Knotted Roots (5 page)

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Downstairs
didn’t turn out to be any more fun.  There was only basic cable, no DVD player,
and no movies to watch.  The only redeeming quality was the floor to ceiling
bookshelf packed full of books.  I grabbed one that looked good and settled on
the sofa.  I tried to concentrate but my mind kept straying, constantly
replaying everything that had happened thus far. 

The
betrayal I felt because of Amber was up front and center.  Add to that the
confusion and anger I still felt towards my parents and their stupid divorce,
it was no wonder I couldn’t concentrate.  Talking to Dad hadn’t helped me feel
better.  If anything it had made me even angrier.  I wanted to hate them all,
every last one of them, but I knew it wasn’t worth it.  The damage was done.

After
I spent most of the day on the couch, my pajamas were stuck to my body from the
heat, so I decided to grab a bath.  The large garden tub upstairs sounded
really good at that point.  As I was running the water I heard the doorbell.  I
turned the water off and went downstairs, grumbling the whole way.  I yanked
open the door and stumbled.  Standing there was a woman who looked to be about
my mom’s age.  She was dressed in a long, flowing skirt and a simple white
t-shirt, while her wrists were covered with an array of different metal
bracelets.  She reminded me of a hippie, if those actually existed anymore.

“Hi
there, you must be Roxanne.  I’m Cindy,” she said as she extended her hand to
me.  I didn’t grab it; instead I crossed my arms and leaned away from her.  “I
was a friend of your mother’s when she lived here.”

“What
can I do for you?” I asked, my face frozen in a scowl.

“I
heard you were in town and I wanted to meet you.  I honestly never thought
Angie would have kids.  She always swore up and down that she wasn’t cut out
for motherhood,” she said as she continued to smile, my demeanor obviously had
not curbed her enthusiasm in the least.

“Well,
here I am.  In all my glory.  Now, what can I do for you?”

She
appeared a little shocked by my response and her smile faltered.  “Um...well,
nothing, I guess,” she replied.  “Could you just tell your mother that I said
hello?  I’d love to talk to her again, but Betty made it pretty clear that your
mother wasn’t interested in dwelling on the past.”

“I’ll
pass that along.”

“Okay. 
Thanks.  It was nice to meet you Roxanne,” she said as she turned to leave.  As
she walked down the stairs I quickly closed the front door.  I trudged back
upstairs and turned the water back on.  As I waited for it to fill I removed my
clothes and laid out my toiletries.  I kept replaying Cindy’s words in my
mind.  So Mom never wanted children?  That would explain a lot, actually.  She
never seemed to really “get” how to be a mother.  I had always chalked it up to
her incessant need to remain young and carefree.

I
stayed in the tub, soaking away my boredom, until I heard the front door slam. 
Grandma had finally returned home from town.  I was surprised that she hadn’t
spent her day on that wretched farm.  Thoughts of the farm conjured images of
Chase: sweaty and covered in heaven knows what.  While I had never been attracted
to guys like him, there was something about his strong hands and their calluses
that made me take pause.

I
wasn’t looking for anything serious with him, that’s for sure.  He would simply
be a nice distraction for the summer.  Someone to have fun with and avoid the
boredom that was inevitable in this crappy excuse for a town.  A knock at the
bathroom door pulled me from my wandering thoughts. 

“In
the bath!” I yelled, hoping she would just walk away.  Instead, the door swung
open and her wrinkled face popped around the door.

“How
long are ya gonna be in there?  Company’s coming over soon,” she said.

“Good
for them.  I’ll be in my room.”

She
let out a loud sigh.  “Hiding in that room isn’t healthy.  Eventually you’re
gonna have to come out.  Ya know that, right?” she asked.

“This
heat isn’t healthy.  This humidity.  The dirt that covers everything.  But I’m
still stuck here, so healthy went out the window a long time ago.”

She
shook her head and closed the door.  I let out a sigh to match hers and drained
the tub.  I dressed quickly and returned to my room, and made sure to close and
lock the door.  I wasn’t in the mood to hang out with her
company
.  I
would rather pull every single one of my teeth out with pliers, without
Novocain.  Or shut my finger in the truck door repeatedly.  Either would be
great at this point.

CHAPTER FIVE

The
next week went by in a similar fashion.  I spent my days sleeping in, reading
on the couch, and then retreating to my room as soon as Grandma got home.  She
hadn’t made any more attempts at drawing me out at night, which was a relief. 
I was beginning to get cabin fever though, which was really bad for someone
like me.  I was used to being on the go at all times, spending every day with
friends. 

I
spoke to my parents a couple of times throughout the week, but all of our
conversations were awkward, filled with long silences.  I didn’t bother to ask
if I could come home.  What was the point?  They mentioned that a few friends
had stopped by since I had left, and I assured them that I was keeping in touch
(which I wasn’t).  They kept saying that this was temporary.  I still wasn’t
sure if they meant where I was at, or what they were doing.

I
heard Grandma leave again this morning, but this time my curiosity was piqued. 
I wondered what she did every day, and who she did it with.  I knew she was at
the farm, with those beautiful brothers, but what did they do all day?  Did
they sit around a table at lunch and pretend that life was perfect? Did they
ever wonder where I was at that exact time? Probably not.  Grandma had given up
wondering about me days ago.

I
decided that today was a good day to go for a walk.  I had no idea where I
would go, but anywhere was better than here.  I put on my professionally frayed
jean skirt, along with my light blue Gucci tank top, and then pulled my hair up
in a messy bun.  After I slipped my feet into a pair of wedges, I grabbed my
cell phone and dashed out of the house. 

I
walked out to the main road and started in the direction I hoped would lead me
to town.  The trees that I had loved so much when we first got here were even
more breathtaking than before.  There was something so serene about their
presence.  I felt calm and free as I lifted my eyes to the sky.  The sun’s rays
were peeking through, creating a splendid pattern of light and dark on the
asphalt beneath my feet.

An
hour later I finally found what I had been looking for.  My feet were tired and
throbbing, but I kept going.  I began to second guess my decision to wear my
wedges, and the throbbing pain in my right ankle seemed to reinforce that
assessment.  It seemed that my life was filled with those a lot, especially
lately.  I found a bench on the side of the road, right in front of Mel’s
Hardware, and sat down.  I kicked off my shoes and wiggled my toes in the air. 
I had no idea how I would make it back to the house in those shoes.

As I
sat there I watched as people went about their daily lives, smiles plastered on
their faces as if they didn’t have a care in the world.  If only I could be
that carefree.  No one’s life was perfect, and I wasn’t delusional enough to
think that theirs were, but it didn’t stop me from feeling a tiny bit jealous
of their happiness.  The sound of a door slamming behind me caused my head to
jerk in the direction, finding a familiar face standing there, bags in hand. 

I
hadn’t seen Brian since that night at the diner and I had forgotten how good
looking he was.  Dressed in his work clothes, dirt covered him from head to
toe, but he still looked good.  Nowhere near as enticing as Chase, but good
looking in his own right.  He smiled at me and approached where I was sitting. 
I smiled back before turning my head towards the road, slipping my feet back
into my shoes.  He sat down beside me and I caught the scent of sweat and
patchouli. 

“Roxanne,
right?” he asked as he looked at me, that smile holding firm.

“Roxie,”
I replied, not meeting his eyes. 

“Sorry. 
Roxie,” he said.  “Whatcha doing out here?”

“Baking
cookies,” I replied with a laugh.  He laughed with me, which was a good sign.

“Sounds
delicious.  Let me know how that works out for ya,” he replied as he stood up. 
“Need a ride home?”

“No,”
I shook my head as I spoke.  “I’m just taking a break before I get back to
exploring this fine town you have here.”

“How
will you get back home?” he asked, concern lined his face.

“The
same way I got here.  Walk.”

“That’s
quite a long walk.  You sure you don’t want a ride?”

“And
miss out on all the sights in this bustling metropolis? Never,” I said with a
mocking tone. 

“Well,
I’ve got some time before I have to get back to work.  Want a tour?” he asked
as he set his bag down on the ground. 

“Wouldn’t
want to keep you from anything.”

“I
don’t have to be back at Betty’s for another hour or so.  Come on, let me show
you around.  It would kill me if you got lost your first time alone in town. 
Besides, it’s inbred in me to adhere to the Southern hospitality guidelines.”

I
really was tired, so I agreed to let him show me around.  We walked to his
truck around the corner to put his bag up and then we made our way back to Main
Street.  From where I stood there wasn’t much to see, meaning this would be
over quickly.  He pointed out every store that we passed by and gave me a heads
up as to which ones to avoid.  Evidently the Waffle House at the end of the
street was a breeding ground for roaches.  The thought alone made me gag and I
swore, right then and there, to never go in.

When
we got to the end of the street I had seen pretty much everything that the town
had to offer.  It shocked me that there was so little to do here.  I mean, even
small towns had
something
for young people to do, right? 

“So,
no movie theater.  No mall.  No nail salon.  What the hell am I supposed to do
here?” I asked him as we walked back to his truck.

“Well,
we’re about an hour away from the beach.  Does that count?” he replied with a
half-smile.  I hadn’t meant to offend him, but I was truly in shock that there
wasn’t more to do.

“Really?
That close? Hmmm....maybe I can talk Grandma into letting me borrow the truck,”
I replied, hope finally blossoming within me. 

He
laughed loudly and then struggled to get himself back under control.  “Good
luck with that.  Betty doesn’t let anyone drive that truck.”

I
shrugged and kept walking.  He obviously didn’t know how persuasive I could be
when I really wanted something.  That’s how I convinced Dad to buy me that
Prada purse a couple of months earlier.  All I had to do was bat my eyes and he
was putty in my hands.  I had been taught by my mother,  a master of manipulation.

When
we reached his truck he opened my door for me with a gentlemanly bow, causing
me to laugh, loudly.  He smiled and chuckled then closed the door, shaking his
head all the way to the other side.  Once we were on the road back to the house
he spoke again.

“Did
you want to head to the farm with me? Or back to Betty’s?”

“The
house, please.  I’m hoping to avoid that stink pit for as long as possible,” I
replied, turning to look at him.  My words caused a frown to mar his face. 
“Nothing against anyone who works there.  It’s just not for me.”

“Ya
know, just cause you say no offense, doesn’t mean someone won’t take offense,”
he replied, his eyes never leaving the road.  “You really have no interest in
finding out what makes Betty tick?  What she loves the most in this world?”

I
ignored him and turned my attention to the road as well.  Of course I wanted to
see what the farm was like, but how could I go there and watch as she carefully
tended to her precious farm?  It’s crazy to feel jealous of a place, but deep
down I had a lot of resentment for that plot of land.  It had been Grandma’s
excuse as to why she could never come visit us in New York. At least, that’s
what I had been told.

The
farm had meant more to her than my mother or me.  And for that reason I hated
the farm.  I had no reason to go there.  Well...other than the idea of seeing
Chase again.  Just the thought of him brought butterflies to my stomach and
caused my cheeks to flame.  I glanced over at Brian who was still oblivious. 
Thank goodness he hadn’t been privy to my inner-most thoughts.  I could just
imagine him telling Chase all about my sordid thoughts and daydreams.  I hadn’t
even spoken a word to him and yet his face was always there, taunting me.

He
dropped me off at home a few minutes later.  I thanked him for the ride and the
tour, and then quickly made my way into the house.  My feet screamed at me as I
slipped off my shoes, demanding a nice soak in the tub.  I grabbed a book from
the bookshelf and made my way upstairs.  As soon as I was submerged in the tub
my cell phone began to ring.  I dried off my hands and grabbed it from the
nearby counter, quickly answering the unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Roxie?
It’s Brian. Betty wanted me to tell you that she won’t be home for dinner tonight. 
She’s taking everyone to the diner instead,” he spoke quickly, the twang in his
voice making it hard to understand.

“Umm...okay. 
Can you ask her to bring me something home?” I replied, the disappointment
evident in my voice.

“Sure
thing,” he replied and hung up quickly.

I
stared at the phone for a moment, and then dropped it back on the counter.  Let
them go eat dinner together and enjoy each other’s company.  It didn’t bother
me.  Not one single bit.  Well...maybe a little bit.  Why hadn’t they invited
me to go with them?  I mean, Grandma was supposed to be taking care of me,
right?  So why did she not even bother to include me in her dinner plans? 
Maybe it was time for me to stop wallowing in my own anger and pain.