Just Married...Again (15 page)

She had expected too much from her husband, and she knew it was because her parents had ignored her for most of her life. She’d been determined to prevent the same thing from happening in her marriage. She had resented his job and everything else that had taken him away from her.

Maddy knew it was time to own up to her share of the blame where her marriage was concerned. It was her fault for not being proud of her husband when he came to her after winning a particularly difficult case, and for shunning the other lawyers’ wives who tried to involve her in so many of their activities. She’d preferred being alone and miserable because she’d hoped to make Michael feel guilty. This was why she hadn’t left him a message the day she’d miscarried. She knew he would feel terrible when he found out she’d had to go through it alone.

Maddy could feel her heart constricting inside—she was not proud of the things she’d done or the person she’d become. How Michael could make love to her as he had; how he could possibly want to be with her? That was something she didn’t understand. Of course, he’d lost his memory. He might not want her back once he remembered what a witch she’d been.

Maddy felt a surge of fresh tears. She had wasted ten months of her life and Michael’s by feeling sorry for herself and blaming him for her unhappiness. It was time she took responsibility for her feelings. Michael was not a court jester hired to make her smile and be happy all the time.

She thought of the way he’d humbled himself before her and asked her forgiveness.

She should have been asking his.

She should have confessed her true feelings, told him how much she still loved him, begged on bended knee for a second chance.

Maddy’s heart leaped to her throat as she considered it. A second chance? Would he even consider it, once she told him the truth?

When somebody knocked on the door, she jumped and dragged the blankets to her chin as if by doing so she could hide her sins. She swiped hot tears away as Michael stepped in with a tray, looking more wonderful than any man had a right to. How had she ever convinced herself she would be better off without him? Why hadn’t she tried harder instead of giving up and going into hiding?

Michael smiled tentatively. He could tell Maddy had been crying, and his heart felt heavy. “I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said. “Danny and I warmed up some soup for lunch. I thought you might like a bowl.”

Her smile was tremulous. “Thank you,” she said, embarrassed to have him see her with her eyes red and puffy. He set the tray on her lap.

“Mind if I sit for a minute?” he asked, indicating a chair near the bed. “I need to tell you something.”

Her heart skipped a beat. It was bad news; she could tell just from looking at him. He’d discovered what a shrew she was, and he was going to try to escape down the mountain because he preferred death to being trapped in the cabin with her. “There’s something I have to say as well,” she said.

Michael felt momentarily panicked as he dragged the chair closer to the bed. Was she going to tell him all the things he didn’t want to hear, that she was finished with him and never wanted to lay eyes on him again? He couldn’t bear it, his only hope was to convince her otherwise by following his new plan of action.

“May I go first?” he asked quickly. When she hesitated, he went on. “What I have to say won’t take long.”

She nodded and tried to prepare herself for the worst. “I’m listening.”

“Well, I’ve had a few flashes of memory in the last couple of days and …” He paused at her look of surprise. “I didn’t want to say anything until it was completely restored. Hopefully, I’ll be good as new before long.”

Maddy scooted farther beneath the blankets.

“Anyway, I remember the part about me working a lot, and the problems we had because of it. I was selfish to put you last.”

She suddenly realized which direction he was going in. “Michael, I’ve something to tell you.” She wasn’t about to let him take the rap when she was equally to blame.

“Please let me finish,” he said, then smiled meekly. “Otherwise, I might not have the courage.”

She waited. It must be bad.

He cleared his throat. “What I want to do is apologize, from the bottom of my heart, Maddy, for all the times I’ve let you down. I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted to give you a better life than my own mother had and …” He paused and raked one hand through his hair. “Well, I knew your parents were filthy rich and that you’d had every advantage growing up. It kind of embarrassed me when they just up and bought us a luxury condo without even discussing it with us. Not that I wasn’t bowled over by their generosity, you understand, but I sort of sensed they thought I couldn’t take care of you.”

She shook her head. “Oh, Michael—”

“True, I can’t give you the things they gave you, but I figured once I paid off my college loans, we’d start looking for a nice place.”

“Michael, I don’t even like that condo.”

“You don’t?” He looked surprised.

“Why do you think I asked you to stay and try to sell it? Besides, my parents didn’t buy it because they were afraid you couldn’t provide for me. They bought it out of guilt. It’s their way of making up for not being there while I was growing up. For letting the servants raise me.”

“Why didn’t you tell them?”

More tears. Lord, she had cried enough of them this day. “Because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. And because I’ve never been able to stand up to my parents or tell them what I needed from them. They were always so glamorous. People flocked to them. It was like living with a couple of celebrities.” She shrugged. “I guess I was intimidated by them,” she added. “But not anymore. I’ve learned I have to assert myself if I hope to get what I want in this life.”

He was quiet for a moment. He knew he had to come clean with her on a certain matter before he tried to put his plan into action. If she ever decided to give him a second chance, which seemed doubtful at the moment, then he was going to have to take all pressure off of her. The decision would have to be hers and hers alone; made without pressure or duress.

“Maddy, about the separation agreement; I misled you. No judge is going to toss it out on an isolated incident of sexual intercourse. The agreement is still in full force. I just told you that because I thought I could buy a little time. But after hearing how miserable you were with me, I realize I don’t deserve it.” He could feel the sweat beading on his brow. That one had cost him a lot, and had surprised Maddy, as well. “I just want you to be happy, Maddy; even if it means living without me.”

She didn’t say anything. She was too busy trying to pull herself together.

Michael moved the chair to its place in front of the window. He turned, swallowed hard, and went on. “Before we were lovers, before we were husband and wife, we were friends. It was a friendship I cherished, Maddy, and one I’d like to keep, if at all possible.”

“You’re willing to be friends and nothing more?”

He knew he was being tested. He saw the funny look on her face and suspected she wasn’t falling for it. He had to try harder. “Yes,” he said solemnly. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that our marriage is over, but I can’t come to terms with losing your friendship. I need that part of you in my life, Maddy, and I’d like to think you need that part of me. I’d like to be the one you call when you’ve had a bad day, or one of your parents gets sick, or if you lose someone dear to you. Like when you lost Yates.”

Maddy wasn’t sure she was hearing right. “Sort of like a big brother?”

He almost blew it by groaning out loud. The last thing he wanted was for Maddy to think of him like a brother. “More like a best pal.”

She tried to hide her disappointment. “Well, that’s certainly an odd way of thinking,” she said, trying to sound casual.

“And you can call me Mike.”

She arched one brow. “Mike?”

He offered his hand. “What do you say? Friends?”

Maddy wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation, but she shook his hand anyway.

“You didn’t eat your soup,” he said. “Danny and I might have to drag you out in the snow and throw snowballs at you.”

Maddy forced a smile to her face that she did not feel. He was teasing her, but there was no intimacy, as there had been before. Friends. “Would you, uh, mind taking it for now, uh, Mike?” she said, testing the name on her tongue. “I’ll warm it up later.”

He didn’t argue with her as he would have under normal circumstances. He simply picked up the tray and headed for the door. “Danny found a deck of cards. You’re welcome to join us in a game of Texas Hold ‘Em. We’re using toothpicks.”

“Thanks,” Maddy said. “I think I’ll read.”

She watched him go. Feeling heavyhearted, she fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time, trying to come to terms with what they’d just agreed on.

She wouldn’t cry. She’d felt sorry for herself long enough; that was part of the problem. She would hold her head high and go on with her life, because she knew, with or without Michael—uh, Mike—she was responsible for her own happiness. And if friendship was the only thing he wanted from her, that’s exactly what she’d give him.

Danny was sitting at the counter with his detective magazine and a deck of cards beside him when Michael carried in the tray containing the uneaten soup. The boy put down the magazine and began shuffling the cards.

“Well?” he said.

Michael joined him at the counter. “I think she bought it. I’m not sure she agreed with it, she’d probably rather wash her hands of me all together, but she went along with it.”

“So what’s the next move?”

He paused. “Well, I guess I’ll have to treat her like a friend from here on out. Just one of the guys, so to speak.”

“Yeah, right,” Danny said, rolling his eyes. “First time she comes prancing through the cabin in those tight thingamajigs she wears—”

“They’re called leggings.”

“—and those clingy sweaters, your tongue will drop to the floor, and you’ll be right back where you started, following her around like a puppy dog.” He thought for a moment. “I’ve got it! We could burn them in the fireplace while she’s sleeping.”

Michael frowned. “Whoa, Danny boy; that’s a bit extreme, isn’t it? I mean, we need pretty things to look at while we’re up here with no amusements. Besides, what’s she going to think when she wakes up and all her clothes are gone?”

“We can tell her we were robbed during the night. ’Course, that means we’ll have to ransack the cabin and burn all our clothes, too. We’ll pretend we slept right through it. Oh, and we’ll have to take turns walking around in the snow out front so there’ll be tracks leading to the door. Once we get rid of all those cute little things she wears, you won’t be at her mercy anymore. Got it?”

“I can see those detective magazines have really got you thinking, but don’t you agree that it’s going to look strange that someone broke in and took our clothes but left the food and blankets behind?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Besides, Maddy isn’t going to have time to do any prancing around tomorrow, because I’m going to put into gear my new emergency-preparedness plan, which is not only going to impress the hell out of her, but make her realize she can’t live without me.”

“Cool. What are you going to do?”

“
We
Danny. We’re all in this together. It’s time to get ourselves prepared in case help doesn’t arrive for a while. There’s going to be a lot of hard work involved, so I’m counting on you.”

“Hard work?”

“First thing we’ll need to do is carry in all the wood from the shed.” He grinned. “And there’s a lot of wood back there, my friend. Your Aunt Maddy’s going to be right in the thick of things. And you know why? Because she’s—”

“One of the guys,” they said in unison, and gave each other a high five.

Danny seemed to ponder it all as he dealt the first hand. “Do you think anyone knows we’re up here?”

“I’m sure of it. Your dad would have reported it right away. Problem is, nobody is going to bring a chopper through these mountains with zero visibility. This is why I haven’t bothered sending up flares.”

“How long you think we’ll be up here?” Danny asked.

Michael didn’t wish to frighten him. “Oh, it shouldn’t be too long. But it’s always wise to take precautions.”

When Maddy entered the kitchen sometime later, she found Michael stirring something on the stove. She checked the pot. “Beans?” she asked.

“Beans. You’d be hard-pressed to find a healthier food. I seem to have bought a case of them.” He glanced at his nephew. “Hit the showers, Danny.”

The boy saluted and made his way down the hall.

“I’ve been meaning to ask why you would buy an entire case of pork ‘n beans,” Maddy went on. She peered into the box. “Never mind, I just got my answer.”

“What?”

“All the cans are bent.”

“Is that a problem?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “You’d buy boots with no soles if they were discounted. Shirts with no buttons if they were cheap enough. You probably don’t remember the time you bought a whole side of beef because the price was good. It didn’t matter that we had no place to store all that meat and ended up buying a freezer that very night so it wouldn’t go bad. That side of beef ended up costing us three times what it was worth.”

He leaned against the counter and regarded her. “So, you’re saying I’m cheap.” He knew he had a tendency to shop for bargains—he got it from his mother who’d almost had to work magic to cover the bills and feed a family of seven on a policeman’s salary. Meals consisted of beans and rice, inexpensive casseroles, and day-old bread. They’d had powdered milk that left an aftertaste, but the Kelly children were expected to drink it, nevertheless.

There’d been no such thing as air-conditioning in their house, and homework had been done at the kitchen table, where the only light burned after dark. If you happened to be taking a bath, you had to bathe in six inches of water, two and three at a time. Clothes and shoes had been purchased once a year, and the wearer had to take care of them, because that was it till summer.