessed the whole thing to their parents and Mike was forbidden to see me for almost three months.”

Eve pushed up onto her elbow. “More. What else?”

“You’re clearly horrified and shocked,” he said wryly.

“I’m pretty shocked,” she said. “I mean, you were such a
nice
guy with me. But maybe my father heard some of these stories and that’s why he didn’t want you around?”

“Very likely. The test scores and speeding tickets and stuff that I got out of were pretty secret, but whenever someone else got in trouble because of or with me, everyone knew. But, they all tolerated it. I was the football star.”

He sighed and she got the definite impression that the memories weren’t exactly good or welcome.

“You didn’t enjoy the perks that went with being a local celebrity?” she asked.

“I can’t deny that I did,” he said. “I took advantage of it. But I guess I always felt…a little empty about it all. I mean, even as a teenager I knew that people liked me and did me favors because I helped the team win. It wasn’t about me, who I was.”

“And then with me, it wasn’t about you either. It was about doing and saying the right things to impress me and my father.”