Kane, Samantha - Brothers in arms 7 (19 page)

She was in love with them. She had never been in love before, but she knew what this feeling was. Gideon needed her so much. He was wounded, not just on the outside but inside, and he tried to hide it behind his gruff exterior. But she felt his pain and was determined to end it. In so many ways, no matter how gruff he became, he showed her how tender and compassionate he could be. And Charles, he had been harder to figure out. But once she realized that he was in love with Gideon, she understood him and loved him too. He was so strong, so steady and so desperate for every crumb of Gideon’s affection. And he’d transferred all that to Sarah. She could see it in his face when he looked at her. When he bullied her and forced her to face her unspoken fears, she knew he did it because he cared deeply for her. And when he was in bed with her and Gideon, he showed her. Every touch that was meant to inflame revealed his passion and tender feelings for her.

She longed to consummate her union with Charles. But he refused. At first Sarah had been hurt and miserable. She’d thought he refused because he didn’t want her. But after so many weeks together she knew differently. He wanted her desperately. He struggled not to take what she offered. Why? He claimed it was because he was not her husband and that only Gideon had the right to take her that way.

She blushed as she remembered all the things she’d done with both men. They had taught her how to please them in many ways and taught her how to take her own 97

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pleasure. She’d taken them in her mouth. It was wicked and wonderful. And they loved it. They loved to watch her do it. That was one of the ways they were so much alike.

They loved to watch each other pleasure Sarah, and she them. Sarah could feel the smug satisfaction in her private little grin. Sarah liked that very much too. To be watched by both of them.

There was a reason Charles wouldn’t take the final intimate step with her. And she was quite sure it had something to do with Gideon. Was he afraid that Gideon would object? Sarah was quite sure he wouldn’t. He had said as much many times. Was he afraid it would change their relationship? She didn’t see how. They were already as close as man and wife. He knew her as well as Gideon did, better than anyone had ever known her before. She shared almost every aspect of herself with both men.

But there were some things she kept to herself. Such as her fear that this perfect time would not last. Her fear that they would realize what a fraud she was, pretending to be strong and brave and resourceful, when each day, each step filled her with apprehension. Perhaps Charles knew that—he seemed to know everything without being told. Perhaps that was why he denied her. Because she was weak and he knew it.

She stared out over the green grass of the pasture glistening with dew. The morning held its breath, waiting for the sun to rise. Sarah wondered what she was waiting for.

Charles to relent? Explain? She sighed. She was doing it again. She was so busy worrying about what she didn’t have she was forgetting to appreciate what she did have. She was questioning herself again too. She’d thought she was past that now.

Sarah stood up and moved closer to the pasture fence, leaning against a tree trunk.

She wiggled her bare toes in the wet grass. The sound of a door opening and closing behind her sounded clearly in the quiet morning. She turned around, one hand on the tree.

It was Charles.

Charles breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Sarah down by the fence. When he’d woken up and found her gone he hadn’t known what to think. He’d panicked and thrown on some clothes as quietly as he could to search for her. He hadn’t wanted to awaken Gideon and worry him. The first place he’d thought to look was here. Sarah spent a great deal of time here.

He started to walk down the hill and she took a step forward just as the sun started to peek over the horizon. The light set her hair ablaze and outlined her long legs through the thin material of her gown. Charles just stopped and stared. She was beautiful. Truly, amazingly beautiful. He had caught a glimpse of this woman the first day she’d come here, when she had whipped off that god-awful bonnet in Gideon’s study and confronted him. But Sarah had hidden that woman behind conservative gowns and a starchy demeanor. She had been a little sparrow, pretty in it’s way but unremarkable. Now she was a songbird in flight. Beautiful, courageous, bringing the wonder of her song to all who met her. She brought it to Gideon. She was there for him 98

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in every way, giving him so much. It was no wonder she was everything to him. And she gave her song to Charles as well. In return, Charles wanted to be there for her.

Gideon was, he knew that, but Charles wanted it too. He wanted her to turn to him in times of trouble, when she needed a strong back or a soft shoulder. He wanted her to rely on him the way Gideon had always relied on him.

He took a step and almost stumbled. Over the last few weeks his feelings for her had grown until he couldn’t separate them from his feelings for Gideon anymore. They were intertwined, inseparable. He was in love with her, as he had only ever been in love with Gideon.

When he moved again his steps seemed to quicken of their own accord. Soon he was running toward her, his open shirt blowing back along his sides, his strides eating up the distance between them. He felt an urgency that made him desperate. He had to get to her. Sarah picked up her skirts and ran to meet him. They almost collided, but Charles stopped just in time and caught her against his chest, spinning them around.

“What’s wrong?” she cried out distress. “Gideon?”

Charles cupped her face in his palms and ran his thumbs along her beloved cheeks as he shook his head. “No, no, nothing’s wrong. I just had to see you. I had to touch you.” He was breathless from more than his sprint down the hill. It was need, desire that wrung him out and left him in tatters. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. She was Gideon’s.

Sarah wrapped her arms around his waist, her breathing, her expression, everything about her screaming of a desperation that matched his own. “Charles,” she whispered.

His lips pressed down on hers in an effort to appease them both. She was eager and welcoming, but it wasn’t enough. He tore his mouth away from the kiss and pressed his cheek to hers, both hands now cupped around the back of her head. He held them both prisoner like that, so close to what they wanted and yet so far. Why did he deny himself? Gideon had told him time and again that he wanted Charles to have Sarah, that he would not be upset if she and Charles became that intimate. But Charles had played the martyr. Why?

Because he was afraid.

Sarah broke free of his hold and brought her mouth back to his, kissing him roughly. He loved that about her. In the bedroom was where Sarah had learned to spread her wings. She never hesitated to take what she needed from them in the intimacy of their bed. She had asked him to take her many times. With kisses like this, and with words.

He held back, letting her kiss him, not wanting to push her away. But that’s what he was doing. By refusing her he was pushing her away. He’d been too much of a coward these last weeks to take that last step. Because he was afraid of letting down his defenses enough to let someone else in. Someone who might turn away as Gideon had.

But Sarah would never turn away. Sarah was…Sarah.

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Charles broke the kiss again and pressed his forehead to hers, breathing heavily as if he’d run a race. He was tired of sacrificing. He wanted to take something for himself.

He hadn’t had anything for himself in so long.

“Charles,” she murmured again and pressed her hand to his racing heart.

He backed her against the tree trunk and she went willingly, trusting him enough to not even turn her head to see where he was pushing her. He reached down and began to slowly pull her skirts up, giving her the chance to push him away, to say no.

She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him close, spreading her legs so he could move between them. With her other hand she reached down and began to undo the fall on his trousers.

He couldn’t speak. If he said anything it would shatter the perfection of this moment. It would make it too real, and then he’d have to think about what he was doing. What it would mean to all of them. So he kept his silence and shuddered at the delicate touch of her hands on him.

When she touched him and pulled him free of his trousers, he pressed against her closer and rested his forearms on the tree trunk on either side of her head. The bark scratched his skin and it only made him more aware of the many sensations bombarding him. He turned and buried his face in her soft, sweet-smelling hair. He could feel the weak warmth of the sun on his back as he listened to Sarah’s panting breaths. The birds were beginning to greet the morning, and he heard a horse nicker faintly from the barn.

She knew. She understood that she must do this. He could not take her. She had to invite him in, she had to be the one. And so it was Sarah who slid her arm around his neck and wrapped her leg around his waist. It was Sarah who brought his cock, hard and aching, to her warm entrance, and he had to choke off a gasp at his first touch of sex against sex. She pressed down on him, taking the tip of him inside her, and Charles couldn’t take a deep breath. He tried to pull in air and only managed short, sharp inhalations. It felt so good. So goddamned good to be inside someone again. To be inside someone he loved.

He slammed inside her then. He wanted to take it slow, he wanted to savor her, savor the moment and the feelings, but he couldn’t. He needed to get as deep inside her as possible. He needed to bury himself there and never come out. Sarah cried out softly and wrapped both arms around his neck. She pulled herself up and wrapped both legs around his waist and Charles was gone. He rammed her back against the tree, grabbed her hands in his and pressed them into the tree over her head and fucked her. Fucked her as he’d wanted to for so long, as she’d been asking him to. Fucked her as a man desperate for his woman needs to fuck.

His mouth slanted over hers and he swallowed her cries and her moans. He shared her breath, her taste, her heat, not letting her come up for air until she turned her face away with a gasp. He buried his lips in the curve of her neck then and sucked on the salty skin he found. Sarah’s hips were pushing against his, keeping up with his rough, 100

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wild rhythm, matching his passion. He had known she would be a match for him, that she could take his rough handling. Gideon fucked her so gently, as if she’d break. But Sarah couldn’t be broken. Not by this. Not by them.

Sarah yanked one hand out of his grip and buried it in his hair, pulling it sharply as she made a fist and held his mouth to her. Her legs tightened and she wriggled down so that the angle of Charles’ thrusts changed. “Yes,” she hissed, and Charles growled against her neck, biting her. He placed his free hand under her bottom and pulled her into him.

Sarah came. Her passage clamped down on his cock so hard he shouted at the pleasure, so sharp it was almost pain. She pulsed around him, pulling him in, not letting him go. Charles let her ride his cock. He let her writhe on him and moan, her nails biting into his scalp. He began to come. The aching pleasure was pulled from his balls in a spine-tingling rush of ecstasy and he had to lean hard into her, the tree at her back holding them both up. His fingers twined with hers against the rough bark and some small part of his mind wondered if he was hurting her. But she held his hand as tightly.

“Sarah,” he finally whispered in a rough, broken voice. A small sob escaped her. He cupped her cheek and raised her face so he could look at her. Her eyes were swimming with tears, a few having already fallen. She smiled at him then, and he knew she was feeling the same things he was right now. This was right. She was as much his as she was Gideon’s.

“Sarah,” he whispered again, unable to put it all into words. So he bent to kiss her instead.

“Get off her.” Gideon’s voice was guttural. He was mad enough to kill. He couldn’t believe that Charles would take her like this, so roughly, like a whore against a tree where anyone could catch them. What if Gideon hadn’t woken to find them both missing? What if someone else had come out?

Charles froze and Sarah cast frightened eyes over his shoulder to Gideon. She was crying.

“By God, if you’ve hurt her…” Gideon snarled. He stalked closer and Charles pulled out of her as she lowered her legs to the ground. Gideon knew one painful moment of regret. He would never be able to fuck Sarah like that. He simply couldn’t anymore.

Charles adjusted his trousers and then stepped back. Sarah’s skirt had fallen, covering her legs. She leaned heavily on the tree. She could barely stand. Her hair was a tangled mess, some strands caught in the tree bark. Gideon choked on his anger when he saw the bruise on her neck. There were teeth marks. Sarah’s hand flew up to cover it and Gideon’s gaze shot to her face. She looked frightened. He whirled to face Charles.

“You did this to her.”

Charles glared at him. “Yes, just as you—”

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Gideon didn’t let him finish. He lashed out and backhanded Charles across the face.

Charles stumbled back a step, caught off guard. Gideon dropped his crutches at the same time he threw himself at Charles. When he hit Charles in the chest they both toppled over and fell to the ground, rolling down the slight hill. Gideon rolled again so he came out on top of Charles, but Charles was recovering quickly. He tried to push Gideon off, but Gideon grabbed the collar of his shirt, pressed his forearm to Charles’

throat and planted his foot on the ground to hold his place.

“How could you? After everything? After I gave her to you? This is what you do?

This is how you treat her? Have you no decency?” The questions were ripped from Gideon’s heart, leaving an open wound.

“Gideon!” Sarah cried out. She was sobbing now. “Don’t! It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t.”