L.A.P.D. Special Investigations Series, Boxed Set: The Deceived, The Taken & The Silent (74 page)
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Authors: LINDA STYLE
She attributed his silence to disapproval. “Anna helped people. She found my father for me and arranged for me to live with him and finish school. If she hadn’t taken the initiative, I can’t say where or how I’d be living today.” She gave a wry laugh. “I learned later that she had to pay him to take me in. I didn’t know it at the time, and having a home base allowed me to get back on track.”
Jordan’s eyes went from steel-gray to charcoal.
“She never took underage girls. That’s why she wouldn’t let me work for her except to clean. My street time came before I met Anna. She only hired women who’d already made the choice and who wanted to continue making their living in that way.”
Laura’s voice began shaking with emotion as she said, “Anna was the only person who ever cared enough to help me. But she never had anyone to help her.”
Jordan rubbed his hands together awkwardly as if he didn’t know what to do with them. “I’m sorry. You obviously cared about her very much.”
“I did. I wish she’d known it.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I—I never told her I appreciated all she’d done for me. Instead I blamed her. If she hadn’t paid my father to take me in, I would’ve known him for the bastard he was. I wouldn’t have been so heartbroken when I found out. I was angry at her because she gave me false hopes, and I never kept in touch with her after I found out she’d made a deal with my dad.”
She drew a shaky breath. “During college, I was ashamed of my past and wanted to put it all behind me, including Anna. It was only after she died that I realized my utter stupidity.” The tears she’d forced away began to spill like rivers down her cheeks.
Jordan pulled her into his arms. “She helped you and now you’re doing the same for other kids.”
“I don’t know what I would’ve done without Anna. Probably stayed on the streets.” Her words were muffled against his shoulder.
“So, there you are. You’re her legacy. What you do is part of that legacy.”
His kindness and understanding unleashed another flood of tears, and then deep racking sobs shook her body.
Jordan simply held her closer, tighter.
As her tears subsided, she said through a sniffle, “If I’d not been so stupid…” Her breath hitched. “I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
“She knew you were running the shelter, didn’t she?”
Laura sniffled again. “Yes.”
“I’m sure knowing what you chose to do with your life, and knowing what a strong person you’ve become, was reward enough for her.”
Laura looked at Jordan. The thought was like a balm, soothing her ragged emotions.
As Laura’s crying lessened, Jordan felt the tightness in her shoulders ease. Now that he knew more about Laura’s past, he realized she probably felt he’d abandoned her, too, just like everyone else in her life. And the ugly truth was, he had. And he needed to explain. Nothing could justify his behavior and it wouldn’t change things between them, but he wanted her to understand it wasn’t from malice.
When she quieted, he held her at arm’s length, then sat her on the couch beside him. “I have some things to say.”
She sat there like a zombie, her eyes red and her face puffy, but managed to say, “Okay.”
He drew a breath. “Because of you, I’ve come to realize some things, too. My own stupidity, for one. Mostly, that I’m really good at judging others without understanding all the circumstances.”
He itched to get up and pace to release the tumult inside, but he needed to stay near her. “When I told you I never tried to find my real mother…I lied. I lied because I was ashamed.” He swallowed. “I was ashamed because when I found her, I discovered she was a prostitute.” He closed his eyes briefly, then looked into Laura’s. “Anna Kolnikov was my mother.”
Laura’s mouth fell open. “Anna was…I can’t believe—”
“It’s true.”
“How did you find out? Through investigating her case?”
“No, before that. But it was after the murder. When I found out about her, I was horrified. Angry. Ashamed. I wanted to erase it from my mind. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about her—hating her. And yet, I was compelled to find her murderer. I convinced myself it wasn’t personal, that justice had to be served. I started to reinvestigate.”
“That’s when you came to talk to me?”
“Yes. I think I wanted to solve the case to prove to myself I could be objective. That my feelings about her, who she was and what she’d done, didn’t affect me in any way. But they did. I despised her—not because she was who she was, but because she’d disappointed me. All my life I’d fantasized about finding my biological parents…what I somehow imagined to be my real family. My expectations were huge. I expected I’d discover some extraordinary reason why she gave me up, some reason beyond her control.”
He shook his head. “She killed the fantasy. She’d given me away without a thought. I couldn’t forgive her for that.”
“Did you find out differently?”
“No, but it isn’t important anymore. I know who I am. And it took finding her to make me face myself…and to realize what she’d done for me. Had she not put me up for adoption, I wouldn’t have had the life I’ve had. I wouldn’t have had the love and support from two wonderful people who have been parents in every sense of the word. What I regret the most is how I allowed my bitterness to creep into the rest of my life, how I allowed it to color my judgments.” He lowered his head. “I judged my parents…and I judged you.”
Frustrated, he stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. “My expectations clouded the truth. And the truth is that nothing has changed my feelings about you. I know what kind of person you are. I’ve known from the beginning. You’re everything I wish I was.”
She sat as still as a statue. And as silent.
Well, what did he expect? That she’d jump into his arms? He’d hurt her deeply. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he had to apologize, anyway.
He threw up his hands in a gesture of futility. Kneeling in front of her, he looked into her eyes. “From the bottom of my heart, I’m so very sorry for any pain I’ve caused you.”
When she remained silent, he got up, shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m not asking for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. But I had to tell you how I feel.”
After what seemed an eternity, she said, “And how do you feel?”
Surprised she’d even asked, he dropped to the couch beside her and took her hands. “I love you. That’s how I feel. I know that probably seems trite right now, but it’s true.”
Laura’s heart leaped, but just as quickly her guard came up again. No matter what he said right now, no matter how sincere he believed he was at this minute, it didn’t mean he’d be there forever. It didn’t mean he’d love her forever.
“Laura, what I feel for you is something I never imagined possible. And more than anything I want us to have a chance. I’m hoping you’ll give us a chance.”
And then what? How could she be sure he wouldn’t leave? If things didn’t work out, she’d be alone again—and the hurt would be that much greater. She moistened her lips. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. I want you to know that watching you with Alysa, with Cait, and with all the people in your life, has given me something I never had before. For you, forgiveness is a big part of love. And loving someone means accepting the whole person, not just the parts that fit. You’ve taught me that self-forgiveness is as important as forgiving others. And it doesn’t happen overnight.”
She cleared her throat, her emotions raw. He was the most honest, most caring man she’d ever known. And now, even knowing the worst about her, he said he loved her.
And God knew, she loved him.
He traced her cheek with his fingertips, his touch gentle and reassuring, then with one finger he tipped her chin up. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you can forgive others without a thought, but you can’t forgive yourself for things you had no control over. It took me a while to understand the significance of my need to find my mother. I needed to know who I am, but what I didn’t realize is that who I am
is
my past—all of it.”
He touched his fingers to her chest. “Your heart is full of love…and you are the person I love. All of you, past, present and—” He cleared his throat. “And, I hope…the future.”
She wanted it so much. Why couldn’t she just let go?
“I want you in the rest of my life, Laura…but I know how much I hurt you. If you want me to go away, all you have to do is say so.”
God, no! Her chest constricted at the thought. She didn’t want him to go away. Ever.
“Do you love me, Laura?”
She looked into his eyes, filled with unconditional love and acceptance. She loved him so much her heart ached with it.
She’d known when they first met that somehow her life would never be the same. And she’d been right.
“I love you,” she whispered. “More than I could ever have imagined. And I don’t want you to ever go away.” She knew then, regardless of what happened, her heart was his forever.
Then he drew back. Serious.“I won’t. I promise I won’t ever go away. But do you think Cait will approve?”
She shook her head, also serious. “No.”
Then she laughed. “I think Cait will be ecstatic!”
THE END
Dear Reader,
Thank you for being a reader and sharing your love of reading by purchasing my stories. I hope you enjoyed THE DECEIVED, THE TAKEN and THE SILENT and that you’ll consider leaving a review or rating on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Goodreads, or wherever you like to hangout and share information about books. If you haven’t read my other books, I hope you’ll want to pick them up and spend more time with more interesting characters I’ve grown to love. And please keep an eye out for my next suspense novel DETROIT RULES, the first book in my exciting new STREET LAW series. You can find all of my books on my Amazon Author page.
Http://ww.amazon.com/-/e/B001HCV3PQ
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Happy Reading.
Linda Style
Fiction:
From LMS Press
Copyright © Linda Fensand Style
Detroit Rules, January 2015 Book 1 Street Law series
Detroit Hustle, coming 2015 Book 2 Street Law series
Cowboys Don’t Dance, November 2014
Her Sister’s Secret, (2
nd
edition) October 2014
The Deceived, June, 2014 Book 1 LAPD Special Investigations
The Taken, August, 2014 Book 2 LAPD Special Investigations
The Silent, September, 2014 Book 3 LAPD Special Investigations
F
rom Harlequin Enterprises Ltd
Copyright © Linda Fensand Style
Her Sister’s Secret
Daddy in the House
Slow Dance with a Cowboy
The Man in the Photograph
What Madeline Wants
The Witness
His Case, Her Child
And Justice for All
Husband and Wife Reunion
Going for Broke
The Man from Texas
The Mistake She Made
The Promise He Made
A Soldier’s Secret
Protecting the Witness
Non-Fiction:
BOOTCAMP FOR NOVELISTS BEYOND THE FIRST DRAFT: Writing Techniques of the Pros. By Linda Style Copyright © 2013, LMS Press, Gilbert, AZ 85234 (403 pages) In digital and in print.
BOOTCAMP FOR NOVELISTS BASIC TRAINING MANUAL: What You Need to Know
BEFORE
You Write Your Novel. With Connie Flynn. Copyright November 2012. Available in digital format
Linda’s books are available on her website, on Amazon, eHarlequin.com and other bookstore outlets.
Http://ww.amazon.com/-/e/B001HCV3PQ
,
http://www.LindaStyle.com
LINDA STYLE
is an Award-Winning, National Bestselling author with over a million copies sold in thirteen different countries. With an education in behavioral science and in journalism, Linda has worked in a number of jobs, from social services to Director of a state mental health program to magazine editor, but she says nothing is more rewarding than writing her stories of romance, suspense and intrigue. Her books—often described as emotional, fast-paced stories that keep you riveted to the page—have won several awards, including the prestigious Daphne du Maurier Award of Excellence, the Orange Rose award for Best Book of the Year, and the HOLT Award of Merit.
When not writing, Linda loves to travel, a passion that has taken her all over the world and allows her to indulge in her other passion…photography. A Minnesota native, she now lives with her family in Arizona where she likes to play tennis and hike in the mountains—the best place in the world to think up more stories. She loves to talk with readers and invites you to join her Facebook page and follow her on Twitter @LindaStyle_. To read more about Linda’s books and what’s next, stop by her website at LindaStyle.com.