Just Say Yes (Just Say Yes #2) (31 page)

“Zoey, I know Michelle sounds like a horrible person, and I am not defending her actions, but she really did love A.J. She was getting a lot of pressure from her family. It took a horrible toll on their marriage,” Sarah explained.

Why should it matter if she loved him? I shook my head in disgust. “That might be true, Sarah, but she kept a
child
from him. How could she do that if she loved him as much as you say she did? I love him more than anything, and I couldn’t fathom doing something like that to him.”

Hamish and Sarah nodded in understanding. “She had her reasons,” Hamish sighed. “I can’t imagine what they would be, but from what Corey was saying, it sounded like something was medically wrong with the baby.”

I let out a long breath. “I really hope she’ll talk to him, and he comes home soon.”

Andy and I hadn’t been apart for more than a weekend since we came home from Cabo at the end of February. It worried me that he was going through something so devastating by himself.

“I should really get on the road.” I stood up to wash my plate. “My parents are expecting us for dinner, and I need to let them know what’s going on.”

Hamish stood and picked up my bag for me. I picked up my purse, phone, and keys. “Thank you for having us. I’m sorry our visit turned out the way it did.”

Sarah reached out and gently squeezed my elbow for reassurance. “Zoey, it will all work out. A.J. loves you. I know you feel bad because he left, but he has always needed to work problems out on his own. It took him months to let us in after the accident. He believes it was his fault because they were coming back from one of his rugby matches. After his divorce, he went back to New Zealand for six months. He deals with matters the best way he knows how.”

Great, I had to worry about him taking off on top of everything else. “Well, I hope everything turns out for him,” I sighed. I didn’t know what else to say, so I left.

It took everything in me not to tell Sarah how wrong she was about what he needed. She said he dealt with everything the best way he knew how, but the best way to deal with problems was to address them when they happened, not to leave and ignore them.

I needed to stay strong and focused so I could be there when he realized he needed me.

By the time I hit the Sacramento city limits, I felt horrible. I was sick with worry and exhausted from not sleeping the night before. I had too much time to think on the way home from Sonoma by myself. I convinced myself I would do anything to make Andy happy. Once I arrived at my apartment, I unpacked my suitcase and started a load of laundry. I decided to take a nice hot bath after putting my makeup and bathroom items away.

When I pulled my birth control pills from my bag, I stared down at them, took a deep breath, and tossed them into the trash. I would give him what he wanted most, if it’s what would make him happy.

Besides, I only had a few days left before I needed to start a new pack anyway. I’d been on birth control for years and I was going to marry the love of my life. I would do anything for him, and he would for me. I just needed him to come home so I could tell him. Then we would get married and move on with our lives. Without a doubt, he would be happy with my decision.

I felt like shit from the stress I was putting on myself about what Andy was going through. Unfortunately, I still had to explain everything to my family since he was going to be off work. I took a nice long bath, trying to waste as much time as possible before it was time to go to my mom and dad’s.

After a long while, the water turned cool in the bathtub, so I got out. Drying myself off, I noticed my breasts were a little tender. I was not looking forward to that every month. I used to get horrible tenderness and cramps until I started taking the pill.

I dressed and called Andy. He didn’t answer, so I left him a message telling him I was going to explain what was going on to my family, and how I would split his jobs between my brothers at work until he came back.

I sent Jess a text.

Are you coming to family dinner? I need you. Something bad has happened.

Not even a minute later, my cell rang. It was Jess. “Zoey, what’s wrong?” I explained to her what happened in as much detail as possible. “Oh no, Z…I don’t even know what to say.”

I began crying, again. “Why does this shit happen, Jess? Couldn’t she have been honest with him from the beginning? He would’ve dealt with everything by now and this wouldn’t be happening to him. To
us
.”

Jess sighed heavily. “I don’t know. The whole thing is crazy. Are you worried he’s gonna leave?”

Terrified
. “I don’t know what I’ll do if he does, Jess,” I whispered. “The only reason he was freaked out when I went to Cabo was because I was hurt. If I hadn’t been, he would’ve been fine with it because he knew I needed time away. I think if he wants to go, I have to let him.”

Later in the day, I drove myself to my mom and dad’s house for dinner. I still hadn’t heard back from Andy, so I sent him a text while I sat in the car before going inside to face everyone.

Hope you’re doing well. I wanted to let you know I’m always thinking of you and I love you.

My phone rang as I stepped out of my car. It was Andy. I slid my index finger across the screen to accept his call. “Hi,” I said when I answered.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

Needing privacy for my call, I leaned up against my car door instead of going inside the house. “I’m sad. How are you doing?”

“Same.”

“Andy?”

“Yeah, Beautiful?”

“I talked with Sarah and Hamish earlier this morning. I just wanted to let you know if you feel like you need some time away…you know, after you talk to Michelle…”

My voice wavered as tears spilled over and down my cheeks. I took another deep breath as he waited silently for me to finish. He needed to know I was okay with it if he needed time away. “I will understand if you do, but
please
don’t take six months, okay?”

I heard him sigh. “Alright, Zoey.”

There was no way in hell I could be away from him for that long, and there was no way I would let him deal with it on his own. I tried to deal with my problems on my own and look where it had gotten me.

Miserable, alone, and in therapy.

He told me he loved me, and we ended our call. I walked to the house, knowing in my gut that I wasn’t going to see him again, at least not for a while.

I would not let him wallow in the same self-pity that I did for months before I met him, though. He had played a big part in dragging my ass out of it. In turn, I would do the same for him if I needed to. I would give him some time to absorb the news about Emma, but I was not going to let him grieve on his own.

When I walked in the door, my entire family was sitting in the living room waiting for me. Jess leapt from her seat and ran over to me. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tightly.

“Z, I knew it would be hard on you so I let everyone know something happened. I didn’t tell them what, but I didn’t want everyone to start gushing over your engagement as soon as you walked in the door. I hope you don’t mind.”

She knew me well, and I appreciated what she had done more than she could have known. I sobbed on her shoulder, trying to gain some control before I spoke to everyone.

The next thing I knew, my entire family gathered around me, each one of them resting a hand on my shoulder, back, or arm to support me.
This
is what Andy needed; support from his family. My family was now his too.

“I wish Andy could have this…from all of you. He needs all of us to support him.”

We sat in the living room, and I filled them in on what I’d learned so far, which wasn’t much. I hoped I would know more tomorrow after Andy talked to Michelle.

When we sat down for dinner, I convinced everyone it was acceptable to look at my stunning engagement ring. I wanted everyone to enjoy their night and help me not to dwell on things.

We would get through this. I had to believe it.

During dinner, my dad’s cell phone buzzed. He pulled it from his pocket to see who was calling. He made eye contact with me when he saw who it was, and I knew it was Andy. My dad stood and excused himself from the table to take the call in another room.

“Dad? Tell him I love him, will you?” He nodded and left the room.

When he returned a few minutes later, he gave me a weak smile before he sat back down.

“What did he say?” I asked quietly.

He squeezed my hand. “He wanted to apologize to me about missing work and to make sure I took good care of you.”

I nodded and dabbed the tears in my eyes with my napkin.

I made it through one plate of food. Still hungry because I hadn’t eaten since I’d left Sonoma, I decided to have a second helping of dinner. Adam came into the kitchen while I was filling my plate.

“Save some for me, Z. Since when do you eat seconds?” he joked as he started scooping more food onto his own plate.

I smacked him upside the head, hard. “Shut up, fuck-nugget! After living with Angie all these months, you should know better than to fuck with chicks who have PMS.”

He took a step back. “Ah yes, please…take as much food as you want,” he smirked. He held his plate out to me. “Here, do you want some of mine too?”

That earned him another smack upside the head from Angie, who had come into the kitchen too.

I gave her a high-five for it. “I got your back, Z,” she joked.

For the first time that day, I laughed. “You know, Angie, we should probably rethink smacking your boyfriend upside the head so much. It seems to be giving him brain damage.”

After dinner, I didn’t feel like staying to visit with everyone. I wanted to be alone to think. I said my goodbyes to my family and went home. When I arrived back at my apartment, I was tired, both physically and mentally, so I decided to get in bed. It wasn’t even dark outside yet, but I didn’t care.

I pulled a T-shirt of Andy’s out of his drawer in my dresser and slipped it over my head, then crawled in bed. James hopped up on the bed and cuddled up to me. I stuck my earbuds in, turned on my iPod, and stared at the ceiling for a while.

I picked up my cell phone so I could text Andy, but I didn’t know what to say to him. As I lowered my hand to set my phone down, it vibrated with an incoming call. I looked at the display to find Andy calling me.

I jerked my earbuds out and flipped my finger across the slider to answer the call.

“Hey, I was just thinking about you,” I spoke softly into the phone.

“Were you, now?” he responded with a chuckle. “Dirty thoughts, I hope.”

He seemed to be doing better, so I decided to go along with his line of conversation.

“You know it, Sexy. You were definitely doing something dirty to me,” I said in a low, deep tone.

He let out a long, slow breath, suddenly serious. “I miss you, Zoey. I’m sorry I left the way I did.”

My eyes welled up with tears, but the tears were not for me. My tears were for him and for what he was going through.

“You know you can count on me for anything, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I just feel like everything I touch turns to shit.” He sighed and then cleared his throat.

“Don’t say that, please,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s stupid, but I feel cursed with bad luck or something. I lost my family, I almost lost you, and now I’ve lost a baby I didn’t even know about. Everything was going so good for us, and the day we get engaged…” He paused for a moment. “I wanted everything to be perfect for you. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault. She had no right keeping this from you. Once you talk to her and find out what happened, we will try to move past it.”

There was only silence from Andy for several seconds.