Last Resort (44 page)

she said simply.

Penny looked at her, unable to believe that Christian could be laughing so soon after such a confrontation. But maybe he wasn't. Maybe it was the others who were laughing because he was already being forced to pay for the humiliation he had inflicted on Benny Lao. But it was unusual for the Chinese to move so swiftly. Except what did she know about the Chinese? It was impossible for her to fathom what was going on out there and as her 339

mind shied away from the horrific images her imagination was so ready to conjure she found herself slipping towards the void of despair she had been fighting so

hard to resist.

Her eyes closed as the anguish rose from her heart and rushed helplessly to her throat. Her breath stopped; her body shuddered with the futile power of her feelings. The torment was moving through her with more severity and desperation than she'd ever known. She couldn't bear it, it was too harsh, too real, too overwhelming and hopeless. She was more afraid than she had ever been in her life. She was adrift in a world that was as alien as it was terrifying and that she could ever have dreamt, even for a moment, that this was what she wanted was as shocking and unbearably painful as the reality of why, in the end, she had done it.

As her heart contracted with the tender bitterness of loss she turned her face to the window and gazed blindly out at the dying crimson of the sunset. She didn't want to think about why she was here, she didn't want to confront the terrible mistake she had made or why she had made it, but it was there and she knew that no amount of denial was ever going to make it go away. Her heart twisted as she wondered how she, who had always believed she knew her own mind, who had never knowingly hidden from a truth in her life, hadn't recognized the incredible power of her feelings when they had been governing her life for so many months? How could she ever have considered her life to be parochial or dull when nothing could ever be that way with David around?

Nuance wouldn't be small-time much longer, not the way they had been building it, and with each day every frustration and every shared triumph had brought them closer and closer together, so that she had reached a point when the hours he wasn't with her had seemed empty and disjointed, mere bridges to be crossed until he returned. Dear God,

340

why hadn't she realized how she felt when her own heart had been telling her all along - in the way it flipped with the pleasure of seeing him, the way it responded to the turmoil of his life, the way it warmed with the sound of his laughter and almost melted at the teasing intimacy of his voice. Where was he now? she wondered helplessly. What was he doing? Did he care that she had gone? Was he happy with his wife? Her eyes closed again as the pain folded around her heart. How could she have loved him this much without knowing? How had it managed to root itself in her so deeply when she hadn't even known it was happening? It was as though he had taken each part of her and painted it with his touch, his scent, his humour, filling her so full of himself and taking her in exchange that it was only now that he was no longer there that she could see what he had done. But even if she'd known, what difference would it have made? It wasn't her he wanted, so what was the point in tormenting herself this way?

Tou OK, ma'am?"

Lei Leen asked. Tou want I bring you something?"

Penny shook her head.

"No,"

she said hoarsely. Then, reading Lei Leen's concern as genuine, she reached out for her hand and squeezed it.

"I'm fine, really/ she said, smiling.

"You want to open this now?"

Lei Leen said, walking over to the bed and taking a small box from between the bronze and ivory silk cushions.

"Or you want wait for the boss?"

Penny was barely listening as she feasted her eyes sightlessly on the intricate beauty of the silk screens. In her heart she was still crying out for David. Then, with a humourless laugh, she said,

"Tell me, Lei Leen, why have your fellow countrymen taken such a dislike to me?"

"Oh no, they like you, ma'am,"

Lei Leen protested, keeping her head lowered as she rearranged the 341

cushions.

"Everyone like you, for everyone know that the boss, he not give himself up because of you. We not want him to go and now he stay because of you."

Penny moved restlessly, as though to pull herself away from the encroaching heaviness inside her, and fixing her attention on what Lei Leen was doing she said,

"Well, they've got a funny way of showing it."

"They just men, ma'am. They think women should not be where they discuss business."

"And what do you think, Lei Leen?"

"Me? I no paid to think, ma'am."

Penny watched her as Lei Leen turned to reveal the mockery in her eyes.

"What I think, ma'am,"

she said,

"is that the boss, he love you very much. I see it in his eyes,"

she put a hand to her chest,

"I feel it here in his heart. And you, ma'am, you are beautiful woman."

Her expression became suddenly serious.

"Not your face/ she said.

"No, no, not your face. But your soul, ma'am. You have beauty in your soul."

Despite the way she was feeling, Penny laughed.

"I suppose I should thank you for that/ she said.

"No thank me, ma'am. You want open this now?"

she said, holding out the box.

Penny looked at it, then swallowed hard to hold back the tears. She could guess what it was but, exquisitely beautiful though she knew it to be, she didn't want to take it. Except what choice did she have? He had bought it now and the very thought that he had paid almost four hundred thousand dollars for a necklace because she had foolishly stopped to admire it as they'd strolled through the hotel galleries that morning made her want to scream for the sheer insanity of it.

Instead she held out her hand and took the box. Lei Leen came to stand beside her, eager to see what it was.

Even though she knew what to expect, Penny's heart 342

almost stopped as she opened the leather case and gazed down at the sixty-two-carat, emerald-cut sapphire set in a bed of glittering fifteen-carat diamonds and the strands of sea pearls interwoven with smaller blue sapphires.

"Oh, ma'am,"

Lei Leen gasped, clasping a hand to her mouth.

"You no tell the boss I give you this now/ she pleaded.

"I not know it was this. I think it is'

"It's all right, Lei Leen/ Christian said. Penny turned to see him standing at the door.

"You can go now, Lei Leen/ he said.

He waited until she had passed him, then closing the door he came over to the chaise-longue and sat down beside Penny.

"Do you like it?"

he murmured, looking down at the necklace.

"How can I not?"

She smiled through her tears.

"It's the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen."

Christian lifted a hand to her chin and turned her to look at him, sweeping her face with his eyes.

"Are you still upset about what happened out there?"

he said, dismissing the necklace as though it were no more than a trinket.

She nodded.

"A bit."

Sighing, he pulled her into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'd never let anything happen to you, you know that, don't you?"

he whispered.

Dumbly she nodded.

"If you weren't a woman/ he said with a quiet laugh,

"he'd apologize for his behaviour, but I'm afraid that not even I can make him stoop to that."

"Who is he?"

Penny asked.

"Like I said, a necessary evil. He works for someone I've been doing business with, someone to whom I owe a lot of money, which is what he believes gives him the right to push me around and try to humiliate me. He's learnt now that he can't."

Penny lifted her head and looked searchingly into his 343

eyes. Tou're afraid of him, though, aren't you?"

she said.

He nodded.

"I fear anyone who is without fear himself."

"Would he have killed Tse Dong?"

"No. But only because Tse Dong would have killed him first."

Penny shivered as the whole grisly scene played itself through in her mind again. Then, bringing her eyes back to his, she said,

"How did he know my name?"

He looked at her for a moment; then, lowering his gaze to the box on her lap, he lifted the necklace carefully from its bed of black velvet and draped it over his hand.

"Will you wear it tonight?"

He smiled, looking back at her.

"We're entertaining in the Carrier room. Did you buy something today that will'

"Christian. How did he know my name?"

T don't know,"

he sighed, shaking his head.

Penny waited, expecting him to say more, but he didn't.

"Who does he work for?"

she asked.

His expression was pained as he answered.

"Penny, please don't ask these questions,"

he said. Tou know that I have committed crimes, but that is all you need to know. I don't want you to be sullied by the types I have dealt with in the past..."

"But you're still dealing with them,"

she reminded him.

"No,"

he said.

"What I'm doing is winding things up once and for all. Benny Lao's boss will receive the money that is due to h"

He stopped as there was a discreet tap on the door and Lei Leen peeped in.

There is call for you, boss,"

she said.

"Who is it?"

he said, obviously annoyed at being interrupted.

Lei Leen's eyes shot to Penny as her cheeks suffused with colour.

"No give name,"

she said awkwardly.

"Then get the name/ he said shortly. He was on the point of turning back to Penny, when Benny Lao appeared, grinning, in the doorway.

344

'Why you not tell him is Gabriella?"

he drawled. "That get him running."

Ciiristian immediately stiffened and as Lei Leen blanched Penny felt the shock ripple through her.

David was sitting on the south-facing terrace of Penny's villa, rocking steadily back and forth in a wicker chair. The collar of his coat was pulled up to shield his neck from the wind, his hands were stuffed deep into his pockets. It was a cold, wet, early winter's day, the kind of day that made the whole world seem bleak. He wasn't sure why he'd come here, though he'd always found something soothing in the semi-remoteness of the place

- not too far from the world, but far enough to pretend for a while that it didn't exist.

The shock of Penny going off the way she had coming right on top of the crushing disappointment of not seeing his children had hit him hard. The repercussions of what Penny had done were already making themselves felt, but he didn't blame her for that - she had no idea what her association with Mureau would do to his life. He couldn't help wondering if it would have altered her decision had she known. He'd often teased her that she was crazy about him and, in truth, there were times when he had almost come to believe it. But, whatever her feelings for him, they obviously weren't even in the same league as those she had for Mureau, considering she had given up her life for him.

He moved restlessly in the chair. Jesus Christ, what a mess, and there wasn't a single god-damned thing he could do about it. He knew where Penny was, but to call her would be a madness he'd have a very hard time explaining to himself in the months, maybe years, ahead. Stirling was watching him like a hawk now and, besides, what arrogance was it that made him think she'd even want to hear from him? Yet she'd called just before she'd left: she'd wanted to speak to him then, so why not now?

345

He sighed wearily. This was a pointless exercise and he knew it. He wasn't going to call and neither was he going to dwell on what might have been between Wem when he knew full well there could never have been anything. He had to look out for himself now and the two boys who meant everything in the world to him. His senses were blunted by the pain of not seeing them in so long. They were growing up, finding their places in the world, without him. He felt a moment's blinding hatred towards Gabriella who was making him suffer this way, who was depriving his sons of their father and threatening to wreck all their lives. But he had only himself to blame, for if he'd managed to stay faithful to Gabriella none of this would be happening. The ridiculous part of it was that he'd loved Gabriella, but even that hadn't stopped him wandering.

He guessed he just hadn't loved her enough, or maybe he was just one of those pitiful jerks for whom infidelity was an incurable disease.

He turned his head to gaze out across the dismal garden to the murky grey smudge of the sea. The bleakness seemed to reflect what he'd been feeling inside since Penny had gone; it was as though the colour had bled from his life, the light had dimmed and the last echo of laughter had finally died.

He'd never dreamt he'd feel the loss as deeply as this, had never, until she'd gone, realized just how much he loved her. Funny how everyone, except Penny, seemed to know how he felt about her.

A quick memory of the day she had flung a tiramisu in his face flashed through his mind and, despite the way he was feeling, a smile curved his lips. God, that seemed such a long time ago now. Was it really only eight months since they'd met? It felt so much longer. Yet in another way it felt like no time at all. So much had happened during that time, things about which she knew nothing. They hadn't been easy months, but knowing 346

Penny, having her there and sharing what he could of his life with her was what had made them bearable. How sht J laugh if she heard him say that - she probably wouldn't believe him, but it was true. She had come to mean more to him now than he had words to express and it was feeling this way that was going to make what came next so much harder to bear.

Hearing footsteps, he kept his eyes on the sea until they stopped, then he turned to see Esther Delaney standing at the corner of the house. Her slight, compact little frame was hidden in the sumptuous depths of a full-length mink, her normally immaculately set hair was being tossed about by the wind.