Just Human (18 page)

When I emerge, he’s changed, wearing jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. He looks so hot, but my body is now asleep from the neck down, so it has little effect. I sit on the bed and begin to undress while he uses the bathroom. I’m not usually this tired; I’ve been doing this for a long time. Maybe it’s the mental exhaustion of the last few days, catching up with me.

I’ve made little progress when he returns, so he helps me to my feet and undresses me like a child. Then, when I’m down to my underwear, he skims his fingers across my stomach, running them up my ribcage and turning me to face away from him. He unhooks my bra and slips it off and then he lightly kisses me at the nape of my neck. A shiver runs down my spine.

I feel him removing his t-shirt behind me and he turns me around. For a moment I think we are about to go back on what he said downstairs, but instead, he slips his t-shirt over my head and pulls it down over me. I smile a sleepy smile and kiss him.

“You might just be perfect,” I mutter, as I let him put me to bed.

He slips in beside me and wraps himself around me. I feel so safe, so content. I’ve no idea how he came to understand me so well, I think as I drift off. But being this sensitive, not demanding sex when I’m so tired, understanding me completely, is basically foreplay, long-range foreplay, because sleep is calling, but it still counts. I’ll remember this. I’m aware of his breathing changing…he is drifting too.

I ease back into consciousness and for a moment I’m disorientated. I squeeze my eyes together tightly and then pry one open. Blinking against the light, I realise it must be late. The light is bright mid-morning light and the sounds of life drift up to me from downstairs. I’m draped across Danny, who is still sleeping soundly. I can't see the time without moving and I don't want to wake him.

I sigh happily; this is insane. Danny is back in my life. Staying with me, hinting that he might stick around, helping out in the bar. Telling me, well almost telling me that he has feelings for me still. It’s hard to take stock of these facts. It feels like a dream and I don't want to wake up. That's why I want to head to my parents, I think. Put it in some context. Mum might have some pearl of wisdom that can help me.

Danny shifts slightly, still fast asleep. Where my leg is draped across his, something hard presses into my inner thigh. Morning glory! I smirk, nuzzling his chest and lightly kissing his skin. Mark comes unwelcome into my mind. He always used to say that being woken up by sex is the best thing that can ever happen to a man. He was always remarking on the fact that I never did it, but he never deserved it. He had no idea how to put a woman in the mood; he only cared about himself.

I shake him out of my head, reminding myself that I’m lying across a man who doesn't just care about himself. He seems to care about me, a great deal. I shift slightly, feeling him hard against me once more. I could just slide on top of him and do it right now. I pause to consider this, what’s stopping me? Gently, I lift my head; he’s so beautiful. I kiss his chest again, but this time I trail kisses down his sculpted abdomen, pausing at his waistband.

He moans slightly in his sleep but doesn't wake. I delicately lift the elastic up and stretch it back, holding it in place with my hand below his impressive erection. He stirs slightly, I position my mouth over him, before he wakes and lick him. He stirs again, moaning. I want him to wake up in my mouth, so before it’s too late I take him between my lips, rolling my tongue around the tip and then plunging down onto him. He moans loudly, shifting beneath me as he becomes aware of what’s happening.

"Oh!" he sighs as I gently suck on him. I watch as his eyelids flick open and shock registers on his face. He lifts his head to see what’s going on and laughs when he confirms his suspicions.

"Oh God, Liv. That's incredible,” he breathes, still grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I smile and continue, taking him in all the way. I move up and down while he groans and strokes my hair.

After minute or two, I decide that I want in on the action, so I stop abruptly, pulling him out of his reverie. I ignore the look of mild disappointment on his face and lean over to my drawer and pull out a condom. Holding it between my teeth I wriggle out of my knickers. I pull down his tracksuit bottoms and he kicks them off. He seems amused at the matter-of-fact way I’m going about this; he puts his hands behind his head and watches patiently.

I straddle his legs; taking the condom from between my teeth and dipping my head low over him. I lick him lightly, and he gasps. I smile with satisfaction and sink my mouth down onto him again. He throws his head back and moans. It’s the most gratifying sound and it spurs me on. I move faster, sucking him in. He’s lost again his breathing becomes more rapid. I slow before he gets too close and, sucking hard, I pull my mouth away.

His hand touches my cheek in appreciation and I lean my face into his touch as he strokes my face. Then I sit back up and look for the condom. He holds it out to me and, as I reach to take it, he pulls it away, circling my waist with his arm and pulling me down onto him. He kisses me deeply, while he presses himself hard against me. He lets out a low groan, almost a growl into my mouth and the primal sound pushes me on. While our tongues still wind together, I search for his hand with mine. Finding it, I pluck the condom from his fingers and sit abruptly, wiping my mouth and tearing open the wrapper.

He inhales sharply as I roll it over him and watches as I position myself. I slowly lower myself onto him, pushing down until every last inch of him is buried in me. We both moan, and then I rock. "
Ah!
" he breathes, as I begin to move. Not up and down, but backwards and forwards, with him deep inside me. My hands move from his chest up to my own, feeling my hard nipples through the fabric of his t-shirt. They travel up to my hair and my eyes close, as I become lost in the sensation.

I feel his hands glide up my thighs and lift the hem of the t-shirt up, pulling it over my head and letting it fall. His hands go straight to my nipples, simultaneously pinching and pulling them. This is so good, I love having my nipples played with, and I hope he won't be too gentle. I moan loudly as he pinches harder, making sure he gets the message that this is what I like.

Tentatively, I slide my hand down and stroke myself. I don't know why I feel self-conscious about this, but some men like to think they are enough. Women are just not built that way. He begins to thrust into me as I keep up my rocking motion.

"
Oh,
" I moan as our pace increases.

He holds out his hands for me to lean on and I take them, using the leverage to rock faster. Then I drop forward, pinning his hands against the bed either side of his head.

We both moan at the change of position. He seems quite turned on by me holding him down and the new angle is hitting the spot inside and my clit is rubbing against him perfectly. He strains at my hands holding him down and writhes under me, thrusting into me, clearly enjoying his wake-up call. I twist slightly, forcing my breast into his face whilst still holding his hands down. He lifts his head and willingly, greedily, sucks hard on my nipple. I cry out, this is just amazing. I keep moving back and forth, watching him suck in my nipple again and again. He bites it briefly and this drives me wild.

“
Yes!
” I hiss, rocking harder and faster. He moves to the other nipple and goes in hard. I cry out again and while I’m distracted he frees his arms and grabs my hips. Keeping tight hold of my nipple between his teeth, he takes more control and slams into me. I’m right on the edge, when he tenses and lets out a muffled cry into my breast. He bites down as he tenses and, with one final slam, I come hard around him, calling out as I collapse onto his chest.

We lay gasping against each other. I realise I’m drenched in sweat and try to move myself off him, but he stops me and settles me back down. He laughs breathlessly.

“What?” I pant.

He says nothing, just laughs again.

“What?” I lift my head up and look at him; his eyes are shut and he’s got a huge smile on his face. Aware that I’m looking at him, he opens one eye.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning. What’s so funny?”

“Nothing…Just, WOW! I’m a lucky bastard,” he grins and pulls me towards him until our lips meet. He kisses me lightly. “What did I do to deserve that?”

“Well I woke up with something sticking into me, I thought it was a hint,” I tease, rolling onto my side.

He follows me so that we are facing.

“I’d never be so forward,” he flirts, stroking my hair behind my ear.

“Well, my mistake, it won’t happen again.”

“Hey, let’s not be hasty,” he laughs, pulling me into his arms. "That’s officially my favourite wake-up call of all time." He kisses me again. I grin, feeling very pleased with myself.

"I have to move," I say, wriggling free.

"No, no, no!" he pleads, trying to pull me back.

"I need the loo,” I laugh. He lets me go and I scurry naked into the bathroom.

When I return, he holds the covers open and pulls me in with him. He kisses me deeply and then lies down beside me.

"These are incredible,” he says, kissing my tattooed shoulder. “How bad does it hurt?"

"Some hurt more than others."

"Why did you get them?"

I laugh and turn to face him. "You mean what was I thinking?"

He frowns. "No!" Then his face softens when he sees realises that I’m teasing him. "No, I mean, do they all have a story or are they just because?”

I shrug. "Both I suppose. Some have meaning; some are just what I wanted at the time. It's like the history of me."

"Colourful history," he smiles, rising up over me. "So which one hurt the most?" He looks at me and then begins inspecting my skin. "This one?" he asks, stroking over a bird on my collarbone.

“No, that one wasn’t too bad. The side of the rib cage hurts the most,” I say unthinking and then just as he moves down to take a closer look at what I have there, it hits me. That’s where I have my ‘Danny tattoo’. I cringe, it’s not like it says his name or anything, but if our past means anything at all to him. He will know without a doubt that it could only be about him.

When we were kids, we had a hurricane here. It was noteworthy because we never get such extreme weather and also because that night, the weather man stated categorically that there would not be a storm! Anyway, we did have one hell of a storm. The Great Storm as it is now known. We lost a lot of trees in the south of England that night, many fell on cars and houses, it was pretty major! Anyway, in the Royal parks around here, the trees are hundreds and hundreds of years old and are huge. So many big trees fell that night, it took a long time to cut them into pieces and take them away. Some lay where they fell for months in remote places.

As kids, we played inside a beautiful weeping willow in the park at the end of our street. It was vast, with a widespread, dense canopy that hung all the way to the ground, making it the ideal hiding place for us to play. It sat by the edge of a pond and it was 'our place'. When we went back to it after the storm we were devastated to find it lying on its side, its roots torn out of the ground. We sat side by side on its trunk, mourning the loss of such a mighty tree that had been our special place.

Over the weeks and months the men with their chainsaws worked. The hazardous trees were removed first, the roads were cleared. Then they moved into the parks, clearing footpaths. As their work progressed, we would sit on our trunk, waiting for the day when our special tree would be taken away. The day never came.

Unlike a lot of the trees that fell, our tree's leaves stayed green. Miraculously, the tiny portion of the root system still in the ground was sustaining the whole tree and, as it was not dangerous, it was just left. Over the years new branches grew up towards the sky and our willow began to weep again. By the time Danny left, the canopy was full again and hidden inside was still our special place, just a little more horizontal. It was on that tree trunk that we'd made all our plans and it was there that I told him he had to leave.

Lots of my tattoos are symbolic references or tributes to people and things I’ve loved. So it was natural to mark such an important person in my life in some way. Equally, I was never certain it was a good idea to have a reminder permanently etched on me of someone I tried so hard not to think about. But I was feeling a bit low after I’d heard my dad had died. It was before I met Mark, I’d been single for a while and wasn’t really sure what was next for me. Feeling lost one day, I found myself sitting on our trunk. It was somewhere I no longer went, the memories were too potent, but sometimes I missed him so much and when I needed him most, I went there. I realised that it was such a symbol of us that I took some photos and had this beautiful tattoo, something to remind me of our time together and keep him with me.

There is no mistaking what it is, it is 'our' tree and I had the words 'you are always rooted here with me' inked beneath it. It was bad enough that the words had always got to Mark’s jealous streak, but now that Danny is actually reading them, I'm really questioning my choice. I’m mortified, as any hopes I had of playing down how I feel about him evaporate. Danny inspects it quietly, but doesn't say a word.

“What time are we meeting Max and Charlie?” he asks, after a thoughtful pause.

I don’t know if he’s changing the subject because he wants to spare me the awkwardness. Or whether he doesn't realise what it is. Either way, I’m relieved I don’t have to explain.

I shower and then let him use the bathroom. He takes his bag of toiletries in with him. I want him to feel at home, so I clear some of the shelf to put it on. He smiles uncertainly. It’s too soon to make space for him in my bathroom, I know.

I dry myself and pull on my jeans and a top, then with the towel wrapped around my hair, head into the living room and pick up the phone.

“Hi Mum.”

“Liv, darling! I haven’t spoken to you all week. How are you?”

“I’ve been busy, sorry. I was thinking of coming down to see you today, do you have plans?”