Just Between Friends (18 page)

     He couldn’t believe it!  He was going to marry Miranda!  It didn’t seem real somehow.  After all this time, he had almost given up hope that they would ever agree on a wedding date.  He slapped his leg, and with excitement filling his voice, announced, “It’s settled then.” He leaned over and kissed her once more, before he took the reins in his hands and nudged the horses on.

                                             ***

     On Christmas day, both the Porters and the Williams gathered at Ben and Cassandras for their holiday dinner.  They thought this best, for it would be easier on Cassie, who still needed time to recuperate.

     They had a wonderful time.  Dinner was delicious.  They exchanged their gifts and after opening them, everyone had gathered around the piano and sung Christmas carols.  It was a truly memorable day.

     But all day long something had been needling at Miranda.  She didn’t know how to explain it.  Several times during the
day, people had asked her what was troubling her, but she had said “nothing.” 
But something was tugging at her.  What was it?
  Steven had been strong on her mind.  That was reasonable though, she supposed, for it was Christmas.  They had always shared something special this time of year. It had always drawn them closer, if that had been possible.

     Upon returning home that night, and after everyone else had gone to bed, Miranda dressed and climbed into her own.  She couldn’t quit thinking about Steven.  She lay there for a long time before she finally drifted off to sleep.

     “Miranda, baby, I’m coming home soon.  Please, wait for me.”

     Miranda woke in a cold sweat.  She jumped from the bed and ran to her window.  She was shaking all over. 
What was going on?
  She had heard Stevens voice. 
Had it been a dream?
  She didn’t think so, it had seemed too real.  It was just like the last time.  She had heard him so vividly.

     Her heart was pounding so hard. 
What did this mean?  Could this mean that Steven was still alive and he was trying to tell her somehow?  Were they so close that she could actually hear his thoughts?
  She had to calm herself.  It could have just been a dream, but something inside her told her differently.

     Staring out into the darkness, she spoke quietly.  “Steven, if you’re alive please return home to me.  I don’t know what to think anymore.  If I knew you were alive, I’d wait forever if I had to.  I thought I heard your voice once before, and everyone had thought I was crazy.  If you are alive, why haven’t you come back to me?”  Tears were streaming down her face and she was holding a pillow tightly against her chest.  “It’s not fair, Steven.  If you’re alive, you must come back before I marry Alec.  I could never marry him if I had even the slightest hope you would return to me.”

     She wiped the tears that were flowing down and went back to her bed and climbed in.  Pulling the covers up tightly around her, she then closed her eyes and prayed, “Dear God, if Steven is alive, please bring him home.  If he’s hurt, please help him, and please, let it be soon.  I don’t want to hurt Alec, so please let it happen before I marry him.  He’s been so good to me.  He deserves someone who will love him as much as he loves them.  Please, work all this out for the best.”

     As she prayed this, she began to feel better, and whatever was to happen, she knew she would be ready for it.

                                              ***  

     The days passed by, and Alec could see the change in Miranda.  Before, it had seemed they were actually growing closer, but now things were different.  It was as if she were pushing him away somehow.  She was so distant.  Every time he put his arms around her or tried to kiss her, he could see her change. 
Was it his imagination, or did she really not want him to touch her?

     They were sitting in the swing on her front porch when he had tried kissing her once more.  Feeling her withdraw, he was unable to stand it any longer.  “Miranda, what is it?”  He questioned.  “What’s wrong?  Have I offended you somehow?  You act like you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

     Feeling guilty, she didn’t quite know how to respond. 
How could she tell him what it was?
 
He would think her crazy if she told him about hearing Stevens voice again.  But she owed it to him to be honest with him.  She wasn’t being fair.
 

     She forced herself to look at him, and reluctantly began, “Alec, of course you haven’t done anything.  Why, you’ve been so good to me, too good as a matter of fact.  Oh, Alec, you deserve so much better than me.  I don’t deserve you.”

     Hearing her words was too much for him.  He took her by both arms, and made her look at him.  “Hey now, wait a minute, sweetheart.  You know you are the best for me.  I want no-one else.  You know that.  Now, if that’s all it is, then quit worrying.”

     As she pulled from his embrace, she thought, feeling guilty,
Oh Alec, how can I possibly tell you what’s bothering me?
  Nervously, she stammered.  “Please, be patient with me, alright Alec?  I have something to tell you, but I really don’t know how to begin.  You see, back at Christmas, after I had returned home and gone to bed, I couldn’t seem to get to sleep.”

    
Oh, how could she tell him this
, she thought?  Slowly, she continued.  “You see, Alec, for some reason, Steven had been strong on my mind all that day.  It wasn’t intentional, honest!  I couldn’t understand it myself.  Oh, I know it’s likely that I would think of him, it being Christmas and all, but this was different.  It was almost as if he was beckoning me somehow.”

     “Now, Miranda,” Alec looked hurt.  “You know Steven is dead.  It was the holiday’s, that’s all.  It makes us all sentimental somewhat.”

     “No, Alec!”  She exclaimed.  “You don’t understand.  After I finally drifted off to sleep, I was awakened by Steven’s voice.  Now, I know this may sound crazy, but I know it happened, just as it did once before.  He told me he was coming home and to please wait for him.  When I awoke, I was shivering all over.  Alec, please believe me.  I know what I heard was real.”

     Alec wouldn’t even look at her.  “”Well,” he stated, “I suppose this means the wedding is off.  We just couldn’t do that to Steven, now could we?”  He stood to his feet.

     “Alec,” she begged, “please don’t leave!  We have to talk about this!”

     He looked straight at her and replied, “No, Miranda, we have nothing to discuss.  It looks like you’ve made your decision.  If you want to waste your life waiting on a dead man, then go ahead.”  He shook his head and added, “You know, you really had me fooled.  I was really beginning to think you cared about me.  Now I see what a fool I’ve been.”

     When he began to walk away, she jumped to her feet and ran after him.  Grabbing him by the arm, she pleaded.  “No, Alec, you’re wrong!  I do care about you!  I do love you!”

     Pulling free from her, he turned and said, “But just not in the same way that you love him, right?” 

     She was speechless.

     “I thought so,” he delivered.

     As he left, she just stared after him.  She watched him drive away into the snowy night. 
Oh, Alec
, she thought,
I didn’t mean to hurt you like this
.  She walked back to the swing and pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders. She dropped down, lowered her face into her hands, and wept.

                                               ***

     It was now the first week of February, and it had been nearly two weeks since Miranda had seen Alec.  He had even stopped going to church.  It was Sunday and Cassie had invited her over for lunch.  She was glad, for she really needed to get away from her house.  She needed to do something to get her mind off of everything.

     Cassie was almost her old self again.  She had even confided to her that she and Ben were going to try to have another baby.  Miranda was thrilled for them, but being only human, was also a little envious. 
Why was it that some people could be so happy and others so miserable?
  She only hoped one day her luck would change.

     She and Cassie were busy in the kitchen preparing the meal when her sister asked, “Miranda, do you mind if I ask you something?  I don’t mean to pry, but we saw Alec the other day.  Well, what I want to ask you is, did you know he was leaving?”

     Miranda was stunned.  She stopped what she was doing and looked at Cassie.  “What do you mean he’s leaving?  Where is he going?”

     “I’m not sure.  He told Ben that he needed to get away.  Said he was going to find a job and start a new life somewhere else.”

     Miranda felt terrible.  “But Cassie,” she replied, with urgency in her voice, “he can’t just leave.  He took everything I said the wrong way!  I know I hurt him terribly, but I had to be honest with him, don’t you agree?  I wasn’t the one who called off the wedding, he was!”

     Seeing her desperation, Cassie stopped her.  “Slow down a minute, Miranda.  You’re talking too fast.  You’re getting too hysterical.  Honestly, I don’t know what this is all about.  He never really told Ben.  Though he did say you were holding out hopes of Steven being alive.  I don’t want to sound cold Miranda, but I thought you had finally come to terms with all that.  Ben and I were actually beginning to think you loved Alec.”

     “I do love Alec!”  She defended herself.  “But you can’t expect me to totally forget about Steven, can you?”

     “Well, you’d better Miranda, if you’re ever going to get Alec back.  He’ll be gone, and it’s possible you’ll never see him again.  I’m sorry.  I just thought you should know.  That way if you still wanted him, you would have a chance to stop him.”

     She nodded.  “I know Cassie, and thanks.  Do you know when he’s leaving?”

     “All I know is he told Ben last week.”

     Seeming to ponder over all this, Miranda finally declared, “I’ll go over and talk with him later.  He may not want to see me, and I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t, but I have to try anyway.”

     They finished preparing the meal, and after they had eaten and Miranda had helped Cassie with the dishes, she thanked them for inviting her and was sorry she had to leave so soon, but she must go talk to Alec.  Both Ben and Cassie were glad.  They bid her good luck, as she said a silent prayer that she could convince Alec to forgive her once again.

     It was late afternoon by the time Miranda pulled up in front of Alec’s house.  She waited until she had composed herself before slowly climbing down from the buggy.  She didn’t know what she was going to say to him, but could only hope he would at least give her a chance.

     As she walked up the steps to the front porch, she put a hand to her chest, for her heart was beating so fast.  Reaching the door, she knocked lightly.  About a minute later it swung open and Louise Williams stood in the opening. 

     “Miranda, what brings you here?”  Her red hair appeared a little unkempt, and there were small-dark circles shown lightly under her eyes, giving her a tired appearance.

     She could tell Alec’s mother was trying to be polite, but she also noticed an edge to her voice.  “Is Alec home?  I was hoping for a chance to speak with him.”

     “Yes, he is,” she answered, with coolness in her tone.  “If you’d like to come in, I’ll tell him you’re here.”

     Miranda, thinking it best to speak with Alec alone, replied, “No, thank you.  I’ll just wait out here, if you don’t mind.”

     Louise gave her head a quick nod, “Whatever you’d like.  I’ll tell him and I’m sure he’ll be right out.”

     As she went to get him, Miranda walked over and sat on the swing, and nervously waited. The Williams dog Rusty, had followed her, and sat now at her feet, wagging his tail.  He was a springer spaniel, and had been in this family since she was a child.  He was aptly named, most likely for his rusty-colored wiry fur.  His sad-looking eyes were imploring hers for attention.  Although she didn’t feel like it, she reached down to him, and stroked the back of his head, for she was unable to resist him.