Kane Samantha - Brothers in arms 1

An Ellora’s Cave Romantica Publication

www.ellorascave.com

The Courage To Love

ISBN # 1-4199-0603-8

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

The Courage To Love Copyright© 2006 Samantha Kane

Edited by Raelene Gorlinsky.

Cover art by Syneca & Willo.

Electronic book Publication: April 2006

This book may not be reproduced or used in whole or in part by any means existing without written permission from the publisher, Ellora’s Cave Publishing, Inc.® 1056 Home Avenue, Akron OH 44310-3502.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the authors’ imagination and used fictitiously.

Warning:

The following material contains graphic sexual content meant for mature readers. This story has been rated E–rotic by a minimum of three independent reviewers.

Ellora’s Cave Publishing offers three levels of Romantica™ reading entertainment: S (S-ensuous), E (Erotic), and X (X-treme).

S-
ensuous
love scenes are explicit and leave nothing to the imagination.

E-
rotic
love scenes are explicit, leave nothing to the imagination, and are high in volume per the overall word count. In addition, some E-rated titles might contain fantasy material that some readers find objectionable, such as bondage, submission, same sex encounters, forced seductions, and so forth. E-rated titles are the most graphic titles we carry; it is common, for instance, for an author to use words such as

“fucking”, “cock”, “pussy”, and such within their work of literature.

X-
treme
titles differ from E-rated titles only in plot premise and storyline execution. Unlike E-rated titles, stories designated with the letter X tend to contain controversial subject matter not for the faint of heart.

THE COURAGE TO LOVE

Samantha Kane

For my husband, with whom all things are possible. For my family, who told me and showed me that dreams can come true. And for all those who enjoy this book, the greatest compliment a writer can receive.

The Courage To Love

She tried to control her breathing, to push the panic down deep, where all her other secrets were hiding. She shouldn’t have come. This wasn’t her life anymore; she had left it behind, and gladly. But Kitty had been a friend when she needed one, and she did miss the gaiety, the laughter. Working day and night to establish her new business had taken most of the laughter out of her life, what little was left after Robertson and his cronies were finished with her.

No! She wouldn’t think of that awful night. She had let it control her for too long, she was stronger now, smarter. Yet even as she reassured herself, she could not deny the small frisson of fear that danced along her spine, the fear that one of
them
would be here, would see her, would tell.

Katherine Collier glided through the assembled throng in Kitty Markham’s drawing room, her turbulent thoughts hidden behind a perfectly composed social façade. She looked beautiful, as always. A taller than average woman, she was whipcord thin but her figure appeared willowy rather than sharp. Her breasts were small but well shaped, her waist nipped in without the aid of a corset. Her dark blue silk dress draped her gracefully, showing off not just her figure but her creamy skin and light blue eyes. Her face hinted at Nordic ancestry, the cheekbones sharp, the nose long and thin. Her hair, so blonde it was almost white, added to the overall effect.

Kate nodded and smiled in recognition of the greetings tossed her way, and deftly avoided touching anyone as she made her way to the French doors leading onto the terrace. She drew a deep breath as she closed the doors behind her. The smell of jasmine and freshly turned earth soothed her jangled nerves. She looked around and remembered that around the corner, behind the potted palms, was a small secluded area with a cushioned settee and some chairs. She hurried to it before anyone else came out and forced her into more conversation.

As she lowered herself gently onto the settee, Kate sighed. Too many people here, she thought, too much talking and touching and knowing looks.
God! How could I have
been so stupid to come here? I’m not ready. I’m not ready to be around people yet.
The thought nearly brought her to tears, but she stoically closed her eyes and willed them away. Too many tears had been shed already.

She rubbed her stomach in a habitual, nervous gesture. It wasn’t just the fear that one of
them
would be here. It was the fact that everyone here believed she wanted back into this society of wealthy, dissolute men and their avaricious, equally dissolute mistresses. She had vowed never to return, and hadn’t considered that attending Kitty’s little dinner party would be construed as an invitation to the men here.

5

Samantha Kane

Kate breathed deeply, in and out. She concentrated on her lungs filling with air, her nostrils dilating with each inhalation, her lips parting to allow the trapped air to escape.

Many times over the last year this little exercise had helped her regain control, and tonight was no exception. Before long she was breathing normally, her pulse no longer racing, her thoughts drifting to what needed to be done at the shop in the morning. She leaned her head back against the settee and closed her eyes, intending to return to the party in a little while, just long enough to say farewell to Kitty.

It took several moments before she realized she wasn’t alone any longer. She started violently, opening her eyes with a gasp, her fear surely greater than her situation warranted. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was so afraid of.

“Hello, Kate. I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to startle you.”

Anthony Richards could hardly contain his astonishment at how Kate had changed in the year since he’d seen her last. She was thinner, but that wasn’t what concerned him. It was the fear in her eyes, the cornered look she wore, that bore no resemblance to the confident, gay woman they’d left behind. He glanced at his best friend, Lord Jason Randall, and saw his consternation as well. What the hell had happened while they’d been gone?

Jason waited before speaking, waited until that look left her eyes and recognition took its place. He’d seen that look before, too many times, on the battlefields of Europe while they’d fought the French monster. What battles had they left Kate to fight alone?

He knew a deep uneasiness in his soul, an unsettling feeling of having made the wrong decisions somewhere along the way.

“Hello, Kate,” Jason said finally. He slowly moved toward one of the empty chairs.

She watched them warily as they seated themselves, but said nothing. “We’ve missed you,” he tried again. When she still made no reply, he looked at Tony, at a loss as to what to do.

Kate was stunned. Tony and Jason had returned at long last. How many times had she wished for them in the past year? She’d lost count. At one time she would have welcomed them with open arms, wept on their shoulders, let them take care of her.

Now, she felt nothing. She was numb. It was as if their appearance had pushed her past that edge she’d been riding for months, into nothing, into despair. She realized they were waiting for her to say something. She could summon nothing but banal social pleasantries, when once she had wanted to bare her soul for them.

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Tony, Jason, how good it is to see you again. How was the Continent?” She unconsciously clutched her hands together and pressed them against her stomach.

6

The Courage To Love

Tony answered her. “Fine, but it is always good to come home again. The company there is thin, when compared to what awaits us here.” He smiled at her in the old way, the easygoing, warm curl of his lips speaking of companionship and intimacy.

Kate did not respond in kind. She was shocked at her reaction. Anger, the hot sweep of it racing through her veins, the like of which she had never known, took over.

All she could think was if they had been here, it wouldn’t have happened, which was ridiculous, really. They’d never been more than good friends, soldiers in arms with her late husband. It hadn’t been their job to protect her. She had foolishly given that right to the man who all but destroyed her—and she’d done it for money, all for the money. Her anger turned inward, toward herself, where she so often turned it these days.

Tony’s smile faltered as he saw the emotions racing across Kate’s face, the blaze of anger in her cheeks, right before she stood abruptly and turned away from them.

Without thinking, Jason stood and started toward Kate when he saw her distress.

Tony’s hand on his arm stopped him.

Some inner voice told Tony that Kate wouldn’t welcome Jason’s help at the moment. He understood Jason’s need to give it, was resisting his own impulses, but recognized Kate’s need to stand alone and gather herself for a moment.

With her back to them, Kate laughed dryly. “Yes, what’s waiting at home. I see.

And did you find what you’d hoped to when you got here?” The look she gave them when she turned around was sardonic and slightly bitter.

Tony hesitated before answering, but Jason’s reply was immediate.

“Yes, Kate. We found you, finally free.”

Pain slashed across Kate’s face before she could hide it. She looked at both men accusingly. “Oh, but haven’t you listened to the talk, Jason?” she returned in a voice made husky with unshed tears. “I’m not free. I cost a great deal.”

Jason’s face suffused with anger, and he took a step toward her. She involuntarily stepped back, her hands going protectively up before she could stop them. Jason’s advance was halted immediately by her reaction.

“We don’t want to buy you, Kate.”

“Well, then, you can’t have me.” She’d recovered sufficiently to calmly step back to the settee and sit down.

Jason and Tony continued to stand, unsure of what to do.

“Oh, do sit down,” Kate said waspishly. “You’ll hardly get decent conversation out of me, hulking about. You two are still too tall.”

Tony gave a sigh of relief. This was the Kate he remembered. She was still in there after all. He smoothly took a seat and gestured Jason into the other chair. Jason still looked worried; he wasn’t as good as Tony at hiding his feelings.

7

Samantha Kane

Kate watched them as they sat. Good Lord, they were still the most handsome men she’d ever known. Tony looked like a fallen angel, too beautiful for words. His hair was jet black, slightly long and thick, straight as an arrow. His eyes seemed even bluer than before, set against his tan. And his lips were the red of a rose, lips hardly suited to a man several inches over six feet, with shoulders to match.

And Jason, sweet, wonderful Jason. He still let his emotions rule him. His worry and uncertainty were plainly written on his solemn face. His light brown hair was turning gray at the temples, a little early since he could not yet be even thirty-five. It lent him a distinguished air, companionable with his usual solemn expression. His dark brown eyes reminded her of a fawn, guileless and warm. Framed by thick, curly lashes, they rested on her with unwavering intensity. She’d always imagined them gazing at her hotly while he sheathed himself in her, one of her favorite daydreams in the past.

She gave him a small smile as he lowered himself into the chair.

Sitting there, he and Tony looked the same height, but Jason was actually a little shorter, only by an inch or so. The extra inch and then some was in his shoulders and chest, almost epic in their proportions, made to bear the burdens of his loved ones.

This last thought shook Kate from her reverie. Not her burdens, she told herself firmly. Those she had born alone in his absence. She tamped down on the anger as it tried to resurface. With Tony’s next statement, her anger evaporated, to be replaced by complete shock.

“We want to marry you, Kate,” he told her simply.

“Wh-what?” Surely she had heard incorrectly.