Just Married...Again (14 page)

Michael turned and looked at her. A single tear slid down her cheek. He wanted to go to her but didn’t. He made himself stand still and keep quiet.

“And when I was hit with a really bad case of the flu, a couple of years back, you stayed home with me for three days.” She swiped at her tears. “You got so far behind at work that you couldn’t take off when it was your turn to get sick.”

Michael remembered she’d packed a thermos of soup for him each day during that time. And when he dragged home from work, she’d have a bath run, his pajamas laid out, and his cold medicine waiting. He’d climb shivering into bed, only to find the covers already warm from the electric blanket, and when he had turned his nose up at food, she’d driven halfway across town for his favorite peanut-butter milkshake. He’d almost hated to get well.

He rejoined her on the sofa. “Sounds like we had a pretty good marriage, if you ask me,” he said at last. “I can’t believe you actually want to divorce me.”

“Believe it, Michael. You should have a copy of the separation agreement in your possession. That will offer you the proof you need.”

“Speaking of the agreement,” he said, clearing his throat. “You obviously haven’t studied up on divorce laws in this state.”

“I know that we have to be living separate and apart for one year before filing for a divorce.”

“Separate and apart,” he said, nodding in agreement, “and without resuming our marital relationship. You know what that means, don’t you?”

His meaning didn’t sink in at first, but when it did, Maddy felt the color drain from her face. They’d had sexual intercourse; they’d resumed their marital relationship. How could she have forgotten something like that?!

The look on his face told her he hadn’t forgotten. He was an attorney, and the amnesia obviously had not affected that part of his memory. He’d taken advantage of her neediness and voided the agreement completely.

She flew to her feet. “You slime ball!” she said, just as she had begun to remember some of his more redeeming qualities.

“Now wait a minute,” he said, standing as well. “
You are
the one who came on to
me
last night.”

“You knew the consequences; you should have put a stop to it.” She was angry enough to spit. “I should have done more than hit you over the head with that poker,” she said.

He caught a brief image in his mind of what she would have liked to do. Half-afraid she might actually go for the poker again, Michael stepped between her and the wrought-iron fireplace tools. “You’re getting upset, Maddy.”

“Damn right, I’m upset,” she said with a look of sheer hostility. “I don’t want to have to start this whole procedure over. Can’t you get it in your head; I don’t want to be married to you any longer than I have to.”

Her words sliced through him like knives. “Don’t say things you might regret later.”

She had begun to cry, but her tears were angry ones. “You want to know if there were good times in our marriage?” she asked. “Sure there were. When you were home,” she added. “But you were seldom home, you see, so it wasn’t much of a marriage at all. Most mornings I got up alone, I ate alone, and at night I went to bed alone. The only way I knew you’d come home was if you’d eaten the plate of food I left sitting on the stove or if you’d hung your wet towel over the shower door. And when Sunday rolled around and I dreamed of us doing something together, I’d always end up spending that day alone, too. Finally, when I told you I just couldn’t take it anymore, you told me to get a cat.” She swiped at fresh tears. “Like that was supposed to make it all right.”

“I’m sorry, Maddy.”

“You didn’t care about me, what was happening in my life or with my job. All you cared about were your clients and impressing the partners. I was nothing to you. I was just there to run your house and pick up your dry cleaning and take your phone messages. I figured I must be the worst wife in the world to make my husband prefer working eighty hours a week to coming home. Finally, I was convinced you were having an affair, and I started spying on you. I’d go through your wallet while you were in the shower or peek inside your briefcase. I even started listening in on your phone conversations.”

She could barely talk through her tears. “That’s when I realized I had to get help.” She gave him a rueful smile. “I’ll bet you never knew I was seeing a therapist, did you?”

He hadn’t known any of it. He just looked at her, feeling as though his heart would break.

“It took several months for me to come to terms with the fact that our marriage was over. I had already begun looking for a place to live when I discovered I was pregnant.” Her eyes took on a glazed look of pure anguish. “And I deeply regret that you don’t remember the scene that followed when I told you.”

He remembered. As badly as he wished he could forget, he suspected that memory would stay with him forever. “All I can do is apologize, Maddy,” he said.

She picked up a pillow and hit him with it. “It’s not enough. It doesn’t even come close, after you accused me of trying to trick you,” she added, slamming him with the pillow again and again. “It never occurred to you that maybe I was so depressed over our crumbling marriage that I completely forgot to take my birth-control pills. You never once stopped to consider that I was just as shocked and scared as you were.” She hit him square in the face.

Doing his best to dodge the blows, Michael finally snatched the pillow from her. “Maddy, for God’s sake!” He grabbed her and she collapsed against him. She gave a tortured cry that was followed by deep heartrending sobs. Michael held her close, trying to offer what little comfort he could. He suddenly realized his own eyes were moist.

“They didn’t even call it a baby when it died,” she said, her voice muffled against his sweatshirt. “They called it a fetus, and they disposed of it as though it were nothing more than waste material. I was supposed to go on like nothing had happened. There was no grave, nothing. No place to visit and take flowers.”

Michael knew he should say something, but he didn’t trust his voice at the moment. He simply held her in his arms and rocked her gently while she wept. Danny came into the kitchen and grabbed a soft drink from the refrigerator, then paused as though wondering if there was something he could do to help. Michael shook his head, and the boy hurried down the hall and closed the door.

“Maddy, listen to me,” Michael said. “You’ve got to let go of these painful memories so you can go on with your life. They’re holding you back, sweetheart. And you’ve got to let yourself forgive me once and for all.”

She tore away from him. Her eyes were swollen, but they were filled with accusation. “Forgive you?” she said, as though the mere thought were too outlandish to consider.

“Not because I deserve it, babe, but because it’s doing harm to you to carry those feelings around. Surely, you can see that.” She looked doubtful. “You can go on hating me for the rest of your life,” he said. “But it’s not going to change the past, and it’s not going to bring our baby back.”

She looked unmoved by his brief speech. “Sure, I’ll forgive you, Michael, when hell freezes over.” Without another word, she flung herself away from him and hurried down the hall.

Feeling dazed, Michael dropped onto the sofa. He waited until he heard the bedroom door close before he buried his face in his hands and sank into despair.

When Michael finally raised up, he found Rambo lying at his feet and Muffin curled beside him on the sofa. Danny sat in the chair nearby, absorbed in a detective magazine. Michael patted the female dachshund on the head, and her brother wagged his tail and nudged his other hand so he could get attention as well. Half expecting the animal to try to take off his other thumb, but too miserable to care, Michael reached down and stroked him under his chin. Rambo surprised him by licking his hand.

“Well, now this is a change,” Michael said. “I wish I could convince your mistress to like me.”

Danny looked up from his reading. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just worried about you. I’ve never seen you sit still for so long.”

“This magazine is awesome, Uncle Michael. And it says these stories are true. I wonder if my dad has done any exciting stuff like they have in here.”

“Oh, sure,” Michael said. “Your dad’s a regular hero, only he doesn’t like to talk about it. Your mother has told me some stories, though.”

“Like what?”

Michael could see the kid was dying to know. He wondered why his brother didn’t share things with his son. A boy should be proud of his father. “You know that dentist you see, that Dr. Graff?”

“You mean, Dr. Grafton?”

“Yeah, that’s his name. Why do you think he never charges your family?”

The boy shrugged. “He told me Dad did him a favor once.”

“Your dad did him a helluva favor. He was driving through Dr. Grafton’s neighborhood one night, after somebody had called the station complaining about a barking dog. Actually, it was more like two in the morning. Anyway, your dad noticed the basement lights were on in a particular house, and he decided to check it out. He found the doctor, his wife, and three young kids tied up.”

“At the time the city was still reeling over a murder that had taken place the week before, an elderly couple found shot to death in their basement. They’d been robbed. The two men seen leaving the scene of the crime matched the identity of the ones at the doctor’s house.”

Danny’s eyes were wide. “Did anybody get killed at Dr. Grafton’s?”

“Yeah, one of the burglars. Your dad didn’t have time to call backup, because one of the guys was holding a gun at the youngest kid’s head. He thought it would be more fun if he started with the baby and worked his way up. Your dad knocked the window out, ordered the men to throw down their weapons, but this guy was determined to kill that little kid no matter what. Your dad took him out before he got the chance.”

“He
killed
him?”

Michael nodded. “Shot the other guy in the hand and shoulder, pretty much put him out of commission till he could climb through the window and cuff him.”

“How come he never told me?” Danny said. “I asked him one time if he’d ever killed anybody and he changed the subject. Sorta acted mad at me for asking.”

“Cops don’t like to kill people, Danny. Most of them will go to any length to prevent a shooting. But your dad wasn’t about to let this guy take an innocent life, and I can tell you the Graftons never forgot it.”

“He really is a hero,” Danny said.

“Many times over,” Michael replied. “This is why he made detective before he was thirty. You have every reason to be proud of him.”

“I’ll bet my dad has better stories than the ones in this magazine,” Danny said.

Michael could tell the boy was impressed with what he’d been told. “I’m sure he does. He’s seen it all. Perhaps that’s why he’s so—”

“Strict?” Danny interrupted.

“Cautious,” Michael said. “I guess when you’ve seen a lot of bad things in this world, you just naturally want to take special care of the people you love.”

”Sometimes he goes overboard.”

“Maybe now you’ll understand why.” Michael leaned closer. “Just think, Danny. Think what must’ve gone through his mind the night he saw those three kids tied up, a gun at the youngest one’s head. I’m sure it has stayed with him all these years.”

Danny looked thoughtful. “He’s going to ground me for a year because I ran away. I’ll be eighteen before I have TV privileges again.”

“Look on the bright side. You’ll have more time to study. Your grades ought to be outstanding.”

The boy gave him a cynical smile. “Thanks, that’s just what I wanted to hear. Hey, one thing. How come I can’t call you Uncle Mike?”

“Folks used to call me Mike. Then I went to law school and decided I was going to be this hotshot attorney, so I had everybody call me Michael. I thought it sounded more distinguished.” He pondered it. “I think I liked myself better when I was just plain ol’ Mike. It sounds solid, unpretentious. I’d be proud to have you call me that.”

“I’m sorry you and Aunt Maddy are having trouble.”

Michael gave him the closest thing he had to a smile. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“But you two belong together. Aunt Maddy’s just upset over what happened in the past.” He sighed. “I wish you could at least be friends.”

Friends? Michael turned the word over in his mind as he tried to apply it to his and Maddy’s relationship. True, they’d started out friends, but their feelings had quickly escalated, not only due to a strong physical attraction but a deep sense of caring, as well. He wondered if it was possible to start back at square one with his wife. Friends. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he had no choice if he hoped to maintain contact with her.

Of course, there was no guarantee that she’d even want to be his friend after all that had transpired between them. He should never have tried to threaten her legally over the fact that they’d made love. It was low on his part, but it proved how desperate he was.

But Danny’s idea might be worth a try. Convincing Maddy to be his friend would mean she would have to forgive him sooner or later. Once she forgave him and saw what a nice guy he really was, maybe she would consider something more.

If she even suspected what he was up to, she would toss him out on his head.

“You know, Danny. You just might have something there.”

When Maddy opened her eyes, she discovered she’d slept later than she’d intended. No doubt she’d been exhausted after confronting Michael and crying so hard and for so long afterward. She felt empty inside, but strangely enough, she was at peace.

Even after months of pretending she was coming to grips with the loss of her baby and the disintegration of her marriage, she now realized she’d only been scratching the surface. She had refused to see Michael because she knew in her heart that she still loved him and could not face another loss. And she’d proved to herself just how alive that love was by inviting him to her bed the night before.

Yes, she loved him and pitied him. It had never occurred to her that he might have suffered over the loss of the baby, maybe even more so because of the way he’d reacted to the pregnancy. She had clearly seen the anguish in his eyes, and now she felt utterly miserable knowing she hadn’t tried to comfort him in some small way.