Laura Matthews (15 page)

“Come and sit down, Olivia.” When she had meekly obeyed, he asked if she had any interest in staying in Cambridge the next day to acquaint herself with the town and university.

“I... I really cannot say. Let it be as you wish.”

He cocked his head teasingly at her. “But, my dear, I know Cambridge very well. It is you who have never been here before, and you alone can tell me if you wish to spend the day.”

“No doubt it would upset our travel arrangements.” She was relieved to light on this very logical reason, for she felt totally incapable of making even such a minor decision.

“There’s no need to be rigid in our schedule, but perhaps we could stay here a while on our return if you decide you would like that.”

“Yes, yes. That is very true.”

Their meal arrived and, although she could not down more than a mouthful, she concentrated her whole attention on her plate and allowed her husband to carry the conversation with merely a murmur of agreement now and then.

All too soon the dishes were removed and she found herself helplessly regarding her hands. Noah calmly retrieved
The Exiles
and read to her for an hour, but this time her agitation was too great to be soothed by his voice, and eventually he closed the book and rose. “I will send Marie to you,” he said gently before he disappeared into the bedroom.

Marie found her mistress pale and silent, and did her utmost to cheer the young woman with anecdotes about the wedding that morning. Feeling that she had accomplished very little, she left Olivia seated in her nightdress and dressing gown in a chair by the fire, little warmed by the blaze. The door from the bedroom opened and Olivia heard Noah approach her and stand by the chair.

“I cannot do it,” she whispered fiercely.

He drew a chair up beside hers and sat silent for a moment. “Tell me how you feel, Olivia.” When she did not speak, he rose and extinguished the candles in the room, so that the only light was from the fire. Then he reseated himself and asked, “What is it you fear?”

“Everything.”

A low laugh escaped him. “Surely it is not so bad as that,” he protested.

“Yes, it is,” she replied, her voice firmer. “Oh, Noah, it does not have to be tonight, does it?”

“No, it does not have to be tonight. I am not... repulsive to you, am I?” A note of hurt crept into his voice.

“Of course you are not! How can you ask such a question? I would not have agreed to marry you were that the case.”

“Are you afraid of the pain?”

“Is
there pain?” she asked, horrified.

He could have kicked himself for that misstep. “Well, yes, I understand the first time it is momentarily painful for a woman, Olivia. Do you feel embarrassed about the intimacy?”

“Yes.”

“But we are husband and wife now, and there is no longer any impropriety.”

“Pooh! There is a vast difference between impropriety and one’s own feelings of modesty, Noah. How can you think that a few words spoken this morning would suddenly make me wish to dash into your arms?”

“I did not think it! It’s very normal to have intimate relations on one’s wedding night,” he said stiffly, “and I assumed that we would be as other couples.”

“Well, I cannot answer for all those other women, but it does not seem right to me to leap from a few kisses into bed.” Her chin was raised stubbornly and she continued to contemplate the fire.

“Perhaps you would be so kind as to tell me what you consider the proper sequence of events, Olivia,” he retorted. There was an embarrassed silence from his wife. He spoke more softly, “I understand what you’re saying, my dear, and I shall endeavor to respect your... sensibilities. But you must do your part to promote our marital well-being. Are you prepared to take an active part in progressing toward intimacy?”

“I’m not sure precisely what you mean, Noah,” she said hesitantly. “You want me to kiss you?”

“Definitely that, but I will ask a great deal more of you.” His voice was bland and his eyes in the dark were unreadable.

“You’re frightening me. Tell me what you mean.”

Noah rose to stand before her, an imperative hand stretched out to her. “In time I will show you, Olivia. If we are to progress slowly toward an ultimate mating, I see no reason why I should not teach you all I know about intimacy along the way. It will no doubt surprise you.”

Olivia shivered and ignored the hand held out to her. “You’re trying to intimidate me.” The protest came feebly as she shrank back against the chair.

“Nonsense. I’m offering you an opportunity most wives do not have, I assure you.”

“I do not want such an opportunity, Noah,” she pleaded.

“Of course you do,” he replied stoutly. “Take my hand, Olivia.”

Her eyes were enormous in the dark and gazed beseechingly at him. “If... you will not ask of me that I do more than ... kiss you, I will come to bed with you now. I do not wish for you to teach me anything at all, please, Noah. We will have a marriage night just as other couples, I promise you.”

A burst of laughter greeted this capitulation, and she stared at him with astonishment. “Oh, Olivia, you must not let me manipulate you so. I should not have frightened you, but I could not resist a bit of a fiddle. Have you so little trust in me? Do you think I would use you against your inclinations? Only let me guide you and you will not be afraid. I will not rush you, my poppet.”

The indignation which had bloomed in her eyes gradually diminished to be replaced by a wan smile. “That was not kind of you, Noah. I didn’t mean to intimate that you would ill-treat me, only that I was frightened.” She allowed herself to be pulled to her feet and enclosed in his arms. When his lips sought hers, she responded freely in an effort to show him  that she did trust him.

Noah released her to replenish the fire before he drew her to the sofa, where he held her next to him. Olivia allowed herself to relax, bemused by the kisses he bestowed on her forehead, cheeks, nose, chin, and throat. The movement of his hands on her back was not so very alarming, but when he ran them down her arms, brushing lightly against her breasts, she tensed involuntarily. His mouth on hers became more insistent and his desire was a palpable thing, exciting and frightening her simultaneously.

She drew back from his embrace, her gray eyes black in the dim light, and her face flushed. With a deft movement Noah shifted into the corner of the sofa and cradled her against him, saying, “You did not call my attention to my wedding present from you, Olivia. I very nearly didn’t see it before we left.”

“I had completely forgotten it in the excitement. I’m glad you saw it.”

“It was thoughtful of you, and one of the nicest gifts I have ever received,” he assured her sincerely, his hands beginning to stroke her back once more.

“And I was overwhelmed by the necklace, but I would rather that your mother keep it as long as she lives,” Olivia murmured.

“You must do as you wish on that score, my dear. She will not miss it, but I dare say you have jewels enough from your mother and grandmother.”

“I do, you know, for there is a superfluity of them in the family and only half are heirlooms.” She was conscious that his hands were now tracing the line of her leg through the nightdress and dressing gown.

“Would I be mistaken in surmising that you found yourself short of funds to purchase that beautiful hassock?”

“Do you understand now, Noah? I could not have you pay for your own wedding gift.”

“It’s unfortunate that we quarreled because of the money,” he said dryly. “The gesture itself was enough, Olivia; I would not have minded paying the bill.”

“Oh, I know you wouldn’t, but it didn’t seem right.” His hands were caressing her thighs, and were it not that she could not concentrate on the discussion and the movement at one and the same time, she would have protested. “You are no longer angry with me about it, are you?”

“Was I angry with you? I cannot remember. You made me very curious, I recall, and I didn’t approve of your having so much money about your person.” Her person he was now measuring with the span of his hands about her waist. “So tiny, and after all those
Queen
cakes,” he murmured.

Olivia managed a strangled laugh, her alarm mounting rapidly. “I... I thought you needed such a hassock in the Small Library.”

“And so I did. I am most grateful.” Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, he thought, as he moved his hands to touch the rapidly rising and falling breasts. Her breathing was irregular from her alarm and her hands flew to his in a fluttery gesture which might best have shooed chickens from a wheat field. Very calmly he turned to stroking her hair instead. “I have your real present in the bedroom, Olivia.”

“You do? I thought the necklace was my present.”

“No, that was but a family gift. There is a package on the bed for you.”

“May I have it now?” she asked shyly, aware that his hands were once again running along her arms, brushing against her breasts.

“I cannot think you would like it, after all.” There was a distinct note of disappointment in his voice.

Olivia frowned in confusion. “Well, of course I will like it.”

“No, I’m afraid not. I cannot imagine what possessed me to purchase it for you.”

“You’re teasing me. I’m sure I would be pleased with any gift you gave me.” The pressure against her breasts had increased, and with it the level of her agitation, but she did not wish her husband to think her ungrateful for his gift.

“I will return it and purchase you something more suitable,” he declared with sudden determination. “Yes, that’s the best solution. You won’t mind waiting for your present, will you?”

“Noah, I fail to understand how you can have determined, without my even seeing it, that I will not like it,” she protested, alarmed at wounding his feelings no less than by the continuing intimate touch.

“Shall I bring it to you? Would you like to see it at least?” His intent eyes were curiously eager, and she knew a moment’s doubt; but his removal from the room would for a moment release her from this most upsetting contact.

“Yes, please let me open it.”

Noah nodded briskly, removed her from his lap with a hurried kiss and strode from the room. Since he was gone only a moment she barely had time to touch her hair into place before he was handing her a box wrapped in silvery paper.

The fire had burned down again and he went to renew it, which left Olivia to determine whether she was expected to await his return before opening the package. Her curiosity won out and she stripped the wrapping and removed the lid. There lay the fluffiest, most flimsy of nightdresses she had ever seen. She pushed it away from her with a gesture of despair and her hands rose to cover her burning cheeks.

“I knew you wouldn’t like it,” he said sadly from behind her.

“I... It’s quite beautiful, Noah.” She swallowed painfully.

“Never mind, my dear,” he said gently, his voice laden with wretchedness, “It was a stupid mistake on my part. I hope you will take no notice of it.” He reached over her to retrieve the box. “I shall purchase an emerald pin for you. No, not jewelry. I’ll find something you’ll like, I promise you.”

Olivia could only think how hurt she would have been if he had told her that he did not want the leather hassock she had gotten him. Well, perhaps it did whisk through her mind, with a trifle of chagrin, that his gift might more properly have been given to a mistress than to his wife, but he had obviously purchased it for her because he looked forward to ... She stayed his hand when he would have taken the box and whispered, “No, don’t take it away. It’s lovely.”

“Do you think so?” he asked skeptically. “I chose the silver for your gray eyes and the black trim to match your hair. No, you’re only being kind and would never have any desire to wear it,” he said with renewed determination. “I shall return it. Please don’t give it another thought.”

Before she was aware what she was saying, Olivia firmly wrested the box from his slack grip and announced, “I shall put it on this very moment, Noah.” She paused, horrified, and then purposefully stood, a grim resolution in her eyes. “I will only be a moment.”

Chapter Fourteen

Olivia was gone a considerable time, and Noah spread the coals so there would be even less light in the room before seating himself once more on the sofa. When a quarter of an hour had passed and she did not return, he gave a resigned shrug and started for the bedroom to tell her that it was not necessary that she upset herself.

The door opened just before he reached it and he stepped hurriedly back. Shivering with fear and embarrassment more than the cold, Olivia entered the room with a desperate wish to hunch her shoulders and bend over double, but in actuality with a regal stature which froze Noah. He kept his eyes on hers and said wonderingly, “You... are stunning, Olivia. Come, you’re cold. We’ll sit by the fire.” He shifted the sofa so they received the heat without too much of the light, and held her lightly next to him. Because she was not able to meet his eyes, she kept her head turned slightly, and he very nearly betrayed his exquisite pleasure in seeing her alluring body by gasping.

Perhaps it was her youth, he marveled, that gave the breasts such a pert tilt and the waist an amazing narrowness. He had to call in all his reserves of willpower not to touch the firm thighs. “I should not have allowed you to put it on,” he apologized with unusual humility.

Olivia turned startled eyes to him. “Why not? I do not please you?” Her voice cracked with emotion and she felt like sobbing.

“Oh, dear God, never think that, my poppet! I have never seen a more beautiful body.”

Her color heightened at this acknowledgement that he had studied her nearly naked form. “Then why should I not wear it?” she asked pitifully.

“Because I’ve maneuvered you into doing so, Olivia. Go and put on your dressing gown. Better still, go to bed. I’ll sleep in here tonight.”

Exhausted by the emotional strains of the day and evening, Olivia put her head down and wept. Noah rocked her in his arms and whispered, “Forgive me, my little one. I should not have torn you about so. I told myself that I did it for your own good, but that’s ridiculous. It was my pride I was protecting. Noah Lawrence was quite sure he could seduce his own wife on their wedding night. Don’t cry, Olivia. We’ll take the necessary time to prepare you for such a step, only don’t lose faith in me because of my strategies. I’ll be more frank with you in future, for I cannot bear to see you forced into such an upsetting position.”