Justifiable Risk (28 page)

But their love would never fade,
could
never fade. It was as firmly entrenched in her as the intricate system of nerves that permeated her body. Any attempt to sever their connection would destroy her. Clare lived in her heart, in her memories, and through their stories. Part of their happiness with each other had been their commitment to a full and satisfying life, in every possible respect. The best way to honor Clare now was by celebrating and living to her greatest potential—which included love.

As Greer cried, she remembered the last time she’d been able to grieve for Clare—in Eva’s arms, on the bed she and Clare had shared. But that moment had been about more than grief. It had been about release of another kind—emotional liberation and a willingness to engage again. The intimacy of that moment returned and Greer surrendered to it and found both forgiveness and hope. Clare would not have held her accountable for her death, nor would she have approved of the unfulfilling life Greer was living. If she held on to the guilt and denied the possibility of love, she was betraying their relationship.

When Greer’s tears subsided, she stood and pressed her hand against the cold granite again. This time the chill was energizing, the stone anchoring, its strength enduring. “I will always love you, my darling. Thank you.” She removed the wedding ring from her finger, placed it in her pocket, and walked toward the crowd gathered to say good-bye to a beloved friend.

*

Eva closed her cell phone and reached for the last skirt in the pile she’d been trying on. Gray with a small pinstripe, appropriate for a funeral, she thought. As she pulled it on and tucked her white fitted blouse into the waistband, she wished she’d never met Tom Merritt. If she hadn’t asked for his help, he’d still be alive. Had she put others at risk in the course of her job? Had any of them died because they helped her? She prayed not. She pushed the troubling thought from her mind, finished dressing, and went downstairs to join Bessie.

She’d passed the morning and early afternoon doing mindless tasks: showering, cleaning the bathroom twice, making the bed three times, and changing clothes over and over. Then she’d talked with Vincent and Lucio for the past hour to update them on the case.

Now she had to know if Greer was okay. She’d been out since the previous day. Eva had listened to the nocturnal sounds that turned into waking noises of the day then back to night and hadn’t heard Greer come home. If this was life with a cop, she wasn’t sure she could handle it. She laughed at her assumption. Maybe she was just on edge because Tom’s service was today and her guilt and sadness had resurfaced. She put on a brave face for Bessie as she walked into the kitchen and inhaled the scent of freshly baked sweets.

“Wow, something smells great. What are you cooking?”

“I made a batch of chocolate pecan brownies and oatmeal raisin cookies. My staff is coming over for our monthly meeting and I’m in charge of dessert. Want some with a cup of coffee? I didn’t want to disturb you earlier.” The dark circles under Bessie’s eyes told Eva that she hadn’t rested well either.

Normally, Eva would’ve gratefully eaten a brownie, but today she didn’t think her stomach could handle anything. “No, thanks.” She tried not to ask about Greer, but the turmoil inside grew worse the longer she tried to contain it. “Where is she? Do you think she’s all right?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Bessie placed her arm around Eva’s waist and hugged her. “If anything happens, someone will contact us. I go through these sleepless nights when she’s working an involved case.”

“You aren’t used to it—the hours, the not knowing, the danger?”

“I don’t think it’s possible to get used to those things. You learn to live with it and hope for the best. Greer’s a good cop. She knows how to take care of herself. Besides, she knows that if she gets hurt, I’ll kill her.”

They laughed and Eva hugged Bessie tighter. Some of the tension in her body eased and she got another glimpse of the affection these two women shared. It had to be comforting for Greer to know that someone loved her so unconditionally.

“How are you holding up?” Bessie asked. “Are you ready for this service?”

“I’ll be okay. I feel so helpless, though. I wish I could do something.”

“Be yourself, honey, and if anything needs to be done, you’ll know when the time is right. I’m a big believer in instincts and intuition, and you’ve got both in spades.”

“You’re good for a girl’s confidence. Shall we go?”

Bessie pulled off her apron and tossed it on a chair. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“And what about Greer?”

“She’ll be there. It won’t be easy, but she’ll be there.”

“I know she and Tom were friends since school.” Bessie went silent and the reason suddenly occurred to Eva. They were heading to a cemetery. “Are we going to where Clare is buried?”

Bessie nodded.

Their ride to the county cemetery was short and silent, like an unspoken agreement between friends of long standing. They respected each other’s time for reflection without the need for meaningless prattle. Eva squeezed Bessie’s hand as they approached the entrance.

A huge leafless oak tree stood on either side of the entry like barrel-chested sentinels at the desolate garden of souls. Eva thought it strange that a black wrought-iron fence surrounded the small memorial park. The residents had already transcended the constraints of the physical realm, and visitors were more eager to get out than in. The property was well maintained, but the cool temperatures of fall had turned the grass and flowers a dismal shade of brown. Somehow it seemed more fitting to the occasion than the lush spring foliage in Lagos when they buried Paul.

When Bessie parked near the burial site, Eva was surprised to see so many people. Greer had said Tom didn’t have any family and wasn’t married, so she hadn’t expected many people. Patrol officers, plainclothes detectives, hospital workers still in uniform, EMS personnel, firefighters, and other folks who were probably Tom’s coworkers from the newspaper huddled around the funeral-home tent for the graveside service as the minister began to speak.

Eva half listened to the scripture passages and obligatory prayers as she looked around for Greer. JJ and the other homicide detectives stood apart from the crowd behind Sergeant Fluharty, whose left arm was still in a sling. It appeared as though the assault had drained him of more than a little blood. He looked pale and gaunt, and when his eyes met Eva’s, he quickly looked away. Greer wasn’t with her squad, which Eva found odd. Greer valued only her personal commitments more than her professional ones.

She scoured the neatly maintained grounds and finally saw Greer walking toward her squad mates. In the distance behind her a fresh arrangement of purple lilies lay in stark contrast on top of a gray granite headstone. The poignant scene touched Eva. She couldn’t fathom the devastation of burying the woman she loved, the inconsolable loneliness of visiting a patch of earth and slab of granite instead of a living person. What peace of mind or solace of heart did such rituals provide? Losing her parents and Paul had been traumatic enough, but she couldn’t imagine losing a life partner. Eva tore her gaze from Greer, the pain on her face too explicit and too intimate for outsiders to intrude upon.

When Eva returned her attention to the service, the minister asked if anyone wanted to share a memory or story about Tom. Several of his coworkers told anecdotes about working with him that elicited rounds of laughter. When the last person finished, Eva stepped forward. She wanted to pay tribute to Tom for his sacrifice to the profession he loved. She owed him that and so much more.

“I’d like to say something, please.” The minister nodded. “My name is Eva Saldana. I knew Tom only for a short time, but he seemed like a wonderful man. He offered to help me with a story when he could have easily refused…”
And still be alive
.
Her throat tightened. “He was very direct and respectful. I admired his ability to be honest without being judgmental. Few people have it. I’m sure it made him an excellent reporter. I wish I could’ve known him longer. I think we would’ve been very good friends.”

She moved back beside Bessie and grabbed her hand for support. Bessie’s steady grip calmed Eva as tears streamed down her face. “That was beautiful, honey, exactly the right thing to do.”

The minister said a final prayer and the crowd dispersed. Eva and Bessie were walking arm in arm toward Bessie’s pickup when Greer caught up. She looped her arm through Eva’s and walked alongside.

“That was nice of you. Are you all right?”

Eva nodded, so touched by Greer’s concern that she didn’t trust herself to speak. Greer’s eyes were bloodshot and slightly swollen, like she hadn’t slept all night and had been crying. Eva ached, realizing what being here must have cost her.

“Worked all night again, didn’t you.” Bessie’s tone was more statement than question. “You won’t be much good if you keep this up. Can you come home for a while?”

“Yeah, I need to talk with Eva anyway.”

Greer’s gaze locked on her and Eva’s skin tingled and glowed with heat.

“You sure you’re okay?” Bessie asked.

“I’m fine, Bessie. Stop worrying so much. I’ll see you at the house.”

“Something’s up with her,” Bessie said as she drove the short distance home. “And I think you’re about to find out what.”

“Should I be concerned?” Eva’s pulse fluttered in anticipation. Part of her wanted definitive proof and closure in Paul’s case; the other part wanted something she’d only imagined she could have—a life with Greer.

“Be ready for anything. You never know with that one.” Her smile conveyed both mischief and concern.

When they reached the house, Greer was standing in the driveway. She asked Bessie, “You need any help? I know the ladies are coming for your meeting.”

“Nope, got it covered, unless you ate all the brownies and cookies.”

“Only a couple.” She took Eva’s hand and led her toward the garage. “Eva and I’ll be in the apartment.”

This would be Eva’s first time in Greer’s private space, and the prospect excited yet intimidated her. Their joined hands felt intimate and right, the nearness of their bodies perfect, each broadcasting desire—or was she projecting? Her legs trembled as she climbed the staircase into Greer’s personal domain.

The loft apartment was light and airy, with huge windows all around and an open barn-style door at the opposite end. It smelled of the outdoors and the clean freshness she associated with Greer. A king-sized bed dominated the room and a couple of barrel chairs faced the lake and woods. A small kitchenette and glass-block restroom occupied the space opposite the door. The fabrics, wall hangings, and artwork that decorated the room provided splashes of fall color and seemed appropriate for Greer’s more reserved, traditional style.

“This is beautiful,” Eva said. “It feels like you.”

“Thank you, I think. Would you like something to drink?”

“Water would be fine.”

“Have a seat.” Greer motioned to the chairs overlooking the lake. After she retrieved two bottles of water from the fridge and handed one to Eva, Greer opened hers and drained it. She fidgeted with the bottle cap and finally tossed the empty into the trash can. “I need to tell you some things.”

Eva grew more anxious at seeing Greer without her cocky assurance and professional cool. Emotions seemed to be the only thing that made her the least bit uncomfortable. Could
she
handle a personal conversation with Greer, if they both put their cards on the table? An overpowering need to find out replaced her uncertainty. “Okay. Whatever it is, it’ll be fine.”

Greer stopped in front of her. “I
kissed
you.”

Eva’s heart pounded rapidly. “You certainly did.” Greer’s acknowledgment excited her as much as the act itself.

“I haven’t kissed anyone since Clare.”

Would Greer apologize and say it couldn’t happen again? Eva shuttered as if a cold breeze had blown through the room.

“I liked kissing you and I want to do it again, but—”

“You don’t have to explain.” As much as it pained Eva, she wanted to spare Greer any further discomfort. “I know you love Clare and always will. I admire that about you. I’ll respect your boundaries from now on, promise.”

Greer knelt in front of Eva and placed her hands on her knees. “I do love her, and you’re right, that won’t change. But I also have very strong feelings for you. You’ve touched a place in my heart that I thought died with Clare.”

Greer’s blue eyes pinned her and Eva drew a ragged breath that felt like it contained a narcotic. Her pulse hammered. Heat spread through her body. She was unprepared. She’d thought about a relationship with Greer, even fantasized about it, but didn’t consider it a real option. She remembered wishing on the day of the accident that she’d been more open about her feelings.
How could she be open when she was so conflicted?

“Wow. When you have something to say, you get right to the point, don’t you?”

“It takes a while, but yeah. Sorry if it’s too much.”

“Greer, I don’t know what to say.” She looked down at the strong, lean hands on her knees. Greer wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. She’d obviously made a decision about her life. The thought filled Eva with hope and trepidation.

“Don’t say anything yet. Let me get this out and then you can think about it. I’ve been so screwed up for the past two years that I couldn’t feel anything. You’ve changed that for me. The situation is complicated. You have a life that covers the globe. Mine is confined to this small town. All I’m asking is to be a part of yours in some way. Is that possible?”