Knowledge: The Fifth Division Saga: Book 1 (28 page)

              I sighed, and shoved the light energy down. It wasn’t easy, but I had been practicing. This new discovery of the crazy eye color changes had come as quite a shock the first time I managed to switch them by sheer force of will. I was slowly becoming more accustomed to the strangeness of it as I continued to exercise my magic over the past few days.

              Before Ash and Erion rescued me from the farmhouse and introduced me to the world of magic and excitement, back when I thought I was nothing more than a disastrous human girl, accidents followed me everywhere. I always just assumed Caspian and I had inherited an awful dose of bad luck, but now I knew better. None of the freak accidents in my life, spontaneous fires and the like, had been accidents at all. Now that we were learning to control our unusual abilities, such occurrences have seemed like nothing more than flukes in our practices. I felt slight relief in the idea that I no longer had to assume I was a walking curse.

              But even though I felt much more in control of my powers, I knew something huge was still missing, abilities I had not discovered. Before the run in with Xavier, such an assumption would have been even nuttier than the very fact that I possessed any supernatural powers in the first place. But after everything he accused me of, of being a monster experiment developed by the Council, assuming that any rules applied to me anymore seemed ludicrous.

              I scurried down the vacating streets of the Elemental town as vendors closed shop and people headed home from the marketplace. I rushed by Laurel’s stand and she smiled and waved at me. She had been much more cordial as of late, and I could only assume it had something to do with Caspian. But this was only a theory since I had not seen them together since the night they barged into Kelsey’s room claiming they were on a rescue mission. I had a hard time believing it had only been two days ago. In my head, it could have been a lifetime.

              With all of the nervous thoughts swimming around my brain, the colors and voices I had been dealing with recently crowded the forefront of my attention. Even just over the last couple of days, since “that night”, auras seemed to be glowing brighter and voices seemed to be growing louder. I could now practically see the colors that enveloped people ceaselessly and the voices were a constant hum in the background of my brain that occasionally rose to shouts. They spoke of the most random things, ranging from typical everyday comments to philosophical arguments. I started to wonder whether I had gained the ability to read minds but the idea only increased my already sky high stress level. I chose to save that concern for a later date.

              My head ached. I lifted my fingertips to my temples and hurried past the last row of shops. I headed for the outskirts of town, to the dividing line between the Wielding Kingdom and the Elemental Kingdom: The University.

              Once the main part of town was out of sight and I made it to the stretch of flowering meadows, I picked up my pace and ran as fast as I could. Athletics have never been my thing, but something about the way my lungs gasped for air and my legs begged to stop made me want to push even harder, to run away from all my fears and worries right back to the past where life had been so much simpler and far less confusing.

              But, of course, I couldn’t go back.

              My legs practically cheered in exaltation when I reached the University grounds. I screeched to a halt outside the doorway. I read the motto that hung above the entrance that read Nostosian University:
Coniungit scientia infestantibus inimicis.

              I still had zero idea as to what the heck it meant, but somehow I found comfort in the phrase. I mouthed the words to myself, loving the way the old language rolled off my inexperienced tongue. I thought of the few classes I had taken here so far and yearned to take more and to learn more about Nostos.

              With a sigh, I meandered away from the building and moseyed through the lawn and gardens that decorated the grounds. I wove through the trees that scattered the area and the variety of Nostosian plants, like Scarlet Delight and Sweet Violets, which were strategically placed for the perfect appearance until I arrived at my
true
destination. I pushed the concealing branches aside and stepped into Ash’s Grove, seeking solace from the only place I knew to go.

              But I came to a sudden stop as I entered the clearing. I wasn’t alone.

            
 
“Seems you had the same idea that I did?” Ash was lying on his back amidst the dead leaves and soft soil, staring peacefully up at the clear starry sky. He looked so serene, his arms behind his head and magnificent black wings stretched out behind him. His feathers were so glossy and perfect, so beautiful.

            
 
“Sorry. I can go.” It was the first time I had seen him since the night with Xavier. Once all had been said and done, his feelings for me were clear. He only stared at me with ice in his eyes and a frown on his face, like I was the most disgusting thing he could imagine. He, Erion, and Laurel traveled in a portal back to Nostos while Caspian and I visited my mom and Bram.

            
 
“You don’t have to. I was about to leave anyways.”

              He sat up and tried to brush off his back but failed miserably. He twisted his mouth in frustration. His dark hair sat ruffled slightly from laying down. I built up my courage and before he got up I blurted out, “Can we talk?”

              He sighed, knowing where this was going, “Mirabelle…”

            
 
“Why didn’t you use your power back at the house?”

              He blanched, clearly surprised, “What?”

            
 
“Your Knowledge, the fight would have been over in an instant if you had just used your Knowledge. So why didn’t you?”

              He looked at me unseeingly. I suddenly realized why he had been ignoring me the past few days, not checking on Kelsey and Danny and not caring to see me: He was ashamed, thought the fault landed on his shoulders, “Because I can’t control it, I could’ve killed everyone in there. Including you and Erion. I couldn’t risk that. I would rather face the guilt of not acting than face your gravestone.”

            
 
“I think you’re scared.”

            
 
“Scared? No, no Mirabelle, I’m not scared. I am angry, I am ashamed, and I am dangerous. But I am not scared.”

              I knelt down beside him and placed a hand on his warm cheek, “It’s okay to be scared, Ash.”

            
 
“Fear is weakness. That’s the first thing you learn in the Legion. Once you are afraid, you’re dead. We must always be brave in order to overcome our enemies.”

            
 
“There is no bravery without fear because courage means that you are overcoming your fear, that you do the right thing even if it terrifies you. Without fear, you’re just plain reckless.”

              He shook his head and eased to stand, “I need to go…”

              But I pulled him back down, “Don’t try to build walls against me, Ash Brentwood.”

            
 
“I don’t want to, but I have to. I’m a disaster, Mirabelle, can’t you see that? And being around you is the most awful thing I could possibly do because…” he trailed off but stared deeply into my eyes.

            
 
“Because, what?” My heart pounded painfully in my chest.

            
 
“Because I think I am falling in love with you, Mirabelle, and no matter how hard I try to get back up I just keep falling. And I cannot put you deliberately in harm’s way. I can’t do that to you.”

              There it was, right out in the open. I put my hands on his shoulders and turned him towards me so he had no choice but to look me in the face while I spoke. His face displayed all of the destruction he had faced, new lines had formed on his features from worry that I had never seen before. It tore at my heart to see him like this, playful and carefree Ash seeming to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He played the part of jester so well that I often forgot that deep down there was actually a sensitive person there who just wanted to keep others safe. He truly believed he was a monster. Xavier’s word floated across my thoughts:
Abomination
. I could relate to Ash more than he knew.

“I don’t care about the legend, I don’t care that you are a Fire Knowledge, and I don’t care if everyone in the Kingdom thinks you’re the devil.”

            
 
“It’s actually all of Nostos who thinks I’m the devil.”

            
 
“Shut up,” he grinned slightly and I continued, “I know you are the biggest pain in the neck and quite possibly the most infuriating person I’ve ever met.”

            
 
“Well this is touching.”

            
 
“But despite all of that, you’re also a good person. I can see it. And according to Xavier and you’re mom, I’m some sort of Frankenstein thing the Council created. He seemed to think I was pretty evil. Just because someone believes you are one thing, doesn’t mean you actually are. You know who you are and I know who you are. Annoying? Check. Disrespectful? Check. Pure evil? I don’t think so.”

            
 
“How can you be so sure?” So much desperation tinged his voice.

              I lifted his chin up. His perfectly chiseled face twisted in agony so deep and ingrained that I had no idea whether he could ever fully believe me. But beneath the pain and sorrow, I could detect a certain hope, striving to persevere amidst the darkness within. I determined to help him accept that hope if it was the last thing I did. His eyes began to flash a golden orange.

            
 
“I just know.” I whispered.

              His face searched mine, and as if relinquishing his last bit of restraint, he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me hard. I melted into his strong embrace, forgetting about everything else in the world. Even after he drew his face away from mine, he refused to release his hold on me and I didn’t want him to. I nestled into his side, sure there was not a more wonderful place on earth. His abnormally high body heat was comforting, like a space heater on a cold day. I could happily have remained there forever, wrapped securely in Ash’s embrace. We sat there for an eternity, just resting in each other’s arms, my Knowledge shimmering against the opaqueness of his.

              When he finally pulled away, he looked at me sternly, his dark eyes boring into mine, “It’s all your fault, you know.”

I raised my eyebrow quizzically and he swooped in to lightly kiss me on the cheek. Without responding, he promptly turned away to start walking back into town. I had to run to catch up with him, “What’s my fault, again?”

            
 
“It’s all your fault that I’m going to Hell.”

              *

              Later I sat on my bed, happily singing made up tunes to myself, twirling a curl with my finger mindlessly, a cheesy smile plastered on my face when a knock came at my door.

            
 
“Come in!”

              Caspian’s head peeked through followed my Iris’s. The two of them stepped inside without making eye contact with me. Although Caspian and I had been spending a good deal of time together in the same room waiting for Kelsey and Danny to wake up, we barely spoke. I had hoped that after our little adventure to the human world things would be back to normal. That had been a stupid and rather optimistic assumption. The past few days without Ash, Iris, and Caspian had been the most lonely days I had experienced in my whole life.

              The two of them stepped inside and softly closed the door behind them with a hardly audible
click
. I cleared my throat awkwardly as they rocked on their heels. Iris especially seemed to barely be able to contain herself.

              Caspian started, “Look…”

              But as soon as he began to speak, Iris sprang from her spot and yelped, “Mira, I’m so sorry!” And dashed to where I sat on the edge of my bed. Her small body collided with mine in a breathtaking tackle but I was overjoyed and didn’t care one bit. I squeezed her as tight as I could, my eyes burning and threatening to leak if I didn’t pull it together. When we released one another, she cuddled beside me, linking her arms through mine, as if she had the intention of never letting go. I think I would have been okay with that.

            
 
“I’m sorry too,” Caspian relented his rigid posture, walked over to the bed, and sat down on the other side of me. “I mean, you’ve been really stupid lately, but I also know I can’t stay mad at you for long.”

            
 
“I really am sorry. You had a right to be mad. But I checked your file today.”

            
 
“You what? Mira, that’s against the rules. You already got in trouble for it once, why would you do it again?”