Just Perfect (24 page)

“I think it’s mentally necessary if I’m ever going to let it go.”

“What if that never happens?”

“It will. If I get the position at St. James, I’ll make sure it happens.” She took his hand in hers. “That’s why I’m asking you to not take my decision personally. I would love to go on seeing you, but I’m not willing to give up this chance for anything.”

“I see.” He looked blindly across the room, clearly struggling to accept her decision.

“You know,” she ventured, “the alternative would be for you to move to Austin.”

He released a bark of laughter. “Trust me, that ain’t gonna happen.”

“Why not? They have search and rescue there.”

“Not alpine search and rescue. No mountains, no snow, no skiing.” He glanced over his shoulder at the posters on the wall, then shook his head. “You might as well ask me to cut off a limb.”

Disappointment filled her. “Then I guess we’re at an impasse.”

“Not yet.” He lifted a brow. “I have one more week to change your mind.”

“I’m telling you, you won’t.”

“And I’m saying, we’ll see.”

She shook her head at him. “Do you ever give up on anything?”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. “Never.”

Alec felt as if a ticking clock floated over his head in the days that followed. After Christine’s confession about her family, she closed that part of herself off and hung a big Do Not Disturb sign on it. He ignored the sign as much as he dared and prodded her gently with all the reasons why living in Colorado was better for both of them. He had to. Every day, every hour, every minute brought them closer to her getting on a plane and flying out of his life.

How appropriate that their last night together was New Year’s Eve, the night when the whole world counted down the seconds.

Dancing with her at the pub, he held her close as their bodies swayed together. They seemed to exist in a bubble of quiet while all about them people laughed too brightly, wheeled about too gaily, and the music blared too loudly. He swore he could feel her wishing, as he did, that the clock would simply stop.

Someone shouted, and the band stopped playing. When Christine lifted her head off his shoulder, they turned to the TV mounted high on the wall near the bar. A hush fell over the room as they watched a street celebration in Denver—Colorado’s version of Times Square. The crowd on TV surged and shouted as the countdown began.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year!

A lump rose in his throat as he looked down at Christine the same instant she looked up at him. Balloons and confetti rained over them as he cradled her face in both hands and lowered his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly at first, but need built as horns blared and people cheered. A drunken couple bumped into them, reminding him where they were.

He raised his head. When their gazes met, no words were needed. They turned and made their way through the crowd as the band began to play “Auld Lang Syne.” At the door, they gathered their coats and headed outside. The snow muted the sounds of revelry as they walked hand in hand.

Christine was glad he didn’t speak. One word might have broken the dam of emotions she’d been holding inside for days. When they reached his apartment, they came together with an aching tenderness that heightened all the senses.

She wanted to remember every touch and every taste as they helped each other undress, then laid together on the bed. His movements held a restrained intensity, as if he too wanted to commit this time, their last time, to memory.

When at last he came over her in the bed, he stared down into her eyes as he joined their bodies, filled her with that sweet, throbbing desire. Need grew touch by touch, thrust by thrust into desperation. Until she arched and gasped beneath him.

The dam holding her emotions threatened to break along with her passion. As if sensing how close she was to giving in to everything he wanted, he covered her mouth and kissed her and kissed her and kissed her as he continued driving inside her.

The dam burst, letting out a shocking rush of pleasure and pain. She sobbed as she came apart in his arms. He held her tightly to him as he surrendered to his own need, his body shuddering over her.

And then, somehow, he was beside her, cradling her to his chest as she sobbed.

“Shh.” He soothed her, stroking her hair. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“I’m‘s-sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s okay.” He murmured the words against her forehead.

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay.” Without thinking, she balled her fist and punched him lightly in the chest. “I’m going to miss you, damn it!”

“You don’t have to.” He took her fist and brought it to his mouth. “Don’t go, Chris. Don’t leave. Stay here.”

“Stop it!” Sitting up, she wrapped her arms about her legs and cried against her knees. The mattress shifted as he sat up behind her. His hand rubbed against her back, gentling her. When her breathing settled, she rested her cheek on her knees and offered him a watery smile. “I didn’t want our last night to be like this. I promised myself I wouldn’t get emotional.”

“At least I know I’m not the only one hurting over this.”

“I wish things could be different.”

“They can.”

“Don’t—” She started to get off the bed, but he drew her back. Shifting to his knees, he faced her, holding both her hands. “Christine, I want you to stay more than I can possibly say. Stay with me.” He brought both her hands to his mouth. “Be
my
pride and joy.”

“Alec, please don’t do this.” She felt her heart tearing in two. “I told you I wouldn’t change my mind, and I won’t. Please don’t make it even harder on both of us.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Frustration sounded in his voice. “Walk you home tonight, shake your hand and say, ‘Well, that was fun. Have a nice flight’? In case you haven’t figured this out, I’m in love with you.”

Her breath caught at hearing the words from him for the first time. “You’re w-what?”

“You heard me.” His hands tightened about hers. “I said I love you. And this is what people do when they’re in love. They fight to be together. They don’t give up and walk away or let go and say. ‘Oh well.’ They find a way to make it work.”

“Are you willing to move to Austin?”

“No.”

“Then there is no way to make it work.”

“At least I have a healthy reason for refusing to move.”

“I can’t handle this.” She climbed from the bed.

“That’s it?” he demanded as she gathered her clothes. “I tell you I love you, and you say you can’t handle it? Don’t you dare tell me this is one-sided.”

“I—I don’t know! I don’t do love well.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m lousy at this.” Her insides quivered as she dressed. How could she make him understand? “I make terrible decisions when I fall in love.”

“How many times has this happened for you?”

“Too many.”

“Great.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “It’s good to know I’m one of many.”

“No. God!” She sat in the chair by the window and buried her face in her hands. “Actually, you’re not. I’ve never had a relationship like this before.”

“Like what?”

“Where I feel…” Happy, terrified, safe, out of control.

“What?”

“I don’t know!” She glared at him. How could she tell him any of that, knowing he’d use every word against her to talk her into staying? “Why are we having this discussion? I’m leaving tomorrow. I have a plane ticket. I have my board certification exam scheduled in a few days and a job interview with St. James Hospital. I’m not going to change the plans of a lifetime over two weeks of great sex.”

“That’s all this was for you?” Temper blazed in his eyes. “Great sex?”

“I didn’t mean that. I meant—” The hurt in his eyes frightened her. How could she hurt this wonderful man she loved so much. No, not loved. Cared for. She cared for him. It couldn’t be love. She couldn’t let it be love. “I don’t know what I meant. Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want you to stay.”

“Jesus. Alec, I told you… I have to go. I
have
to.”

“No, you don’t.” His voice went deadly calm.

“Don’t end things like this.” She sent him a pleading look, her heart aching for both of them. “I had a great time with you. These have been three of the best weeks of my life. Let’s not end it with a fight.”

He gave her a level look. “How about we not end it at all?”

She stared right back. “How about you walk me home? If you want.”

“No, I don’t want!”

“Fine!” She stood. “We’ll say good-bye here.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” He rose and grabbed his clothes off the floor.

“You don’t have to walk—” The look he sent her was so sharp, she closed her mouth and waited for him to dress.

They made the walk to the condo in brittle silence. Alec fumed the whole way about a hundred little things, paramount among them was the way she closed off parts of herself and denied him access to her whole life. Her whole self. In fact, in the two weeks her family had been in Silver Mountain, she’d never once invited him inside her parents’ condo, much less to have dinner with her family. That alone should have told him he didn’t stand a chance with her. As much as she swore money and status didn’t matter to her, he’d bet it mattered to them. And their opinion mattered to her.

When they entered the lobby, his anger swerved back to panic and hurt. This was it. The moment to say good-bye.

“I want you to call me when you get to Austin,” he said as she punched the button for the elevator.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” She didn’t even look at him.

“I don’t care.” He took her arm and turned her to face him. “I want to know you arrived safely.”

She searched his eyes a long time, then nodded. “All right. If you want, I’ll call you.”

“Yes.” He cupped her face. “I want.” Aching need tore through him as he covered her mouth and poured all his longing into a kiss.

When it ended, she wrapped her arms around him. “Okay,” she said against his chest. The elevator dinged as the doors opened. She broke away and hurried inside, where she turned to face him with a tear-streaked face. “Good-bye, Alec Hunter.”

The doors closed, leaving him staring at his own cloudy reflection in the brushed metal. He wondered why his image wasn’t bleeding when his heart had just been ripped out. “Oh, yes, I definitely want.”

A little distance often brings things into focus.

—
How to Have a Perfect Life

“Yo, Hunter here.”

“Hello, Alec.”

“
Chris
? Is that you? Hang on! Let me get where I can hear you. I thought you were going to call me when you got home. I’ve been worried out of my mind for two weeks.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just I started thinking on the flight home that it might be easier for both of us if I didn’t call. But then, I don’t know, I guess I wanted to hear your voice.”

“So how are you? Is everything all right?”

“I’m fine. To be honest, though, I’m still not sure this is a good idea.”

“Don’t you dare hang up. Fill me in on everything.”