Larkrigg Fell (26 page)

When she reached the clearing, she was relieved to see everything as normal. The cottage seemed to have stood up to the weather well. Ellen was moving about in the garden, attending to her chores as usual. Two of the dogs and the old grey goose trailed behind her, while a kestrel perched lop-sidedly upon her shoulder. Dressed in wellington boots, a thick knitted hat and a man’s raincoat with a padded waistcoat over the top, she looked like a cross between a latter-day pirate and a tramp.

‘Hi, everything okay?’ Beth called, setting the basket down on the doorstep. Ellen half glanced at it then turned quickly away as the aroma of the hot soup filtered through. So, she hadn’t eaten too well recently. As suspected.

‘Fine. Why shouldn’t I be?’ she barked. ‘Bit o’ snow don’t bother me.’

Beth was used to her prickly manner and didn’t remark upon it. ‘We aren’t.’ Should she tell her the whole truth, ask if she could move in? ‘A whole chunk of our roof is sitting on the spare room bed. It had to happen one day. I would’ve had it fixed before now if I had the money. Never mind. We’ll find it somehow, I dare say.’

‘How?’

Beth shrugged. ‘You tell me.’ She went over to the compound, seeking sight of a young barn owl she knew to be in there. Ellen came to join her.

‘Looking for Barney? He’s inside. Not too keen on this bright sunlight.’

‘Will you be letting him go soon?’

‘When spring comes and I can arrange a new home for him. His last barn is now four holiday bedsits.’

‘Ah!’ Beth looked sad. ‘Evicted, eh? Poor old Barney.’

‘That’s why he was brought to me. His parents apparently panicked when their home was ripped apart and they deserted him. I’ve had to be his foster mum. Why some folk are so insensitive to breeding times I cannot think. Amateurs. This one won’t be again. I gave him a piece of my mind.’

Beth chuckled. Ellen always managed to help put things in perspective. ‘I’ll bet you did. Everyone is entitled to a home, even a barn owl.’ She watched with interest as Ellen tended a roe deer that had injured its foot, and laughed as a group of red squirrels squabbled over a bowl of peanuts. ‘You’re always so busy, and happy,’ she added wistfully.

The old woman cast Beth a keen glance. ‘Don’t be fooled by appearances. I have my worries too. This isn’t paradise. I too could be evicted, just like young Barney here!’

‘Who would do such a thing?’

‘It’s your land, you tell me.’

Beth beamed. ‘In that case, there’s no problem. Look, I don’t know about you but I’m starving.’

‘I can afford to feed meself, thanks very much.’

Beth stifled a sigh. ‘I didn’t say you couldn’t. Nettle soup and chickweed salad. Well, I’ve leek and potato soup, wholemeal rolls and cheese in the basket. You couldn’t force yourself to share it with me, I don’t suppose?’

Ellen’s craggy face broke into a rare grin. ‘I might be persuaded.’

As she turned to enter the cottage, she stopped suddenly and glared at Beth. ‘You look a bit washed out. Are you all right?’

‘Fine,’ Beth lied, and then mimicking Ellen’s earlier sharpness, ‘Why shouldn’t I be?’

A thoughtful pause then, ‘Aye, well, that’s all right then.’ But as Ellen collected dishes and spoons, she didn’t feel too convinced. There was summat wrong with the little lass, and she’d find out what it was or her name wasn’t Ellen Martin.

As January passed and winter wore on, spring seemed further away than ever. Beth escaped often to Ellen’s compound. Sometimes she would help with the wild creatures, at other times the two of them would sit and chat or simply watch the animals at their antics. Even watching a tit struggle for a taste of the fat from Ellen’s hanging bird pudding that she made for them was never less than entertaining. It was peaceful in the woods, and it soothed Beth’s troubled spirit.

But she didn’t forget old Seth. The old man looked forward to her regular visits, even if the hens weren’t laying much and she had few eggs for him.

He loved to talk about the way life had used to be in the dale. ‘Never fought in either war but I’ve had me hard times all the same,’ he told her. ‘I’ve known poverty and hunger, and still brought up a clutch of childer, scattered half over Westmorland and Cumberland.’

‘It’s called Cumbria now, Seth, since government re-organisation,’ Beth reminded him but he fixed her with a fierce glare.

‘It’s Westmorland to me and allus will be. Government can say aught they want but they can’t tell me what to do, any more’n me own bairns has that right. Though they’d no doubt like to. Allus shoving bits o’ paper under me nose to sign. Pester me to death they do.’

‘I’m sure they only mean to help.’

The old man snorted. ‘Naught they’d like better than to knock me off me perch. But I’m going nowhere. Not yet, I’m not. I’ll not sign their dratted papers. You can be sure o’ that. I’ll do as I please.’

‘Right,’ Beth gravely agreed.

He folded his lips as if having won a great battle and Beth was unsure quite what she had said to upset him. It seemed to put him in a bad mood for the rest of the afternoon and she vowed to take more care in future.

On occasions Andrew would be at Cathra Crag when she called. At other times not. She never objected when he wanted to walk her home across the fell now. She owed him her life, so how could she refuse?

Once or twice he had happened to call upon Ellen while Beth was there and the three of them would enjoy a merry hour, working on Ellen’s chores, playing with the dogs or teaching Beth all about the wild life in the area.

Beth’s favourite place was by the tarn, listening to the ice crack and creak as ridged waves frozen in motion by the fierce winds finally split and heaved apart. The sun sparkled upon the resulting shards, glinting to pink and palest turquoise and ice blue. She had no memory of a time when she and Sarah had gone skating on it, and almost fallen through the ice. Or of her natural father, Lissa’s first husband before she married Derry. But then Beth was learning that the past was best left buried.

‘See,’ Andrew pointed out the footprints of a passing fox, visible on the shore. ‘As the weather worsened he’d have to walk further to find food. Mebbe resort to eating frozen grass.’

‘Poor thing.’ There was always something to watch, something to talk about in this ever-changing landscape. ‘I love a clear, crisp day like this. It’s so calming.’

‘Winter is what I’d miss most if I couldn’t live in this dale,’ Andrew told her.

Beth understood perfectly. ‘You wouldn’t ever leave though, would you?’

He shook his head vehemently but his eyes were troubled. ‘Not if I can help it. But who knows what’s in store for us, eh? Farming is a tough life. Mebbe it’ll give up on me before I’m ready to give up on it.’

‘I hope it doesn’t.’

He looked down at her and for a moment neither spoke, then he turned up her coat collar, holding it close against her chin as he smiled at her. ‘Come on, before you freeze like the tarn. Let’s beg some of Ellen’s terrible coffee.’

These were the best times. The relief of a few hours away from Pietro and Sarah, of not seeing them in each other’s arms. How much longer she could bear things to go on as they were Beth had no idea, but gave no indication of her troubles to her friends.

Sometimes she wondered if Ellen and Andrew watched her. They would exchange glances, transmit silent messages to each other and she would tense, ready to rebuff any probing. But they would turn away and say nothing.

Only once when Andrew was crossing the fell with her, a playful breeze at their backs scudding them along, did he comment upon the situation at Larkrigg. ‘I hope you’re not being too soft with that sister of yours.’

‘Why?’

‘You look tired, as if you’ve been working too hard.’ He put out a hand and catching her arm brought her to a halt, his grey eyes keen and shrewd. ‘Don’t let her, Beth. There’s no reason why she should leave all the work to you.’

‘She isn’t. She doesn’t.’ Feeling faintly flustered by the intensity of his gaze Beth tried to break free of his hold, but found she couldn’t. ‘I’m fine. Really.’

‘Is it Pietro then? You’d tell me if he was being a nuisance, wouldn’t you?
^’

‘Tell you?’ She stared at him, astounded. ‘Why should I tell you? Not that he is a nuisance of course. But if he was, why should I come running to you?’

‘Because I’m your friend. I know we’ve had our differences and I probably spoke out of turn that time, but I reckoned we’d put it behind us. I’m trying not to interfere in your life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you.’

She saw the wounded expression in his eyes and felt a burst of shame. There she went again, pushing him away, inflicting her hurt upon him when really he meant only to be friendly. ‘I’m sorry, Andrew. I didn’t think. It’s only that I shy away from ... I like to look after myself.’

‘There’s no shame in needing a bit of help now and again. From a friend.’

She slanted her gaze up at him, not quite sure how to respond. His face held a calm strength, and she envied that in him. The only times she ever felt calm these days was when she was with Andrew. Yet he could still be touchy at times, which made her prefer to avoid all conversation connected with Tessa or Pietro, or even Sarah. It made their meetings difficult, sometimes awkward at times, since these people were so much a part of her life.

But she hated to see anyone hurting. She knew about hurt. And Andrew must have suffered deeply when Tessa went off with Jonty. He needed time to get over losing her, as she must get used to the idea of being without Pietro. It seemed an almost impossible task.

‘You’ll be leaving soon, I expect,’ he said.

‘Leaving?’

‘Back to America. You and Sarah, and your boyfriend. I was wrong about Jonty, wasn’t I? It was the Italian you fancied all along, wasn’t it? I realise that now. Bit dim in these matters, I am. It was Tessa who was hot for Jonty Reynolds, eh?’

‘Oh, Andrew.’ Filled with pity, she didn’t know what else to say.

‘Well, now you’ve got him, so that’s all right.’

Beth had to summon every ounce of courage she possessed to keep a smile in place, though she dipped her head, allowing a swathe of silky fine hair to fall forward and hide its falseness. ‘Whatever makes you think the beautiful Pietro would even glance in my direction, when there’s Sarah around?’

Deep furrows of doubt clove the thick brow as he frowned down at her. Then lifted and cleared on a sudden burst of incredible joy which entirely transformed him. He put out a tentative hand to lay it gently on her arm. ‘Are you saying that there’s nowt between you two?’

She wanted to turn and run from him as fast as she could. ‘I’m saying that for a man who claims he has spadefuls of common sense, you jump to hasty conclusions.’

Andrew considered her face for a long moment, the way she flicked at her hair with fidgety fingers, pretending to laugh and studiously ignoring his gaze. His voice, when he spoke, was soft and gentle. ‘So that’s the way the land lies. I’m sorry. I should’ve realised.’

‘I don’t know what you mean?’ A brittle spurt of laughter threatened to erupt into tears.

‘Happen.’ He saw it all now. Loved and lost, wasn’t that how they described it? A surge of hot anger soared through his veins. If he ever got his hands on that Pietro Lawson, he’d make him sorry he’d ever set foot in this dale. ‘You’ve had problems then? With your sister and that chap?’ His voice was quiet, soothing, and she responded with a weak smile.

‘You could say so, yes. But then so have you.’ Determined not to wallow in her own self pity. ‘Let’s not talk about it.’

‘No, we’ll leave it at that, shall we?’

‘It would be for the best,’ she agreed.

‘Right.’

They stood and stared at each other, the wind lifting her hair and whipping it across her flushed cheeks. With one finger he pushed it back and hooked it behind her ear. ‘You never wear that nice little slide any more.’

Her eyes flew to his, startled and questioning. ‘Sarah says it’s awful.’

‘What does she know?’

She was so moved by the warmth that emanated softly from him, that without thinking she tipped up on to her toes and kissed him swiftly on the mouth. His lips were soft and warm and for a fleeting second she felt suddenly, unexpectedly happy, as if a black dam of muddy water had burst and she was cleansed and free.

The gesture seemed to startle Andrew every bit as much as she, and for a long moment they stood and gazed upon each like children captured in a shaft of sunlight.

‘You could always marry me instead,’ he said.

Beth blinked. ‘What did you say?’

The words had surprised him as much as they had Beth, but having spoken, he made an instant resolve not to retract them. ‘I’ve not a lot to offer but I reckon I could make you happy, Beth. There’s the farm, though it’s small, and farming isn’t as safe a job as it was. I’d work hard, look after you. I’d be good to you right enough.’

Embarrassment washed over her. What had she done? Feeling sorry for herself had made her careless. It wasn’t fair to involve Andrew in her problems. Hadn’t he been hurt enough by losing Tessa? Now she had to extricate herself from this mess without making matters worse. She drew in a quick breath. ‘I’m sure you could make any girl happy, Andrew. But there’s no need to go that far, just because you feel sorry for me.’