KNOT: A Wake Family Novel (22 page)

My hands went behind me to hold onto the counter. I needed stability because my center of gravity had fallen to the floor.

It was silent, and we shared the air that passed between us.

“Say something,” he said.

I wanted to, but I couldn’t do it this close. I couldn’t handle the presence of him. The eye contact. The proximity to his lips.

“You’re overwhelming me.” In my lifestyle, truth was the only language allowed, and there it was.

“I know,” he admitted.

I looked down at the floor again, breaking the link we shared. “I need some space, please,” I requested. I felt a bit like Jekyll and Hyde myself.

He complied and moved back, like I knew he would. “I didn’t mean for you to be uncomfortable, but I had to be honest.”

Sure.

I was honest; he was blunt.

It wasn’t necessary for him to know that I wanted to try everything he’d mentioned. Honesty doesn’t mean only confessing your every truth the second you realize it. It means you live it.

REGGIE – Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A
ll of the books were clear on one thing. Polyamorous people insisted on complete honesty. I thought that was what I was giving her.

It might have been a shock since she wasn’t expecting me to be so keen to her way of thinking. However, I’d
never
been dishonest with her in my opinion. Maybe a little shy on passing along every piece of information I knew, but it was my way.

I didn’t want to be rude, but I had a lot of reading to do if I was going to find some common ground where we’d both actually fit. I needed to know the rules. How else would I be able to play by or adjust them? I was studying.

Hell, I’d pretty much just thought it was threesomes and people from Utah.

I’d learned much more than I bargained for that week as I read every credible book on the subject.

Still, from what I gathered from her, she didn’t really fit into any specific mold or type—and there were many of them to choose from.

That boded well for me. Maybe she would be open as to try some things my way if I could agree to a few things for her.

It was a class in true patience.

I had one more book, which was actually turning out to be the most insightful, in terms of practice. I wanted to finish it before my sister Blake came for the weekend.

I hated calling it a night because I never wanted her to leave, but I had homework to do. I needed a way to propose an option where we both benefited.

I wanted Nora so fucking badly, but I wanted her on her terms.

Okay, I always wanted things on my terms, but some of her terms, too. I planned to make her an offer.

She began to say, “I’m glad you’re being honest, but…”

That’s all I caught as I already started to say, “I have an early morning meeting…” I wished I’d waited to hear what she was going to say first, but it was what it was.

“Right. Okay, yeah. I need to go anyway,” she said. Then she darted around me and grabbed her glass and keys off the counter. “Thanks for the steak. You’re right. It was amazing.”

I’ll show you amazing. Trust me.

Before I could say much of anything, she was already to the door and gone.

Then, I watched her through the peephole like I had when I knew she was coming down the hall before dinner. She walked much different than she had before. Earlier she’d had a spring in her step. She’d looked excited to see me.

Of course, I could have been cooler and not opened the door right away, but I’d know better for next time.

The fact was, she’d reached out to me.

Having just left, she damn near jogged down the hall. Running away as it seemed.

From what she wanted? I hoped.

From me? That was obvious.

I hated how she’d closed up and literally froze when I’d told her what I did. I didn’t want to feel like I was forcing myself. Ever. The thought alone was abhorrent to me.

No. She had to want me. Crave my touch. Come to me willingly. I needed to know if it were at all possible. I just had to figure out a way for her to do it on her own.

So, in the meantime, I was educating myself on what her terms were.

Knowledge is power, right? I liked power, and with her, I’d felt like I’d had none—up until that week.

There were no specific set of rules, though, in her lifestyle, as I was learning. Everything seemed so singular to the person and what they wanted. If they were lucky, they’d find other people who appreciated things the same way. Or they found people who wanted things a little different but were flexible.

Polyamory, and its lifestyle, had a lot to do with empathy, much like being smart with power. Gaining ethically, and by not taking what you didn’t deserve. There was a lot written about their ethics, which put me at ease.

I understood integrity. I could resonate with that way of thinking.

Another facet I respected was their total respect for the truth. Trust. Everything was transparent.

After she was gone, I went back to my office and read until it got late. It was after one a.m. by the time I actually got into bed, but I didn’t sleep until the book was finished.

I could deal with things better—much like my anxiety—when I understood them, and their triggers. So that’s what I was looking for. Understanding.

I had a lot to think about, and after I figured out a way to talk to her about a compromise, she’d have a lot to think about, too.

So it was down to time again, but I fell asleep feeling positive. Feeling like there was a way for it to work, at least on a trial basis. It all hinged on whether she was willing to try.

“You’re what?” I asked my younger sister on the phone the next morning.

“I’m coming today. I thought we could spend more time together over the holiday.” Things weren’t adding up.

My father called me the night before, after he’d heard from Grant that he was proposing to Blake. The robot, her fiancé, had bought them a house.

If she was happy, then so was I—but, honestly, I’d never liked the guy. Not for her.

“I heard the robot proposed,” I said, feeling the reason she was coming early had something to do with it.

“He did. Anyway, can you pick me up this afternoon from the airport?” Her voice sounded panicked.

I’d hoped to talk to Nora sometime before the long weekend, but it looked like that would be put on hold.

“You know I will,” I told her. She was my kid sister, and I knew when something was up. It worried me, but I’d get to the bottom of it that afternoon.

“Thanks, Reggie. I need to go. I’ll send you my flight info.”

I took a deep breath and accepted the change of plans. “You’re welcome. Travel safe, Blake.”

She’d taken a new job where she’d be traveling more, and from what she’d told me about it before, she was really excited.

I hadn’t seen her in a few months, and I looked forward to her being around more if she was going to be in Chicago on a regular basis. I’d kind of missed not having my family close.

I was glad there wasn’t a whole lot going on in the office that morning, most people had taken extra days off, and it was pretty quiet. No one would even notice when I left a little early.

I drank coffee, the only thing that kept my head on straight, and scanned the internet for more information on the poly-life.

I was consumed with thoughts of Nora. So it was no coincidence when I noticed I had parked at the wrong spot when I went to pick up Blake.

ME: I’m at departures. Sorry.

BLAKE: That’s okay. I just got my bag. I’ll come there.

I got out of my car and walked around to the other side. A few minutes later, she came through the doors lugging a bag behind her. When she saw me, she almost looked like she was going to cry.

Engaged.

New job.

Maybe she was merely overwhelmed. I could sympathize.

Still, I hoped it was happy emotion I saw and not something else. As soon as she caught sight of me, she ran straight into my arms.

“I’ve missed you,” she said into my shoulder. I hugged her and rocked her back and forth in a tight squeeze. She’d looked like she needed a good hug.

“Everything okay?” I asked when I set her back on her feet, but her attention wasn’t on me any longer. She stared at some guy with shaggy hair and some drunk girl. She took a few steps toward them like she knew who they were, and protectively I followed.

Then she leaned into me for support.

“Hi,” the guy said to her, he recognized her, too.

Who in the hell was he?

The girl he was with, who was barely standing on her own, spoke, but I could already tell something wasn’t right.

“Hey,” he said to Blake. “Aly, hold on,” he shouted to the blond, and I probably would have done the same thing. She yanked on his arm like some disobedient puppy on a leash.

His face was softer when he looked back at my sister, and that was a damn good thing for him.

I didn’t want to cause a scene, but if Blake needed help, I’d be there to do it.

My instincts warned me it was time to go. I was tired. I was hungry. I was still unsettled about how things were left with Nora the night before.

In hindsight, I should have called or sent her a message, but I’d do it later. I don’t even think I mentioned to her Blake was coming.

With an arm around my sister, I steered her back to the car.

“Who is that?” I asked.

She came without too much urging and answered, “
Nobody
,” as she leered in their direction over my shoulder.

When she was in the passenger seat, I noticed the guy approaching the car.

So Shaggy has balls.

By the time I was around to the driver’s side, he was crouching next to her window.

I didn’t care how big his nuts were though. It was obvious my sister knew him, and the way she’d reacted wasn’t something I’d ever seen from her before.

Then he raised a hand like he was going to slap the glass, but I caught his gaze first.

My arm reached out over the top of my car, and I cautioned him, “I wouldn’t do that. Stay away from my sister.”

And I meant it.

It was apparent how stressed she was on the ride. She was biting her nails and couldn’t sit still. I had to put my thoughts about Nora on the backburner, at least until I knew Blake was okay.