Katie's Redemption (13 page)

E
lam unharnessed his draft horses on Monday evening and led them to the corral beside the barn. Turning them loose, he watched as they each picked a spot and began to turn around with their nose at ground level. Finally, they dropped to their knees, then rolled their massive bodies in the dirt. Wiggling like puppies, they thrashed about to scratch their backs and shake off the sweat of their long day in the fields.

Elam spared a moment to envy them. Planting was hard work, and he still had things in the woodshop waiting for him. After hanging and cleaning his harnesses, he strode to the front of the barn and opened the workroom door. Katie was seated at the table with a small heart-shaped basket in front of her.

He saw she had finished several already. “You are getting faster?”

“But am I getting better?” She held up one for inspection.

He examined it closely “
Jah,
you are getting better.”

Handing it back, he moved to his workstation and selected the tools he needed. A nearly finished rocking chair was waiting for him to carve a design into the headrest. He glanced over his shoulder. The frown of concentration on Katie’s face made him smile.

Was she happy here? He wanted to ask, but he was afraid of the answer. Although she rarely talked about leaving any more, he’d never heard her mention another plan.

Would she stay if he asked her to? He looked back to the wood in front of him. He was afraid to ask. Afraid she might say no, and equally afraid she might say yes for all the wrong reasons. Instead, he said, “I thought Bishop Zook did a good job of preaching yesterday.”

“He did. It was long and the benches haven’t gotten any softer since I left, but I did find it comforting.”

“I saw Mrs. Zook talking to you. Was she rude again?”

“No. She apologized for her earlier behavior.”

He picked up his chisel. “Did she?”

“I can tell you I was stunned.”

He chuckled. “You and me both.”

“She said she’d let hearsay form her opinions and that she was aware that people could change.”

“I reckon they can. What did you think of the service?”

“I enjoyed it.”

“Enough to attend again?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

He spun around to look at her. “You are?”

“
Jah.
I can tell you’re stunned.”

Moving to stand beside her, he said, “Maybe a little stunned but mostly happy.”

They stood staring at each other for a long time. He wanted so badly to kiss her. He sucked in a quick breath and moved back to his workbench.

“Elam, can I ask you a personal question?”

“Jah.”

“What was she like, the girl you were betrothed to?”

He leaned forward and pushed his gouge into the wood, wondering how to answer that. “She was quiet. A hard worker.”

“Was she pretty?”

“Yes.” He kept his eyes on his task.

“How did you meet?”

“We grew up together. How did you meet Matt?”

“Matt and I met at the drugstore in Hope Springs. He was visiting some friends in the area. They were sitting at a booth and making fun of a young Amish boy who had come in.”

“Is that what you liked about him? That he poked fun at us?”

“No. I felt sorry for the boy and I told Matt and his friends to stop it. I know I shouldn’t have. We are to turn the other cheek.”

“Rude behavior doesn’t have to be tolerated.”

“Anyway, after I left, Matt followed me and apologized. I thought it was very fine of him.”

Her voice took on a soft quality. “He could be like that. One moment a good man, the next moment a spoiled child. I don’t know what it was about him that blinded me to his true self.”

“It is our own feelings that blind us.”

“Were you blind to Salome’s feelings?”

“
Jah.
When I finished school, my parents sent me to my uncle Isaac in Ontario to learn the woodworking trade. During those years I wrote to Salome every week. I told her about my plans for our life together.”

“And she wrote back?”

“She did, but her letters were filled with the day-today things. I should have known then that something was wrong, but I wasn’t looking for the signs.” It was the first time in a long time that he was willing to examine his feelings about those days.

“I know what you mean. Matt seemed so interested in me. The more I resisted his advances, the more interested he became. I was so flattered. I snuck out of the house to see him. Malachi caught us together one night. He was furious. He grabbed my arm and ordered Matt to leave. That’s one thing about Matt—he hates to have anyone tell him what to do.”

“And so it is with you, too.”

“Perhaps that’s true. To be honest, I jumped at the chance to defy Malachi.”

“So you left with Matt.”

“I did. I was honestly determined to make our relationship work, but he wasn’t. He soon grew tired of being saddled with a stupid Amish girlfriend who couldn’t drive a car or work the DVD recorder.”

He turned around and came to sit beside her. Taking her hand, he said, “You aren’t stupid.”

She stared into his eyes for a long time. She had such beautiful dark eyes. He could almost see his future in them. Finally, she looked down. “It took me a while to start believing that. What happened between you and Salome?”

“It isn’t important anymore.” He started to rise, but she laid a hand on his arm and stopped him.

“It is important. Past wrongs have the power to hurt us if we don’t let go of them.”

The warmth of her small, soft hand on his skin sent a wave of awareness coursing through his body. He focused on her concerned face. “What makes you think I haven’t let go?”

She tipped her head to the side. “Have you?”

“Perhaps not.”

He longed to reach out and touch her face. How would she react? Would she pull away?

Such thoughts were folly. He should go. He had work to do. But he didn’t rise. He sat there looking into her eyes and he saw himself as he had been when he was young and impressionable and sure of his place in the world. He wanted to share that part of his life with Katie.

“I returned home from my uncle’s at the age of twenty-one, ready to settle down, start my own business…and marry. That spring I was baptized and took my vows to the church. Salome did the same. If only she had waited until she was certain of what she wanted.”

“Don’t judge her too harshly.”

“I’ve begun to forgive her.” As he said it, he realized it was true. She had hurt him, but how much more would they both have suffered if she had gone ahead with the wedding?

Glancing sideways at Katie seated beside him, he said, “When the date for our marriage approached she finally admitted the truth. She had used our engagement to keep her parents from pressuring her into marrying anyone else. She didn’t love me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I thought maybe she saw some flaw in me.”

“I don’t see how. You’re a good man, Elam.”

She thought he was a good man. Well, he wasn’t, Elam reflected bitterly. He struggled every day to live a life pleasing to God. Perhaps she understood that better than anyone, for she openly admitted her own struggles.

Katie said, “Why did she leave the church?”

“All the time I had been working for my uncle, Salome had been working for an English family as a nanny. I believe she tried to give up her life among the English, but she couldn’t do it. Not when her employer offered to help her further her education. She told me she longed to go back to school, to learn things beyond what she needed to know to keep house and rear children.”

Salome had turned her back on her family, on Elam and on his hopes and dreams. “My family, her family, we all tried to reason with her, but after several months it was clear that she wasn’t going to return to the church. She was shunned, not because we didn’t love her anymore, but in the hopes of making her reconsider her choices.”

“Your mother told me your father also left the faith.”

Elam bowed his head. “He did. I had to shun my own father. My mother couldn’t bear it and asked to be excommunicated, too, so that they could live together as man and wife. It was a dark time.”

Katie’s heart went out to Elam. She squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry. Was that why you moved to Ohio?”

“After
Dat
passed away, my mother came back to the church, but it was not the same for us. I saw an ad in the
paper for farms for sale in Ohio. My brothers-in-law and I came to look the places over. Your brother was eager to sell to me. I got the land for a good price. We were blessed that Mary and Ruby found homes here, as well.”

Katie hesitated before voicing the question she couldn’t ignore. Finally, she asked gently, “Elam, was your mother wrong to leave the church to stay with your father?”

The sadness in his eyes was replaced by anger. “My father was wrong to leave the church.”

“Your mother must have loved him very much.”

“
Jah,
she loved him, but did he love her? I’m not so sure. What kind of love is it to make another suffer for your own doubts?”

He shot to his feet and left. Katie didn’t try to stop him. She was happy that he’d been able to share this much about himself. All she wanted was to be near him and to make him happy.

She loved him, but loving a person was not enough. They had both learned that the hard way. He wasn’t indifferent to her. She was woman enough to read the signs in his eyes, but he never spoke of it. She knew why.

Even if she found the courage to tell him of her love, she knew he’d never consider marriage to someone outside his faith. If she became Amish would it change how he felt about her? Or was she breaking her own heart by staying here?

The following afternoon, Katie was working in the woodshop when Elam poked his head in the door. She laid the basket aside, loving the way her heart skipped a beat each time he was near.

He said, “Katie, you have a visitor. Dr. White is here.”

She frowned. “Dr. White? Why has he come to see me?”

Elam stepped closer, a look of concern on his face. “I don’t know. Is Rachel okay?”

Katie rose to her feet. “He did take a blood test from her.”

Had the results been serious enough to bring him out to the farm? She was aware that some Amish children suffered from inherited birth defects, but she hadn’t seen any signs that Rachel was sick.

Please, God, don’t let there be anything wrong with my baby.

Katie darted past Elam and hurried toward the house. Inside, Nettie had the good doctor settled at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a slice of her homemade cherry pie in front of him. He already had a forkful in his mouth.

Katie halted inside the door, striving to keep calm. Elam came in and stood behind her. To her surprise, she felt his hands on her shoulders offering comfort and support.

She said, “Dr. White, what brings you out here?”

He finished chewing, then tapped his plate with his silverware. “If I had known that there was pie this good here, I’ve have come much sooner.”

Nettie beamed. “I’m glad it’s to your liking.”

“If your family ever has need of medical care, you may pay the bill with pies, Mrs. Sutter.”

Katie took a step forward. “Is there something wrong with Rachel’s tests?”

The doctor shook his head. “No, everything is fine. After your visit, I got to thinking about your family and I did a little investigating with the help of my old college roommate. He’s retired from the State Department, but
he still has connections there. It turns out your family immigrated from a place called Blue Creek in Belize. Unfortunately, that’s all my friend could find out. There isn’t anyone left in the area with the name of Lantz or Eicher, which was your mother’s maiden name. I’m sorry. I know you were hoping for a different answer.”

Katie struggled to hide her disappointment and hold back tears. She knew the chances of finding more of her family had been remote, but she couldn’t help getting her hopes up.

After the doctor thanked Nettie for her hospitality, he donned his hat and headed outside to his car. He opened the car door, then stopped. “I almost forgot. Nettie’s pie drove it right out of my mind. Amber said to tell you she found a job you might like.”

“She has? Where?”

“At the Wadler Inn. Now, it’s only a temporary position, but it could turn into more. Emma Wadler is needing help because her mother has broken her hip, and Amber thought of you.”

“I’ll go and see her today.”

As the doctor drove away, Katie heard the screen door slam. She looked toward the house to see Elam approaching. When he was close enough, he said, “I’m sorry, Katie. I know how much finding more of your family meant to you.”

She turned and began walking toward the bench beneath the apple tree at the back of the yard. “It’s just that I’ve wanted to be a part of a real family for as long as I can remember. I wanted to be a part of a family like yours. A place where people laugh and talk about their
worries and their hopes. Where they get together on Sundays and travel to visit each other in their homes. I took that away from Malachi. I have to accept that he is my only family.”

Elam grasped her arm and turned her to face him. “Katie, you can’t keep blaming yourself.”

“Oh, I know. I used to think I didn’t deserve a family after what I’d done. I just needed to know there was someone out there who wanted me.”

He opened his arms and she went to him. “Katie, you are already a part of a family. You are one of God’s children. That makes you a part of His family. Wherever you go, no one can take that from you.”

Wherever I go. He doesn’t believe I will stay here.

She laid her cheek against his chest, drawing strength from him and comfort from his embrace. “You are a good man, Elam.”

“And you’re a good woman, Katie.”

Giving a tiny shake of her head, she said, “A lot of people will disagree with that.”

From the porch, his mother called his name. He slowly drew away from Katie. She missed his warmth like a physical ache. He gazed at her intently. “I stand by what I said.”