Last Call (8 page)

secretary to the Principal down to the high school I believe?

do I got that right?

Jimmy Don he's not a member of the Church is he?

Yes sir and no sir, he's a Baptist

that's exactly right

Well what is it I can do for you today Miss Lucy Beth?

Elder Ezell

this is the hardest story of my life so far to tell

and I don't know rightly how to do it

so I'll just start before the beginning actually was

It was dinnertime yesterday

all the kids out to eat and drag main

I had some time before the afternoon bell rang

thought I'd run some errands go to the Post Office maybe the bank

I went out to the parking lot to get in my car and do them

but it wouldn't start

It wouldn't run at all

I went back to see if anybody could help

but the whole building was empty and the phone system down

the only thing I could do was walk home to see if Jimmy Don

could come help me get it running if he was there

that's over half a mile

when I got home it looked like nobody else was

then I heard this noise from the back

when I went to see he was there Jimmy Don

and this high school girl with a terrible terrible reputation

in our bed naked as the day they were born

coupleating right in front of me

I was so shocked I didn't know what to do

I have no idea what I said or did but I threw them both out

and told Jimmy Don he shouldn't never come back again

but he finally did that night anyway

he tried to explain it all away

I didn't let him

I got the facts and the matter of it is

he and that Kim Pierce child

Walter and Mary Dell Pierce's girl

Yes sir, that one

they've been carrying on that way

ever since Charles Huffman's homemade Halloween

Horror Show back in October in our house right in my bed

I seen her there that night selling tickets said Johnny Bert Ezell

He said he was sorry and would try to make it up to me

I told him to pack up his clothes go find somewhere else to live

with his little high school extracurricular activity

whose tardys I'd changed every one to unexcused absences

now that I knew what she'd been doing all these months

during 5th period Homemaking Class

he said he didn't have anywhere to go

besides she'd already told him it was over between them

she'd even got her boyfriend to understand

and forgive her concubinal behavior

so why wouldn't I do the same thing for him

as my Christian duty to be a subservient wife

he slept on the couch by himself last night

I know divorce is not appreciated by the Church of Christ

but what am I supposed to do?

I feel wronged

dirty

forsaken

cheated upon

adultered

and mocked in the eyes of my community

he won't agree to go before his church or mine

and beg forgiveness

he says it is none of anybody's business

it is my duty as his wife to get over it and get on with our lives

just the way it used to be

I do not believe I can do this, Elder Ezell

I believe I have to end either my marriage

or my life

I am so ashamed and embarrassed

filled with anger and even hatred

I don't know what to do

I don't even know if I can go back to work

I don't know if I can attend church services

I am so ashamed of it all

that's why I came to you

Do you think you can kindly help me any?

3

Lucy Beth

when a car won't start

the first thing I'd do was check the fuel gauge

turn on the key and if the line don't come up

it's probley out of gas and that's your problem

if there's gas I'd raise the hood

and look over the front down to the fuel filter

if the glass bowl is empty it's probley a clogged intake line

if it isn't see if it's cloudy or has foreign matter globules

yougn unhook the bottom line and drain it off

air bubbles is more for vapor lock than starting

but you can tap them away most times with your pocket knife

if that's not it I'd say it will be a matter of ignition or combustion

I'd start with the battry

check the poles and connections first then take off the caps

see if any cells is dry and fill them with clean water if it is

then jump start or charge

I'd recommend 2 amp 72 hours for complete build up

was the red light shining on the dash controls?

it could be the generator, check the belts

if it's the brushes yougn get a set at Bill Edwards Hardware and Appliance

just take the old ones out the new ones will go right in the clips

it's real simple if you know how to do it

when you tried to start it did it turn over or was it flat line

or went Clunk? that could be the solenoid

you should of turned the key over and over oncet at a time

to see if the forks might come down and engage

but you may need to crawl under and get it off

the top of the starter where it sets

might pay you to take the starter off while you're at it

get it tested out yougn get a rebuilt one at Bill Edwards

or a junker out to Charley Baker's wrecked car lot

be careful of him selling you trash he knows won't work

now if it's a matter of combustion

I'd start the easiest with the sparkplugs

pull any one out with your socket-ranch

give it a look to see if it's foult

you'll know it in a instant when you look

some file and sandpaper then airblow them

I'd just get a new set down to Bill Edwards

don't get no dadgum Champions get AC's

they're worth the extra money

gap them at 32 yougn eyeball it oncet you know what it is

now don't pucker up on me

we're making some headway here

it's just a couple more things to do

go up to the distributor

look over and feel the wores for connection

then take the cap off by pulling out the clips

look over the inside at the rotor and see if its cracked

now bend down over the fender for a sightline

and click the ignition one bump at a time

till the points come all the way open

see if they're flat or ragged

sometimes yougn file that down but if it's burnt

get a new set and put it in just like you took the old ones out

gap it at 17 one thousandths

if that was it that car will start up

and purr like a Siamese kitty cat

I'd still if it was me climb up and screw off

the top of the filter housing and eyeball the air filter

if it's greasey pick it up and feel if it weights heavy

then take and throw it on the ground get anothern and put it in

you'll feel the different right off

Yougn lean over and examine the carburetor when the housing lid's off

I don't recommend you take it off or rebuild it

that's getting a little complicated for a amateur

mebbe take a clean rag if it's hard varnish build up and some solvent

or even turpentine I've heard twicet to get some of it off

you could check the floats and valves and wings and the choke

I don't think it'd pay you to do any more

unless you know what you're doing

you do that and I'll just bet you you've solved your problem

that car will start up and hum like a Esso Bee

but let me tell you this Lucy Beth if it dudn't

yougn bring it right down to the station I'll have a looksee

I'll bet two dollars to a doughnut

wegn get her done one way or anothern

now you cheer up and make a happy face

everything's gone be just all right

that car's gone start up and run real good for you

oncet we get her fixed

4

Earlean!

Yes dear?

Mama, would you come in here

Lucy Beth Strachioner

Maypearl and Floyd Flemingses' daughter

is abawling hysterical and unmerciful

I'm afraid she thinks she's done broke

and rurnt her car

because it wouldn't start up for her

yesterday out to the high school

I've tried to esplain what she could do

but I'm afraid it got too complicated

could you come in here

see if yougn calm her down any

sometimes it takes a womern's touch

to get to the bottom of the problem

that's something I wasn't borned with

this time around

be arunning if you can

I believe she's coming unwound

by the minute

You know what that needs

is some cattle

Cattle

Tie it to the land, the history

You think

I do

about four mebbe real gentle

grullos and brindles

that would be like pets

oncet you got uster them

Longhorns?

Indigenous

that's a word you said

I like it

mebbe even a old feed lot buffalo

I happen to know where is at

if we was to fence off heavy

around the monument

Buffalo

Add some color

some of that aesthetic value

you educated people talk about

My place is only twenty acres

What if you was to get a lease

on forty more between here

and that cotton field

Forty acres

All right

you're gone press me

eighty then

you strike a hard bargain

Where's all this coming from?

Cattle and buffalo's on loan

I get them back any time I decide

cattle has the original Slaughter brand

so I can prove it

land is a lease

How much lease do you think I can afford?

I'd say upwards of a dollar a year

forty nine years renewable

through Willy John or his legacy

would that do it?

Upwards

Fifty dollars totaled

I'd prefer you pay up front

I don't want no bookkeeping

tying up my valuable time

You sure about this?

Crew'll be out to start on fencing

seven o'clock a.m. in the morning

I expect you ought to be awarning your Missuz

some of them boys can be kindly rowdy

if they don't get morning coffee

like it's supposed to be

My granddaughter told me

she was the 4th grade Jacks champion

of her entire school and could hold her own

with most girls and all boys

up through 6th and if I'd like to try her

she'd clean my clock

which she couldn't have done better

with a Brillo pad

while doing Around the Worlds

she informed me it was not a fair contest

as she honestly believed no boy on earth

could touch her unless she cheated down

to make him want to bet on it

said she took Haygood Sojourner's milk money

every day for a week

then heard him saying

he Only let her win because she was a girl

she upped the stakes to 4th grade Championship

of the Known World after school

on the varsity tennis court

so they'd have a perfectly flat playing field

he could bring anybody he wanted to referee or be witness

said she practiced all weekend

got up to Sixies on all variations

where she knew he was dead meat

coming in but to make sure

and Don't tell Mama

she wore her dark blue panties

with bright yellow stars and quarter moons

said I might not know it

but if a girl sits cross legged

when it gets to Pigs in the Pen

and lets her panties show a little

there wasn't any boy up to 7th grade

who could keep his concentration

she took Haygood's milk and lunch money

his Little League medallion on a chain around his neck

spinning top, taw marble, new pencil, ball cap

and his pocket knife he almost bawled over

begged her to get it back

because it was his daddy's

she said she told him Like my Grandpa says

A card laid's a card played

you went double or nothing and lost

so grow up and take it like a man

she knew she could have acted like her elbow hurt

got him to go to a third round

and won his wristwatch

but who wanted it anyway

being a Davy Crockett

but if it'd been Cinderella she'd be wearing it now

she was tired of hearing him whine anyway

she'd set him up in the first game

played like she had a broken wrist

let him get up to Threesies

where he thought he might have a chance

then popped the hammer

said she ate his lunch and then supper

like it was Belshazzar's Feast

including dessert

then put the Handwriting on the Wall

went all the way up to Sixies

before she even let him have a bounce

he didn't make it through Twosies

on Pickups when she pulled her skirt

up to almost her knees to get his mind

completely discombobulated

I asked her if she thought she might ever reconsider

maybe at least give Haygood back the pocketknife

she said No

that was a trophy she intended

to pass down to her children one day