Lauren's Dilemma (22 page)

The rain
pelted down again. Thank goodness they were inside, safe from the elements. She
shuddered on thinking about the swollen creek and how close to death she had
come. The hut was only small, unlined and with a dirt floor, but with the fire
crackling merrily, it softened the austerity of their surroundings.

There were
two chairs, and a rough wooden cupboard from which Dick had taken the food. In
one corner lay a pile of bags most likely used for bedding. Otherwise the place
seemed empty.

“Things are
a bit primitive, but I'd hate to be outside now. What were you trying to do,
Laurie?
 
Lucky I saw you go into the
water.”

“I wanted
to bring Bolinda Vale over to your place so you could have her back.”

“Why?”

“Because
I'm leaving Coolibah. I don't know what I'm going to do. Go home to Dad, I
suppose. I can't stay there any longer because Blair and Helen are getting
married. Pity the river didn't take me.”

“Laurie.”
His blue eyes stood out, a vivid splash of color, against his blanched skin.
“Th… th… that's terrible.” His stutter became so bad the words were barely
audible. When he came to stand beside her, he was shaking.

“I wish I
were dead, Dick.” She started crying and couldn’t stop. He hesitated then put
his arm around her in a brotherly gesture, and her tears trickled down the
smooth skin of his bare chest.

He pushed
her away after a time. When he spoke, his voice sounded gruff. “I have to take
my pants off, my legs are freezing.”

She shut
her eyes, which helped stem the flow of tears. When he tapped her arm, she
glanced up to find him with a blanket wrapped sarong-wise around his waist. His
damp hair had turned deep blond and stuck out every which way, making him seem
younger than ever.

She said
nothing, and he lapsed into his own silent little world as they huddled in
their blankets. The only sounds were those of the screaming wind, the pounding
rain outside, and the fire crackling in the hearth before them.

Eventually
he stirred himself. Moving over to the fire, still without speaking, he raked
away the ash and laid the damper on a tin plate.

“We’ll have
half now and the rest in the morning.”

“All right.
Thanks, Dick.”

He devoured
his, while she nibbled at hers. “I'm going to be sick.”
 
She rushed to the doorway and, even though it
was freezing cold, stood there vomiting her heart out.

“You'll
feel better now.” Which one of them did he want to convince? “You must have
swallowed gallons of creek water.”

“I don't
think it was that.” She lifted one hand to wipe her mouth, and the blanket
shifted, exposing her bare shoulders.

“Help me,
Dick, I think I'm going to faint.”

When she
woke to full consciousness, Laurie found herself lying on a pile of bags with
Dick's pale face hovering anxiously over hers.

“Are you
better now?”

Weakly, she
nodded.

“I'll get
you some more tea.” When he returned, he helped her sit up. “I’ve been
thinking.” The stutter had disappeared, although he rubbed vigorously at one
cheek. “I might have to marry you, I mean…” He gave a cracked laugh. “I've
compromised you, and if we spend the night here together…” He wasn’t joking. In
fact his face was set into somber lines.

“You
wouldn't want to marry me. No man would, now.”

He picked
up the bitterness straight away. “Any man would be proud to have you for a
wife, Laurie. You're so beautiful.”

“I'm having
a baby.”

Every
vestige of color drained from his face. “You shouldn't joke about things like
that, it isn't decent.”

“It's
true.”

In a flat,
toneless voice that seemed to belong to a stranger, she told him the whole
sordid little tale. His face registered shock at first, but he did not
interrupt. In fact, so still did he become that, when she’d finished, he looked
like a statue carved from white marble.

“Why don't
you tell Blair?
  
He'd marry you. It's
the only decent thing for a man to do.”

“He and
Helen are making wedding plans now. Anyway, he thinks I purposely went to his
bed to trap him into marriage because I knew Helen was coming.”

“Oh, God,
Laurie.” He looked white as a ghost, yet his eyes burned fever bright. “You,
you could marry me.”

“What!”

He took her
hand. “Marry me. I can support a wife. I have an army pension, as well as what
I earn from helping father.”

“Didn't you
hear me? I'm carrying another man's child.”

His fingers
closed around hers so tightly they hurt. “I wouldn't mind,” he whispered
tremulously. “If I tell you something, something terrible about me, will you
swear never to tell a soul?”

“I promise,
but what terrible things could you have done?”

“I, I, I'm
not like other men.”

“What are
you talking about?”

Perspiration
beaded his upper lip, his hand, clutching hers, felt clammy. “When I was in Egypt,
there was this officer quite a lot older than the rest of us. He got me drunk
one night on some foreign grog. Anyway, when I woke up we were in bed together.
He forced me, Laurie, I swear it. He threatened to tell everyone, threatened to
say I instigated it. He made me do things I didn't want to do.”

As the
story poured out, he started crying, and feeling sick with revulsion, she tried
to pull away.

“No,
please, I'm not one of those people, I swear.” He clutched both her hands in
his. “No one knows, but I'm scared they might find out. It would kill my
parents. I might even go to prison.”

“But if you
found a nice girl...”

“You still
don't understand. Ever since then, I can't do anything—certainly not with a
man.” He shuddered. “But even a pretty girl doesn't make me want to do
anything. I mean, I want to, but I'm just not able to. If we got married, I
wouldn't ask anything of you. We could pretend the baby is mine. I've worked it
all out. Remember the day we went to the waterfall?
 
We could say it happened then, and both our
secrets would be safe. No one would ever doubt either of us.”

His
confession was revolting, his suggestion terribly wrong, yet she felt desperate
enough to consider it. What a dilemma. Marrying someone as young and troubled
as Dick, or facing disgrace and subsequent castigation from everyone once her
condition became obvious? She had no choice, unless she wanted Blair's child to
be born a bastard.

“All
right,” she agreed huskily.

“I like you
a lot, Laurie, and I promise to look after you. It can work for us. I know it
can.”

It was dark
now. A freezing draught blew in under the door. Intermittently Dick stoked the
fire up, but they did not speak further. She huddled in one chair, he in the
other. The firelight cast eerie shadows around them, and suddenly she started
shaking and shivering with cold and fear.

“We better
turn in. We'll need all our strength for the morning; we’ll have to walk home.”

She stood
up, wearily making her way to the pile of bags in the corner.

“Do you
want to go outside or anything?” he asked.

“No.”

“I don't,
either.” He followed close behind her. “We'll have to sleep together for
warmth, otherwise we'll freeze.”

“It's not
right, Dick.”

“Why not?
We're going to get married soon, and who’s going to know?”

“What if
someone comes searching for us?”

“No one
will.”

“What about
your parents?”

“I often go
off on my own so they’re used to it. The folk at Coolibah will think you stayed
over at our place.”

He was
right, no one would come, and they had to keep warm. Already her legs ached
from the cold. They each kept one blanket wrapped around themselves. When they
lay down, Dick covered them with the third one before piling some of the bags
on top for added warmth.

Laurie lay
on her side, Dick on his back. As she lay there her thoughts turned to Blair,
whose baby grew inside her even now. If Helen could make him happy, it would be
some solace, yet how could such a selfish person bring happiness to anyone?
What would Danny have thought of her behavior? He would want to punch Blair in
the mouth. This wouldn't have happened, Danny, not if you hadn't gone away. It
might have been your baby, yours and mine. Hot tears scalded her cheeks, and
she tried to sniff them back.

“Are you
crying again? Please stop.” Dick wrapped his arms around her and she clung to
him.

“I'll try
to be a good wife.”

“Things
will work out for us, you'll see. You've got pretty hair. It’s such a vibrant
color.”

He ran his
fingers through the tousled curls, and then his forefinger traced the outline
of her face. She closed her eyes tight, willing herself not to flinch away if
he tried to kiss her. He made no such move, seeming quite content to hold her
close. His breath blew warmly against her throat, and his arms felt comforting
as he kept their bodies close together.

Chapter Eleven

Laurie
would never know whether the sudden light from the lantern or Blair's savage
oath wakened them.

“You dirty
little whore,” he snarled. “Helen was right about you.” His look of hatred and
sheer loathing made her cringe behind Dick.

“Now look
here, Blair. You've got no right abusing Laurie.”

“So, this
is where you've been meeting. Living under my roof and coming here to fornicate
like some alley cat.”

“Please,
it's not what you think.”

Blair was
white with rage, and a pulse convulsed in his throat.

“Laurie and
I are getting married.”

“Well,
you're welcome to her, Dick. I'll make arrangement for her things and Bolinda
Vale to be sent over to your place. She's no longer welcome under my roof.
Laurie,” he gritted. “I hope I never set eyes on you again.”

He swung
away. Dick, who had gained his feet, followed him to the door, where a hurried
conversation took place. What was said she neither knew nor cared. For Blair to
look at her with such loathing and speak to her in such a shocking manner was
one of the hardest things she had ever endured. Her only grain of comfort was
that Bolinda Vale had made it home safely.

“They've
gone now. They left my horse, so as soon as it gets light we can go. Our
clothes are dry,” Dick said when he returned.

He started
pulling on his pants. “While I'm outside, you get dressed.” He peered into her
face. “Don't take it so bad.”

When he’d
finished dressing he strode outside, banging the door behind him.

Laurie
dressed in quick, jerky movements. Her clothes had dried rock hard, with water
stains she knew would never come out. She couldn’t do anything about her hair,
except try to sort it out with her fingers. Blair hated her; nothing else
registered. The cold fury in his voice when he accused her of being a harlot.
The sheer loathing in his eyes. She would never forget it.

She didn’t
want to marry Dick, yet her condition would bring not only disgrace to herself
but also her father, and the child would be ostracized. She couldn’t do that to
them. The torture of living near Blair and Helen would nearly kill her, but
there was no other choice.

When Dick
returned, she went outside. By the time she got back inside, he had the fire
raked up and the billycan on. “I could have done that,” she offered listlessly.

“It's all
right. We'll have our tea and eat up the rest of the damper before we leave.
Are you far gone?”

“What?”

“The baby,
are you very far along?”

“Just a few
weeks. Maybe I'm not even pregnant.”

“You still
have to marry me. You won't let me down, you promised.” Fear darkened his eyes.
“Besides, after Blair and the Coolibah men found us, well...”

“There were
others, too?”

“Yes, an
aboriginal boy and Wally Morgan.”

Laurie
covered her face with her hands. It was getting worse and worse. She felt like
a wild animal being forced into a trap from which there was no escape.

They rode
double on Dick's horse. It took over an hour to reach the homestead, a long,
sprawling, wooden place, painted white. The McKinlays waited on the verandah.
She felt herself tensing up. One ordeal over, another beginning. God, why have
you done this to me?

“Where have
you been, son?” George McKinlay rushed up, his face registering surprise on
seeing Laurie.

“Hello, Mr.
McKinlay.”

“Miss
Cunningham.”