Just Ask (11 page)

‘I'll think about it,” I finally tell him as I pick up a salad and packet of ranch dressing. Then feeling like I just escaped something, I head for the cashier.

I'm not sure why I feel this little resistance, or is it hesitation, when it comes to church things. It's like I'm being really cautious, and I don't even know why. But I am praying about it. I've been asking God to show me if I need to be involved in a youth group, and I feel fairly certain that He's up to the task.

In the meantime, I am reading my Bible. That's something Cesar encouraged me to do as soon as he heard I'd become a Christian. He said it was one of the first things he started doing that really seemed to change his life.

Then as I'm driving Nat home from school, she does something that really messes with my mind.

“Don't you just love Cesar?” she kind of gushes.

“Huh?” I turn down the CD player in my Jeep and glance over at Nat, who is leaning back into the passenger's seat with a slightly starry-eyed expression. Did I actually hear her right?

“I mean, he's such a together guy. Don't you just love how he encourages you about the Lord and everything?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I tell her, but I still wonder what she's
getting at. I mean, I know that she thinks he's hot. And well, anyone can see he's good looking.

“It just seems like he really cares.”

“I think he does care, Nat.” I glance over at her again and am slightly stunned by this goofy-looking dreamy expression that's all over her face. “You really have a crush on him, don't you?”

She kind of nods.

“Is it a serious crush, or just kind of the same old he's-so-cute kind ofthing?”

“I don't know.” She sits up straight and looks at me now. “I think it's kind of serious.”

“But you know he's not into dating.”

She sighs. “I know. But I think that makes him even more appealing.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I think about him all the time, Kim. I mean, he has all the qualities you'd ever want in a guy. And he's so handsome.”

“I guess.”

“You guess?” She sounds indignant now. “Are you saying Cesar is not a hottie?”

“No, I'm not saying that. I just hadn't really thought of him as boyfriend material. He's just a nice friend to have, you know?”

Okay, here's the truth. I think I'd feel kind of out of it if Cesar and Nat started dating. For one thing, Nat wouldn't be as available as my best friend. But even more than that, and this kind of surprises me, I really
enjoy having Cesar for my friend too. Especially since I became a Christian. And I know that would end if he started dating a girl—even if it was Nat. I mean, it just doesn't work to be friends with a guy who's serious with another girl. Believe me, I've been there and done that.

“Not boyfriend material?” Nat sounds really offended now. “How can you say that? It's not like he's gay or anything.”

“I know. Just forget it.” Thankfully we're on our street now, because I'll be just as glad to end this stupid conversation.

“You still want to go to the game?” she asks as I stop by her house.

“I guess.” I look up at the slate-colored sky. “But the weather's supposed to be nasty tonight.”

“We'll just bundle up. I'll bring a thermos of cocoa.”

I smile, glad that we're still friends and that she's not ready to elope with Cesar just yet. “Great. I'll throw in some blankets and an umbrella.”

“And if it gets too bad we can always leave early.”

So we go to the game with all our provisions, and as predicted it gets windy and rainy and cold. But we're staying pretty cozy with our blankets and umbrella and cocoa.

“Hey, you girls have the right idea,” Jake says when he sees us huddled together. “Room for more?”

“Sure.” I scoot over and make room under the blanket.

“Hey, this ain't half bad.” He grins like he just won
the lottery. Then he yells at Cesar, who is just coming up the stairs and dripping wet. “Come in outta the rain, man.” And suddenly Nat is scooting closer to me, making room for Cesar to sit next to her, and the four of us are all huddled together.

Now, I tell myself that we're just four friends hanging together, trying to stay warm during the game, but I can't help but feel like this has suddenly turned into some kind of a double date. Okay, that sounds pretty presumptuous, but it's how I feel. And I can tell by the look on Natalie's face that she thinks this thing has really turned her way. Soon she is offering Cesar cocoa, and it's not long before she is actually flirting with him.

I can tell she's flirting by the tone of her voice. Its like it gets slightly higher, and she giggles a lot more. Personally, I think it's pretty ridiculous. But that's probably just me. I'm sure guys like it. And there's no denying that Natalie is pretty, even with her long blond hair hanging dripping wet. And with her blue eyes all wide and sparkly as she talks to Cesar, well, I wonder if he'll be able to resist her.

Okay, it's not that I'm jealous exactly, but it does make me feel sort of depressed. Like why can't we all just hang together and be friends? Why does it seem that people always end up pairing off?

It's not like I'm opposed to dating or anything. And I've even had a couple of boyfriends. Well, sort of. Nothing really serious. But I've dated, and I've had boys
interested. It's not that big of a deal. Or at least it hasn't been. Then I glance over and see Jake, who is quite the clown, and almost laugh to think that someone might assume we're a couple. Well, okay, who really cares!

Somehow I make it to the end of the game without spoiling Natalie's time with Cesar. And even as I drive us home, I don't let on that her nonstop chatter about Cesar is getting pretty irritating.

“Hey, do you think you'd want to watch Krissy and Micah for a little while tomorrow?” she asks suddenly.

Now to be honest, this doesn't feel like the top of my I-really-want-to-do-this list, but I remember my promise and agree.

“It's just for a couple hours,” she tells me as I let her off. “My mom has to work, and I've got to run some errands.”

“Errands?” I echo, only vaguely curious.

She smiles mysteriously “Yeah. Errands.”

“Whatever.” I force a smile and wait as she climbs out.

“Around noon?” she calls as she ducks into the rain.

“Yeah, sure,” I yell as she slams the door.

Wow, I can hardly wait. But I push babysitting thoughts from my mind as I thaw out in a hot shower, get into my warmest flannel pajamas, then realize that now I don't even feel sleepy. So I decide to go online and maybe even answer some “Just Ask” questions.

I glance at my e-mail in-box to see it's mostly spam,
and then I'm surprised to see a post from Cesar. It looks like he wrote it yesterday, but I'm curious about what he has to say.

Well, thinking that was nice of him, I write a quick response and actually admit that youth group seems kind of intimidating, and that I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Then I send it and started browsing through the “Just Ask” pile and finally decided on this. I guess I just needed a challenge tonight.

And while this situation isn't exactly like Natalie and me, it does remind me that more than anything, I want us to keep being best friends. Even if she and Cesar start going out (which would be surprising since Cesar seems pretty committed to not dating), I will still do everything I can to be a good friend to Nat. And before I go to bed, I plan to especially pray that God will help Nat to figure this thing out before she really makes a fool of herself or ends up getting hurt if Cesar rejects her.

Man, am I exhausted today. It was like this day was never going to end. I went over to Natalie's house at noon, as promised, to watch Krissy and Micah (while Nat went out to do her “mystery” errand). And the babysitting gig started out pretty good too.

First we played video games, and then we made peanut-butter cookies that were only semiburned. But after a couple hours, I could tell that Micah was getting cabin fever, and it was still raining outside. And I guess I should've known he might get into something as soon as I sat down to play a “stupid girl's game” (as he put it) with little Krissy. She'd been begging me to play this Barbie game, and Micah wasn't pleased. But I figured he found something more interesting to do since it seemed fairly quiet in the house.

Finally, about the time I was seriously wondering if Nat was ever coming home, we finished the game (which I must agree was stupid). I checked on Micah and found him in Natalie's room. He didn't even see me at first, but I saw him, sitting cross-legged on the floor, on the other side of Nat's bed, and he was READING HER DIARY!

“What are you doing?” I went over and snatched the diary out of his hands. I don't know why Natalie still writes in an actual diary in the first place. I gave that up for a password file on my computer ages ago. Consequently I never worry about snoops—unless there are some pretty bored hackers out there.

Well, I could tell that Micah was embarrassed, but he also had this goofy grin on his face, like maybe he'd been reading something pretty juicy. And since the diary was still open to where he'd been reading, I glanced down and just barely saw a line about how Nat feels about Cesar. Okay, it was a pretty romantic line, but I tried not to look. Not really And in that same moment, Nat and Krissy walked in.

“What's going on?” Nat demanded as she saw me looking down at her open diary; in that same instant Micah took off like a flash.

“I just found—”

She grabbed her diary from me. “Kim!”

That's when I noticed her hair. “Nat! You cut your hair!”

“Don't change the subject!” She looked really angry now and, well, that just seriously irked me. I mean, what right did she have to be angry at me? I'd been here babysitting these kids while she'd been out getting her hair done, and she never even told me she was going to doit.

We've both been keeping our hair long, kind of like this unspoken pact. I actually felt slightly betrayed, although I have to admit it looked really cute. And I could tell she'd gotten some highlights too, which really brought her already-blond hair to life. If I hadn't been so furious with her, I might've even told her how hot she looked.

“I can't believe you'd—”

“I can't believe you!” I snapped back at her, then walked out of her room and went home mad. Okay, I immediately felt bad, but then she shouldn't have thought the worst of me like that. We've been friends long enough for her to know I would never, not in a million years, read her diary without permission.

I actually think she was just embarrassed that it was opened to the section about Cesar. And well, she should've been embarrassed! I mean, if you're going to write stuff like that, you should keep your diary in a foolproof hiding place or locked up in a safe!

But here's where my day took another weird twist, and I am actually sorry now. When I got home, my mom told me that “a guy named Cesar called.”

“Cesar called here?”

“Yes, is he a friend of yours?”

I nodded.

“He wanted to know if you would like to go to youth group with him tonight.”

I frowned. “Tonight?”

“Yes. I took his number and told him you'd call.” She smiled as she handed me the note paper. “He sounded nice, Kim.”

“He is nice,” I told her. I was still feeling hurt and mad at Natalie, and that's probably the reason I picked up the phone and dialed Cesar's number. Without really thinking, or maybe thinking I was getting even, I told Cesar that I'd love to go to youth group, and when he offered to pick me up, I said that'd be great.

And even as I said those words, I imagined Nat looking out her living room window and seeing Cesar's rather distinctive-looking old pickup parked in front of my house—and I was glad! Now how evil is that? And the really pathetic thing was that I really didn't want to go to youth group in the first place. I was only going to spite my best friend. Oh, man, I am such a jerk.

So Cesar came at around seven, I invited him in to meet my parents, and they seemed to like him. Then we left, and if Nat was looking (and I have no idea at this point), I'm sure it seemed like we were going out on a date.

But once we got to youth group, I was feeling pretty
guilty, and I'm sure I was wearing my shameful feelings like a thick, soggy blanket. But poor Cesar assumed it was because I was uncomfortable being there. He actually apologized, but I told him not to worry, that I was fine.

And the surprising truth was, I actually liked what Josh Miller (Chloe's older brother) had to say, and I liked the way he led the group. He seems like a pretty cool guy. Not a know-it-all, I'm-so-much-better-than-you kind of person. And I could see that he was sincerely friendly to everyone—even some of the kids who might normally be left on the sidelines. That really spoke to me a lot. And I thought, under different circumstances, I could really get into something like this.