Keep Me (15 page)

“On a trip into the kitchen to refill his friend’s wine glass, his other friend, Finn, followed me. He was tipsy and very flirty. I’d had a few drinks myself, but knew it was all in good fun. When Zack walked in and found Finn and I laughing, he must have seen red. Zack flipped out and threatened to tell Finn’s fiancé some ridiculous exaggeration of the truth. The two of them had heated words and it changed the whole mood of the night. Shortly after, the rest of the crowd took in the tone and said their goodbyes.

“He came to me in the kitchen after everyone had gone. I was loading the dishwasher when he yanked me up and spun me around. At first, I had no idea what hit me. But when the sting started to subside and I opened my eyes, he stood in front of me with a wicked grin on his face. After he gulped down the remainder of the scotch in his other hand, he spat at me, ‘
I knew you were an untrustworthy whore.’
I stared at him in disbelief. This wasn’t the Zack I’d fallen in love with. He’d never spoken to me that way; never shown so much anger and hatred. I felt like I was watching some sick, twisted movie play before my eyes. Only problem was I was starring as the ignorant victim. After that, it became a recurring role.”

When I finished my retelling of the night that sealed my fate, I looked to my friends. Riley’s tears marred her beautiful face and Marcus’s anger distorted his flawless features. “I don’t want to sound like an asshole, Tessa, but what the hell made you marry him?”

It wasn’t the stupidest question, but someone who’s never been in an abusive relationship couldn’t possibility understand. That night marked the beginning of the deterioration of my self-worth. From then on out I actually believed I deserved every slap, every smack, every shove to the ground because a person like Zack had the power to delude your senses and create false pretenses. “I married him because I loved him. There was a good side to Zack, a loving, generous side. And somehow every time he hurt me—I thought I deserved it.” The reality behind the ridiculous statement broke through my walls and weakened the barrier I’d created. Tears spilled down my face as I thought about my mistaken impression of love and what a vulnerable person would endure for someone who owned her heart.

That night had been the first of many horrific nights to come—I learned to accompany every bruise with a defensive excuse or a bogus cover-up. I became numb to Zack’s issues with alcohol, feeling sympathetic to his need to turn to a bottle for comfort rather than the loving arms of his wife. I was the ultimate enabler for far too many years. Until I found out I was pregnant with my son. The thought of Zack taking out his frustrations and insecurities on an innocent child woke me up. I may not have been strong enough to stand up for myself, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let that monster ruin my only reason for living.

She
loved
him? How could someone like the passionate, incredible, independent Tessa Bradley allow a piece of shit like her ex-husband to do the things he did to her and then say she loved him?

The rage that built inside me was blinding. I could see nothing but visions of my hands wrapped around that bastard’s neck like a vice, draining every last pathetic breath out of his pitiful existence. It was Riley’s sobs that finally broke me of my vicious musings and brought me back to reality.

Tessa was crying too, but she seemed too calm and poised for someone who’d just confessed to being a victim of such abuse. The thought of her beautiful body being mistreated and harmed—”Where is that mother fucker now? I need to…”

“Marcus, calm down!” Tessa demanded as she wiped the wetness from her cheeks. Was she defending him again? Afraid I’d do to him what he did to her? What
he
fucking deserved?

“Why? How can you not want me kick his ass or rip his fucking head off?”
Or cut off his balls and stuff them down his throat until he choked on them for hurting my
…

“Because it’s over, Marcus. I need it all to be over. I can’t have this poison around Luca and right now he’s young enough to
not
remember. As long as Zack stays away…”

“You didn’t answer me, Tessa. Where is he? How do you know he’ll stay away?” She was naïve enough once to let him get to her, I needed proof that it would never happen again. I searched Tessa’s face for an honest reaction. And I didn’t like what I saw. She was no more at ease with him being ‘gone’ and out of her life than I was.

She sat next to my sister on the couch, rubbing her back and holding her close. Why the fuck did my sister need comforting right now? Was this the real Tessa: dangerously selfless? She was the one who needed comforting and beating her ex’s ass into a pulp was my idea of comfort.

“Rehab. He’s in a rehabilitation facility in California. He voluntarily signed himself up for an inpatient addiction treatment. He may have gone willingly, but I still filed for divorce and he is to have no contact with me, or my family, or our son—I have restraining orders and court documents and I’ve changed my number, and…”

“But you’re still here.” Riley finally had something sensible to say. “What if he comes for you when he gets out? Aren’t you scared?”

My eyes darted between my sister and Tessa. Was she scared? I would do anything in my power to protect her. Anything. Just as I was about to open my mouth and offer up a promise to keep her safe, Tessa’s reserve finally broke. She was no longer composed, the tears streamed down her face and she spoke through heartbreaking sobs.

“I can’t move from my home. As crazy as it sounds, this is where I feel safe. This is the only constant, the only normalcy in this whole mess. I want Luca to grow up where I grew up, surrounded by the places that made me happy as a child. By erasing all the good memories that came before Zack, I’m letting him win. And I can’t do that. I made a life for myself, created a loving environment for my son and,” she wrapped her arms around my sister, but stared into my eyes when she spoke her next words. “I’ve reconnected with great friends that I care about. Slowly but surely I’m getting my old life back and if I leave now, I’ll have nothing to remind me of who I used to be.”

Who she
used
to be? The irony was that’s exactly how I saw her—until today. A vibrant, fun-loving, spitfire of a girl who made my insides smolder. I would have never known from the way she carried herself that she’d been through hell in the last few years. It made me angrier by the second, but I was glad that asshole hadn’t completely wounded her.

I still needed answers. “How long?”

Tessa looked up at me confused. “What do you mean?”

“How long until he gets out?”

“It depends on his treatment, but it won’t be anytime soon. He wanted long-term help and that type of rehab can take up to six months or a year. He’s an alcoholic. That’s what fueled him to do those things. He wasn’t always a monster.”

There she was, defending him again. Was she serious? “Bull-fucking shit! I don’t ever want to hear you say something like that again. His demented brain
fueled
him to hurt someone as sweet and innocent as you. It had nothing to do with the alcohol. That only amplified the problem.” Blood boiled underneath my tensing muscles. I had to walk away before I said or did something stupid. After everything she said tonight, I didn’t need to show her
my
violent side. But it was taking every ounce of self-control not to let my true emotions come through.

“What made him finally go?” Riley was coherent again, finally able to participate in her friend’s horrific drama. I guess I should’ve felt lucky that she was so distraught because with all my ranting, I wasn’t doing such a great job of hiding my feelings for Tessa.

Tessa swallowed hard. She looked down, playing with her fingernails and in a voice so low I almost didn’t hear her, she muttered, “He nearly killed me—and the baby.” When she looked up, the pain in her eyes seeped right into my chest.

My eyes grew wide. Could a body erupt like a volcano? I was certain my head was about to pop open and combust with bubbling molten lava-like blood. “What. Did. He. Do?” I growled through gritted teeth. Did I really want to know? What she was about to say could result in a death sentence for her ex and a life sentence for me.

“Marcus, does it matter? You need details?” Riley was at my side now, trying to calm me down with small circles between my shoulder blades. No amount of rubbing was going to tame me.

Tessa knelt down in front of the car seat, unbuckled Luca, who was now awake, and held him close. She loved that boy with every fiber of her being. I could only imagine the lengths she’d go to protect him. “How could he hurt his own son?” I wondered aloud. He wasn’t my flesh and blood, yet I still couldn’t fathom laying anything but a loving hand on him.

“The same way he could hurt me. It didn’t matter who or what was in his path. He wasn’t rational when he was drunk. It’s a disease.”

“Stop it! Please stop making excuses for him, Tessa. It’s making me furious.”

Riley stepped back, tilting her head. She stared at me, long and hard, her eyes narrowed. In this moment I didn’t care if she figured out I had feelings for Tessa, but it just wasn’t the time and place for something of that magnitude. When I told my sister that I planned on taking my relationship with Tessa to the next, more committed, level, it wouldn’t be tainted by the anguish of her past. I brushed Riley’s accusatory glare aside and continued addressing Tessa.

“I hope you filed police reports. That bastard should be behind bars! Fuck rehab!”

Tessa moved Luca to her hip and bounced him up and down. But her expression was far from that of a happy mother. Maybe I was taking my wrath too far? “Do you think I’m a total idiot, Marcus? Of course I called the police…
after
I came to and followed Luca’s crying into the bathroom. He’d locked him in there with the water running… I have no idea what the hell he had planned. If I hadn’t come to when I did…” She hugged her son close, pressing her flushed cheek to his. He cooed against her warmth and she sniffed him in.

One look at the sadness in her eyes and I knew I had to get the fuck out of there. I couldn’t bear to witness any more. It was killing me to hear how defenseless she was. How he’d almost… “I have to go.”

I stormed out of the house without even looking back. I hoped she understood that I wasn’t turning my back on her. I didn’t want to scare her. I needed to clear my head before I made myself look as brutal and venomous as the man who took so much away from her. It was in that moment that I knew I had to make her mine. I was by no means a good man, but I was nothing like
him.
I wanted to wipe away all her hurt. I needed to show her what love really was. I knew I was no one to be giving lessons in that department, but we’d learn together.

That night, Riley showed up at my apartment with a six-pack and a box of my favorite Danishes from the bakery two blocks over. “I come bearing gifts,” she joked when I opened the door.

“You’re such a girl, but thanks.” I grabbed the cold brews from her hand and ushered her inside.

After she rustled up plates and a frosty mug from the freezer, she met me in the living area and plopped down next to me on the leather love seat. “I didn’t come here to reprimand you, but I need to know what that was all about today.”

The sound of the can popping open and the fizzy liquid filling the glass was all I could focus on. I didn’t want to do this. Why did I need her permission? She wasn’t my mother
or
Tessa’s. We were two consenting adults, of sound mind and body.

“Ry, it’s been a long day. Can’t we just relax and watch the game?” She snatched the remote away from me and turned the TV off. “Hey! I was watching that!”

“And I was watching you. There’s something going on between you and Tessa, isn’t there?”

Hell bent on not getting it out this way, I closed my eyes and sucked in a long breath. She didn’t need to know the truth, but my silence gave me away. I just couldn’t allow her to know I was falling for Tessa.

“Marcus, this is a bad idea. I’m telling you right now to end it
before
it starts. Did you hear her today? She’s finally getting her life back in order, she’s been through enough. You can’t fuck with her.”