Just a Little Sincerity

Just a Little Sincerity | Tracie Puckett

Just a Little Series Part III

Just a Little Sincerity. Copyright © 2012 by Tracie Puckett. All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of the author.

Prologue

Sunday September 23

“Luke,” I said. “Please stay awake. There’s an ambulance on the way. They’re going to be here any second to take you to the hospital. Just hang in there okay? Please—”

“Jules,” he said, his voice weak as his consciousness faded. “I’m losing a lot of blood—”

“Stay awake,” I said again. “Just listen to me. Try to keep your eyes open—”

“Julie,” he said, managing to lift his right arm. He cupped my face with his hand and squeezed as tight as he could, but his strength was simply gone. He whispered something again, but I couldn’t make out his words. He closed his eyes, but his mouth still moved. I leaned closer to him, hoping to decipher his barely audible whispers. His eyes opened again, and I leaned in as close as I could.

“Luke,” I said, my tears falling onto his cheeks. “I love you. And if you die…”

“I’m not going to die,” he whispered. “I promise.”

He lifted his head far enough for his lips to brush mine. With tears streaming down my cheeks and across our lips, I reluctantly eased into his kiss. When I felt his strength slipping away, I tried to pull back, but he held me as close as he could and parted his lips, allowing for the kiss to deepen.

And when he couldn’t find the strength to carry on, I pulled away from him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He closed his eyes again and managed a faint smile.

The sound of crashing filled the air, and again it was the gun. But it hadn’t been shot. Derek stood over his sister’s unconscious body, wielding the handgun as tears filled his eyes.

“Derek?” I watched Hannah’s body for a few long beats, noticing a slight movement in her chest.

“I knocked her out,” he said, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d done. “She’s just unconscious.” He dropped the gun to the floor and rushed to my side.

Luke turned his head away as his breathing became more and more shallow. The warmth of his breath subsided. The heavy movement in his chest desisted. But the blood kept pouring, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

As I heard the sound of faint sirens in the distance, I ran my fingers through Luke’s hair, crying over his motionless body.

“Luke, please,” I begged. “Please don’t leave me.”

Derek kneeled next to Luke, grabbing his wrist and feeling for a pulse. He leaned down and pressed his ear to Luke’s bloody chest, and after a few faint seconds, looked back at me with teary eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Julie,” he said. “He’s gone.”

Chapter One

Saturday October 27

“I was elected chairman of the dance committee,” I said. “The Fall Ball is scheduled for next Saturday… I’ll probably just go alone.…”

I scooted forward in the grass with my legs crossed over one another, my knees gracing the engraved stone in front of me. I shook my head and absorbed the reality of this conversation. It seemed far too morbid.

“You know that feeling when you’re driving down the road, and you arrive at your destination, but you can’t remember for the life of you how you got there?” I asked, slowly drawing in a breath to fill my lungs with the frigid autumn air. “Obviously you found your way, you got there safe, but… the whole idea of
how
you actually arrived is a mystery even to you?”

I leaned back to reposition myself, pressing my hands down on the dewy grass and clutching the wet blades between each finger. It was something so simple… so easy to take for granted; the ability to touch something… to feel it… to make a connection. How quickly I’d learned not to ignore the magnitude of having something to hold….

“That’s how life has felt up to this point; just one case after another of highway hypnosis. Here I am; sitting right in front of you… making small talk about a stupid dance… but the
how
and
why
of it all is still too hard to comprehend, so I just shut it out.”

I let my eyes wander for a few faint moments. The grave was small and decorated, nestled at the back corner edge of the cemetery just below the shade of a nearby oak tree. A rickety wooden fence separated the cemetery from the thick forest on the neighboring plot of land. Leaves cascaded from the giant oak as the wind picked up.

The air was frigid, and yet here I sat, freezing as I talked to no one who could actually hear me.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit,” I said, keeping a firm grasp on the grass beside me. “I could lie and say I’ve been busy…. Truth is… I’ve been putting this off for as long as possible.”

My cheeks burned as the wind gained momentum; it whistled as it taunted my golden locks and forced the orange leaves off the ground into a free-flowing dance. It was beautiful; and even now, through all my emotions, I appreciated the beauty of nature’s simplicity.

“I’m sorry. I’m all over the place today. It’s just that… there are so many things I regret never saying to you,” I said, watching the leaves follow the current back to the ground. “And I don’t really know where to start.” I bit my lip to fight back a sob that lingered deep in my throat, but the emotion fought to overcome me. “I really hope you know how much I love you… and how much I truly miss you.”

I closed my eyes, letting the extra weight of my eyelids force the pent-up tears down my cheeks.

“Every day,” I said, recognizing the weakness in my voice as tears glossed over my eyes. “I wonder what our lives would have been like if you were still here. Would it be easier? Maybe, if you hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t be stuck in this place… this constant game of back and forth, wondering how I went from sitting on top of the world to losing everything I ever loved.”

Tears spilled over the rim of my eyes. I watched as my warm breath turned to fog in front of my face with each jagged breath I exhaled. I wiped my tears away with the backside of my glove and pulled my knees to my chest.

“I don’t know how the afterlife works,” I said, still fighting to bite back the tears. “Maybe you can hear me now, maybe you can’t. But if you’re listening, I just want you to know that I’m okay. I’m not great; I’m not even close. I’m just…
okay
. And I only came here today because I wanted to tell you… again, in case you’re listening… I haven’t forgotten about you. I still miss you… and there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give to be in your arms again… if only for a second.”

I rested my chin on my knees and hugged myself tighter. The tears felt like frozen drops of ice on my cheeks, but I couldn’t bring myself to wipe them away.

“I have somewhere I have to be now,” I whispered. I rolled forward on my knees and knelt before the headstone, running my fingers across the engraved letters. “I love you,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to the smooth granite. “I’ll never forget what you did for me.”

Saturday October 27, 8:00pm

“What are
you
supposed to be?” I asked, staring at my cousin with wide eyes.

Matt’s gray shirt and jeans were smeared with dirt, ripped and torn, and covered with dry blood. Bloodied scrapes, wounds, and scars—all made from wax and make-up— masked his typically flawless face.

“The living dead,” he said, opening his mouth to expose his dirt-stained teeth.

“That’s disgusting—”

“Why thank you, Your Highness,” he mocked, bowing before me.

I smoothed the lace gloves and adjusted my tiara before turning full circle to let the beautiful, white gown sweep the ground.

The party was off to quite a start. Charlie had invited everyone in the neighborhood to his annual Halloween costume party. He’d supplied every kind of food and snack imaginable, karaoke entertainment on the front porch, outdoor games in the yard, and a bonfire at the back edge of the property. As always, Matt took his costume far too seriously. And this year, I was determined to strip him of his reigning title of
Best Dressed
.

“Mock me if you must,” I said, pursing my lips. “But you and I both know that you’re just jealous that you could never be this breathtaking—”

“Woo!” Detective Bruno said, walking between us to join my uncle near the roaring bonfire. “I think Miss Julie has spent one too many hours down at the station, Charlie. You hear the mouth on that girl? I haven’t met someone with an ego that big since Trigger joined the force.”

“Watch it,” Luke said, stepping up to warm his hands.

He flashed a coy smile in my direction, winked, and turned back to the fire.

“I thought you couldn’t make it,” I said from across the fire pit, keeping my voice calm while watching the smoke climb further into the air.

“Plans change,” he said, his eyes darting up at Detective Bruno. The two men stared at each other for a few long beats, sparking a few uncertain glances from the rest of the group. It was hard to be certain, but from the look of things, it seemed as though something was going on between them; something was definitely
off
.

After Bruno broke the stare, he, Charlie, and Matt broke off from the group and headed for the house. With no one else in sight, I sprinted around the fire and threw my arms around Luke’s neck. A heavy groan escaped from deep in his throat as his body tensed against mine.

“Careful, kid—”

“Right,” I said, backing away. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he said, still wincing and holding his chest. A moment passed, and he dropped his arms to his side and shook them as if to let go of the pain. “Now,” he said quietly. “Let’s try that again.”

He turned to me, taking me in his arms, and pulled me gently to his chest. I closed my eyes as I rested against his shoulder, admiring the way it felt inside his embrace.

As silent minutes passed, everyone started going about their evening and enjoying the party. Five minutes after ending our hug, Luke crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared off into the night. At this point, the vast majority of the crowd had already migrated to the front of the house to hear Detective Bruno’s encore (and tone deaf) performance of
Monster Mash
, leaving Luke and I alone to listen to the crackle of the burning embers. Neither of us said much, but it was comforting all the same; Luke was standing next to me. Alive and strong … and really, that’s all I could ask for.

As the smoke wafted up and blanketed the dark autumn sky, I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs with the ashy smell of burnt hickory. Nighttime was finally upon us, bringing with it a sudden onset of cool air. And as I stood near the fire, enjoying the warmth of the flames against my cheeks, Luke’s arm fell gently across my shoulder. He pulled me close to his side, encompassing my body with a flood of heat even the fire couldn’t compete with. He lowered his head to mine and pressed his lips to my temple.

“Brace yourself,” he said with a bit of intrigue shining in his eyes.

“For what?”

“A compliment,” he whispered, tickling my earlobe with the soft grace of his lips. “You look beautiful.”

I turned to meet his crooked smile. “How very unlike you,” I said, praying my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. “I’ve missed you.”

“You were just at the hospital yesterday, kid,” he said, pressing another kiss to my head. He looked over his shoulder and back to me, worried that our closeness had drawn unwanted attention from the other partygoers.

Since the night of the shooting, Luke and I hadn’t shared many intimate moments. There was an occasional hug here and there, rarely a peck on the cheek… and then there was that unspoken agreement that neither of us would mention the kiss we shared as he fought for (what we could only assume were) his last breaths. Still, I’d remained by Luke’s side through thick and thin—day and night—as much as I could without raising suspicion. Nothing could stop me from being right where I needed to be… with him.

Needless to say, his openness tonight was odd. It wasn’t like Luke, even this new and improved version of himself, to play his cards so far from the chest. He seemed a little vulnerable… a little comfortable… a little…
normal
for a change.

“How was your first day out of the hospital?” I asked, letting my fingers brush against his.

“Uneventful,” he assured me. “I tried to settle in at home, but was too restless, so I stopped by the station. I tried sneaking in the back, but that didn’t work. Charlie didn’t let me two steps in the door before he threw me out.”

“You know you’re not allowed back on duty—”

“I’m out of the hospital,” he said, his scarred lip curving into a smile. “I’m as good as new—”

“Not necessarily,” I said, running my thumb across his. “I thought you were going to cry when I hugged you earlier.”

He scoffed and looked away, but it was clear that even Luke knew he was pushing his recovery.