Just a Little Sincerity (3 page)

He reached into the box, digging through to the very bottom, and pulled a piece of white stationery from the pile.

“She left this note,” he said. “The night your parents were murdered… she knew what he was going to do and she couldn’t stop him. She knew he’d either kill himself or end up in prison for the rest of his life. I guess she couldn’t fathom living another day without him.” He opened the note and passed it to me. “The police found it on the nightstand next to an empty pill bottle.”

Two words and nothing more:
I’m sorry
.

“That’s it?” I asked, looking at him. He took the note and tucked it back inside the box. “I’m so sorry, Derek,” I said, taking his hand.

With one slow blink, the tears let loose and trickled down his cheek.

“I keep going back to what you said that night,” he said, taking a jagged breath. “About my father’s evil running through my veins. It haunts me every day, Julie. I hate that I can’t change who I am and where I came from. I grew up knowing what kind of monster he was… I never wanted to turn out like him—”

“And you didn’t,” I said, squeezing his hand tighter. “I should have never said those things, Derek. I was angry… confused, to say the least. I hated that you’d kept a secret like that. You have to know how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. I’d do anything to take it back—”

“But you were right,” he said. “My dad murdered two innocent people, my mom killed herself, and Hannah is sitting in a jail cell awaiting trial for attempted murder. It is…just like you said. It’s in my blood.”

“What?”

“Being a killer.”

“You’re not,” I said, lifting his chin. “That’s not who you are—”

“I try to tell myself that,” he said, taking a deep breath. “But then every time I see you with Luke… every time I feel you thinking about him… part of me wishes he would have just died the night Hannah shot him.”

“Get rid of the box, Derek,” I said, trying not to let his last words rattle me. “You are
not
defined by the things your family has done. I know who you are, and this isn’t you talking. That box… everything in it… it’s trash. You need to stop holding on to it. You need to move on. We both do.”

“How can you be so sure, Julie? If I don’t know, then how can you? How can you
really
know who I am?”

“I trust my instincts, Derek. And let me tell you something… I rarely see the good in people… and all I can see is the goodness in you. So if you can’t trust yourself, then trust me.
I
know you’re different. I believe in you.”

Chapter Three

Friday November 02, 5:55am

“You wanna tell me what that was all about the other night?” I asked, throwing a sideways glance in Luke’s direction as he took long strides across the dark parking lot.

“Meaning?”

I ran up beside him to keep up with his quick pace. It was easy to see that he was on a mission; he wore his serious, stern expression—one that told me he meant business. But even in the dark morning sky, Luke’s emotions were easy to read; he was annoyed to run into me.

“The party. The bonfire. Our little exchange. Any of this ring a bell?” I asked. “We were having a moment and then you got that call from Bruno. You took off without the slightest explanation—”

“We were having a moment?” he asked, returning a glance from the corner of his eye.

“Well, weren’t we?” I asked, taking his arm and stopping him in his tracks. “Luke?”

He took a deep breath and dropped his head. “You’ve gotta stop doing this, Julie.”

“Doing what?”

“Asking me to
feel
,” he said. “Having irrational expectations—”

“Irrational expectations?” I asked, remembering the way he held me, whispered in my ear, and pressed his warm lips to my cool skin. “Luke, you can’t be serious—”

“Julie—”

“I’m not imagining things,” I said, disputing his next argument before he had time to make it. “I’m not asking you to
feel
anything. You
already
feel. What I’m asking is that you stop running from me for one second and admit that I’m not out of my mind.”

“Not the time or place, Julie,” he said, brushing past me to let himself through the doors of the Oakland Police Department.

“This conversation is not over, Lucas Reibeck,” I called after him once inside the building. He disappeared down the hallway without another word.

“Hey,” Charlie said, stepping out of his office and pulling me in for a hug. “What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

I looked at my watch. 6AM, right on the dot. It would be easy for him to assume something was wrong. I had no business showing up here this early on a school day, but I couldn’t tell him the truth….

My original plan was to track down Detective Bruno and find out what was going on between him and Luke. And then after running into Luke in the parking lot, I thought maybe it was best to just stick to deciphering all the mixed signals between
me
and Luke. One step at a time, right? But Luke’s eagerness to get away from me was just a little too worrisome, and I needed to get to the bottom of it.

“You know, Uncle Charlie,” I said, trying to think fast on my feet. “I’m the only person in the senior class who didn’t get the chance to finish my job shadowing project. After the shooting and everything that happened with Officer Reibeck… I feel like I’ve been…robbed.”

Charlie raised his brow and shook his head. “
You
feel robbed?” he asked. “Given the circumstances, the school excused you from the project. You’re not obligated to finish the hours, kiddo. Besides, last I checked, you thought the class project was a huge waste of time.”

“I did… at first,” I said, knowing the best way to Charlie’s heart. “Though I’ve been around it all my life, it was
you
who brought me to the station and introduced me to criminal justice system.
You
teamed me up with Luke, who showed me firsthand what it means to be a police officer. But I was just getting my feet wet. I loved every second I spent shadowing here at the station. And I still have four hours to complete before I’m done. Like I said, I just feel… a little cheated. I want the same opportunity my classmates had. I want to finish the assignment.”

Charlie’s typically stern expression turned doughy. His cheeks flushed red with admiration as his smile stretched ear-to-ear.

“You really feel that way?”

“I really do,” I said. “So, what do you say? Luke’s here now. I can follow him around for the rest of the day, knock out my hours, and be done with it.”

His smile faded. “Trigger’s here?”

“That’s what I said—”

“Dammit! He did it again,” Charlie mumbled. He looked over his shoulder and scanned the front of the building. “Where did he go?”

I pointed in the direction of the break room. “I can go get ‘im—”

“You stay right where you’re at,” he said, storming toward the dimly lit hallway at the back of the station.

“Ah, Miss Julie,” Detective Bruno said, joining me at the front of the station. He took a sip from his coffee mug and raised his brows. “I see what you’re doing… it’s not going to work. You’re in way over your head, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry?” I asked, crossing my arms and staring straight forward, waiting on Charlie or Luke to emerge from the hallway.

“It’s time to let go now,” he said, patting me on the back and turning away.

“Let go?” I asked. “Let go of what?”

A forlorn grin swept across his face. “Trigger.”

I shook my head. “No way, Detective. Something is going on and I’m going to find out what it is. You can’t tell me I’m in denial one day, and then turn around and tell me I’m in over my head. Make up your mind—”

“I was wrong,” he said, turning back. “There’s nothing there. I misinterpreted the signals. There’s no hope for you, sweetheart… and certainly no love. Not with Trigger.”

Friday November 02, 7:00pm

“Looking good, Julie,” Derek said, offering a hand to help me down from the ladder.

I jumped down from the second step and looked around the high school gymnasium to study our progress. The orange, red, and yellow streamers didn’t do much to light up the space, but the balloons, lights, and centerpieces would certainly help. I was quickly learning the importance of taking each step at a time. Still, I couldn’t wait to see it once it all came together.

“Sorry I’ve wasted your Friday night,” I said. “The rest of the dance committee bailed when the forecaster started talking about isolated tornadoes.”

“Wasted?” Derek asked, taking my hand and pulling me over to sit next to him on the lowest riser. “Time spent with you is never wasted, Julie.”

I smiled, appreciating how easy Derek had made the past few days. It never failed; whenever I was hurt, needed a friend, or even a shoulder to cry on, Derek was there. It was almost as if he had a sense for my pain. And better yet, he had an unbelievable way of making it melt away.

“I brought something,” he said, reaching back and pulling a basket off the raised seat. “I figured we’d be here pretty late, and I wanted to make sure you had sustenance.”

“You brought a picnic?” I asked, trying to disguise my flushing cheeks. “You didn’t have to—”

“I didn’t do anything fancy,” he assured me. “Don’t expect a Matthew-Little-quality meal.”

“Well, if you know me at all, you’d know the best way to my heart is—”

“Pizza?” he asked, opening the basket to expose the two miniature boxes of carryout from Giovanni’s Pizzeria.

The dim gymnasium lighting flickered as the thunderstorm grew stronger. And despite the eeriness of it all, Derek still wore a beautiful, heartfelt smile.

“You’re amazing,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t believe you did this—”

“I guess I know my audience,” Derek said, reaching into the basket to pull out the boxes.

“You most certainly do,” I said, taking one from him.

As we sat on the bottom level of the bleachers, Derek and I ate our food in silence. I spent most of our break looking around the room, analyzing all the areas that still needed some TLC. Derek, as far as I could tell, spent most of this time watching
me
.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” I said, finally breaking the silence. “The pizza, the decorations, the company… it’s all very nice. But you didn’t have to—”

“Ah, but I did,” he said. “Not to mention, I wanted to help. It’s fun to watch you.

“To watch me?”

“You’re so determined and eager; I’ve never met a person who will stop at nothing to get what they want. Take tonight, for example. The wind is blowing at 70 miles per hour, the lightning and thunder sound like something you’d only hear in a scary movie, and yet you’re still here, singlehandedly decorating the gym so that your classmates can enjoy the Fall Ball tomorrow.”

As I reached for my water bottle on the riser next to me, my phone buzzed. I picked it up, checked the screen, and scrunched my brow.

One New Message

Luke

I opened the message and read the few words:
Storms are getting worse, Jules. You’re not safe there. Stay put. I’m coming to get you.

“Everything okay?” Derek asked, trying to pretend he hadn’t read the message over my shoulder.

“Yeah,” I said, setting the phone aside. “Luke doesn’t think we’re safe. I’m afraid he thinks the storms are worse than they actually are—”

“It’s not the weather that scares him,” Derek said, trying to contain a smirk. “He doesn’t think you’re safe with
me
.” He turned to pick up the empty pizza boxes and tossed them back into the basket. “I guess we’re calling it a night?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I said, casting a forlorn look around the gym. There was still a lot to be done and no time to do it. It’d be a miracle if the school was ready once all the guests arrived for the Fall Ball tomorrow.

“Luke’s not a manipulative, dominant, control freak,” I said to Derek, who seemed to take no interest in hearing my defense. “He’s just looking out for my best interest.”

“Right,” Derek said, obviously peeved. “He’s just looking out for your best interest, yet whenever you truly need him, he’s nowhere to be found.”

“Ouch—”

“Sorry, Julie, but it’s the truth. He only cares to lookout for you when it keeps you from me or when it’s convenient for
him
.”

“It’s in his nature to be protective,” I said, defending Luke yet again.

But as each defense fell off my lips, I couldn’t help but question why I wasted my breath. Derek made a valid point. Luke only cared to come around if he thought I was in some kind of danger.

Who was I kidding? When it came right down to it, all Luke ever wanted was to be my hero… and not even a hero I could call my own. True to his nature, his actions were self-serving. He’d get the chance to run in, save the day, and pat himself on the back for a job well done. And what would I get? Another exchange of awkward glances that would eventually lead to the same place they always led… nowhere.

And while he ran further away, I’d keep chasing him. He knew he had me in his back pocket. He knew I wouldn’t let go. Sadly,
I
knew I wouldn’t let go….

“Derek,” I said. “I know it’s last minute… and incredible childish considering this is just a high school thing… but would you like to come with me to the Fall Ball tomorrow evening? I mean, after all the hours and help you put in, you deserve to enjoy it as much as anyone else.”

A faint smile crossed his lips, but he shook his head. “No.”

“No?” I asked, admittedly shocked. “Simple as that?”

“Simple as that.”

“…Why?”

He sat the picnic basket on the floor and took my hands.

“Because I like you Julie… and you’re in love with Luke. And as hard as it is to walk away, I think I’m smart enough to know when it’s time to let go. I’m not a cat; you’re not a mouse. I’m not going to keep chasing you. It’s clear where your heart is and I can’t ask you to feel something you don’t feel.”

“But—”

“Love complicates everything,” he said, as if I didn’t know. “The thing is… I know why you’re running from me; you’re running
after
him.”