Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6) (22 page)

"I know one thing
," said Lily.

"What?" I asked, distracted.

"The next bar we're staking out. Let's go!"

Chapter Eighteen

We parked opposite Bar 180 in downtown Montgomery. It occupied the corner lot and was quite large, with the first story all lit up and the second story dark. So far, there was no sign of our favorite gunmen, and I had to admit I was pretty disappointed. A takedown would have thrilled me right about now. It would definitely have taken my mind off a potential serial killer on the loose and his next victim in the wind.

The bar appeared to be hosting some kind of fancy dress night given the number of dazzling dresses and big wigs
. However, from our vantage point across the road, I couldn't make out who the patrons were supposed to be. It was very loud and Lily was singing along to a Marilyn Monroe number that was being blasted by someone inside the bar.

"If we'd had longer to plan this, we could have dressed up too," said Lily as she drummed her fingers against the wheel. "We could have won that big cash prize."

"I can't sing."

"You can sing well enough to compete
in there," she said as the Marilyn wannabe hit a bum note.

"I can only concentrate on one thing at a time."

"That's not true."

"Tonight
, it is. Tonight, my mind is focused on nothing but catching your thieves." I took a long look around. "Wouldn’t it be great if they got to it?" I added, thinking again about what we discovered on the computer.

A tall pair of women teetered past us. One wore a red sequin
ed cocktail dress. The other had a black-and-white, fifties-style dress with a pair of enormous heels. "Did you see the size of her feet? That's not natural," I commented.

"Uh, Lexi, I don't think these ladies are
actually ladies." Lily pointed to a woman stooping to pick something off the sidewalk. It looked like a wriggly, red ferret. The lady plopped the ferret on her hand and smoothed it so that it flowed past her shoulders. "They're all wearing wigs and have enormous feet..."

It dawned on me. "We're at a transvestite club?"

"I think the term is cross-dressers, but yeah, I think so."

I paused. "Some of the dresses are really nice."

"We definitely would not have won for our singing talent," said Lily, "but maybe our cheekbones..."

We both stopped as Kyle's car cruised past
with two men inside, their faces turned away from us. The car took a right at the end of the road and disappeared around the side of the club. "Showtime!" said Lily, her voice low. She glanced towards me, her eyes gleaming with hope. "That was cool. I sounded badass."

I didn't want to burst Lily's bubble that she sounded less badass
than perky, so I just nodded. "We're definitely in the right place."

"You think they're going to do some kind of stickup inside?"

"I think they'd be lunatics to try. Aside from Royal's restaurant and your opportunistic theft, they prefer a smash-and-grab. They are not going to run into a bar full of queens and..."

Lily snorted. "A bar full of queens! That's, like, their collective name!"

"Pay attention! They wouldn't risk running in there to grab the cash unless it's displayed in the bar; and I don't think it would be. They'll take it from the safe."

"And the safe is..." Lily gave me an expectant look.

"You run a bar! You should know this!"

"Correct. I was just checking that you do. The safe would be in the..." Lily paused, waited, then frowned. "No, I've got this. It would be in the manager's office and that would be..."

"Where we can't see it. Let's go around back." Lily flipped on the engine. "On foot," I added.

"I knew that." The engine switched off and we both got out. I collided with a six
-foot-four Diana Ross.

"Cute dress, honey," she drawled in the deepest voice I ever heard.

"Thank you," I said, beaming because a compliment is a compliment. "Are you singing tonight?"

"Baby, I sing every night," she said
, continuing on her way after blowing me a kiss.

"I might host a cross-dressing night," said Lily as we walked across the street, mounted the sidewalk and followed it around the building. "They look like they're having fun. And drinking a lot. Fun and profits! My two favorite things after shopping, cocktails, staying in bed late, Jord, and solving crimes."

"Jord sits pretty low down on your list," I observed.

"Sometimes he's number one."

"What's number one now?"

"Solving crimes."

"Me too," I said, "and cocktails are number two. If we solve this, I'm buying."

Lily checked her watch. "Can I take a raincheck? We have to solve this before I meet Jord for dinner."

"Keeping the love alive?"

"Always."

A service alley ran behind the bar, which was shrouded in darkness. Several cars were parked along it. We walked slowly and carefully in the dark. We didn't have to go far. The third car was Kyle's and it was empty. I tried a door. Locked.

"Inconsiderate jerks," whispered Lily. "I don't see them anywhere."

"We need to get closer to the bar."

There were no lights at the back of the bar,
only moonlight to guide our way. We moved past several dumpsters until we found an opening in the wall. A six-foot gate filled it, but when I pushed, it swung open on well-oiled hinges. Lily grabbed my wrist and I stifled a squeal.

"What if they're inside?" she asked. "What if they're waiting for us?"

"Did you tell them we're here?"

"No. Did you?"

"No. We're probably good." All the same, we proceeded cautiously just in case Kyle and his buddy jumped out and bashed our skulls in with a copper pipe. It was a nightmarish thought, but as I’ve often said before, I liked to err on the side of caution.

The courtyard covering the back of the building was small
, and judging by the cigarette butts littering the slabs, it was where people came out to smoke. There were two small windows, both guarded by iron grills screwed to the wall, and a plain fire door. The door, I noticed, stood open a couple of inches, just enough for the faint bass to vibrate through. Someone had wedged a small chunk of concrete in the way to prevent the door from shutting.

"They're inside," I whispered to Lily as I pointed at the concrete.

"Let's call the police." Lily's cell phone screen flashed on. She covered it with her hand and the light dimmed.

"We don't know if they are definitely stealing the cash."

"We don't know they definitely aren't."

"If we call the police
, and they aren't, we'll look like idiots."

Lily cocked her head to one side. "Yeah, I don't like the idea of this coming up at every family dinner for the next decade."

"I don't want to go inside."

"Me
neither."

We waited
. I wasn't sure what for, but I thought it might have been to steel my nerves. Finally, when I decided we weren't going to get anywhere by being scared, I pulled the door open and gingerly stuck one foot, followed by my head, inside.

Somewhere within the rear of the club, a shot fired and someone screamed.

"Run!" I hissed to Lily as she bumped into my back and I halted in the doorway.

"Did someone just get...
?"

Footsteps sounded heavily. I shoved Lily out of the door. "Run!"

We pounded across the courtyard, inconveniently lacking anywhere for us to hide, and burst through the gate into the alley. "Behind the cars," I said to Lily as I headed for a big SUV, which made the perfect cover to hide behind. I rounded it and dropped into a crouch, only then, realizing Lily wasn't behind me.

"Let's get out of here, man," said a male voice.

"That wasn't how it was supposed to go down!" said another male voice.

I dropped closer to the floor, looking underneath the SUV. I could see two sets of boot
s, but no Lily and there was no way to call her without drawing attention to myself. I could only be grateful that apparently, the two men hadn't spotted her. Yet.

"Did you get it all?" one of the men asked.

There was a rustle, then, "Yeah, I think so. Let's get out of here. Someone must've called the cops." The footsteps moved, then a car's doors opened and shut softly. The engine came on, but not the lights, before the car pulled out of the alley. I peeked around the side of the SUV and came face-to-face with Lily. Our mouths fell open and one of us emitted something high-pitched.

"Don't scream!" whispered Lily.

"Where were you?" I hissed. "I thought you were right behind me. We have to call the police and follow them."

"No problem." Under the moonlight, Lily's teeth gleamed as she grinned. She held up a small knife. "They aren't going anywhere." A loud bang sounded outside the alley.

"What did you do?"

"Stabbed all four of their tires," she said, still beaming. She pulled out her cell phone, dialed 911 and waited for the call to connect before she told them what happened and where the thieves were now. I had a feeling she didn't need to; sirens already
were screaming towards us. "Someone already called it in, but they're diverting them to the rear of the bar." A police car screeched past as we rose from our crouched positions. Doors opened, and shouts sounded. We looked at each other, broke into grins, and walked to the end of the dark alleyway. Sticking our heads around, we saw two uniforms with their weapons drawn. The thieves, in black ski masks, also held weapons, and one of the men had a small bag slung over his shoulder. Their car hit the curb and the rear tires were blown. Behind them, another squad car slammed to a halt disgorging two more uniforms with more shouting.

As we watched, the two thieves, now surrounded, set their weapons on the
ground, dropped to their knees and folded their arms behind their heads as the uniforms rushed forwards, kicking their weapons away and cuffing them.

"I can't watch. Is it them? Is it?" Lily clapped a hand over his mouth as one of the uniforms gripped the top of the ski mask. "Just tell me, Lexi!"

"It's not him," I said as the man's face was revealed. It wasn't Kyle. It wasn't one of the men we spotted with him either.

Lily's mouth dropped open.

The second man's ski mask was removed and Lily screamed and punched the air. "I told you! I told you it was him! I knew it! Kyle Emerson, you suck! I never should have hired you. I hope you go to jail!"

The thieves and uniforms turned to us. "Mrs. Graves?" said one of the uniforms. "What are you doing here?"

Lily pointed to Kyle, his head bowed. "I've been following him since he robbed my bar. We found out they were going to rob this bar of all the prize cash and we followed him."

"You followed him?" repeated the uniform. "Ma'am, do you know
how dangerous that was?"

"Uh
-huh." Lily nodded vigorously. "And I slashed their tires so you could catch them. Thank you, me!"

"How did you find out they were going to rob this bar?" the uniform's partner asked. "Is that you, Lexi Graves?"

I stepped into the light pooling under the streetlamp. "Yep. Hi!"

"It's me, Brad Harrison! I was on swim team with your cousin
, Siobhan."

He
looked older, but I recognized him now. Siobhan had a huge crush on him at school. I wondered if she knew he was on the force too. "Hey, I didn't know you joined the police. Great to see you..."

"Oh
, c'mon," spat Kyle. "Are you really going to have a catch-up now? We just got arrested."

"Shut up!" yelled everyone.

"I didn't even do it," said Kyle. "I was just in the car, picking up a buddy. He's got the cash! Not me!"

"You snake!" yelled his friend, head
-butting him as we gasped. Kyle dropped to the floor with a groan. Two of the uniforms rushed to separate them.

"That true?" asked Officer Harrison, addressing us. "Did you see what happened?"

"Yeah! They both went inside the bar and we checked Kyle's computer at the cyber cafe and saw that he was looking at the bar's website," said Lily.

"You snooping bitch," groaned Kyle, rolling onto his side as Harrison pressed a tissue to Kyle's bloodied nose. "You self-entitled tramp. You deserved getting robbed."

"Shut up while I read you your rights," said Officer Harrison, pulling Kyle to his feet. "Kyle Emerson, you're under arrest..."

"Bitch!" yelled Kyle.

Lily began to move forwards, but I grabbed her by the arm. "Don't. He's not worth it."

"But I'd feel great."

"No, you wouldn't. Feel great because you caught the bad guys," I told her, sensing her muscles softening as she decided against hurting him. "Your hunch paid off. Even better, you gave me an idea about how to find my missing woman."

"I did?"