Just Joe (23 page)

Mattie nodded a little
jerkily, only taking in his affirmative answer.

"You didn't watch the
Superbowl, did you, Mattie?" Joe's abrupt question caught her by surprise.

"I don't even know
what it is," she admitted a little shamefaced.

Joe's mouth twisted in
self-derision. "I should have realized ... It's the game we play at the
end of the season to determine who the best team in the league is."

"I bet you won,"
Mattie said with certainty.

"The Conquerors
won," Joe confirmed. "I don't know how much help I was to them. I
had... other things on my mind."

Mattie accepted that a
little helplessly, about to question further when Joe continued.

"After the game I did
something I hardly ever do. I granted an interview to one of the networks.
Right there in the locker room." Joe laughed derisively. "One hundred
million people saw that interview, half the entire damn country. But not Mattie
Grey."

"Joe..." Mattie
reacted to the pain in his voice, but Joe didn't give her time to say more.

"I went on national
television and begged you to call me. I got the worst ribbing from the guys on
the team, but I didn't care because I was sure that you would call," he
continued tautly. "I stayed by the phone for two days, waiting. I didn't
sleep. I didn't eat. And when you didn't call, I didn't know what to do. I was
so sure that you would call. It never occurred to me that you weren't watching,
not for days. When I finally remembered how little you knew about football, I
had already made a fool of myself. I called every hospital and police station
and morgue in the state of Texas...."

The driven despair in his
tone almost broke Mattie's heart. The last thing in the world she ever wanted
to do was hurt him, and it seemed she had done nothing else.

"Where were
you?" he demanded hoarsely, his steely control gone. "After you left
the ranch I camped on your doorstep for three days. One of your neighbors
finally called the police. I almost got arrested. I looked everywhere for you.
Called everyone you ever worked for here in Dallas, went everywhere we've ever
gone together. For God's sake, where have you been for the last two
months?"

"I've been in Port
Arthur," she answered quietly, her eyes steady on his.

"Port Arthur?"
She saw the incredulous pain cloud his eyes. "Mattie, why did you go back
there?"

"Back there?"
Mattie picked up immediately. "I never told you that I grew up there, Joe.
How did you know?"

Joe did not answer, his
face grim.

But Mattie did not need an
answer. She saw it in his eyes. "You hunted him down, didn't you,
Joe?" Her voice was soft with emotion.

"I hated him for what
he did to you," Joe replied.

Mattie shook her head
sadly. "Don't hate, Joe. You'd be giving up control of yourself."

"Are you telling me
you don't hate that bastard for what he did to you?" Joe demanded harshly,
his eyes blazing.

"I used to,"
Mattie confirmed. "But there's no point in hating a ghost, Joe. Ghosts can
only hurt you if you let them. And that's what Frank Bowers is, a ghost."

"Oh, I know he's
dead—" Joe began grimly.

"He's been dead for
five years, and he's been haunting me for ten," Mattie told him steadily.
"Because I kept him alive inside of me. I carried the ghost of Frank
Bowers inside of me. I hurt myself with his memory. Well, no more." The
firm resolve in Mattie's voice brought a dawning comprehension to Joe's
anguished gaze. "I'm not carrying my ghosts along with me anymore, Joe. I
left you to exorcise myself of them, and now I'm free."

"Isn't it true you
left me because of what happened that night?" Joe corrected tautly, his
eyes fierce.

Mattie thought back to
that cold dawn when she had determined to leave Joe so that she might come back
to him a whole woman. "Yes—" she began softly, wanting to explain,
but Joe cut her off.

"I knew that,"
he told her quietly, his shoulders squaring as if accepting a great weight.
"I knew it that morning when I woke up alone. That's the worst part about
this whole thing, do you know that? Even knowing how much I frightened you,
that night was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I take out the memory
a hundred times a day.. .the way you felt in my arms, your soft skin, that
sweet gasp as I came into you for the first time..." He said nothing else
for a long, pain-filled moment, then, "What now, Mattie? Have you come
back to offer me friendship, or couldn't you bear to give me even that?"

"Of course I'm still
your friend!" Mattie insisted, shocked at the grim hopelessness of his
tone. "How could you ever doubt that? After all you've given me..."
Her hand moved instinctively to her abdomen, but Joe didn't notice.

"And all I've
taken," Joe interrupted. "You never seemed to realize exactly how
much you changed me. I was only half a man until you came to me, haunted by my
own ghosts of loss and loneliness. You filled me with laughter and lighted all
those dark corners. Two months without that is more than I can take. Yes,
Mattie, we'll go back to friendship. I can learn to live without the
rest."

"The rest?"
Mattie questioned, a rising hope choking her.

"Love." Joe
grated the word. "I know you don't like that word. I guess I must have
scared you silly that last night by saying it. God knows, it made you run. I
wish I could find some other name for it, some name that didn't bring back all
those memories."

"Joe, I told you, I'm
not carrying those ghosts around with me anymore. All I carry now is...
love." She crossed the room purposefully, reaching for his large, callused
hand to place it gently over the soft swell of her abdomen. "Love,
Joe."

Joe met her eyes, stunned.
She watched his throat work convulsively as his hand moved tentatively against
her.

"A baby?" he
whispered huskily, holding her eyes. "You're going to have a baby?"

Mattie nodded once, love
shining from her eyes.

"But you said—Mattie,
you said you couldn't have children!" Joe's voice was shaking.

"I never said
that!" Mattie denied.

"You did," Joe
insisted. "That day in the park. I said that you were going to make a good
mother, and you said then—"

"Oh!" Mattie
recalled the incident now. "I said that I
wouldn't
ever have
children, not that I couldn't."

"But you sounded so
sure..."

"I never thought..
.Joe, I thought I'd never get that close to a man." Mattie explained hesitantly,
her eyes avoiding his. "Never close enough to..."

"I didn't even
think
of protecting you." Joe's voice broke on a wave of pure anguish.
"That's why you came back, isn't it?"

"No!" Mattie
protested hotly. "I mean, I thought you should know, but that's not
why..."

"You'll marry me
now." Joe's voice had never sounded so defeated, but his hand continued to
move compulsively over her abdomen.

"I—I thought you
weren't going to ask." Mattie's own voice was shaking.

Joe's eyes snapped open.
"I'm begging you," he corrected quietly. "Marry me. Please marry
me."

"I want to marry
you," she told him steadily, her eyes shining with love.

Joe closed his arms around
her carefully, all strength seeming to leave him as he slumped against the wall
and slowly slid to the floor, taking her with him.

They stayed that way for a
long time, holding each other in silence, Joe's hand caressing her body where
their baby rested.

Finally, Joe broke the
silence. "There are some things I want to promise you," he told her
huskily.

"Joe..." The
sound of his name was a denial of the need for promises.

"I'll be a good
husband," he told her intently. "A good father...."

Mattie swallowed the tears
that threatened. "I know you will be, Joe. I know."

Again they lapsed into
silence, both lost in their own confused thoughts and thinking of the years
ahead. Finally, after a long, long time, when the dusk began to shade the sky,
Joe eased away from her and helped her gently to her feet.

"I'll make the
arrangements for the wedding," he said quietly. "How about
Saturday?"

"But that's only
three days away!" Mattie reminded him breathlessly, her eyes searching
his.

"There's no reason to
wait, is there, Mattie?" Joe's voice was tender as his hand slipped to her
abdomen. "We have our baby to think about now."

Mattie's hand covered his.
"Yes, we have our baby to think about now," she agreed, a strange
uneasiness seeping beneath the joy of being with Joe again. He was treating her
like hundred-year-old china, when she wanted more than anything to be a
woman—his woman.

"Why don't you go
upstairs and lie down for a while," Joe suggested, breaking into her
troubled thoughts. "You've come a long way. You must be tired."

Mattie saw the deep
concern in his eyes and capitulated, telling herself that she must not worry
about things that weren't there. "Okay. I guess I ani kind of tired."

Mattie went on tiptoe to
press a kiss against Joe's cheek, and felt the tautening of his jaw against her
lips. Oddly disturbed, she turned toward the stairs. Stopping at the bottom,
she turned back and saw Joe close his eyes and rake one hand through his hair.
Maybe she wasn't imagining things after all. She almost started back to him,
almost spoke, but just then Joe turned and strode from the room.

His shoulders were stiff,
as if the weight of the world rested on them. Sighing, she climbed the stairs.
She would talk to him later.

"Cole," Jassy
began carefully, studying her husband from beneath her long lashes, "how
do you feel about another egg—"

She broke the word off as
the strident summons of the telephone sounded.

Cole studied her oddly,
then turned his gaze to his dinner. "Another egg?" he repeated warily.
"I didn't realize I'd had a first one?"

Jassy buried her head in
her hands and mumbled incoherently. "Answer the phone. We'll talk
afterward."

Cole gave the dinner table
one more considering look, shook his head and went to answer the phone. When he
hung up there was a thoughtful look in his eyes.

"Cole?"

Cole sat down next to her
once more, his hand reaching for hers. "That was Joe," he told her.

Jassy sat up a little
straighter. "How is he? The last time I saw him—"

"He called to invite
us to his wedding," Cole interrupted softly, his eyes still concerned.

"His wedding?"
Jassy echoed disbelievingly. "Oh my gosh! Mattie must be back!"

"Yes."

Jassy eyed her husband
questioningly. "You don't sound too excited by all this."

"Neither did
Joe," he told her flatly.

"Neither did
Joe?" Jassy echoed disbelievingly. "What are you talking about? You
know how much he loves Mat-tie. Why in the world wouldn't he be ecstatic at the
thought of marrying her?"

"I don't know. The
wedding is set for Saturday."

"But that's only
three days away!"

"Yes. He's in a
pretty big hurry for someone who didn't sound overjoyed at the prospect of
marriage, isn't he?"

"Cole," Jassy
grabbed his hand in concern. "There's something wrong. Joe adores Mattie.
He's been wasting away without her these past two months..."

"I know, honey. I
know." Cole pressed an absent-minded kiss to her palm. "But he's a
grown man. He knows what he's doing."

"But—"

"If he needs me,
he'll come to me," Cole interrupted. "I can't force him to share
this."

"Cole, maybe he's too
proud."

Cole sighed. "All
right, Jassy. I'll talk to him on Saturday. Okay?"

"Okay," she
agreed softly, her eyes loving. "You're a good friend, Cole."