Keeping My Pack (28 page)

“
Don’t upset yourself, Dear. You knew you were coming here, why the waterworks now?” Maksim asks, clearly not understanding my distress.

“
I wasn’t expecting
this
!” I shout at him, no longer caring that Mikey is here to hear me. He should hear me; he should know that treating people this way is wrong and that I’m passionate about it. “I thought maybe there were cabins or smaller homes of some sort. Not a full blown hobo camp where people are forced to live literally like animals in order to survive. I’m allowed to be upset by this, don’t you dare try to tell me when I’m allowed to cry!” I point a finger at him.

Maksim gets that lost, panicky expression that all men get in the face of an emotional female. My guys hide it better, but even they do it. I huff one last time at him, deciding to ignore him as I know everything I say now will be chalked up to me being an irrational woman in his eyes.

As I turn away from him, I realize that my shouting has caused quite the scene, and quite a few wolves and men have turned to watch what’s going on. My cheeks heat in embarrassment, but I just brush away the tears on my face and hold my head high as I find the nearest bench and stand on it.

“
Forgive me, I’m sure I haven’t made the best first impression. As you get to know me, you’ll come to realize that I’m not that great with people.” I joke, trying to lighten the mood. It seems to work as some of the men chuckle lightly, and more wolves and men step from their dwellings to crowd around me and the guys, who have moved to stand in front of me.

“
I wanted to invite all of you personally to join us at the pack house. Bring your belongings as well, as you no longer live here, you live with us. I haven’t figured everything out yet, and I don’t know how it will work or where everyone will sleep, but please bear with me and we’ll figure it out together. For tonight though, there’s plenty of food, and the house is warm. Thank you.” I finish.

I step down from my perch and begin the long journey back to the house. I hear people talking and moving around and sense my guys behind me, but I ignore it all, just like I used to do. I figure that the men and wolves in the camp will follow along if they want to, and those that don’t I can come back for another time. I made the offer for all, and it’s all I can do right now. I’ve had enough. Enough talking, enough doing, enough messed up family legacies, enough peopling in general for one day.

No one tries to touch me or speak to me as we make our way back to the house. I’m grateful for it, even as I hate myself for being this way. I’m too upset to voice my thoughts, too angry to even think clearly. I walk away from the others once we’re in the house, and they let me wander off alone, though I suspect they are just following at a distance. Anger is not new to me, but this time, there’s not a single person to be angry with. It’s an entire system. It’s everyone and no one, everything and nothing.

Ash

I watch as my brothers debate over who should go in after Kitten. She went silent on us and walked away. She’s never done that before, and it’s got us all worried, even me. Usually, Kitten speaks every thought in her head without shame; something I love about her. I knew as soon as we stepped through the doors of this place, that we had our work cut for us. I’ve never been inside a pack house before, but even I know that the fucking pack should be inside it. The people we passed had all had a gleam in their eye as they saw their new Princess, but underneath that was pain and longing for something more. In all honesty, I was just waiting for Kitten to clap her hands together and start throwing out ways to fix everything. When her eyes blazed with fury after Maksim asked why she was crying, I thought, this is it, this is where she demands her Kitten justice. Now, even I’m a little afraid of the ticking time-bomb this situation has created in her.

“
I’ll go.” I sigh deeply, cutting off whatever Logan was going on about. I know he wants to have fun and cheer her up but now is not the time. Besides, last time they did that, she just ended up finding things to rescue anyway. That gives me an idea. “One of you run up to our stuff and bring me Noah and AJ.”

“
You think her stuffed animals are going to make her feel better?” Jace snorts. I ignore him and call a thanks after Tristan as he runs to do what I asked.

“
Shouldn’t we all go in? I mean, there’s safety in numbers, right?” Reed forces a nervous chuckle.

“
Careful now, she can probably hear us,” Finn tells him.

“
Nah, she never listens in on purpose, she still thinks like a human and doesn’t use her senses,” Logan says as he slicks his hair back, his new haircut already getting on his nerves.

Tristan comes back quickly with the toys and hands them over. He pats my shoulder and stands aside for me, the others doing the same. I’m getting more looks of sympathy and good luck then I did when I used to go off to war. And here we men think women are dramatic, I think as I roll my eyes and move toward the door.

Kitten doesn’t move as I enter the room and close the door behind me. She’s found a cleared out room and is sitting indian style in front of a massive marble fireplace that is even taller than me. It’s unlit, so I have to wonder if she’s still seeing the flames she was staring at back at the camp. She’s slumped forward, as if she’s got the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I take a seat next to her and lean back on my hands, my legs stretched out in front of me. I keep the bear and AJ behind me for now and just stare in front of me like she’s doing. I’ll give her time and let her speak when she wants to.

I don’t know how much time passes, but she finally talks. “You didn’t have to come in here.” She says in a whisper.

“
I wanted to,” I reply.

It’s a few minutes before she speaks again. “I don’t know what to do. Maybe we should just go home.”

“
Don’t give up now, Little one. We only just got here.” I tell her.

Kitten turns her head to face me, to my relief, she isn’t crying. “And so far I have choked a man and sobbed in front of people who have it worse than me.”

Where did the ever-optimistic Kitten go? “You’ve defended your mates and showed those people out there that you care. You could’ve done worse.” I shrug a shoulder.

“
Yeah.” She sighs, staring at the empty fireplace again. Okay, time to bring out the big guns.

I reach back and bring out her ugly ass bear, sitting it in front of her. She looks down at Noah and then to me with questioning eyes. “Tell me why you wanted that bear,” I demand, my voice intentionally going hard.

Her small fingers trace over the stitches Kellan gave him. “Because he was forgotten. No one else would have picked him and taken him home.” She tells me.

“
Right. Those people out there, and even the ones you met at the party, are just like Noah. They need someone to remember them, someone to care about them, someone to give them a home and a purpose.” I explain.

Kitten shakes her head. “It’s not as simple this time. I can’t just pick them up and carry them home. None of these people see what’s wrong with this situation. Not the ones in the woods or the ones at the party. Why try to change things when they all just want to go on living the way they are? Maybe I’m the problem, not them.”

I wince at the defeated tone in her voice. “Those people out there aren’t happy, Kitten. Neither were the ones at the party. They live the way they do because it’s what they know, it’s the way it’s always been done, they don’t know any different.”

I pull AJ out from behind my back and sit him next to Noah. “Ever since you picked him up off that shelf, AJ has represented my future, in a way. I don’t know if kids are possible for us or not, and if we’ll ever have any. But…he’s my future with you. A promise of something more in this life. That’s why, Kitten.”

“
Why what?” She asks, her green eyes now focused on me and sparkling with an intelligence that tells me she knows, but she wants to hear it.

“
You keep trying because the future deserves better,” I tell her and lean down to kiss the top of her head. I get to my feet and head for the door, giving her space with that thought. I look back at her as I’m leaving the room and smile as she picks up AJ and brings him to her chest, petting his furry head. I can’t help but think that the fate of so many people landing on the shoulders of that tiny woman was the best thing that could have happened to us all. Here I was, going through life trying not to care about anyone other than my brothers, and this woman, this amazing woman, cares so deeply for those around her that she can hardly bear it. Yes, our future could not be in better hands.

The men openly stare at me as I close the door behind me, letting me know they heard every word of our conversation. I don’t mind; it’s better that they did so I don’t have to repeat it. Saying those things to Kitten is one thing, to a bunch of me, well, that’s another.

“
You didn’t convince her to come out,” Logan states the obvious.

I shake my head. “No, she’ll be fine once she steps from that room. I won’t force her to do it before she’s ready.”

“
She does like time to process.” Finn nods in approval.

“
I’ll go see what I can make for Kitten in the kitchen. I don’t know what the rest of us are having, but I want her to eat, and she’ll only eat my food.” Tristan says with a smirk. He loves that fact way too much. I never claimed my brothers weren’t a bunch of crazy fuckers.

Kitten

I tuck AJ and Noah under my arm and head for the door. I owe the guys an apology for walking off, and a thank you to Ash for saying just the right thing.

“
Sorry guys,” I say with a sheepish smile as I soon as I see them sitting and standing outside in the hallway.

“
There’s nothing to apologize for. You just needed a minute and maybe a pep talk. Which by the way, is probably Ash’s first ever, you should feel honored.” Tristan jokes, his soothing voice just the balm I needed.

“
Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I think we’ve dealt with enough shit for one day. What do you say we go up and check out our rooms, find somewhere to just chill for the night?” Logan throws out.

“
That might be a good idea. I’ll go down and see how everyone is settling in and make sure everyone has eaten. I’ll bring us back some food while I’m at it.” Remy agrees.

“
It’s Christmas Eve; we can probably find a good holiday movie to watch,” Finn suggests.

“
In that case, I’ll go get the food, and hunt around for some movie snacks too. I need to make something Kitten will eat anyway.” Tristan chimes in.

“
Alright, here’s the plan.” Remy starts. “I’ll go check on everyone and tell Albert to handle anything that comes up tonight and tomorrow. Kelan, you go and bring Michael up to our rooms. Tristan, figure out the food for us tonight and make sure the house enough for everyone tomorrow, if not, send someone. Logan, find us a place to enjoy a film where we’ll all be comfortable. We might want to look into the sleeping arrangements for later. Everyone else head on up to our floor, I’ll be back.”

There’s a chorus of mock ‘yes, Sirs’ and non-mocking okays as the guys who need to follow after Remy toward the stairs. The rest of us follow after Logan, who seems to know where he’s headed. Which makes sense since he’s been in contact with people here to get the rooms organized for us.