Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 1.3 - Riding Through Fire (2 page)

your whole life. You can still have fun, right?"

And Jeff really shouldn't have started this in the car, especially not with Tatiana in the back seat, because the look Evan shoots him sends a shock straight to Jeff's groin. "You asking me out, Jeff?" The tone is teasing, but the sexy kind of tease, not the friendly kind.

Jeff sputters. "No!" He resists the urge to spin around in his seat and see how much of this Tat is hearing, but Evan can apparently read his mind, and he has the advantage of the rear view mirror.

"She's got her ear buds in. If you stop yelling, we're fine. Lots of privacy."

There hasn't been any of this, no flirting, nothing suggestive at all since the accident, and Jeff doesn't know what to do with himself. "Okay, well, I was thinking more of volunteering to babysit while you go out with your friends. Your age-appropriate friends.”

Evan snorts again, with more bitterness this time. "Yeah, okay. I'll go out and get totally coked up and whore around all night and sleep all day, and ignore the fact that I've got a nine-year old and a multi-billion dollar company to deal with."

"What, there's no middle ground? You've got to be a monk or a total party-boy?"

 

The purr is back in Evan's voice. "You tell me, Jeff. Do I have to be a monk, or can you help me out with that?"

"Jesus, kid…" The voice, the look, they're all going straight to their intended target, but Jeff manages to pull himself back. "Evan, I'm sure you can find lots of people who'd be happy to… spend time with you… without having to be a total party whore. I'm not…." He's not what? Not interested? He's pretty sure Evan would see through that lie. "I'm not comfortable with even the idea of anything happening between you and me. It just… it wouldn't be right. For a lot of reasons." He glances behind

Riding Through Fire | Kate Sherwood

him to be sure that Tat is still out of the conversation. She's oblivious, eating a banana while reading a paperback, bopping her head to the music on her ear buds.

Evan's not as easy to distract. "Like what reasons?" He glances over, and Jeff recognizes the determined look that the kid has started to wear before he goes into business negotiations. "Because of the age difference? Hate to break it to you, man, but I've slept with guys who are older than you. And it was good." Jeff tries not to let his mind dwell on that image, tries to control his jealousy and anger at the thought of some old pervert touching Evan's golden skin. "Or because you were friends with my parents?" Evan glances over. "I talked about it with my dad, you know. Before he died."

"You what?" Jeff can barely breathe.

Evan just grins. "He called me out on it - said I was going over the top, and I should stop teasing you. I said it wasn't teasing if I was willing to go through with it."

"Jesus Christ." Jeff's mind is spinning. "What did he say?"

"He said, 'Jesus Christ.'" Evan's smile is a mix of wicked and sad. "And he had a big swallow of his brandy. And then he asked if anything had happened between you and me, and I said no, but not from lack of trying on my part. And he had another big swallow."

"Jesus, Evan, how…how long ago was this?" Jeff tries to think, tries to remember any change in his friend's attitude towards him. "Oh my God, did he tell your mother?"

"I don't know." Evan shrugs casually. "She was probably the one who tipped him off to the flirting, really. She was generally the one to notice stuff like that." He ignores Jeff's groan of discomfort. "But you know what he told me? After he finished his drink?" Evan's smile is warm, and Jeff takes a moment to be glad that Evan's able to have happy memories of his parents. "He said I shouldn't just fool around with you,

Riding Through Fire | Kate Sherwood
but if I was serious, I'd never find anyone better. You know, for, like, a relationship."

"What?" That can't be right. Jeff had been younger than Alex, sure, but not that much younger. Not young enough for Alex to have considered Jeff as any sort of suitable partner for his son. Alex had always been fine with Jeff's sexuality, and they'd had some serious talks when it had become apparently that Evan was going to wander at least a little off the 'straight' path, but the talks had been about helping Evan to make the best decisions in the least painful way, not…Jesus. "He didn't say that!"

"Yeah, he did." Evan sounds amused. "He said you'd be good for me. Calm me down. And he said maybe I'd be good for you, keep you from being so serious all the time. But he said you weren't good at casual sex. He said you'd get attached, and it wouldn't be fair for me to just fool around with you, especially considering that we'd still be seeing each other all the time, even if it didn't work out."

That's a lot to digest. It has the ring of truth to it, though. Jeff knows that Alex had been worried that Evan was too flighty, and had been hoping that he'd calm down. And Alex had always teased Jeff about being too serious, and about his propensity for getting too involved with people he'd just met. But still. "He thought… he could see a situation in which you and I would get together casually, and I'd still be seeing you after that? Like, I'd still be welcome in his home?"

"Jeff, man, he was pretty aware of my activities. It's not like I'm a blushing virgin, or something."

 

"No, I think I'm the one doing the blushing here."

 

"Yeah. It's kinda hot. Makes me think of other ways to get you all worked up…."

 

"Okay, no!" Jeff isn't quite sure how to put his objections into words. He needs some time to think. Time without a gorgeous Kaminski giving him seductive looks. "Okay, first off, no more talking about any of this,
Riding Through Fire | Kate Sherwood
ever, within a…a ten-foot radius of your sister. I don't care if she's wearing a bucket on her head, it's too close."

 

Evan considers the rule. "Okay, but…why would Tat be wearing a bucket on her head?"

 

"Evan…"

 

"Well, it's your rule that says I can't talk about what I really
want
to talk about, so…let's talk about buckets on my sister's head."

"Let's not talk at all for a while, alright?" Jeff's aware that he sounds a little petulant, and he notices the way Evan's lips twitch in amusement, but no more is said, and Jeff has some time to collect himself.

Of course, they drop Tatiana off at school on their way to Evan's office, so Jeff's safety buffer is lost. She unbuckles her seatbelt and leans forward to give them both pecks on their cheeks before grabbing two more pieces of fruit out of the bowl on the seat beside her and then sliding out the door and into the school yard.

Her door is no sooner closed than Evan turns to Jeff, but Jeff's ready for him. "Rule two. No talking about any of this in front of Tia, or people at your office, or your friends, or anyone else!"

Evan frowns. "Okay, Tia and the office… fine. But my friends—I mean, they don't see me much, but they're going to ask."

 

"They're going to ask
what
? How much do they know?"

Now it's Evan's turn to blush a little. He pulls out into traffic, trying to use the driving as a distraction, but Jeff's having none of it, and Evan has to speak. "Well, you know… they know I've had a crush on you since… since I knew what crushes were. They know I decided to make my move, last spring. I guess they don't know that it's kinda been on hold, or whatever."
There's a lot to think about in all of that, but one little detail stands

Riding Through Fire | Kate Sherwood

out. "Why don't they know you've put it on hold? Evan, kid… you had friends at the funeral, but I didn't really see you talk to them. Are you… you know you're allowed to have friends, right? I mean, you
need
friends, when you're going through a tough time."

Evan's smile is surprisingly sweet. "I have had a friend, Jeff. I've had you."

Something else to think about. Jeff's thought of Evan as his friends' son, and he's thought of him as forbidden fruit. Has he thought of him as a friend? He's never used the word, he knows, but he thinks back to the time they've been spending together, working through the estate, trying to deal with Tat. It's all been focused on Evan, on what Evan and his sister need, so it probably wouldn't be considered a totally healthy friendship by some people, but Jeff doesn't have to think twice to know that Evan would be there for him in return, if Jeff had a crisis. And they haven't just been working, they've been talking, and laughing, and getting to know each other as adults.

"Yeah, kid, you've absolutely got a friend in me. But you might want others, too."

 

Evan thinks for a moment. "I guess. I mean, I'll want someone to talk to about my hot new lover, right?"

"Evan…." Jeff tries to make his voice sound like a warning, but he knows a little bit of amusement sneaks through, and he can tell that Evan notices.

"What? Which rule am I breaking? Are we not allowed to talk about it in traffic, or something? 'Cause I reject your 'no friend talking' rule." "You reject it? Since when is that an option?"

 

"Since I'm not a little kid. You're not the boss of me! What am I, a
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slave
?" Evan's imitation is perfect, right down to the little quaver in his voice.

 

"God save me from melodramatic Kaminskis."

They're pulling into the parking garage at the office, now, and there's a bit of fuss as Evan searches for the parking pass that he seems chronically unable to keep in a normal location. He finally finds it under the seat and uses it to open the gate, then pulls into his reserved spot. He turns off the car, but doesn't open the door, and Jeff waits.

Finally, Evan speaks, his voice falsely casual. "Hey, Jeff?" "Yes?" Jeff braces himself for whatever's coming.

"I've got reservations for Friday night, for that new place we were talking about. Andre's. They're supposed to have a kick-ass wine cellar? I mean, I don't know how you can call yourself a wine snob if you haven't checked out their cellar."

Jeff keeps his voice mild. "I don't actually call myself a wine snob…"

 

"Well, good, you shouldn't. Not until you've checked out the cellar at Andre's."

Jeff knows where this is going, but he's not sure he should let it get there. There's a deep, fundamental part of him that wants to jump right past this stage, wants to just grab hold of Evan and drag him somewhere away from prying eyes and see if the real thing lives up to all the teasing. And there's another part that's recoiling from even the thought of touching the young son of a dead friend. A casual date isn't really going to satisfy either of those urges.

Evan has paused as if doing his own weighing of the options, but his decision is clear when he blurts out, "So, do you want to go to dinner with me on Friday?"
And there it is. Jeff needs to think about this. He needs to figure

Riding Through Fire | Kate Sherwood

things out, and calm things down. He needs… "Yes," he says, and he doesn't know why he said it or what the hell he thinks he's doing, but when Evan's nervous face bends into a wide grin, Jeff smiles right back.

*****

Jeff tries to get out of the date three times. Evan shoots him down every time, refusing to hear him, refusing to accept any of Jeff's waffling or excuses. Most of the time, Jeff's glad.

And the evening goes well. The restaurant is fantastic, with a wine list that is worth the trip in itself, and Jeff feels good about being able to make Evan smile, and laugh, and relax and enjoy himself. Like a twentytwo year-old should, a part of Jeff's brain tells him snidely. Like anyone should, another part responds, and Jeff decides to listen to that part, at least for the night.

But dessert has been eaten, and the bill has been paid (by Evan, although Jeff offered to split it), and they're driving towards Jeff's place, and Jeff can't remember ever having been this nervous. It's totally not like him— for all Alex might have teased him about getting attached, he doesn't usually get
neurotic
. He's learned that he can feel whatever he feels, and he'll get over it if the other person doesn't feel the same way, and everything will work out the way it should, in the end.

This is the first time in a long time that Jeff feels like everything might not work out the way it should. He feels like if he messes this up, he'll be losing something valuable, forever. He's just not sure if he's worried about losing Evan, or about losing his own self-respect.

Evan notices that he's gotten quiet. "You okay over there?" "Yeah, I'm fine. You okay over
there
?"

 

Evan nods. "Yup. I was just wondering, though - when we get to
Riding Through Fire | Kate Sherwood
your place, are you going to invite me in?"

 

Jeff snorts a laugh. He appreciates the kid's honesty. "I was just wondering that myself."

 

"I don't think you should. You know, in case you wanted my advice."

 

"You don't… what? Wait. You mean you don't want to come in?" "No, I want to come in. I want it a lot. But I don't think you should invite me."

Jeff takes a moment to think, but it still makes no sense. "What are you talking about? If you want to come in, why don't you want me to invite you in?"

"I
do
want to come in, and I
do
want you to invite me in. I'm just saying… you know, as a friend. Looking at it from your perspective. You're still not sure about this. You've got it built up into some big ethical situation, and you're not going to be happy with yourself if you go through with it. So… you shouldn't invite me in."

"That's - an interesting approach, actually." Jeff tries to return the favor, tries to put himself in Evan's shoes, but he can't. He can't understand why Evan would have any interest in pursuing things with Jeff, no reasons that don't involve some form of mental instability on Evan's part, or a predatory evilness on Jeff's part. He tried to think back to his own younger days. His first experiences had all been with women, and his first time with a guy had been totally unsatisfying, so bad that he'd ignored his urges towards men for several more years. But then when he had met the right guy… and that guy
had
been older, more experienced… it had been a revelation.