Katie's Redemption (3 page)

“Shh,” he whispered as he rocked her. Rachel showed no inclination to go back to sleep. Her attempts to catch her tight fists in her mouth amused him. What a cute little pumpkin she was. Another of God’s wonders.

Glancing once more at Katie’s pale face, he picked the baby up. She immediately quieted. He crossed the room and sat down at the table. “Let’s let your mama sleep a bit longer.”

He disapproved of the choices this little one’s mother had made, but none of that disapproval spilled over onto this new life. Settling her into the crook of his arm, he marveled
at how tiny she was and yet how complete. The cares and worries of his day slipped away. A softness nestled itself around his heart. What would it be like to hold a child of his own? Would he ever know? Rachel yawned and he smiled at her.

“Ah, I was right. You just wanted someone to cuddle you. I know a thing or two about wee ones. You’re not the first babe I’ve held.”

Babies certainly weren’t new to him. He’d rocked nephews aplenty. He raised her slightly to make her more comfortable.

“My sisters think nothing of plopping a babe in my arms so they’re free to help
Mamm
with canning or gardening, but I know what they’re up to,” he whispered to the cute baby he held.

“They think if I’m reminded how wonderful children are I’ll start going to the Sunday night singings again and court a wife of my own. They don’t see that I’m not ready for that.”

He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to trust his heart to someone again. If that time did come, it would only be with a woman he was certain shared his love of God and his Plain faith.

“Once burned, twice shy, as the English say,” he confided to his tiny listener.

He waited for the anger to surface but it didn’t. For the first time in over a year he was able to think about his broken engagement without bitterness. Maybe the sweet-smelling babe in his arms had brought with her a measure of God’s peace for him. To her, life was new and good and shouldn’t be tainted with the sins of the past.

He began to sing a soft lullaby in his native tongue. Rachel stared back at him intently for a few minutes, but she eventually grew discontent with his voice and the fingers she couldn’t quite get in her mouth. Her little fussing noises became a full-fledged cry.

“I guess I can’t fix what ails you after all. I reckon I’ll have to wake your mother.”

“I’m awake.” Katie’s low voice came from the bed.

He looked over to find her watching him with dark eyes as beautiful and intense as her daughter’s. How long had she been listening to him?

K
atie met Elam’s gaze across the room. Moonlight streaming through the windows cut long rectangles of light across the plank floor. It gave her enough light to see the way Elam held her daughter. With confidence, caring and gentleness. Would Matt have done the same? Somehow, she didn’t think so.

Her boyfriend’s charm had evaporated quickly, once the novelty of having an Amish girlfriend wore off. When he found himself stuck with a “stupid Amish bumpkin” who couldn’t use a microwave and didn’t know how to work a cell phone, he reverted to his true nature. The harder Katie tried to make him happy, the more resentful he became. The harder she tried to prove her love, the louder he complained that she was smothering him. Looking back, it seemed that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Her elderly landlady back in Columbus once said, “Honey, that man’s a case of bad judgment. Dump him before he dumps you.”

Katie hadn’t wanted to believe Mrs. Pearlman, but it turned out she knew what she was talking about.

Elam spoke as he rose to his feet, yanking Katie’s attention back to the present. “I was trying to get Rachel to go back to sleep without waking you.”

“The song you were singing, what’s it called?”

“You don’t know
In der Stillen Einsamkeit?
” He sounded genuinely surprised.

“No.”

“I thought every Amish child had heard it. My mother sang it to all of us and still sings it to her grandchildren.”

“There wasn’t a lot of singing in my house. I don’t remember my mother ever singing. I have very few clear memories of my family. My father died before I was born in some kind of farm accident. I do remember my brother Hans playing with me. He was always laughing. He gave me a doll that I loved, and he gave me piggyback rides. I remember someone scolding him to be careful. I think it was my mother.”

“What happened to your family?”

“Everyone except Malachi and I died in a fire when I was four.”

“I’m sorry.”

Katie shrugged off his sympathy. “It was a long time ago.”

Rachel gave another lusty cry. Elam said, “I think she’s telling me I make a poor substitute for her mother.”

Katie shifted into a sitting position in the bed and held out her arms. When Elam laid her daughter in her embrace, she said, “I’m afraid she’s going to think I’m a poor substitute for a mother when she gets to know me.”

“My sisters all worried that they wouldn’t make good mothers, but they learned. You will, too.”

“I hope you’re right.” He sounded so matter-of-fact. Like it was a done deal. She wanted to believe him, but she had made such a mess of her life up to this point.

“My mother will help as long as you’re here. If you let her.”

“I’m not sure I could stop her. She’s something of a force of nature.”

Chuckling softly, he nodded. “
Jah,
that is a good description of
Mamm.
”

As their eyes met, Katie experienced a strange thrill, a sizzling connection with Elam that both surprised and delighted her. Rachel quieted. Elam’s expression changed. The amusement left his gaze, replaced by an odd intensity that sent heat rushing to Katie’s cheeks.

Since the baby had quieted, Katie simply held and admired her. Stroking one of her daughter’s sweetly curved brows, Katie said, “This wasn’t the way I planned for you to come into the world.”

Elam folded his arms. “Our best laid plans often come to naught.”

“My landlady used to say, ‘Man plans, God laughs.’” Katie tried to imitate her friend’s broad Yiddish accent.

“She sounds like a wise woman.”

Katie nodded sadly. “She was a very wise woman.”

If Mrs. Pearlman had lived, Katie wouldn’t be in this mess. Her kind landlady would have taken her in until she found a job. God had once again taken away the person who truly cared about her, leaving Katie where she had always been. Alone, unwanted, belonging nowhere.

She glanced up at Elam as he towered over her bed. “Your mother reminds me of my friend. She had the same kind eyes.”

When he didn’t say anything, Katie sighed. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Frowning slightly, he asked, “And what would that be?”

“You’re thinking I didn’t plan very well at all.”

He crossed his arms and looked at the floor. “I didn’t say that.”

“No, you didn’t, but it’s the truth. I kept thinking that Matt would come back for me. For us.”

“How long ago did he leave you?”

“Three months. After that I got a part-time job working for our landlady, but she died and the place was sold. I waited for him to come back until my rent ran out. I only had enough money left to buy a bus ticket here.”

“Your husband should not have left you.”

It was her turn to look away. The shame she’d tried so hard to ignore left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Matt Carson wasn’t my husband.”

“Ah.” It was all Elam said, but to her ears that one syllable carried a wealth of condemnation and pity.

After a long moment, he said, “You should know that Grace Zimmerman mentioned Matt was a friend of her grandson when I went there to use the phone. She said she would have her grandson try and contact Matt. Perhaps he will come for you when he finds out you are here.”

Rachel began to fuss again. Katie bounced her gently. “Matt had plenty of time to come for us when we were in the city. I don’t expect he will come now. We won’t be a burden to you or your family any longer than necessary.”

“We will not turn you out. That is not our way. The Bible commands us to help those in need.”

“I’m grateful for all you’ve done, but I’ll go on to my brother as soon as possible.”

Nettie appeared in the living room doorway rubbing her neck. “There’s no need to speak of traveling yet. The nurse says you’re to rest. You can write to Malachi and tell him your situation, but you will stay here for a few days. Or more if you need it.”

Katie bit her lip. Writing her brother would not be enough. She had to go to Malachi in person. He’d made that abundantly clear the day she left with Matt. His angry words still echoed inside her head.

“You ungrateful harlot, you’ve brought shame on me since the day you were born. You’ll not last six months out in the English world. When you come to your senses you’ll be back. But know this. You are dead to me until I see you kneeling in front of me and begging my forgiveness.”

At the time, she felt only relief at getting away from her brother’s strict control. In the months that followed, when it became clear that running away with Matt had been a bad decision, Katie came to realize that she did still care about her brother and she was sorry for the way she’d left.

Matt laughed at her and called her spineless when she decided to try and mend things with her only sibling. She had written several long letters of apology, but each one came back unopened. After two months, she gave up trying. When Matt left she didn’t bother writing to her brother. She knew he meant what he’d said.

Rachel started crying again. Nettie waved a hand to
send Elam on his way. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Right now this little one is hungry and she doesn’t want to wait any longer.”

Elam bid her good-night, then turned away and headed for the stairs leading to the upper story.

Katie was sorry their quiet talk had ended. She would have enjoyed spending more time with him.

As soon as the thought occurred, she chided herself for such feelings. The last thing she needed was to complicate her life with another man. She appreciated Elam’s kindness, but she wouldn’t mistake those feelings for anything more.

After that, all Katie’s attention was taken up trying to satisfy her daughter’s hungry demands. Later, as Katie fell asleep again, she dreamed about Elam rocking her baby in his arms and singing a soft lullaby. In her dream, the sound of his voice soothed her spirit and brought with it a quiet peacefulness.

For most of the next two days all Katie did was doze and feed the baby. Nettie took over the job of nursemaid, in addition to running her household, without missing a beat and with undisguised gentle joy. At her insistence, Katie was allowed to rest, drink plenty of hearty chicken soup, nurse her baby and nothing else.

Elam had moved a folding screen into the kitchen and placed it in front of her bed to give her and the baby some privacy, then he vanished for most of the day to do his chores and work in his woodshop.

Katie saw so little of him that she began to wonder if
he was deliberately trying to avoid spending time with her. When he was in the house, she felt none of the closeness they’d shared the night Rachel was born. She began to think she’d simply imagined the connection they had shared.

The midwife returned as promised to check on Katie and the baby. Amber came bearing a gift of disposable diapers, several blankets and baby gowns which she insisted were donations made by the community for just such an occasion. While Rachel scored glowing marks and was pronounced as healthy as a horse, Amber wasn’t quite as pleased with Katie’s progress.

“At least another day of bed rest is in order. If your color and your blood pressure aren’t better by tomorrow, I may send you to the hospital after all.”

“I promise I will take it easy,” Katie assured Amber. It was an easy promise to keep. Deep fatigue pulled at her limbs and made even the simplest task, like changing diapers, into an exhausting exercise.

“Mrs. Sutter will tell me if you aren’t.” Amber glanced at Nettie, who stood at the foot of the bed with her arms folded and a look of kindly determination on her face.

Amber was on her way out the door when another car pulled into the drive. She said, “Looks like you have more company. Don’t overdo it.”

“I’m sure they aren’t here to see me.”

Looking out the door, Nettie said, “I believe that is Mrs. Zimmerman talking to Elam.”

Katie sat up as hope surged in her heart. Had Mrs. Zimmerman been able to contact Matt? Was he on his way here? “Is she coming in?”

“No. It looks like she’s leaving, but Elam is coming to the house.”

Unwilling to let hope die, Katie threaded her fingers together and held on tight. As soon as Elam walked in and she saw his face, her last tiny reservoir of hope faded into nothingness. “He’s not going to come, is he?”

Elam shook his head. “Mrs. Zimmerman’s grandson says the family has gone abroad. He sent a computer message to Matt, but he hasn’t answered.”

Katie nodded. “I think I’d like to rest now.”

She slipped down under the covers and turned her back on the people standing beside her bed.

From her place inside her small alcove in the corner of the kitchen, Katie could hear Nettie and her son speaking in hushed tones, and the sounds of housework taking place, but she was simply too tired to care what they were saying.

Her beautiful daughter was her whole world now. Rachel was all that mattered.

It was the smell of cinnamon bread baking that woke Katie on the morning of the third day. She opened her eyes to the sight of bright morning light pouring in through the kitchen windows. Someone, Nettie perhaps, had moved the screen aside. Warm and comfortable beneath the quilts, Katie rested, feeling secure and safe for the first time in weeks. She knew it was an illusion, but one she desperately wanted to hold on to.

Nettie was busy pulling a pan of steaming hot bread from the oven with the corner of her apron. The mouth-watering smell was enough to make Katie’s empty stomach sit up and take notice with a loud rumble. Nettie
glanced her way and began to chuckle. “I reckon that means you feel
goot
enough to have a bite to eat.”

“If it tastes as good as it smells, I may wolf down the whole loaf.”

“You’ll have to fight Elam for it. This is his favorite.”

Katie sat up and swung her bare feet to the cool plank floor. As she did, the room dipped and swirled, causing her to shut her eyes and clutch the side of the mattress.

“Are you all right?”

Katie opened her eyes to find Nettie watching her with deep concern. “Just a touch of dizziness. It’s gone now.”

“You sit right there until I get a cup of hot coffee into you. I don’t want you fainting when you stand up.”

Katie took several deep breaths and waited for the room to stop spinning. When everything settled into place, she looked down at her daughter sleeping quietly in her basket. The sight brought a thrill of delight to Katie’s heart. This was her child, her gift. Matt had been wrong when he said a baby would only be a burden.

If he saw Rachel now, would it change how he felt? The thought pushed a lump of regret into her throat. She had made so many bad decisions.

Nettie, having poured the coffee from a dark blue, enameled pot on the back of the stove, laced it liberally with milk from a small pitcher on the table and added a spoonful of sugar before carrying the white earthenware mug to Katie.

Katie didn’t take her coffee sweetened, but she didn’t mention the fact. Nettie had done far too much for her. Grasping the cup, Katie sipped the hot drink slowly, feeling the warmth seep into her bones.

Nettie stood over her with her hands fisted on her hips. Looking up, Katie said, “I’m fine. Really.”

“I will tell you when you are fine. When the color comes back to those cheeks you can get up. Not before. Now drink.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Katie blew on the cup to cool the beverage and took another sip.

Nettie nodded, then left the room. She returned a few minutes later with a large black shawl, which she wrapped around Katie’s shoulders. That done, Nettie turned back to the stove.

Upending the bread pan, she dumped the loaf onto a cutting board and pulled a knife from a drawer. Cutting off thick slices, she transferred them to a plate. Setting the dish aside, she began breaking eggs in a bowl. “Are you drinking?” she asked without looking.

“Yes.” Katie took another quick sip and pulled the shawl tighter, grateful for its soft warmth.

She thought she detected a smile tugging at the corner of the older woman’s mouth, but she didn’t have a clear view of Nettie’s face.