Lauren Takes Leave (35 page)

“I remember when he made that announcement,” I say. “It
got a lot of press.”

“Yeah, it did. But since then, the Future program has been
sort of forgotten about. What with so many other initiatives in and around
Haiti. At least, that’s what Tim was telling me.”

“So…let me guess.” I smile, an idea forming. “He wants
you
to spread the word?”

Lenny nods.

“No shit,” Kat says.

“Actually, Tim wants to create a song with an accompanying
music video celebrating the completion of the twenty schools, to be released
around Christmastime. Proceeds from the sale will go toward building even more
schools, and other facilities, like homes and community centers. Tim said he’s
been in touch with a few rap singers and other musicians who agreed to take
part in the work, but no one has stepped up to run the project.” Lenny
scratches his head for a moment and then adds, “It’s the craziest thing,
but…Tim wants me to spearhead it. He wants me to write the song and produce the
video.”

“Oh, Len…” I say. My eyes fill up with tears and I feel
like an idiot. “No more accounting!”

“I know, right? It looks like Build a Better Future is the
break I’ve needed to get out of a real job and into a dream one. Saying it
aloud like this makes it almost seem true.”

“Like ‘We Are the World’!” Jodi says.

“Like ‘Feed the World’!” Kat adds.

“Ooh!” Jodi says, interrupting our cheering. “Brainstorm!”

“What?” I ask.

“Can’t tell. I want to talk to Len privately and see what
he says first. And then I’ll surprise you guys.”

“Shall we rendezvous by the coffee urn in the back of the
plane?” Lenny asks, already standing.

“Sounds lovely,” Jodi says, stepping over me and Kat to
get to the aisle.

Kat sighs. “It’s nice that at least one of us has got
something good lined up.”

“You call the school yet? Talk to Martha?” I ask.

“Nope. Chicken,” she says. “You call Doug yet?”

“Bwack,” I say, trying to sound like the chicken that I
am. Then I remember what Doug said to me last night on the phone. I quickly
replay the conversation for Kat, to see what she thinks he meant.

“Wait, wait, wait,” she says, shaking her head, “He
actually said, ‘Say hi to Kat and Jodi for me’?”

I nod.

“You sure? I mean, it was loud in that place. Maybe you
misheard him and he said something like, ‘I hide my cat in jury duty.’”

“What does that even mean?” I ask.

“I have no fucking idea. It sounded better in my head.”

“Blue chips? Peanut mix?” a stewardess asks, pushing her
cart up the aisle.

Kat turns to her with urgency. “Do you serve shots? Like,
of very strong alcohol?”

“Kat,” I say, “drinking won’t solve our problems.”

“True, that,” she says, taking a few of the mini bottles
offered up by the stewardess. “But it’s fun anyway.”

I put my hand on her wrist. “Please don’t.” She looks over
to me and drops the bottles onto her tray, where they clink and roll around. “I
need your help. Your sober,
real
help with this one. Doug knows
something; I’m not sure
what
he knows, and I’m not sure
how
he
knows whatever he knows. Plus, Martha’s been calling me and e-mailing me and
leaving messages with Doug asking as to my whereabouts. If the woman could
text, she’d be doing that, too. I lied to my family, I lied to my employers. I
think I might be coming home to a blitzkrieg.”

“Maybe,” Kat says. “But then again, maybe not.”

A few minutes later, Jodi and Lenny return from their
conference. Lenny immediately sits and takes out a notebook, flipping to an
open page and writing quickly.

He laughs aloud to himself. “I’ve got the best song picked
out…”

“Lenny, surprise, remember?” Jodi says. Still standing in
the aisle, she asks me to fish her camera out of her bag and hand it to her.
“Come on, Len, let’s do this.”

Lenny rolls his eyes and sighs, finishing whatever notes
he was jotting down. “This takes some time, Jo, some planning and careful
thought. I know it looks effortless, but it’s not. It’s hard work.”

“Whatev, dude,” she says, rolling her eyes right back at
him in mock exasperation. I have no idea what they are planning, but if it
involves Jodi, Len and a camera, then gyrating hips and a gangsta beat can’t be
far behind.

Len nods to himself, content with some thought, before he
stands and moves with Jodi toward the back of the plane.

A gloomy New York sky greets us as we make our descent.
Jodi gets teary-eyed as we say our good-byes at the baggage carousel. So much
bonding has happened in the past day that it’s really hard to see our small
group go their separate ways.

Some security guards are consulting with Jodi about the
plans for transporting her grandmother to a funeral home in Westchester. I
think about Sonia Goldberg’s funeral, planned for Sunday morning, and then remember
our original plans for Saturday night. “Jo, you’re not still planning to
participate in the temple event tomorrow night, are you?” I ask.

She looks confused, then upset. “Of course I am!”

“I just thought, what with your grandmother and
everything, you might have, you know, changed your mind about dancing?”

“Lauren,” Jodi says, stepping closer to me. “Tomorrow
night is probably even
more
important now that my grandmother is gone.”

I’m not sure why that is, but I’m not going to argue. I
nod instead. “Right. Well, then, Kat and I will see you there.”

“And Doug?” Jodi asks.

“Depends on how much he hates me right now,” I say. Just
thinking about seeing him makes my stomach ache.

I turn to Lenny and try to shake his hand, formal but
polite, like people who’ve just met at a technology seminar and now hope to
keep in touch.

“Hug me, douche,” he says, enfolding me in a giant
embrace.

The fact that this statement brings tears to my eyes shows
just how demented I am right now. I know that I can’t go back to having Lenny
as my dirty pen pal, and I’m not quite sure that I am ready to just be his
friend. So this feels like a real farewell.

“I guess this is it,” I say into his shoulder. “See you at
the next high school reunion?”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure we’ll be seeing each other sooner
than that,” he comments cryptically.

“Shake,” Kat instructs, putting out her hand toward Lenny
in a farewell gesture.

“I thought you hated me,” he says.

“Nah, just hate what you stand for. Stood for. Tried to
do,” she says awkwardly, which is unlike her. “You know what I mean. Now that
you aren’t trying to break apart Lauren’s marriage, you’re growing on me.”

“Aww…you’re making me blush,” Lenny jokes, grabbing Kat
into a bear hug so big that she momentarily disappears. She emerges flushed,
and tries to hide her embarrassment by grabbing her luggage and heading toward
the exit.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Kat blush before, not even
when she told me about kissing Shay. MC Lenny’s mystical charm.

I give Lenny a final wave and start following Kat, since
she’s my ride.

“You guys…” I hear Jodi call. She sounds weird, like
something’s not right. Kat stops near the exit and turns. Lenny and I turn,
too. “You guys!” she calls again, louder this time, more frantically.

I spot Jodi leaning against a small sundries kiosk,
looking like she can’t stand up. I drop my bag and run across the length of the
luggage-claim area to where she is. “Jodi,” I ask, propping her up against my
arm, “what happened?”

“Can you breathe, can you see? Are you hallucinating?” Kat
asks, coming up behind me.

“Should we call the paramedics?” Lenny asks. Turning to
me, he says, “Sit her down so she doesn’t pass out and crack her head wide open
on this tile.”

I comply.

We all sit on the floor in a small, close circle, looking
for signs that Jodi is okay. “Say something,” Kat pleads.

Jodi shakes her head. She moves her hand instead, handing
an object to us in the center of the circle.

It’s her iPad. I put out my hand and catch it. We all look
down.

EOnline.com is staring back at us, with a huge, full-color
photo making the news headlines of the day.

It’s a picture of us.

“Oy,” Jodi says, finally speaking.

The headline reads “Tim Raises Awareness.” Under that,
the picture shows all of us atop the Crypt Ranger float. Tim, Dixie, me, Lenny,
Jodi and Kat…all of us.

“What are we aware of?” I ask.

“
That’s
your question,” Kat says.

“Um, one of?” I clarify. “I mean, obviously, there are
other, more pressing issues to deal with here, like the fact that
our cover
is so blown
and
we are so dead
.”

“But, naturally, you ask whether our efforts were
humanitarian in any way,” Lenny says. “Because you’re generous like that.”

“Exactly. Thank you,” I say, giving Kat the finger.

“Oy,” Jodi says. “Oy.”

“Ditto that,” Kat says, “and add a couple Hail Marys.”

Kat and I will lose our jobs. Jodi and I will lose our
husbands, our children.

Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic, but I’ve got to believe
MasterCard at a time like this: The price of fun is truly priceless.

“I thought I wanted to be famous,” Jodi says, finally
moving away from Yiddish expletives.

“And so you are,” I say. “Infamous, at any rate.”

“Oy!”

“It’s a pretty clear shot, actually. And we all look like
we’re having a blast,” Kat says. “I really like it!”

“Here.” Jodi shoos away her beloved iPad. “You can have
it.” She excuses herself to the bathroom. “I need to try and wash the guilt off
my face.”

Lenny intercepts the device and reads the blurb aloud. “
Rumors
that Tim Cubix walked off the set of his latest picture,
Croc of Lies,
prove false after all. Cubix’s manager explained to E! that when Tim got word
of Miami’s gay pride parade, he rushed to be by the side of his longtime
friend—and Ruby Richmond impersonator—Dixie Normous. Dixie is a well-known
figure in South Beach, beloved for her long legs, big lips and even bigger
commitment to the legalization of same-sex marriage. ‘I’m a humanitarian who
happens to be an actor, not the other way around,’ said Cubix, when asked about
his choice to leave the production set for a day. ‘The director of the film was
in full support of my decision; he’s not a snake like some other people in
Hollywood. And this film’s gonna rock!
’”

I smile.
Tim, your secret is safe with me
, I think.

I take another glance at the tabloid. Was that really us,
only a few hours ago?

Kat’s right, though. It’s a great shot.

“And what about same-sex marriage?” I ask, looking at Kat.

“I’m all for it!” she says. “As long as I don’t have to
marry anyone of any sex anytime soon, it’s cool with me.”

Good answer, I think. Supportive but noncommittal in any
personal way. “I knew I heard someone snapping photos this morning,” I say.

“There was tons of press there, actually, come to think of
it. I’m sure we’re plastered all over the Internet by now,” Kat says, seemingly
bemused by this recent turn of events.

“And how do you think we’re going to explain this to the
Hadley School Board?” I ask.

“Tim needed us?” She shrugs, hearing how that sounds. “I
dunno. We’ll figure something out.”

“And what if Lee sees this?” I ask, thinking of Jodi’s
husband and kids happening across this image on the web. “And…Doug?”

“Jodi needed us?” she says. “Jodi needed Tim?”

None of it sounds convincing.

“Oy vey,” I say, for once agreeing wholeheartedly with
Jodi.

It is six o’clock at night. I stand outside the front
door to my house, keys in hand, almost ready to come face-to-face with my
husband. The truth is that even though I know Doug knows that I was with Jodi
and Kat, I still plan on lying to him a little bit about the events of the past
two days.

My logic is plain and simple. I took leave of my senses,
and now I’m back. I have no interest in burdening Doug with details of my kiss
with MC Lenny Katzenberg. That’s in the past. I tried it, I didn’t like it, I’m
done with cheating. I’d like to spare Doug the humiliation and rage over one
tiny indiscretion. And I’d like to spare myself the pain of having disappointed
him, which I know I have.

I suppose I’m a coward. I’d like to avoid a big ugly scene
where we yell and scream and cry. I’d like to think that, because I made a
mistake and learned from it, I’m bringing my better self back to the marriage,
and that’s all Doug needs to know. I’d like to think that we can move forward together,
without me having to acknowledge disloyalty from the recent past.

Right now, as I hear his footsteps moving solidly across
the hard wood floors on my living room and approaching the front door, I like
to think that that we can work this thing out nicely by just brushing it all
under the carpet.

Doug opens the door, his face steady and unreadable.
“Lauren,” he says. “There you are.” If he’s surprised to see me a day earlier
than expected, he doesn’t show it. He pushes the door open further to reveal a
police officer standing to his right.

Clearly, Doug has other plans for me.

I am seated on the living room couch, feeling much calmer
now that I know the children are fine—at the park with Laney as we speak—and
that, apparently, Doug doesn’t want to have me arrested. Yet. But that’s as
much as I know.

I look to Doug for clarification, and he shushes me with
his eyes. It’s the same look he gives me when I’d like to rip into my
mother-in-law during some perfectly awful Hallmark holiday, so I know it well.
In those situations, Doug usually steps in, and here he does the same.

I eye the police officer, taking in his sandy buzz cut and
bright blue eyes. He looks very young, like he’s fresh out of the academy.