K is for Knifeball
Read K is for Knifeball Online
Authors: Jory John
K is for KNIFEBALL
an alphabet of TERRIBLE advice
by Avery Monsen and Jory John
To our parents. We're so sorry.
(Yes, you with the lice.)
We wrote you this book.
It's chock full of advice.
But before you proceed,
little dudette or dude, by reading this waiver,
you hereby declare
that you won't get a lawyer.
You promise.
You swear.
Avery Monsen and Jory John, the authors of “
K is For Kinfeball: An Alphabet of Terrible Advice
” (hereafter referred to as “THE BOOK”), in accordance with federal and state laws and basic common sense, hereby distance themselves from all potential damages incurred by readers attempting to perform the activities recommended herein, including but not limited to: fire damage, jail time, broken bones, hurt feelings, tummy aches, tuberculosis, detention, disappointment, chapped lips, social stigma and/or stigmata, tooth decay, rabies, scabies, scrumples, scrunchies, crazy eye, lazy eye, Lyme disease, lockjaw, any variety of rash, death or double-death, in perpetuity, which means for an incredibly long time... let’s just say until the end of the world or the last copy of this book is sold, whichever comes first.
By reading this, you agree that you will read this book, laugh at the jokes, buy a few copies for your friends, write a glowing review online, and, most importantly, not hurt yourself or someone else or both.
And if you
do
hurt yourself, you won’t get a lawyer. And if you
do
get a lawyer, rest assured that we’ll get 12 lawyers, all of them inside a giant coat, talking at the same time.
Seriously.
Ais for apple.
Eat one every day.
And then wash it down
with your mom's Cabernet.
Bis for blender.
Your daddy won't mind
if you drop in his Rolex
and set it to "GRIND."
Cis for cop
with a big, shiny gun.
Sneak up and tickle him!
That'll be fun!
Dis for drifter
who's out on your lawn.
Bring him inside when your parents are gone.
D's also for dinner.
There's plenty to eat.
He's under your bed;
sneak your drifter some meat.
Estands for eat
just as much as you can.
Eat ice cream and waffles
and turkey and ham.
Eat pickles and tuna fish, milkshakes and figs!Eat pencils and stencils and thumbtacks and twigs!
Eat baskets of beard hair!Eat mountains of mud!
And wash it all down
with a bucket of blood!
Fis for fire,
made with logs and a lighter.
Throw Daddy's wallet in.
It'll burn brighter!
