Knight in Shining Suit (16 page)

I tried to understand what
Nicole was saying to me. But being dumped and cheated on by the two
people you thought admired you the most can really take a toll on
your self-respect and confidence. And right now, I still couldn’t
move past that. I still thought I must be the most unattractive and
unlovable person on earth for them to do what they did to
me.

Nicole finished packing
and then we went to the lobby.

“
Do you have a ride?” I
asked her.

She nodded. “Yes. I’ll go
with the rest of the crew. We have a van. You know how it
works.”

I nodded. “I’ll see you
later.”

Nicole smiled at someone
behind me. Then she waved goodbye to me.

I turned around and saw
Ryder approaching me, my bag in his hand.

“
Ready to go?” he asked.
His voice was still a bit cold. I couldn’t see his eyes; they were
hidden beneath his dark sports sunglasses.

“
Have you checked out?” I
asked.

He nodded.

“
Well, then let me say
goodbye to Mom and Dad.”

He went with me, like a
true gentleman, as I said goodbye to my parents, my aunts and
uncles.

Once we were alone in the
car, we both fell silent. For the first time, I didn’t know what to
say to him. Now, we didn’t need to pretend. No more need for
formalities, or to start feeling at ease with each
other.

It was a very long ride
and it seemed that Ryder was also lost in his own thoughts. I
reclined in my seat and then I closed my eyes and fell
asleep.

In my dreams, I remembered
touching Ryder; I remembered hugging him and I remembered the heat
of his body against mine… and I felt love. I wanted to linger in
his arms forever. I wanted to stay there and continue feeling
loved, continue feeling desired.

I felt a tap on my cheek.
It was so light, I could barely feel it. When I opened my eyes, I
found Ryder staring down at me.

I stared back at him, not
knowing what to say. I couldn’t help thinking how beautiful he was.
And that last night, he really did belong to me. But it was… over…
too soon!

“
I’m sorry,” I whispered.
I sat up straight on my seat and found that we were already in
front of Adam’s house. I sighed. “So, this is it.”

He nodded.

I smiled at him. “Thank
you, Ryder,” I said quietly. “For a job well done.”

He didn’t say anything. He
just continued staring at me.

I stared at the ring on my
finger. I began to take it off, but then I felt his hand close in
against mine.

He shook his head. “Keep
it,” he said. “You have promises you need to keep. This should
remind you of them.”

I bit my lip. I wanted to
cry. How could he be so perfect? How could he be so wonderful? And
how could the sincere look on his face be just a charade? Part of
the act?

He pushed a stray lock of
hair behind my ear.

“
See you, Astrid,” he said
to me. But I knew he was saying goodbye for real. His job was
done.

“
Goodbye, Ryder,” I
whispered.

“
I wish you all the best,”
he added.

“
You too.” I wondered
whether he changed his mind about the third promise he asked of me.
Perhaps after last night, he didn’t want to see me anymore.
Perhaps, he changed his mind about me. After all, I’m the type of
girl who pays to have a guy to take her to bed. “Thank you. For a
wonderful night.”

His eyes narrowed. He took
a deep breath and then instead of saying something, he simply
nodded.

We stared at each other
for a long while. My heart was pounding wildly inside my chest. It
seems that we both wanted to say something to each other, but we
couldn’t bring ourselves to do so. It made me wonder if it was sex
that changed and ruined the magic we shared last night.

“
G-goodbye,” I said,
finally, cutting through the silence.

He nodded. I took my bag
and then I got out of the car. As soon as I stepped out and closed
the door behind me, Ryder sped off without another word or a
backward glance. A tear rolled down my cheek. Ryder had been
wonderful. I knew at that instant that he left a mark in my heart.
And I couldn’t help feeling empty now that I may never see him
again.

I noticed that Adam wasn't
home yet. I went inside the house. I placed my bag in my room and
then I went to get a beer from Adam’s fridge and sat on his deck to
stare at the waves in the ocean, and the surfers dancing with
them.

I tried to recollect
everything that happened last night. The way that Ryder rescued me
from every single embarrassment that could have happened to me, the
way he made me feel that I was the queen in the room and he
answered to my every whim, the way that he kissed me that made me
feel I deserved every bit of it, the way that he touched me that
made me feel like a precious fragile crystal.

I thought about Bryan and
the irritated look he threw at Ryder. For the first time in months
I was able to smile. Smile at the thought of Bryan, because I know
now that I wouldn’t always be crying over him. I wouldn’t always be
the one feeling sorry for myself. I know there is hope. Someday,
I’d find someone who would look at me the way that Ryder looked at
me last night. Now, I know that things happened for a reason, and
knowing that I could wantonly lose control with a man like Ryder
made me think I was meant to be passionate… more than I ever was
for Bryan.

I felt Adam sit beside me.
“Hey, cuz.” He greeted me warmly. I gave him a warm smile. “Wow!
You look better than you did the last time you sat in that
chair.”

I sighed and looked at the
beach. “Maybe I am better.”

“
I see Van Woodsen had
some positive effect on you,” he said sarcastically.

“
His real name is Ryder
Woodson, Adam,” I said.

He shrugged, but didn’t
say anything.

“
Not to be confused with
some rich people in New York,” I said. “But our uncles and aunts,
even Mom and Dad think that now.”

“
He pulled it off, didn’t
he?”

I nodded. “Very well. I
can say that he is smart. He even sounded like he went to
college.”

“
Maybe he did,” Adam
said.

“
If he did then why does
he make a living getting people drunk?”

Adam shook his head.
“Maybe he just has a passion for… mixing drinks.”

I shrugged. “He’s a people
person. He can listen to you whine over and over. Comes with the
job description, I guess,” I said.

“
How was your night?” Adam
asked.

I took a gulp of my beer
because remembering all the things that Ryder and I did in the
hotel room would surely make me blush all over again and I didn’t
want Adam to see that.

“
It was… spectacular!” I
replied. “Bryan and Geena thought I was engaged!”

“
Yeah and she hated you
more for that,” Adam said.

I raised a brow at him.
“Hate me? What right does she have to hate me for being engaged?
I
was
engaged
before she slept with my fiancé behind my back!” I said
crossly.

Adam shrugged. “Geena knew
the game, Ash. She knew the real reason why Bryan married her. It
was the baby… and also because previous wedding arrangements had
already been made. She knew that. She knows that her husband still
harbors feelings for you. And she can’t believe that in spite of
all these, you appeared at that wedding reception with your head
held high, all happy and in love… with an even better man. And you
got engaged again! For real!”

“
Not for real!” I rolled
my eyes.

“
But she didn’t know
that!” Adam said. “Somehow, she was wondering how it was possible
you managed to get marriage proposals… while she had to steal
fiancés and dream weddings. And of course… you stole her thunder on
her wedding day!”

“
I think it’s only fair,
since she robbed
me
of my wedding day!” I said sarcastically.

“
Well, I just hope that
you’re happy, Ash,” Adam said.

I remembered last night
again and I knew that I had already started the healing process. I
was happy because I conquered all my fears of facing my relatives
and because I didn’t look like the fool anymore. Then I remembered
the passionate night that followed after. I sighed. The healing
process had started before I knew it had already begun. I didn’t
need to be afraid to accept change anymore. I need not be stubborn
anymore.

“
I’ll get there, Adam,” I
said to him. “Thanks to you, I know I’ll get there.”

He ruffled my hair and
then left me alone in the deck.

My thoughts drifted off to
Ryder again.

What was that look on his
face? What changed him this morning? He said to me that he did not
regret what happened to us last night, but then why did it look
like he was mad at me afterward? What was going on in his
mind?

I stared at the ring on my
finger. It was lovely beyond words; it was hard to believe that it
wasn't a real diamond.

Somehow, I wished we
weren’t mad at each other when we parted ways. I wished we gave
each other one last kiss and then said our goodbyes.

Maybe because we slept
together, it changed the agenda. It made him feel like if he
continued being sweet in the morning, I would hope it was all real
and he didn’t want to give me any false hopes. He was just being
true and honest. He was being a gentleman.

After I finished my beer,
I went to take a shower. Then I dressed into my pajamas and
unpacked my bags. It was still early, but already I felt exhausted,
I just want to sleep.

I placed my dirty clothes
in my hamper and all the unused clothes back in the closet. Seeing
the gown I wore last night made me think of Ryder again, and how
wonderful he had been.

It was all a scam… part of
the charade, Ash!
I scolded myself. Ryder
was a figment of my imagination. I created him. With ten grand, I
created a guy who only existed in dreams.

Handsome as hell, sweet as
heaven.

I may be stupid enough to
get too drunk and sleep with him, wishing he were real, but I knew
I was not stupid enough to fall in love with a dream.

With a frown on my face, I
placed my gown in my hamper.

I placed my wallet in my
dresser. Making sure that the bag was empty, I opened all the
pockets. I felt an envelope inside one of them.

I fished it out and found
two envelopes folded together. I looked inside and found Adam’s
checks in both of them. The whole ten grand.

My heart pounded in my
chest. These were Ryder’s checks. He hadn't cashed the first one.
Nor did he accept the second one that I left in the table for
him.

One of the envelopes had
something written in it in his neat script:

Astrid,

Remember your
promises.

All three of
them.

Love,

Ryder

I touched the words with
my hand. Tears rolled down my cheeks. It confused me more to wonder
how it was that my heart felt broken at this moment. Like I knew I
wouldn’t be seeing Ryder again in my life and a part of me did not
like that. Like I wanted to take it all back and wished that I had
been much kinder to him this morning. That I was able to thank him
enough for what he did for me.

Lying down on my bed, I
hugged the envelopes to my chest and I cried my heart
out.

9.

HONEYMOON
:

A passionate period
following a newfound love or relationship.

A period of
harmony.

I
t was Bryan and Geena’s first month anniversary. I know not
because I was keeping tabs, or because I received an invitation for
another celebration. I doubt they’ll be inviting me to any special
occasions in their lives anymore. I could care less. I know it’s
their first month anniversary because that’s how long I have been
smiling for real.

I had successfully stopped
myself from thinking about Bryan and the
what ifs
and
what could have beens
. I knew things
happen for a reason and someday, I would be thankful that they
happened that way.

I was beginning to smile
more… and for real. Especially when I looked at the ring on my
finger and remembered that I made one wonderful guy a promise that
I would allow myself to be healed. That I would believe in
‘
ever after’s
again.

Whenever my mother called
she asked about Ryder. I had to indulge her with made-up stories.
And then when she made an attempt to see the two of us together, I
said that Ryder was quite busy with a new bar that he’s putting up
and he may not be available any time soon. It always seemed to
work… so far.